Prologue
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"Bani Dixit, 25 years old, workaholic and a loner." Yes, that is the way to start… scratch
"Bani Dixit, 25 years old, currently a musician, scrap booker, knitter,"… scratch
Sure, boring. Basically it seems as if I don't leave my home.
Alright, let's start over. "Bani Dixit, 25 years old…"
The advertisement for singles was going to be agonizing. Bani has not dated for months. Her last date was miserable. She realised Krish wanted nothing but a one nighter and he didn't make any excuse of it. She and Krish had been friends and decided to take it one step further .......... atleast that is what she thought. She had developed feelings for him over time and was hoping he would reciprocate. But his non-commitance became clearer day after day. She had a feeling about this when he took her to a bar early on and without checking with her went ahead and ordered bourbon for them. His insisting on her to drink was annoying.
"I don't drink Krish, you know that." Bani remembers saying.
"Come on, just one drink, it's only bourbon and coke, not bloody poison." He kept insisting.
"No." Bani said vehemently. And so their "first official date" ended with a hand shake plus a big headache and heartache.
"Oh boy." Bani exclaimed.
Finally she continued writing. She thought about how everyone else had married and even had kids. While she didn't. She was trying to forget the looks her friends gave her at parties. They wanted her to be with them but it was awkward with nothing much to talk about. No kids, no husband, just work and home.
"This is my only chance." Bani thought. If this doesn't work, she will give up. Finally she finished. As she was sealing the envelope to mail it she felt miserable but pacified herself saying that at least now "I can meet someone I truly can accept. Someone on my own terms. My own demands."
CHAPTER 1
Bani was sitting at her desk typing a report from a surgeon. Medical transcription was a job she loved. She enjoyed the inside world of doctoring and how miracles happen therein. She was amazed as to how doctors were so gifted and how their decisions were so important. She felt as if she was there when the doctor was performing his miracle. Plus, she loved typing.
She has 3 other women working along with her. Sonali who was a divorcee, Anya who just finished business school, and Muskaan who was waiting for her baby to arrive into this world. Of course, all married. Sonali was divorced, but was now seeing someone new. Even though they hardly have time to mingle during office hours, lunch time was all about talking. Well, on her part it was more of listening. She had only been working at the hospital for 2 years now. Shy and quiet, the girls kind of picked on her.
"When are you going to go out?" Sonali would ask.
"Yes Bani, come over to my house one day. My cousin would like to meet you." Anya said.
Sure, Bani thought, get involved in one of her co-worker's family. She would never hear the end of it. All Bani could do was smile and sigh politely. The girls usually let her be when she sighed.
But she was lonely and was hopeful about the advertisement she had placed in the personals section. Callers were expected.
"Hi, I'm Jai Krishna. I read your advertisement and if it is fine with you we can meet at the Plaza on Saturday night, well my phone number is……….."
"The Plaza?" Bani exclaimed. Boy, does she have the worst kind of luck. The Plaza was a mall here she thought, it was not a great place for romantic dinners unless you were a teenager. No way was she calling this Krishna guy back.
Bani was feeling like an idiot. Why is it so hard for her? As she was walking to the kitchen to get a glass of water the phone rang. She took a quick glance at the clock. Nine thirty. Who could it be?
"Hello?" Bani answered.
"Hi Bani, it's Jai .......... Jai Krishna. I left you a message." At first Bani didn't know what to say.
"Hello Mr. Krishna." is all she could come up with.
"I'm sorry for calling at this hour. I was just a little anxious" said Jai. Bani sat down and decided to just relax and give the guy a shot.
"It's alright Mr. Krishna." Bani sighed. "I just got in myself."
"Well, I guess you won't mind us talking then?" He sounded hopeful which made Bani feel a bit at ease.
"Sure, I don't mind Mr. Krishna" she said.
"You can call me Jai" he replied.
"Jai. Is this the first time you answered a personal ad?" enquired Bani.
"Yes, is it that obvious?" he replied. Bani smiled to herself.
"No, it is just that it is my first ad as well" Bani retorted quickly, just to put him at ease.
"Wow, guess we both kind of feel a little awkward" joked Jai.
"Yes, I guess we do" Bani agreed.
"Listen Bani, I don't know about you but I am nervous. I really don't want you to think you are talking to a psycho or…"
"Yes, I know. I don't want you to think I am a crazy nut too. I want to tell you Jai, I am just tired of not being noticed for who I am. I just want to have someone to talk to without worrying if they won't ever call back. I want this person to be interested in me as a person and not in my looks." Bani was so desperate she stopped herself and regretted saying what she had just said.
"I understand what you want Bani. I want the same thing, a special friend" replied Jai earnestly.
Bani was glad to hear the word friend. A lover was not someone she could share thoughts with ………..a male partner who's only interest is the fulfillment of his carnal desires. She wanted a friend. A male friend. And it was a relief to learn that Jai Walia felt the same way.
"I guess our next step would be to meet each other then" Bani suddenly said.
Jai suggested "what about the Plaza? I know it is a little crowded but at least if it feels awkward we will be distracted. I mean if it doesn't work out, we can just go our own way that much easier."
"That is fine Jai. We can meet there this Saturday?" Bani was feeling like a teenager for a moment.
The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.
"Great, Saturday at 6:00 pm would be nice?" confirmed Jai.
"Fine" Bani responded. Until then Bani had felt tired and hopeless. But all of a sudden a rush got possession of her. A date, she thought ……….. that too in the mall.
We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone.
Only through love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."
