Dard-Ishq
I crossed the entrance of villa, impatient to see my wife.
In the living room there was perfectly quiet unnatural, as if no one ever set foot in days.
I sighed; I wonder what happened in those days of absence.
When I left, I had ordered the guards not to let go out Khushi for no reason at all ... I was so upset that I ordered that she may not even go in the garden...
I knew that my behavior was wrong, but I was too afraid that she ran away again.
I got pale when I thought of the torment that I had attacked when Payal told me that Khushi had fled ... and then I recalled the feelings I felt after, when I was able to find her: anger, as powerful as the fire of a thousand spires, had attacked and made me be a ferocious animal, a slave to its feelings...
I shook my head, trying to push those painful thoughts, and looked at the clock, located near the central wall ... it was ten o'clock in the evening.
And if Khushi was already fell asleep? I snorted, I wanted to see her, talk to her, to hear her little voice and admire her big brown eyes.
I smiled at the thought of her, her cheeks red and her eyes bright with anger when she was really nervous adorable.
As if moved by an invisible force, I began to climb the stairs, eager to get in our room.
At every step, feeling the closeness that existed between me and Khushi, my heart increased his usual beat.
As soon as I arrived at the door of the room, I approached the door: I did not hear anything, a sign that Khushi probably was sleeping ...
Cautiously I opened the door from which filtered the dim light of the moon.
I walked into the room, careful not to make a noise: although I did not see the time to talk to her, I did not want to wake her up.
I looked in the direction of the bed, ready to admire the ethereal beauty of my wife, but what I saw made me miss a beat to the heart: Khushi was not there.
I started to go into total panic: where did she go?
And if she managed to escape?
In the living room she wasn't there, I had already checked.
I got pale, but I set for myself to stay calm: in the unlikely event that she could escape, I'd be able to find it in a few hours...
I left the room slamming the door violently behind me, ready to descend down and assault my minion, who were allowed to disobey my order, when shipped walking towards the stairs, I bumped in Marie, the maid of Khushi .
She nodded her head in greeting, and prepared to run, literally, to me, when, taking her by the wrist I forced her to turn in my direction.
- Where's my wife? - I asked, agitated and impatient.
She sighed, and it was not a good sign. She bowed her head in regret.
-Marie? - I snapped, letting her know that I demanded a response
She took courage and looked into my eyes, but her gaze was almost disgusted ... probably Khushi had told her of our discussion.
- Do not look at me that way and speak! - I ordered, and she began to speak in a voice dull, almost as if she was superior to me.
- She did not want to sleep in your room, these days-she said - I tried to convince her, but she did not give me a straight ... -
- But where is she now? - I asked, in a mixture of relief and anger: how she dare to leave our room, disobeying my orders?
- In her old room ... -
I moved away from her and walked in the other wing of the house, but the mature voice of the woman stopped me.
- Sir-she said, in a burst of courage.
I turned, and saw that her eyes were serious and worried.
- Talk-I snapped impatiently - I have not much time to lose ... -
She sighed - The lady isn't very well, and ... -
- What does that mean? - my tone of voice become worried from angry.
- Well, are days that she does not get out of bed, and does not talk to anyone, not even me ... Honestly, I'm worried. Her physical condition is not good, she is very thin, and that you've noticed you too ... but she is pale, too pale, and eats very little ... – she took a breath and looked really upset, and I knew why: all the servants was fond of her, not my usual maid, who were jealous of the fact that I, after all this time, decided to get married. But Khushi, in that house, had a very high up, and was well-liked, especially her way of dealing with service personnel: she does not treat them any harm, they are not overrunning too much work ... I had never see her yelling at a waiter, or give impressions of sufficiency in their presence...
Any other woman in the position in which it was Khushi, had began to mount the head, and think she can camp claims absurd ... but she did not, and this was one of the many reasons why the silly girl had won my heart .
I sighed, and prepared to listen to the advice of the woman who stood before me: she was concerned about the physical health of Khushi, but ... it was also from the point of view of character that she had become unrecognizable. If she first joked and chatted with everyone, helping in their regular household duties, now she was out, dark, the shadow of the girl she had been. She never spoke, she remained all day to read books in her bedroom, ignoring everything and everyone ...
- I'll give you some advice, if I may-she said, looking into my eyes - Be less hard on her ... it isn't well for her... all that tension, she needs to be quiet ... also urge you to get her out a little from this house ... she needs fresh air.. So she will feel better for sure.. - Her imploring eyes had convinced me not to fire her for her blatant intrusion into my private life ... because Khushi was mine, and everything to do with her directly involving me too...
I nodded, a sign that I have tried to put into practice the advice, and said good-bye and started to walk towards the old Khushi's room.
Prior to joining her, I froze for a moment, taking a deep breath and closed my eyes ...
I had to calm down, try to think about the anger I felt, caused by her umpteenth refusal to share her life with me ...
I did not have to hurt her, she was too small and fragile to emerge unscathed from this war ... with these thoughts I open the door of the room, getting faster and closing it behind me.
I looked over at the bed and saw her.
She was beautiful, and the only time I really realized how much I had missed the feeling of specious in her big brown eyes.
Khushi was aware of my presence: she was sitting on the bed, with a book by its cover black in her lap, her eyes wide, fixed on mine.
