10/1 Dragon Club: The Road Less Travelled

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Today's episode nearly brought tears to my eyes because behind all the drama, I am so proud of how sound the Mittals are in their ideology. Today they brought up an issue, ever so subtly, that is plaguing India at the moment:

MARGDAANGI: manhood, or what it means to be a man.

Two dialogues just keep echoing in my head from the episode that indicate the foray into this fraught question

"Mard ka baccha hain vo. Sher banao usse" [He is a man's son. Make him a lion!]

This is what Prashant tells Yash when the latter is encouraging Ansh to apoligise to the kid he hit with the rock. Even though Yash's answer about lions being animals said it all, I would like to discuss this a bit more. There is a myth that being a man is about protecting your pride and honour through violence. Ansh naturally has a fierce independent streak which was getting a little out of Aarti's control when we first met the duo. Yash stepped into Ansh's life at a crucial moment and after the kidnapping, manages this trait in Ansh beautifully by giving Ansh's wishes a lot of respect and leading by example. He makes Ansh want to be like him of Ansh's own volition rather than telling him what to do, most of the time. Even today when he was rebutting this statement from Prashant, he said his piece and then added, "right Ansh?" This makes it feel to Ansh like he is part of the decision-making process, while also tacitly steering him in the right direction, showing him that saying sorry is not a weakness but a strength. This was further enforced by the kid's mother when she told Ansh to learn from his responsible, mature and brave father.

The one thing that kind of scares me about that scene, but which was so true to life, was Ansh's reaction. After Yash tells him for the last time to say he is sorry, Ansh looks up at Prashant as though waiting for a further debate. On the one hand this was a good sign because he realised that in the end, his papa's words won out over Prashant's but on the other it is a little worrying, though completely natural, that he takes both sides seriously and is weighing them in his mind.

I wonder if this altercation is a foreshadowing of Yash, and everyone, learning more about how Prashant treated Aarti when they were married. He has mentioned once that he hit her and it would be an interesting angle to get a clearer picture on that. Finally, thank god Prashant left Aarti when he did, before Ansh was born. He could not have done either of them a bigger favour! I shudder at the thought of what kind of father he would have been, and perhaps that other kid was a perfect example of how Ansh would have turned out in Prashant's care. And look at the mother of that child. She has all the anger in the world for Ansh, and then all the praise for Yash, but not once does she question or take responsibility for her son's actions. In my dream world, Yash's speech and Ansh's earnest apology gave those two a reason to introspect after he got his head stitched up.

"Aakhir aurat hain na?" [She is a woman after all]

Another myth that being a man is all about "keeping the woman in her place." SP shamed nobody more than himself today with this comment. After all, it is he who showed Yash how to be the man he is today. SP has all the right instincts when it comes to respecting women and treating them right, but he is unfortunately a product of a society which frowns at men for being humans rather than lions. This makes me agree now that Scindias are new money. I guess SP must have worked hard to earn what he did and become a known and respected member of society and he will stop at nothing to protect that image. Yash, on the other hand, is much like his father but grew up in complete security so his convictions had the comfort of establishing themselves without the worry of what other people thought of him. That is why we see two similar people with similar principles react so differently to this situation.

SP is all insecurity, about his position in society and his position within his own family. He was like this when we first saw him at the beginning of the series. Aarti changed all that for both SP and Gayatri by loving them and respecting them unconditionally. Watching them go back to their original selves, especially SP, shows how much they had really changed under Aarti's influence as she slowly and carefully wrought change from within the family. SP softened his strictness and rigidity because he didn't need it to gain respect. People respected him out of love rather than out of fear and so he let go of himself and took a backseat, learning to trust the younger generation with the reigns of the family as they proved to him that they were ready. He openly treated the women of the house as equals after Aarti proved her mettle when Yash was in his crazy phase. He changed and he knew he was changing but he let it happen because he trusted Aarti. Now that trust is gone so he is floundering helplessly, and in the absence of Aarti's gentle, guiding hand, he reverts back to what he knows, the tried and tested ways to feel powerful and in control.

The second blow to SP was the fact that Yash defied him and followed Aarti into her exile. His pride is hurt and for lack of a better way to see it, he is making this whole thing a gender issue. Now all of the snippets he has overheard since the exile began start to fall into place. He hears Aarti asking Prashant what he knows about Ansh... his likes, dislikes, his wishes, his allergies, and it strikes him that Aarti expects that from a father, she expects that from Yash. But in SP-world, is it really a "father's job" to know these things? Or is Aarti taking advantage of his son's kindness to make him do work that he is not meant to do while she plans her next scheme? Again, he sees Yash promising Aarti that he will learn to braid the girls' hair better than she does and SP worries for his son's pride, little knowing that Yash is doing this by choice, because is is a man and not in spite of it. One of the biggest frustrations for Yash before he got married was that the women of his family never let him do these things for his daughters. And even though Aarti makes fun of him, she gives him that space to try and learn. Yash wants this.

Deep down, when he forced Yash into the PV, I think SP just wanted him to be happy, but being a 'man" he couldn't say that so he came up with the reasoning that it was "unmanly" for Yash to grieve so openly and for so long. SP was always the one person who had the power to knock sense into Yash's head about the way he had been acting since Arpita's death. We saw that plainly enough when Aarti and Yash came back from Lalitpur. That was an involved and passionate SP, but the SP of yore refused to even get involved in his family affairs unless it was "important enough" to merit his input. He didn't bother reasoning or explaining anything. He just announced his decisions and expected them to be followed, again, because he was the patriarch.

What I think I loved most about this scene though, was Bua's reaction. She actually rolled her eyes when he said this line as though to say, "not this again." She is the only person who reads the entire situation like a book, but unfortunately because of her bitterness, uses it against SP and his family. She knows just where SP's pride is hurt, just where to provoke him into action. If only she would use her powers for good... I tell you! She is such a sharp cookie.

So now SP and Prashant are both going to try and prove their manliness by separating the little family for their own ends. SP has promised already to bring home only Yash and the girls and Prashant, according to the new promo is going to come and take Ansh from school. I wouldn't be surprised if SP himself calls Prashant and tells him to take his son. Both of them have yet to learn that "manliness" in the sense of using your power or brute force to enforce your will on others achieves nothing but bitterness and enimity.

Let Prashant kidnap Ansh, because only then will he learn that Ansh is not always a bundle of positive energy, ready to worship him and stroke his ego. Ansh is a child with needs and a strong will. Where will Prashant take "his son," because right now he is entirely dependent on the Dubeys who will never encourage this? What will he feed him and how will he explain himself to Ansh? Same questions to SP! What if he does get Yash and the girls back by force? How is he going to keep them happy and healthy when they have been torn away from two people who make their world go round? Will he have the guts to take responsibility for their misery?

Both of these men have a hard lesson coming about how meaningless the definition of "manhood" really is, a lesson that Yash articulated so beautifully today, that before you are a man or a woman, an adult or a child, a parent or a friend, you are a human being above all, and the rules of humanity apply equally to everyone. Both Prashant and SP in their quest to be real men are failing to be real human beings and that is where Yash emerges the true hero.