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CHAPTER 2
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Bani's weekly horoscope (made up by her to console herself)
A hot date on a Saturday night? Why not? Get out to see and be seen. It'd be silly to waste your charms on your own four walls, especially when love is in the air. By Saturday there's no need to look for love, love's found you. Monday all the way through Wednesday you'll need to search your heart to find the answer you're looking for. Then on Thursday - HELLO! Watch for someone to rock your world. Relationships are in the stars for the weekend. Your best approach is to forget about wasting time and dive right in. The water's fine. ………… yaa ……… whatever.
FRIDAY
"Hey Bani! Where are you?"
Bent over in a box, unpacking inventory Bani ignored the call. This was supposed to be her lunch break. Instead she was in a hot, stuffy closet unpacking medical supplies. A chore her co-worker had conveniently forgotten to do.
"Bani!" The voice was coming closer.
"What?" There was a slight edge in her tone, it was hard to keep the aggravation out of her voice. Damn it! Sonali should have done this in the morning!
"There you are! Aren't you going to eat?" Sonali sighed and straightened up.
"Yeah, I'd love to. But somebody forgot to unpack our medical supplies. Supplies the doctors needed this morning and couldn't find."
"Oh. Sorry." Sonali grimaced, looking contrite. "Well I'll finish unpacking after lunch. Just stop and come grab a bite to eat."
Bani dusted her hands off, and looked around her. There was still plenty to do, but now that Sonali had been reminded, she'd finish the job. She might be absentminded and the epitome of ditzy, but she wasn't a loafer.
"Okay" said Bani. It would be a relief to sit down. She'd been busy all morning.
They headed to the back …….. to the tiny room that made up their "lounge". The room was crowed with a table, four chairs, an ancient refrigerator, and a rolling cart with a microwave on top. Sonali's lunch was on the table, along with a scattered newspaper. Sonali plopped down, while Bani put her lunch, a Lean Cuisine, in the microwave.
"You're Pisces, right?" enquired Sonali.
"Yeah, why?" asked Bani.
"Here's you're weekly horoscope. Want me to read it to you?"
Leaning against the refrigerator, waiting for her lunch to warm, Bani shrugged. "Sure."
"The Daily Single," Sonali read aloud.
She paused to look up at Bani and said. "That's you." Then continuing, "There's a time for hesitation, and there's a time for action – guess what time it is when it comes to romance? That's right, time to get off you're a** and make a move – it doesn't even matter in which direction." Sonali looked up and waggled her brows. "Sounds like you'll be going to the Plaza afterall."
"Whatever. I hope you don't believe that crap." If Sonali thought the stars had the answer to all of her romantic woes, she was in for a rude awakening. The microwave dinged and Bani turned to get her lunch.
"Don't burn yourself" warned Sonali. The warning came too late.
"Damn it." Pulling the top off, the steam burnt Bani's fingers causing her to stick her finger in her mouth.
"Told ya." giggled Sonali.
Ignoring the comment, Bani sat down and began to eat.
"So what time do you have to go to the Plaza on Saturday?"
"I don't know Sonali. I don't' even know if I want to go. I am just too confused" said Bani.
"You have to go. Your horoscope says so" coaxed Sonali.
"Yeah, like I'm going to follow that" replied Bani. Sometimes Sonali reminded her of a bulldog with a bone. Sonali narrowed her eyes and studied Bani. "I know why you don't want to go. You're afraid. Afraid you'll end up finding somebody after all, somebody better than Krish and may fall in love with him."
Bani's head shot up, outrage written plainly on her face. "I am not! I could care less about Krish, where he goes, what he does. He's a free agent and so am I." Inside she cringed, so unsure of her feelings.
"Prove it. Go" defied Sonali.
"I don't have to prove anything." There was little force behind her words. She did need to prove something. To herself. She needed to prove that she didn't care if he dated a hundred women and went home with a hundred more. What they had was not a relationship. It was an experiment gone bad. Proof friends couldn't be lovers. Proof men and women couldn't be friends because se* and emotions got in the way.
Sonali started clucking, sounding amazingly like the animal she was imitating. A chicken. She was calling Bani a chicken.
SATURDAY
THE day arrived, and Bani kept looking at herself in the mirror. Her hair was combed and brushed into a high ponytail. She wore a simple black printed stretch dress with matching 3 inch pencil heeled shoes. After all it is just the Plaza they were going to, not the Taj Mahal. Jai had not re-confirmed their date again after they last spoke. All she remembered was that they were set up to meet near the HMV movie store. She was hesitant, wanted to cancel the meeting, but she thought it was interesting that he chose to meet near the HMV movie store. She loved watching movies and was extremely proud of her collection. As she was getting her purse she took a final glance at herself in the mirror. Pleased with what she saw, she smiled and whispered to herself "It will be alright Bani, go get yourself a worthy man."
The Plaza was full and alive just like any other Saturday night. It was all lit up. Music was thumping loudly, and she could hear people laughing and talking, the words an indistinct murmur. A group of guys were around the Burger King stall, arguing good naturedly. Other small groups of men and women were spread out through the different stores. Children were running around carefree.
Bani stood outside the main entrance door, looking in. She didn't really want to come tonight. If it hadn't been for Sonali and her clucking, plus that stupid horoscope, she wouldn't be here now.
It was exactly 6:00 pm when she walked into The Plaza. Biting her lip, she scanned the whole floor. She didn't see him near the HMV store. A confusing mixture of disappointment and relief washed over her. After gearing herself to see him, to talk to him, the knowledge that maybe he too had changed his mind and wasn't here was a let down. It felt like crashing after riding. A wave of relief quickly took its place. Closing her eyes, she said a silent prayer of thanks. At least she didn't have to test her resolve only to see it fail.
