||FF- Pyar Ka Asar||Ch-1 to Ch-34||CLOSED!!! - Page 72

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kiran_28 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: premeermania

hmmm...i can smell from here. someone's heart is burning šŸ˜† jealous prem šŸ˜† it wasreally a pleasant surprise kiran 😊
waiting for the dhamaka

kiran_28 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: ragvir92

so cute update dear

nice plan by prem
ya prem is right about manmeet thing
Yay now they are gonna disclose their relationship I am thinking abt others reaction
Really nice
Eagerly wating

kiran_28 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: lakshmi_3004

my feedback for chapter 24

1]heer winkingšŸ˜‰?? prem tho jal jal ke butta hogaya hoga bechara🤣
2]"Prem se teekha khana nahi khaya aja na." aww this is called "touch of reality "...loved the way you added a bit of realityšŸ‘...great thinking dearšŸ‘šŸ¼ and "honey chilly potato" is an intelligent improvisationšŸ˜†...keep it upā­ļø
3]"Prem (angrily thinking): Yeh Manmeet apnea p ko samjhta kya hai. Chilli potatoes khilane tak to thik tha. Lekin ab to kuch zyada hi ho raha hai. Agar ab isne Heer ke kareeb jane ki koshish kin a I swear mae bhool jaounga ki yeh mera dost hai." aww Angry HC ...i mean Prem😳...i just can imagine his hands balling up ...shivering in pure anger...grinding teeth...thanks for including Jealous angry HC...i mean Prem.šŸ¤—...love you for thisā¤ļø
4]i almost forgot that Ash and Mish are also there in this FF...
5]"Bharat milaap" seriously kunal never fails to crack me up🤣...you have a nice sense of humoršŸ˜†...nice comic touchšŸ‘šŸ¼...adds that extra zing to the ff😳
6]"Prem (thinks): Atleast waha to muje Heer ke sath akele time milega.Heer (thinks): Kash waha muje Prem ke sath thorda time akele spend karne ko mile." bechara prem aur heeršŸ˜”Taras gayein hein APNI heer/prem ke saat kuch waqt akele bitaanekošŸ˜’...thoda tho rehem karo apne heer/prem deewaane/deewaani pe😔...kaleja hey kya pathar šŸ˜”šŸ˜†* does nautanki and keeps left hand on forehead*
7]i had no idea KDMHMD forum band hogayi 😲...sorry to hear that well nice move that you shifted it to fanfiction section😳...thanks for doing sošŸ¤—
8]awesome write up dearšŸ‘...magar it was short hence i was not able to analyse the continuity ...the technicality...and the quality conformation of the FF...😳
9]magar i liked this chapter a lot😃!! short but sweet😳
10] thank you for giving me a chance to review the FF dear and keep my views in front of youšŸ¤—

kiran_28 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: lakshmi_3004

feedback for chapter 25


Chapter-25-In Ward Lake
1]The pic is so cute😊!! nice place dear😳 ....i remember 26th/29th march 2009 episode jab prem was crying sitting on a small brifge like this thinking heer loved only his face not him...šŸ˜”
2]"There are many couples sitting on benches, under the tree or near the lake" nice touch of detailing dearšŸ‘ maintains the believable aspect of the FFā­ļø...gives a solid scenario...nice thinkingšŸ‘
3]"Heer is busy in chatting with Ash and Misha. And our Prem is continuously trying to get Heer's attention. But Heer is not looking at him even for one second." i can imagine prem trying to catch Heer's attentionšŸ˜†!! remember his and heer's mehendi?? the broken mirror ...and i like the way you said "our" prem....makes this FF a tad more personal😃.. brings the reader the narrator and the characters of teh story much more close..thanks for thinking in that wayšŸ¤—
4]"Prem (frustratedly thinking):- Yeh Heer bhi na, Ash or Misha se to aese baat karne mae lagi hui hai jaise unse sadiyo baad mil rahi ho. Meri taraf to dekh bhi nahi rahi huh!!!" Adorable angry young man....i just can't stop going.🤣🤣...thinking about prem's failed attempts🤣 and heer's chatting🤣
5]"Heer (thinks):- Oh God yeh manmeet to mere piche hi pard gaya hai. Muje to Prem ke sath baithna hai. Ab kya karun" Classic Heer.🤣... Damsel in DistressšŸ¤”...hamesha kahina kahi phasjaati hey😔...cute heeršŸ˜†...
6]i can imagine heer nervously smiling and hesitating a lot to accept the invitation and pinning all her hope on prem to SAVE heršŸ˜†...and did prem looked like this?