She was scared, I could almost hear the beating of her heart speed up the usual beat ...
But she tried not to show her emotion, hiding in a mask of cold indifference. I admired for her courage, when, with trembling hands, she bring the book and pointed her gaze on the pages without actually seeing them.
I approached cautiously, measuring every single gesture, and I sit near her, and she trembled slightly, moving away a little and holding stubbornly staring at the book.
I sighed, and I felt the scent of his skin.
- What are you reading? - I asked in a low voice, cautious and uncertain about how to approach her.
She did not answer, continuing to ignore me.
I sighed again, knowing that I had to be patient with her.
- Khushi ... - I approached her, I wanted to brush against my cheek, I wanted to hold her to me, I wanted to apologize to her knees as I discussed the other day.
- Do not touch me-she spoke hoarsely, trying not to cry.
-I ... Khushi, listen to me... I did not mean ... -
At that point she looked, in the dim light of the room, and for the first time I saw the red marks on her face ... I tried to figure out what they were, but a sudden thought filled my mind, turning my face into a grimace of pure horror.
It was me who has reduced it in that way. My hands, violent animals, had scarred her features, leaving an indelible mark on her lovely face.
She would never forgive me, ever. She would have thought that I'm only a murderess, who with his strength forces others to bow before him.
And it was the truth, I thought suddenly and disappointed.
But I did not want her to think this of me.
I clenched my fists, that thought caused me pain almost unbearable ... I continued to live my life beside with a woman I loved, but which in turn despised me with her whole being?
I could not do without her, but there would always be a fight between us.
I should have let her go, but I could not bear the thought of a life without her...
- Do you feel guilty? - Her voice was faint and broken.
I looked up, clash with two bright eyes, full of pain. Too much pain.
I did not answer, I just stare at her delicate face, losing myself in that sea chocolate that had always fascinated me, since the first time I saw her.
- From your look I assume yes- she whispered, and her sweet breath invaded my nostrils - and yet you do nothing to avoid it ...-she said, and it seemed that she was talking to himself ...
- Do what? - I asked, and my voice sounded hoarse even to my ears.
- Make me suffer- she whispered.
Silence filled the room, gravitating around us, amplifying the furious pounding of my heart.
She was suffering because of me, every day, sinking into a bottomless pit, because of my wickedness.
I knew, because I felt that something in her was fading inexorably.
I did not know what to say, words would have been unnecessary and superfluous.
It was she, with her melodious voice, to break the silence developed between us.
-It's your nature, you cannot do anything about it-she whispered - I finally got it. I gave up, Arnav. I'm yours. You've made me your slave, in body and soul. Because you even contaminated it... and you've made me submissive of my fears. Is this what you wanted? - A pale tear fell from her eyes, followed by another and another still. Her face was absent, her eyes expressionless.
My heart broke when heard those words.
I saw her, pale and fragile, curl up on itself, bent over in pain that I, with my fierce impetuosity, had caused.
I did not know what to say, this was not what I wanted. Suddenly I began to miss the air: I need to embrace her, to feel her warmth on my body.
And I did, ignoring my instincts, which shouted loudly to leave her alone, not to exacerbate her torment with my presence.
I shook her slender body in my arms, and she sobbed harder.
- Do not cry-I pleaded - not more ... I will not hurt you, Khushi. I swear on the most dear in the world ... -
- It is not true - she sobbed, and then she looked like a spoiled child - You're lying, as you always have! You hate me! -
I felt her sweet scent mingling with the tears, and I hugged her closer to me, kissing her forehead and stroking her hair.
- No-I protested hoarsely - No, my love. Do not think about these things ... after what happened-I took breathe, I could not breathe, and I had tears in my eyes. I had a tremendous urge to cry, but I would never have done-After what I have done, I damned for days ... I did not come back because I was afraid to get hurt you again ... - I sighed, and shook her stronger to me - Forgive me, Khushi-
She did not answer, she just sobbed on my chest, while I stroked her hair and kissed her forehead from time to time and breathing in her scent.
She cried for an indefinite time, until, exhausted by tears and a thousand feelings that we had invaded both, she closed his eyes, surrendering to sleep.
Gently, I pulled back the hair from her forehead, carefully watching her pale face.
I was bewitched by that vision, surprised by such innocence.
She looked like a girl, so small and defenseless, that I felt compelled to protect her, groped, in every way, to soothe the pain that I myself had caused.
Gently I picked her up; she was so light that I didn't take effort to take her in my arms. Her head dangled from my arms, her eyes were shut, her lips slightly parted.
Taking care of not to wake her, I took her into our bedroom, lying between the covers and lying down next to her, watching her face, which seemed even more pale in the moonlight.
And the night I went to see my wife, venerating her as a goddess, impressing on my mind every slightest detail of her face.
I took her hands in mine and kissed her gently.
At that moment I realized that now I could not live without her, and that thought made me sick at heart.
Love is complicated and terribly painful.
I never wanted to fall in love with her, I would much rather continue to hate her.
But it was all too easy to fall in love with Khushi, and I knew that with the passage of time, that feeling just bloomed is firmly fixed in my mind, becoming stronger than ever.
And I was afraid, afraid to lose her ...
Nothing and no one would take her away from me.
Debate Mansion
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