"To love is to risk not being loved in return
To hope is to risk pain
To try is to risk failure
But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."
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CHAPTER 3
Heart it is, not a stone or brick, why shouldn't it feel the pain?
Let none tyrannize / torment this heart, or I shall cry and cry again ........
Disappointed at the outcome of her so-called date, Bani decided to visit the movie store on her own after all, and pick up something cheerful to wash away the blues that were drowning her right now.
As she stepped inside the store, she saw a glimpse of hope standing near the classics counter, exactly the same place where she was heading to at the moment. There he was, her blind date for the evening, standing inside the movie store and not outside it like HE HAD SUGGESTED, adding on to the confusion …………… men, how typical …… she heard herself grumble under her breath.. It was not difficult to guess it was Jai Krishna. He was standing there, holding her all time favourite movie "An Affair to Remember" as if he was holding a placard with her name printed on it. That was the sign she was to look for since neither knew what the other looked like. But that was not just the case. The man that was holding the movie was just too handsome for words to describe. It made Bani feel insecure almost immediately.
"To approach the stranger is to invite the unexpected, release a new force, let the genie out of the bottle.
It is to start a new train of events that is beyond your control..."
Jai was wearing an Ivory coloured mesh crew neck knit sweater with black jeans and black shoes. He had darkish brown hair and big brown expressive eyes. Was he Brad Pitt or George Clooney? No. He was not, but he was definitely in that category though. And she, she was no Jennifer Aniston to be passing judgement on him like that.
She realized Jai was looking at her. What should she do now. Pretend that she was not examining him. Just turn around and run as fast as she could? Too late for that Bani Dixit … simply too late ...........
"Hello Bani." THE MAN sounded so husky and confident.
Bani froze, like a rabbit with a hawk circling over her head, she didn't move as he walked up to her. He didn't stop until he was close, intimately close, unbearably close ……… at least from her perspective.. His chest was within inches of hers, almost touching ………. again, according to her. His cologne, subtle, clean and crisp, overwhelmed her and awakened other senses. It was a scent she would remember and associate only with him from now on. She could walk by the men's counter in any department store, catch a faint whiff of it and immediately be transported back into his arms ……… no harm in dreaming right, she thought to herself.
Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. Suddenly she could feel him, his breath, his intensity .............. again according to her. Eye level with his neck, she studied his throat. A slight nick around his Adam's apple indicated he'd shaved recently, probably before coming here. Absently she noted his pulse, visibly beating along his neck. If she hadn't been so disturbed herself, she would have questioned that tell-tale sign of nervousness.
Reluctantly, unable to resist the pull, she looked up at him. Her eyes met his, she didn't know what he would read on her face, what weakness he would see. Licking her lips, she tried desperately to speak.
"J...J....Jai." Her voice lacked it's customary lilt, but she was proud of it any way. There was a lot of stutter, a lot of tremble to reveal the battle raging within her. The battle not to throw herself against him and bury her nose in his tempting neck. Didn't she have any pride, was she so desperate for a man? Her mind said yes. Her heart and body said no.
"B....B....Bani. I'm so happy to see you here" teased Jai.
"Hi." She answered back, but not so confidently, but very angrily.
"So, what do u think", he asked with a slight smirk on his face.
"Think ………th… think about what" enquired a confused and completely rattled Bani.
"Well, do I check out all right according to you, do I fit the bill. What category do I come under …….. ok, passable, good, excellent, sexy, wow ……… what a hunk or then (mock sadness on his face) should we say good-bye just as quickly as we said hi" replied Jai with a twinkle in his eyes.
This man was way too hot, smart and good looking for her to handle, Bani almost wanted to flee, go drown herself in the water fountain that was adorning the mall ........... it was right outside the store, she thought, maybe I could just jump in there and pretend to be dead. What was he expecting to find here today or when he called her the first time after seeing her ad? A blonde or brunette bombshell? No, Bani was nothing like that, not even remotely close she felt. She was just a simple woman searching for a simple man. Not a George Clooney look-a-like. She was at a loss for words. Was it that obvious, she wondered?
"Hey, are you alright. If you have finished analyzing me out and if I do fit the bill of Mr. Right, should we go and get ourselves something to drink?" asked Jai with a smug expression on his face, completely embarrassing Bani in the bargain.
"A**hole, wasn't he going to leave her with any pride?" she thought to herself.
"Sure Mr. .... errrrrrrrrr……… sorry Jai, I am so sorry." Bani tried to smile politely and let him lead her out of the store into the crowded mall. There was attraction no denying that. Of course, he was handsome, drop dead handsome. There was no denying it. It was something that was bothering her because they had just met. He seemed well mannered too ........... almost an MCP actually .......... no, not really, he is okay, needs to learn how to talk to a woman .......... actually no, he was pretty well mannered ........ well that is to be expected in a first date. She liked the way he gave her all the attention. She also noticed how everyone else took notice of him. It made her feel uncomfortable when she caught a young lady staring at him ................ he is with me missy, atleast for the moment (mock sadness) ........... turn away, before i poke your eyes right out.