7]"Heer slowly stretch her hand to keep her palm on Manmeet's palm but before she could put her palm on Manmeet's she was stopped by Prem's scream" very very DRAMATIC!!!🤣
i could imagine..heer's hand slowwwly inching towards manmeet's outstretched handsšŸ˜†...then the video panning and focussing on manmeet's hand ...heer's hand...heer's face..prem's face...then heer's hand...prem's face...then heer's face...she swallowing down..in hesitaion...then again prem's face..heer's hand...then a fast play of all the three subjects "with zuzuk zuzuk BG soundšŸ˜†* then suddenly Prem bucling up ...bending forward screaming!! then heer's shocked face manmeet's face now turns towards prem...and a still on every one's shocked face one by one as they watch prem screaming in pain...
8]"Prem (screamed):- aaahhhahahaaa!!!!" but seriously i was so immersed in FF that i was shocked a bit😲...how dare you keep prem in pain even though jhoot moot ka...😔
but nice thinkingšŸ˜†...although age old ideašŸ¤” to draw attention of his sajni and escaping from the annoying people😔 and kabaab emin haddi manmeet😔
9]i was expecting manmeet will be sucpicious cos of the TIMING of his pain...can't prem build up his drama😔?? sort of leading to painšŸ¤”...so that no one could be suspiciousšŸ˜†?? anaari hey bilkul anaari 😔ab kya karein iss jhalle ka??šŸ¤”
10]i can see where prem is coming from😊...from his pOV he is in danger of losing heer anytime...cos of not saying truth out...and personally i dint like the behaviour of chipku-manmeet😔...arey kunal, thick friend of P and H din't take any liason with heer till now😳...but here manmeet is going on like a breakless gaadi😔🤣
11] waiting for your "Big Dhamaaka"...😃
12]awesome write upšŸ‘!! nice hold on story even though you had discontinued for some time..in between...nice continuity is maintained through outšŸ‘šŸ¼...nice scene build upšŸ‘...location was used wiselyšŸ˜†!! the reactions of various characters where well drawn outā­ļø...specially the car mein ice cream wala scene ,prem's nautanki etc!!😳
13] thanks for giving me a chance to review your work dearšŸ¤—

i just love ur comments dear


JugniPH thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
awww..i just realised that i missed this chapter..
awesome kiran..
loved prem's possessiveness..haha..
cant wait to see premeer telling this to family and will start official romancing..
update soon...
thanks for pm..

kiran_28 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: priyahmt

awww..i just realised that i missed this chapter..

awesome kiran..
loved prem's possessiveness..haha..
cant wait to see premeer telling this to family and will start official romancing..
update soon...
thanks for pm..

AnokhiKhwahish thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago

sorry for too late... all chapis are fabulouse... prem is soo naughty ... i don't like manmet, heer se free hue ja raha tha... huh...

thanks for pm... continue soon

kiran_28 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago

Originally posted by: annokhi

sorry for too late... all chapis are fabulouse... prem is soo naughty ... i don't like manmet, heer se free hue ja raha tha... huh...

thanks for pm... continue soon

kiran_28 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
kiran_28 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago

Chapter-26


While enjoying the long drive with Prem, Heer got a call from her sister Meher

Heer:- hello!!!

Meher:- Hello di ap kahan ho.

Heer:- Umm Meher mae Prem ke sath hun. Kyun kya hua?

Meher:- Kuch nahi di actually hum sab log juneja mansion mae hi hain. To mae ne apko isiliye call kiya hai ki ap ghar mat jana seedha juneja mansion hi ajana ok

Heer:- thik hai Meher hum juneja mansion ate hai

Meher:- ok di bye

Heer:- Bye!!!

