RamblinReck: Stupid Stubborn Woman

Karva chauth... What a drama it is... Fake love and fake emotions to show the world- like Dipali. Go hungry and pray for a man who doesn't deserve it- like my mother. I don't believe in these rituals. And I wont allow my wife to keep the vrat either. Ours is not a regular marriage. I am a superstar. She was an ordinary girl. But she stood up to me. She fascinated me. My name and fame didnt impress her. I married her in a fit of anger. I had given her the choice between marriage to me and her father's life. For her it was really no choice at all. I called all the shots. I set the stage for our wedding. A broken chair fueled by sharaab became the fire around which we took our pheras. Four. I allowed only four pheras. With each vow I took, I promised its exact opposite. She carries no sign of a married woman except for the mangalsutra I threw on her. She became my adhi-adhuri Biwi. I bound her to me. I allowed her no rights as my wife, while I took all rights as her husband.

So much has happened since then. Somewhere along the way I began to acknowledge my relationship to her. I have begun to care for her. I don't love her. Do I? No. But I do want her to be happy. Her happiness gives me peace of mind. Her smile gladdens my heart. Her tears leave an ache in my heart. They leave me tormented. I don't know why I feel that way. Only thing I know is I no longer like seeing tears in her eyes. I wont allow anything or anyone to hurt her. She has no one, but me, by her side. She doesn't need anyone else either. I am there for her. Whatever others may say, I trust her more than anyone else.

I know she is hiding something from me. She has a lost look on her face. A smile always on her lips. I cant understand what it is. I keep asking her and she keeps evading me. Something is going on. But what? Whatever it is, it might be good. For she is happy. And that makes me happy too. When she looks at me with those eyes, I don't understand what happens to me. I cant tear my eyes away. What are they telling me? I want to know. But I am afraid to read the emotions I see in them. What if its something I would rather not know? They draw me into them again and again!

She is doing it again. She is lost... Somewhere... Her eyes are on me. And her thoughts? Are they on me too? I ask her, but she distracts me once more. A look of pain crosses her face and she clutches her hands across her stomach. Whats happening? She is not feeling well. She is sick. Yet, she refuses to take anything. She tells me that she is fine. She is not! Does she think I can rest easy when she is clearly not well? Does she understand the restlessness I feel inside? The uneasiness? I will make her have something. Her eyes are pleading with me not to force her. But I won't relent. I need to calm my heart. I force her to have a drink, but she knocks the glass away. I am so angry. Why is she not having anything? Does she understand the agitation I feel? I shout at her. She tells me she will clean up the mess. Of course not! She would only hurt herself. I cant have that. How can she be so careless about her health? What is she thinking? Stupid stubborn woman.

Something strikes my eyes. Mehendi. Suddenly everything is clear to me. The reason for her evasions, her sickness. I feel as if somebody has punched me in my stomach. As if all my breath has been knocked out... As if someone has got hold of my heart and is squeezing me tight. Painful. Argh... How do I describe the emotions inside me? I am angry at her for fasting for me. Me, her 4-phere husband. I am angry at myself, for what I have done. How do I describe the guilt I feel? She is doing it for me. The wonder of it... She is closing in.. Pain... Excruciating pain... I must end it. She needs to be stopped. I need to shake off these emotions. How could she fast for me? She thinks of me as her real husband! I tell her that even if she dies from hunger, I wont break her vrat. To save myself, I broke her. But why am I so upset? Why do I feel like a caged bird trying to break free? Aah...

I know her. She wouldn't have anything until I, her husband, breaks her vrat. When I close my eyes I can hear her voice asking me to wake up. Hear the determination in her voice. Hear the plea in her voice telling me not to go away. Asking me to come back to her.

And I... I cant resist that calling...

Originally posted by: Manonids

Its really good Peach 😊...in bw, u can read RK's silent emotions so well ...have u changed the party??😲😆

Thanks Nids..

@changing party: Goodness NO! These are part of my research... You cant attack if you dont understand your prey.. 😆 I am a SBCC member only inside SD's thread. It helps prevent the phangurl's from becoming too complacent. Outside her thread, I will criticize neither of them- It will cause an uproar. Anyway, I dont think RK expressed all these emotions in the episode. I felt his expressions didnt come out very well. But this is what I wanted him to feel. For me it was Mads who stole the show in the last two episodes.. But I retain the right to criticize her too.. In short, I am a neither an RK fan nor a Madhu fan, but a Rishabala fan. It helps when you want to criticise both of them... 😆 Mind you, I am a Dance Lovers Club member even outside SD's thread. I love Bittuji. 😆

Originally posted by: applenpeaches

Thanks Nids..

@changing party: Goodness NO! These are part of my research... You cant attack if you dont understand your prey.. 😆 I am a SBCC member only inside SD's thread. It helps prevent the phangurl's from becoming too complacent. Outside her thread, I will criticize neither of them- It will cause an uproar. Anyway, I dont think RK expressed all these emotions in the episode. I felt his expressions didnt come out very well. But this is what I wanted him to feel. For me it was Mads who stole the show in the last two episodes.. But I retain the right to criticize her too.. In short, I am a neither an RK fan nor a Madhu fan, but a Rishabala fan. It helps when you want to criticise both of them... 😆 Mind you, I am a Dance Lovers Club member even outside SD's thread. I love Bittuji. 😆

Originally posted by: applenpeaches

Thanks Nids..