They went and made themselves comfortable in a coffee shop where he got down to ordering a caffe latte for her and a double cappuccino for himself. Bani realized she needed the caffeine so badly, all the possible caffeine she could possibly get her hands on. She had lost her appetite, her presence of mind …………. everything seemed fuzzy. Finally he arrived and sat right in front of her. She decided she had to put an end to this trauma of hers, save herself the heartbreak which was evident, and didn't want to waste any more time ............ not her's and definitely not his.............
The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.
"I need to say something to you before we go any further." Bani blurted out.
"What is it? Did I do something wrong?" asked Jai very innocently.
"Yes, I mean ahhhhhhhhh No, of course not. Well, it is like this. You are, well, how should I say it, errrrrrr, how can I put it ,,,,,,,,,,, eeess, you are what I believe not to be my type." There she finally let it out. What a relief that was.
"What?" said Jai with a shocked expression.
"Come on." Bani explained. "You are like the spitting image of a movie star and I am definitely no Sharon Stone or Charlize Theron. Who are we kidding here" Bani was completely embarrassed and on the verge of crying now.
"Listen Bani and listen very very carefully." Jai gave her a killer smile and look. She couldn't say anything except do as he asked. "Let's get to know one another before we jump into any conclusions, can we? Please. And for your kind information, I don't even like Sharon Stone and Charlize Theron, they are not my type ............ are you happy now" said Jai, trying his best to make her comfortable.
"Jai, I just don't want this to be a waste of time especially for you. I mean you can do better, much better and I do not fit that bill unfortunately" said Bani remorsefully. She got up to leave.
"I know the key to your heart belongs to another, and I don't think I want to slip in through the window."
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CHAPTER 4
"Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning".
Jai held Bani's arm gently and asked her to sit down again and hear him out.
"Bani don't think that way. You are stunning to me" replied Jai in all earnestness.
"I've been with a lot of women, all kinds of them, trust me, but none of them have even mattered beyond the first few dates or then even during or after the first one. I don't care for looks alone, because I ain't looking for a model to keep me going, I need a friend". continued Jai.
"You are just saying that Jai. I know that I am not good looking" sulked Bani (boy did she know how to fish for compliments ............ Bani don't push him too much, he is a man afterall, she warned herself).
"What can I say to make you change your mind? The point is that I want to stay here with you. I want to continue this meeting or date, call it whatever you want. Please don't give up on us so soon. I really want to get to know you better and am hoping that you would want the same. Besides, the girls you think are meant for me, really aren't. They spend so much time with themselves, that they hardly have any quality time left to be spent with me. I wanted to meet someone and be with someone who really didn't have the vanity and selfishness, someone who could be a good companion to me, someone who made me feel at ease, who made me laugh and cry. I want a friend, a special friend not some walking talking beauty parlour walking by my side. Give this a chance pleeeeaasssse?" pleaded Jai.
What Jai was saying was so illuminating. Of course she knew about those girls who only looked good from the outside but their personality was lacking. All they cared about was money and status. All they had to offer was their looks ……….. at least that was the case with most of them ….. she thought to herself. Go for it girl, you know you fit the criteria, if not him, atleast you could do better with a hunk like that, she nugged herself on.
"I am sorry. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like I did" said Bani apologetically.
With that they continued having their coffees.
"It is great to be here with you honestly." Jai suddenly said.
"Why?" Bani asked.
"Because it has been a long time since I have been so comfortable with a woman like I am now. I used to think that first time meetings were always ackward, but not this time."
"Yeah, speak for yourself." Bani laughed.
"What do you do for a living Bani?" Jai enquired.
"I am a medical transcriptionist. I work at the Hospital" she replied enthusiastically.
"That must be very interesting. Do you like what you do?" he continued.
"Most of the time. I just feel bad when doctors can't save lives. They sound so exhausted and depressed. Almost like they lost a war?" she stated sadly.
"I can only imagine how hard that is for someone who tries to do such wonderful work" he added.
At that moment Bani couldn't help but notice Jai's big brown eyes once again. But this would be the first time she took the time to examine his other features clearly.
Jai had dirty brown hair with sun obtained highlights. He seemed like a true hunk but had the essence of a man who had gone through much in life. In his 30's obviously because of the beginning signs of lines around his eyes. But what truly mesmerized Bani was his expressive eyes. Almost magical and very intoxicating. Made her recall all the novels she used to read at bedtime when she was in college. Those men whom she always dreamed of and who would conquer her heart someday.
His cheeks were full and clean shaven. His lips were full and tantalizing to touch. When he smiled his teeth were white, even and strong (should ask him what he uses .......... she said to herself). His voice was deep but understandable. She imagined him talking as if she was typing a report on his life. A novel of his wonderful life, as soon as she accepted it. She really wanted to know more............. perhaps then she could write a thesis on him and even feature in it ............. a never ending thesis ............ she grinned at the thought of that.
Jai was thinking "Is she checking me out once again, perhaps she needs a second opinion. Or am I talking too much? Bani seemed too focused on what he was saying. About the music he likes, movies, hobbies… Is she really listening to him? He was so nervous that all he could do to hide his tension was to talk. But as he said little amusing stories about himself she seemed to smile and chuckle a little. She was really listening. All this time when he was dating all those women all they really were interested in was his physique and his looks and his assets. It was refreshing to find someone who was not just interested in his body alone but also in his thoughts and aspirations. The real him.
"Wow, look at the time." Jai finally said. "It is 9:00 o'clock. I sure can talk huh?"
"I don't mind it one bit. I can listen all night long if you wanted me to. I mean if you wanted to." Bani blushed.