They disconnected the call and Prem asked Heer

Prem:- Kya hua kya keh rahi thi meher

Heer:- Meher keh rhi thi ki meri family tumhare ghar pe hai to Maan villa mat jana. Seedha juneja mansion ana

Prem:- Hmm acha hai. I think this is right time to reveal our relationship in front of our families

Heer:- Lekin Prem abhi!!! Itni jaldi.

Prem:- Han Heer mae humare bare sabko jitni jaldi ho sake bata dena chahata hun. Or tum nervous kyun ho rahi hi. Mae huna tumhare sath. To bhi hoga we'll face it together hmm.

Heer nervously smiled and nodded

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Soon both reach at Juneja Mansion

Seeing Prem Gayatri came forward worriedly

Gayatri (worriedly):- Prem tu thik haina beta. Kunal bata raha tha kit ere pait mein bohot dard ho raha tha. Abhi bhi dard ho raha hai kya han?

Prem:- ma mae bilkul thik hun. Ap ghabraiye mat. Dekhiye mae bilkul thik apke samne kharda hun. I am perfectly alright.

Prem hugged Gayatri

Kunal:- Prem tu doctor ke pass gaya than a. kya kaha doctor ne?

After hearing Kunal's voice Prem and Heer realized that not only their family members are present but Manmeet and his family, Ash and Misha and their family and Kunal's family are also there.

Prem and Heer looked eachother and then the whole crowd confusingly

Seeing Premeer confusion Kunal asked again

Kunal:- kya hua Prem tu kuch bol kyun nahi raha. Heer tum batao kya kaha doctor ne

Heer (looked at Prem):- umm wo kunal umm actually wo'

Prem:- Kunal actually hua yeh ki hum doctor ke pass ja hi rahe the but raaste mein mera pait dard thik ho gaya tha to hum doctor ke pass nhi gaye

Manmeet (suspiciously):- to phir tum dono kahan the?

Prem:- wo umm'

But Balraj interrupted this KBC section

Balraj:- acha chalo chordo yeh sab. Ab to Prem thik haina. Prem Heer tum dono aao idhar betho. Hum sab ko tum dono se baat bohot zarori baat karni hai

Premeer got curious. After greeting everyone both sit beside teji and Balraj

Prem:- kya hua uncle

Balraj:- dekho Prem aj hum sab tum dono se seedhi seedhi baat karna chahate hai. Lalit, Gayatri bhabi, Teji or mae ne hum sab yeh chahate the ki tumhara or Heer ka rishta jorde. Hum sab ko yahi lagta tha kit um dono ek doosre se pyar karte ho.

Prem and Heer both become shocked and happy on the sametime

Lalit:- Lekin ab humlog jan chuke hain kit um dono sirf best friends ho or kuch nahi or isiliye jab Heer ke liye Manmeet ka rishta aya to humne unhe han kardi.

Prem and Heer got shocked and Manmeet start blushing

Heer:- Kyaaa umm lekin

Teji:- mae janti hun Heer kit u abhi shaadi ke liye taiyar nahi hai. Lekin beta Manmeet tujhe bohot pasand karta hai or wo tujhse shaadi karna chahata hai. To humne is rishtey ke liye han kardi.

Prem become angry after hearing Teji's words " that Manmeert love heer'his Heer'.how dare he"

But before Heer could react on the situation Prem came angrily towards Manmeet grab his collar.

Prem (angrily):- How dare u? teri himmat kese hui meri Heer se pyar karne ki. Tujhe kya lagta hai tu Heer se pyar karta hai or Heer bhi khushi khushi teri ho jayegi han? Aesa kabhi nahi hoga. Mae aisa kabhi nahi hone dunga. Use pehle mae teri jaan le lunga. Heer teri kabhi nahi ho sakti. Wo sirf meri hai sirf meri!!! Smjha tu!!!

Seeing Prem's outburst Preet and Kunal quickly came forward to hold Prem

Preet:- PB yeh kya kar rahe ho. Chordo Manmeet bhai ko. PB chordo.

Kunal:- Prem chord Manmeet ko kya kar raha hai tu

Seeing this angry and possessive side of Prem everyone got shocked especially Heer

Prem (angrily):- Mae tujhe nahi chordunga. Heer sirf Meri hai. Pyar karta hun mae Heer se

All got shocked after hearing Prem' s confession

Lalit (angrily):- Kya kaha tune Prem? Tu Heer se pyar karta hai tu han? Pyar karta hai tu Heer se?