@changing party: Goodness NO! These are part of my research... You cant attack if you dont understand your prey.. 😆 I am a SBCC member only inside SD's thread. It helps prevent the phangurl's from becoming too complacent. Outside her thread, I will criticize neither of them- It will cause an uproar. Anyway, I dont think RK expressed all these emotions in the episode. I felt his expressions didnt come out very well. But this is what I wanted him to feel. For me it was Mads who stole the show in the last two episodes.. But I retain the right to criticize her too.. In short, I am a neither an RK fan nor a Madhu fan, but a Rishabala fan. It helps when you want to criticise both of them... 😆 Mind you, I am a Dance Lovers Club member even outside SD's thread. I love Bittuji. 😆

@ Red ...Can't Agree more ...in bw, .I am Mittu fan too😆...

Originally posted by: Soundarya22

WOW!! I think your research is all in the right direction. sorry...R-I-G-H-T direction😆

Lovely post.

😆 Spoken like a true Spelling Bee Fan... 👏

Originally posted by: applenpeaches

😆 Spoken like a true Spelling Bee Fan... 👏

Originally posted by: Soundarya22

Arre, I am still a phangurl...very much so. 😃...

Hey, I called you a Spelling Bee Fan, not Spelling Bee Critic.. 😆

Originally posted by: applenpeaches

Karva chauth... What a drama it is... Fake love and fake emotions to show the world- like Dipali. Go hungry and pray for a man who doesn't deserve it- like my mother. I don't believe in these rituals. And I wont allow my wife to keep the vrat either. Ours is not a regular marriage. I am a superstar. She was an ordinary girl. But she stood up to me. She fascinated me. My name and fame didnt impress her. I married her in a fit of anger. I had given her the choice between marriage to me and her father's life. For her it was really no choice at all. I called all the shots. I set the stage for our wedding. A broken chair fueled by sharaab became the fire around which we took our pheras. Four. I allowed only four pheras. With each vow I took, I promised its exact opposite. She carries no sign of a married woman except for the mangalsutra I threw on her. She became my adhi-adhuri Biwi. I bound her to me. I allowed her no rights as my wife, while I took all rights as her husband.

So much has happened since then. Somewhere along the way I began to acknowledge my relationship to her. I have begun to care for her. I don't love her. Do I? No. But I do want her to be happy. Her happiness gives me peace of mind. Her smile gladdens my heart. Her tears leave an ache in my heart. They leave me tormented. I don't know why I feel that way. Only thing I know is I no longer like seeing tears in her eyes. I wont allow anything or anyone to hurt her. She has no one, but me, by her side. She doesn't need anyone else either. I am there for her. Whatever others may say, I trust her more than anyone else.

I know she is hiding something from me. She has a lost look on her face. A smile always on her lips. I cant understand what it is. I keep asking her and she keeps evading me. Something is going on. But what? Whatever it is, it might be good. For she is happy. And that makes me happy too. When she looks at me with those eyes, I don't understand what happens to me. I cant tear my eyes away. What are they telling me? I want to know. But I am afraid to read the emotions I see in them. What if its something I would rather not know? They draw me into them again and again!

She is doing it again. She is lost... Somewhere... Her eyes are on me. And her thoughts? Are they on me too? I ask her, but she distracts me once more. A look of pain crosses her face and she clutches her hands across her stomach. Whats happening? She is not feeling well. She is sick. Yet, she refuses to take anything. She tells me that she is fine. She is not! Does she think I can rest easy when she is clearly not well? Does she understand the restlessness I feel inside? The uneasiness? I will make her have something. Her eyes are pleading with me not to force her. But I won't relent. I need to calm my heart. I force her to have a drink, but she knocks the glass away. I am so angry. Why is she not having anything? Does she understand the agitation I feel? I shout at her. She tells me she will clean up the mess. Of course not! She would only hurt herself. I cant have that. How can she be so careless about her health? What is she thinking? Stupid stubborn woman.

Something strikes my eyes. Mehendi. Suddenly everything is clear to me. The reason for her evasions, her sickness. I feel as if somebody has punched me in my stomach. As if all my breadth has been knocked out... As if someone has got hold of my heart and is squeezing me tight. Painful. Argh... How do I describe the emotions inside me? I am angry at her for fasting for me. Me, her 4-phere husband. I am angry at myself, for what I have done. How do I describe the guilt I feel? She is doing it for me. The wonder of it... She is closing in.. Pain... Excruciating pain... I must end it. She needs to be stopped. I need to shake off these emotions. How could she fast for me? She thinks of me as her real husband! I tell her that even if she dies from hunger, I wont break her vrat.

To save myself, I broke her. But why am I so upset? Why do I feel like a caged bird trying to break free? Aah... I know her. She wouldn't have anything until I, her husband, breaks her vrat. When I close my eyes I can hear her voice asking me to wake up. Hear the determination in her voice. Hear the plea in her voice telling me not to go away. Asking me to come back to her.

And I... I cant resist that calling...