"I feel like I am in high school. And it is not just because we are at the mall. I really am feeling quite happy." Jai then stood and helped Bani up from her chair. They both stretched their legs and started walking towards the entrance doors of the Plaza. While walking they were quiet. The quiet helped Bani sink in her feelings towards Jai. The way he looked somehow was forgotten. She was beginning to learn the real him. Someone who works hard at maintaining a grounded life. Someone who really wanted to get to know her and wanted for her to know him.
But who is Jai really. Was it too soon to know about his family. Is it too soon for him to reveal what his career is, though she did mention hers to him. But then again, that is all Bani had. Her crafts and job. Can Jai make her life more thrilling? Could he be the one she has been waiting for?
She has to be patient. She does not want to frighten him away by being over anxious about where this, after all first date, was going to go. But this silence had to end soon.
Thank God the doors were right ahead. But alas, how are they going to part? Is he going to kiss her? Is she going to allow him to do so? Will her knees hold her weight when he does? She had so many questions but hardly any answers.
Wise men say only fools rush in,
But I can't help falling in love with you.
Should I ask you to stay? Would it be a sin,
If I can't help falling in love with you?
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CHAPTER 5 (Shina dear, this is my version of "butterfly, just for you. 😛).
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
"Well this is it Bani, I am parked on the other side of the Plaza" Jai said. Then suddenly he turned serious. "I want to call you again. I want to see you again."
"I would like that too Jai" Bani heard herself say ………… for a moment there she was not sure if they were ever gonna meet again.
Then slowly Jai approached her. First he took her hands into his and came closer to her. She froze in expectation. Then she closed her eyes as she felt his breath against her face. Soft and hot, just the way she liked it. Then he kissed her ………….. on her cheek ……….. softly but slowly. As if he wanted to do more but was holding back. As he was backing up he whispered good night in her ears and then opened the door for her. It was a slow but very romantic moment. One of those moments that Bani will never ever forget. Those that hardly ever happen to her. Thank you God, I now believe you exist …… said bani to herself……….. I had my doubts, but today u proved me wrong………. Thank you, thank you.
"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for and great enough to die for."
SUNDAY
Daily Singles horoscope for the day …….. courtesy Bani Dixit ……. Scratch ………. the new and renewed Bani Dxit …….. no no ………. the beautiful Bani …….. wait a minute …….. he said stunning …. stunning …S..T..U..N..N..I..N..G…… so stunning it is ………. the Stunning Bani Dixit.
Someone's lighting your emotional fire, and it's both unsettling and exciting -- you haven't felt like this in quite some time. Just don't let waves of an old anger douse the flames of desire.
The next day was Sunday. Bani woke up with a smile ……….. actually more like a big wide grin, she thought to herself. The first picture that came to her mind was that of Jai …. the hunk, the man ………. her blind date ……….. god, I love you …………. She started humming the song …………… I COULD BE SO LUCKY, LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY, I COULD BE SO LUCKY IN LOVE………
She couldn't believe how pleasant he was. The way he felt about her and her crafts. Usually men hated to talk about these womanly things. But he really seemed interested in her. I wonder what is wrong with him Bani couldn't help thinking.
As she got up to go to the bathroom she couldn't help but glance at her dresser mirror. She looked simple but she always knew that a little trip to the right makeover artist would do her justice. Her black tresses would look great with some highlights. Her reading glasses can disappear. Then a deep thought came into her mind. She shouldn't change her appearance. She should remain the way she is and see what happens. The reflection is what she is and that is that. She was going to go on that way, and hoped that Jai would continue to be pleased.
Jai was sitting in his bed attempting to read this article in the newspaper. But all he could picture was Bani's smile and extremely attentive glance. She truly seemed sincere and honest. He liked the way she listened to every word of his. Her thoughts about his looks to him was ridiculous and ungrounded, but he was glad that she remained with him for the duration of the evening.
She was pretty like a flower in the field ……. a blooming bud to be more precise. Her shyness made him smile. He wanted to discover her more. To find out what excites her. To uncover the mysteries of the world with her, to witness how she reacts to situations. Then he thought, why does this woman intrigue me so? Why do I want to be with her so badly when I haven't even held her? Is this what true attraction was? Is this love?
"Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside .... because you're close in heart."
The phone rang and Jai jumped out of his position in the bed. His heart was racing when he picked it up hurriedly.
"H…H....Hello. Hi, I hope it is a good time." Bani was calling (now now girl, aren't we getting a bit too bold). She was calling him. As if she knew his mind was solely on her……………. atleast that is what she was expecting, no hoping, actually no praying, begging would suit the best, she thought …………. especially since all she could do was think about him and feel her cheek over and over again over the spot where he had kissed her. In fact, she refused to even wash her face last night and this morning …………….. desperado ………. she called herself.
"I was thinking about you." Jai responded warmly.
"Yeah (she fell off the chair she was sitting on), what were you thinking?" she asked eagerly.
"Oh, how pretty you are. How I wish I could see you right now for breakfast" replied Jai with a smile on his lips and heart beating fast.
"Lunch?" he gave her another option
"Brunch?" yet another option (god, these women, he said to himself ………… the only thing left is coffee and dinner …… why are they so slow and fickle minded).
"No, lunch" replied Bani. "I have something important to do first" she continued ………. like try to catch my breath which was running out ………… she said to herself.
"Alright. Lunch" agreed Jai.
They spent the next few minutes debating where to go and finally decided on a small place a few blocks from where she lived. When she hung up she couldn't believe that she had called him. She was never this bold. But no matter what, she did it and boy was she glad.