Prem (head down):- ji bauji

Balraj (looking at Heer angrily):- Heer kya tu bhi Prem se pyar karti hai?

Heer (nervously):- umm wo ji papaji

Balraj (angrily shouted):- Kyat u Prem se pyar karti hai!!!

Heer (nervously):- umm nahi papaji wo'

Balraj (angrily):- kya tu Prem se pyar nhi karti!!!

Heer (startled):- Nahi'han karti hun'matlab nahi wo mae han'.

Seeing the hilarious expression of Premeer everybody started laughing holding their stomachs

Prem and Heer got confused why are they laughing like that

Heer (confusingly):- Ap sab log aese kyun has rahe ho

Preet:- hahahaah so finally hum sabki mehnat rang lai. Congratulate everyone mission Premeer milao accomplishes hahahaha

Prem(shocked):- kya "Mission Premeer milao" yeh sab kya hai

Kunal:- Mae bata hun Prem. Mujhe pata hai ki tu apne ap ko bohot smart samjhta hai but for your kind information I tell ki tu Kunal jitna smart nahi hai. Tujhe kya laga tha ki tu or Heer hum sabse yeh baat chupaoge apne rishtey k bare mae to hum sab ko pata nahi chalega han. But you are absolutely wrong hum sab ko pata hai tum dono ke bare mae. Tum dono ko kya lagta hai ki tu or Heer Lover's Point pe mujhse chupke nikal gaye or muje pata hi nahi chalega han. Balki sach to yahi hai ki mae ne tum dono ko wahan pe dikh liya tha. Or tabhi mae ne Lalit uncle or Balraj uncle se baat karke yeh plan banaya.

Heer (shocked):- kya!!!

Manmeet:- Ji han or yahi sach hai. Or aj ka jo hangout karna ka plan bhi hum sabka tha yeh confirm krne ke liye ke tumhare or Prem ke beech mein akhir chal kya raha hai. or isiliye mae Heer se overfriendly hone ki koshish kar raha tha. Or yeh sab karne ke liye mujhe Lalit uncle, Balraj uncle or Kunal ne kaha tha. Actually sach to ye hai ki Me and Ash are seeing eachother. Or humlogo ke parents hamare rishtey ke liye man bhi gayen hai.

Ash:- exactly!!! Heer mae or Misha achanak caf aese hi nahi pohoch gaye the. Actually jab muje is Plan k bare mae pata chala ki Manmeet tumhare kareeb jane ki koshish karega to umm mae thordi jealous ho gait hi heheheh or Manmeet pe nazar rakhne ke liye Misha ke sath caf pohonch gai thi.

Prem (shocked):- Oh my God!!! Itna barda plan

Teji:- Ji han. Or tu barda chup rustam nikala han (Teji said while catching Prem's ear). Chup chup ke meri beti ke sath pyar ke geet gar aha tha han

Heer blushed

Prem:- ahhh aunty kaan chordiye na muje dard ho raha hai

Teji (let go his ear):- chal ja maaf kiya tuje

Gayatri (angrily):- lekin mae isse bil kul bhi maaf nahi karoungi

Prem:- Maa I am sorry (holding his ears)

Gayatri:- Nahi

Prem:- Maa please!!!

Gayatri:- ek shart pe maaf karoungi. Tujhe mujhse ek wada karna hoga

Prem:- Kaisa wada ma?

Gayatri:- wada kar ki tu hamesha meri Heer ko khush rakhega or use kabhi koi takleef nahi hone dega

Prem (smiled):- I promise ma

Prem hugged Gayatri and she extend her hand towards Heer so that trio can hug

Kulraj:- chalo ab sab thik ho hi gaya hai to ab jald se jald shaadi ke date pakki karwade. Kyn bauji

Lalit:- Han bilkul shub kaam mae deri kaisi

Both Heer and Prem blushed seeing each other

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

[ok guys here is the 26th chapter eagerly waiting for your comments. Ok one more thing, actually I m going out with family for holidays, so I'll be inactive from 8th jan to 24th jan. so next part will be updated only after 25th jan. till than please wait patiently. Thank you]

Edited by kiran_28 - 12 years ago

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