She had to get ready for this second meeting and not continue to ponder on how he would react to her. She wanted to just be herself. Boldness included.
There are four questions of value in life ................
What is sacred ?
Of what is the spirit made ?
What is worth living for ? and
What is worth dying for?
The answer to each is the same LOVE …… LOVE…… and ONLY LOVE.
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An extra long update for you all, my weekend treat, and Shina dear, I decided to get you a whole butterfly farm rather than just a single one 😊
CHAPTER 6
SUNDAY AFTERNOON
Bani's daily personal horoscope : You feel like emerging from your shell, and with good reason. After the last date, you and your number one have really sorted some things out. Celebrate by taking things easy. Nice and mellow does it. You've got the rest of your lives. Love long and prosper.
Bani danced around the apartment hugging herself. At last, she had done it, she had been bold enough to ask Jai out on a second date. Waltzing to the closet, she studied her wardrobe and pulled out the outfit she was going to wear. She started humming " La,la,la la,la,la,la,la, I just can't get you out of my head, boy, your lovin' is all I think about, I just can't get you out of my head, boy, it's more than I dare to think about" as she got ready for her date.
Bani chose not to wear any new dress. Her mother always told her to wear what made her feel good and what she was comfortable in. That way she would be more relaxed and at ease. So she chose her little black dress topped off with a black and white spotted scarf. The dress had done the rounds: 3 weddings, 2 funerals and a dinner party. Sounded like the title for a film. Somehow she was not sure though, so she went through the entire routine again ……… women!
At exactly five minutes to one, Bani crossed the road to enter "La Trattoria" the Italian restaurant, with freshly washed and blow dried hair and her make-up carefully and very lightly applied. She had abandoned her pony tail this time. 😉
Jai on his part was casually dressed in a navy blue check shirt and Chino khaki trousers. As he stood near the entrance, Jai's eyes followed an attractive young woman as she crossed the road to enter the restaurant. He was confronted by the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his life. Her pitch black eyes had a slightly worried look and her perfect ivory complexion had a slight flush of apprehension and concern. She was beautifully dressed in a plain cream linen dress, classically cut and she wore a blue scarf knotted through the epaulettes on her shoulders. A pair of blue lapis lazuli studs adorned her ears. When he saw her, he felt a pleasant tingle.
As Bani thumbed through her handbag to be sure she had put her apartment keys in there, she felt a hand touch her elbow. Jai was absolutely magnetized, he could find almost no words of greeting. He managed to mumble "Bani, it was very kind of you to meet me at such short notice."
Bani looked up and nodded, she smiled. A muted drum roll beat through her when she saw his friendly smile in return. Jai was left quite speechless as this gorgeous, creamy girl gave a small smile and extended her hand towards him.
Both Bani and Jai experienced a tantalizing warmth. Jai's his face lit up, and as if by magic, he produced a single red rose to her. Bani seemed delighted and they hugged lightly and walked into the restaurant. Both Jai and Bani felt this might be the beginning of an interesting and profitable relationship. Both were right …………. at least that is what they were hoping.
Jai remembered noting her eye catching figure, quite understated in her smart casual dress, was very well proportioned with a generous bust and small waist but not twiglet thin like so many of the girls he saw around.
The waiter showed them to their linen-covered table. They sat across from each other in comfortable chairs, the flickering candle in the center of the table adding a soft, romantic glow.
Ready to eat?" asked Jai.
"Oh, I'm ravenous" blurted out Bani, her eyes twinkling
The restaurant was located by the waterfront. They had a coffee first while they looked at the menu before deciding on a couple of items from the brunch selection. They looked out on the sparkling almost blue water, with small yachts and pleasure craft, and Bani thought the day was just perfect.
La Tratorria was a place for leisurely dining, and the waiter took his time with their order. While they waited for their salads, soup and later, their chicken parmesan, Bani fought to steel herself against Jai's charm and look over enthusiastic. Jai in turn glanced over at Bani and noted the full soft curls of her long black hair and the sheen on her skin. She was sitting with eyes downcast and held her small handbag tightly in her hands. She looked as tense as he felt. Jai felt that he had to do something about the situation or the whole outing would become an ackward disaster. He extended his hand across the table and said, "Thanks for coming out with me. You look fabulous, and I'm really looking forward to getting to know you better." Bani gave a bright smile and gently touched Jai's hand.
"Let's look forward to a pleasant time and some good food and conversation. I'd love to get to know you too. And yes. I'm super nervous even though I boldly called you this morning, thank you for making things right. I was so tongue tied it was becoming embarrassing." mumbled Bani all in one breath.
They both laughed. Jai gave Bani's hand a little touch and with the ice broken, they found plenty to talk about concerning their lives and living in the big city.
"I can't remember when I've had such a good time. I feel so much at ease with him, as if I have known him all my life. We have been at the restaurant for over two hours, but it feels like five minutes" said Bani to herself.
After their meal, Jai took Bani for a walk along the beach. They talked and looked for shells. Bani felt an amazing mixture of calm and elation. She felt so in tune with Jai, and he was attentive without being overbearing. Whenever he touched her, such as handing her a new shell or taking her arm to point something out, she felt a thrill run through her. As the day progressed, she felt more and more satisfied that this was going to be a special man in her life. It was almost evening now and neither of the two wanted to say good-bye.
"Fancy a walk in the nearby park and dinner later on, that is, if you are free and feel upto it?" Jai asked an almost elated Bani. She was quick to agree. As they started to walk toward the park, it was beginning to rain. A man to walk in the rain with, Bani sighed. It was almost as if her wish was coming true. Too good to be true, a voice inside her head told her.
Bani was getting nervous now and couldn't meet his eyes. She couldn't begin to guess what was going through his mind. They stood silently, watching children splash in the fountain.
Bani suddenly couldn't think of a thing to say to him, or remember a single thing he had said to me. She just stood by him, watching the children, watching the water ripple across the fountain, feeling the beat of her heart inside her chest. Then she felt the back of his hand brush hers, and his fingers cup around her fingertips. The inside of her body turned to water.
They didn't speak for a while. He couldn't think of anything to say and she didn't force it. The silence between them was strangely comfortable. An unspoken acceptance of each other had appeared from no where. It was as if they had known each other for years.
"Do you want..." he asked, at the exact moment she said, "Should we..."
They both laughed. Bani looked over at him, and realized it was dumb to be so scared. Nothing frightening was going to happen. Or at least, nothing frightening was going to happen to her alone.
They walked over to a park bench. Beneath a large oak tree, Jai beckoned Bani to sit down on a wooden bench. "Here, let me put this underneath you to keep you from getting wet" he said as he spread his handkerchief on the bench..
"I'll get us ice cream," said Jai, and dashed off to a silver cart with a yellow umbrella parked a dozen or so yards away. Bani couldn't help but wonder if he was simply expending nervous energy. She waited on the bench, her hands pressed beneath her thighs, leaning forward to kick at a pebble lying in the grass. A shadow fell across her and she looked up to see him, holding their treats. She thanked him and took the cone.
"How is your ice cream?" he asked, after a few minutes.
"Oh, very good, thank you. And yours?"
"Delicious."
They smiled at each other again, and tried not to laugh. Bani pretended they were really talking about ice cream, and so did Jai.
"I hope you like seafood," said Jai as the evening turned into night. "I've booked a table at the Harbourside in the Ferry Buildings. Have you been there before?"
"No," replied Bani. "I've heard it's lovely. I'm really looking forward to it. Thank you."
Jai drove carefully towards the city, acutely aware of the stunning young woman with him. He noted that he could smell just a hint of a lovely floral perfume and was aware of her body warmth just half a metre away from him. All his smart conversation evaporated for a moment.
They began with drinks and were later shown to a cosy table overlooking the ferry terminal. Bani was fascinated to see the water traffic coming and going. The soft lights and fabulous view combined with the company of this handsome man made her feel very relaxed and mellow. She was determined that this would be a memorable evening.
The food was quite magnificent, and Bani noticed that Jai had just one small glass of wine then switched to mineral water, but encouraged her to try one or two of the great wines on offer. He was not a big drinker and about half a glass was her limit, or else she would end up spoiling the evening.
Jai sat staring at Bani from across a candlelit table. She was so pretty and refined, he felt like the luckiest man in the world to be there with her.
"Is something the matter?" she asked. "Do I have anything on my face?"
"No, no," Jai smiled. "It's just the restaurant, the wine, the candles, the conversation... and well, being here with you, Bani."
"Me?" she asked, pleased. "What about me?"
"Adorable!" he said, "You are beautiful inside as well as out." Shaking his hand expressively as if he had just touched a hot stove. They both laughed.
He said, "I like you Bani. You are an amazing woman. I never thought I would meet someone interested in the real me. A lot of women think I'm a bit too serious."
"They must be fools," she said, dismissing these others with the wave of her hand.
"Not to mention, they lack your intelligence, your wit," he swallowed and whispered boldly, "your sexiness." Bani smiled, a light blush making her cheeks rosy.
It was just the two of them, together, enjoying each other's company. For the first time in their lives they were relaxed. And, that's when Bani realized – her fairy godmother must have been there all along. Heaven knows, magic like this doesn't just appear out of thin air.
"'Excuse me, may I have this dance?" asked Jai.
"Sorry. I don't dance," Bani replied, not bothering to meet his eyes.
Without another word, Jai took her hand and led her out around the table and on to the dance floor where a beautiful love song was being played by the live band….
I've been meaning to tell you
I've got this feeling that won't subside
I look at you and I fantasize
You are mine tonight
Now I've got you in my sights
With these hungry eyes
One look at you and I can't disguise
I've got hungry eyes
I feel the magic between you and I
I want to hold you so hear me out
I want to show you what loves all about
Darling tonight
Now I've got you in my sights
With these hungry eyes
One look at you and I cant disguise
Ive got hungry eyes
I feel the magic between you and I …………………….
Jai pulled Bani into his arms, his cheek on her hair. He held her close as they danced the night away, tucked into each other's embrace.
People were talking all around but all Bani could hear was Jai and the graceful rustle of her dress. She felt like such a girl. Before everyone's eyes, she was transforming from boring Bani Dixit into a mysterious princess at the ball. She checked her shoes to make sure they weren't made of glass.
Jai took her in his arms and gently guided her around the parquet dancing floor. It was wonderful. She tingled when he drew her closer to him. As the song ended and a new one began, Jai whispered "want to chance another."
Bani nodded 'yes' and they took one more turn around the room as the song plays ……………….
I feel it in my fingers
I feel it in my toes
The love that's all around me
And so the feeling grows
It's written on the wind
It's everywhere I go
So if you really love me
Come on and let it show
You know I love you, I always will
My mind's made up by the way that I feel
There's no beginning, there'll be no end
'Cause on my love you can depend
I see your face before me
As I lay on my bed
I cannot get to thinking
Of all the things you said
You gave your promise to me and I gave mine to you
I need someone beside me in everything I do
You know I love you, I always will
My mind's made up by the way that I feel
There's no beginning, there'll be no end
'Cause on my love you can depend ………………………………………..
After that second dance, they sat down and talked. And talked. And talked some more. Both couldn't remember the last time they felt so comfortable with someone they'd just met only once before.
The evening just flew by. Suddenly, it was past midnight and Jai was settling the bill. They returned to the parked car. Bani breathed in the fresh night time air, looked at the sparkling city lights and thought it had never looked so beautiful. Jai had been charming and gallant, and she had enjoyed every moment since the start to the finish of their date. She was wondering whether Jai might ask her out again, or whether she should make the move again and ask him. ……… greedy greedy Bani.
Bani kept up a facade of reserve, but her emotions were simmering inside her. She thought Jai was the most fabulous companion, but he seemed to hold himself in check and there was no intimacy, just good friendship. Bani was feeling that she would like something more.
"Jai," Bani said. "That first date didn't start out so well, but since then everything has been so lovely. I love every minute of being with you. I don't know what I'm going to do till we meet again. If you don't hurry up and kiss me, I'll cry!" Tears flooded her eyes.
Jai looked white with shock. He reached over and gently took Bani by the chin and drew her towards him. He gently kissed her soft lips. He used just the right amount of pressure, tender, warm, and loving. Bani's heart did several somersaults and her breathing faltered.
As Jai pulled up outside her home, he said, "How would you like to meet for lunch on Tuesday?" She agreed without hesitation. He helped her out from the car and took her to the front door.
"Thanks for a perfect evening," he said and gave her a half embarrassed quick embrace. He didn't try to kiss her again, but walked down the stairs and sped off towards his home.
"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul".
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CHAPTER 7
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life ... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness most of the time ….. I hate love ……… but I still want to feel love, I still want to fall in love, I still want to be loved …………………….. I would rather have eyes that cannot see, ears that cannot hear, lips that cannot speak, than a heart that cannot love"
The conversation was light as Jai and Bani waited for their chicken club sandwiches and strawberry milkshakes. They have been seeing each other for a month now. Bani had wanted to know more about Jai but he seemed to derail that conversation most of the time.
Daily Couples horoscope of the day: Lighten the load by telling your darling what's on your mind. After all, everyone's least favorite game is, 'What do you think I'm thinking?' Spare them (and yourself) any confusion, and state what's going on with you.
Bani decided to give it another try.
"So Jai. What are you going to be doing tomorrow?" Stripping, selling drugs, robbing a bank, what is the big secret? taunted Bani.
"I am going to be in my office working." Jai responded slowly.
"Oh, you have an office. That is a start. Where could this office be? asked Bani.
Hmmm?" Bani studied his expression. Jai as usual was hiding behind his beautiful smile.
"Somewhere in the city of Mumbai." He finally said.
"Why the secret Jai? I am getting pretty nervous about you. At first I thought it was funny but that thought is wearing out." Bani was becoming impatient.
"Because I want to show you all of me in due time" responded Jai.
"But you want to know all of me first. Who the hell are you? It has been a month and I have been more than fair to you" snapped Bani.With that Jai put his hands up in the air and sighed.
"I am sorry. Am I frustrating you?" Bani said.
"No, you have the right to know who I am." Jai finally said after a long pause. Jai was staring at her. Trying to examine her reaction to the truth. A truth he has not wanted to share so soon. But she was one to continue digging until he would want to run away. But the truth was, he didn't want to run away…………..atleast not from Bani. He was tired of running away. He had to tell her, no matter what.
"Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you."
"Listen Bani, I want to tell you really. I am sorry that over the past weeks I have not been totally truthful with you. You see, I… well, I was in my apartment when I read the newspaper and I wanted to see what the single ads had to offer. I was looking for someone myself, but not in the same manner, I was looking for someone to share my life with, not a one or two night stand. I didn't want the same kind of women that knew me before hand. See, these women wanted something more than just me. I wanted someone who got to know the real me first. My intellect, my sentiments, my interests, my views on life……… everything about ME. You, "Simple Bani" like you call yourself, are the one I was always wanting to meet. The one who didn't care about my possessions or my status in society. Someone who truly cared about me as a person. A friend and yet more than a friend. We have talked and talked and on many occasions I have been tempted to tell you but I stopped because I was afraid of what this information would do to our relationship."
Bani was tired of this situation. She was afraid that he didn't want to be with her. That he was hiding something from her. He was perhaps ashamed of her. She wanted to run away and hide from him forever. All these weeks were wonderful. Although they were constantly on the phone talking about the daily events and going out for lunches and dinners, there was so much she didn't know about him. He knew almost everything about her. But that something that was hidden was making it difficult for them to get closer. She felt as if he didn't trust her. She didn't want to continue wasting her time or his. She felt pressured to move on. To continue life without his presence even though it would hurt her for the rest of her life. The worried look in his big brown eyes melted her heart.
"Jai, I don't know what else to do or say about your mystery. It has been too long. If you feel the way you have now said then it should not be so difficult to just tell me." Bani then held on to his hand and caressed it. She loved the way they felt in hers and didn't want to ever let go.
This was the first time she realized that he meant much more to her than just an acquaintance or friend. Sure she was always thinking that they were just friends that dined together and talked over the telephone until one or the other was too sleepy to continue. But she now had a feeling what she truly wanted with him. Love.
"Falling in love is not an extension of one's limits or boundaries; it is a partial and temporary collapse of them."
CONTINUED .......................
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