|Arnav&Khushi| Shadows of Desire-[On Temp. Hiatus] - Page 5

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Posted: 13 years ago
#41
Awesome update. Thanks for the PM.
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Posted: 13 years ago
#42
15/10/12

OK, I'm finally here updating my comment!! 😆 Apologies for taking so long in the first place!! 😳

Chapter 1: First off. Details. 'Nuff said, methinks. 😆
Seriously though, what I loved about this chapter is that you've partially changed the characterisation of Arnav, however you've kept a lot of things fundamentally the same; i.e. the fact that he was taught how to "earn his own success", however you've also made it so that he's not as cynical or heartless as we'd expect. He also doesn't seem to be an atheist ... Interesting, definitely.

Ah, the parallel between their actions is beautiful. Two strangers - neither of whom we'd been introduced to - witnessing the exact same thing, however he "observed", whilst she "watched". The fact that he's observing shows that he's learning - learning from his surroundings, his environment, etc. Similarly, the fact that she's watching implies that she's looking to witness an unfolding of events, almost as if she's unhappy with her life? Or at least slightly discontented? Plus, it completely reflects what we expect the character to be like - Arnav observes, because that's just how his world works; he's systematic in his approach. Whereas, we have Khushi who watches ... enjoying and savouring each and every single moment. Absolutely lovely, Avi! :')

Just the description of such banal domesticity still gets you excited, because you're sort of expecting something to just happen! 😆

Again, it's three sharp knocks - clear, sharp, systematic. Wonder who it could be? :P

Brilliant description of just how she felt as she wondered who could be at her door. However, also makes me wonder that she's quite lonely - there wasn't a huge list of people that she could count off as being at the door ... so, isolated right from the start? Hmm.

Brilliant first chapter, and I hope you like this ... err ... essay? 😆

- -
20/10/12

Let me just start off by saying how much I love your quote choices at the beginning ... so apt and beautiful in their own way - I just adore them!! :)

Second, I'm really loving the pace you've set for this story - it's absolutely perfect; it's not too fast and abrupt, making everything jerky ... It's got a nice, slow build-up, revealing tidbits in its own time and that's something I truly admire! :D

Now, onto the second chapter! :)

Oh, wow ... this whole time, I was thinking that they've had some kind of physical connection ... that they know each other from before and I was thinking something along the lines of a sore past, etc. But you've just served me the unexpected ... they've been haunted by dreams of each other for the past ten years! 😲

Aur voh bhi ... vaise sapne? 😳🤣

Jokes apart, could this be the first hint at the supernatural thing you mentioned? :D

Ahaaan, so we have a feisty Khushi - "Her voice was hostile, harsh and deadly. But again, nobody would have mistaken Khushi Sen to be an unnecessarily polite woman." - me likey!! 😆

LOL the first thing I learnt in Spanish was to say, "I don't speak Spanish", so I can see where he's coming from :P

Again, the fact that "She had not seen this coming." indicates that she's always in command ... always knowing what exactly is going on, maybe? Possibly someone with second sight? The fact that she's so ... averse to the feelings he invokes in her, again, states that she's someone who has most definitely seen a lot ... like she doesn't think that she has the right - no, actually, she doesn't think that anyone else has the right to make her feel so out of control? "Whether it be her father" - interesting that you'd say that ... bad blood between the two?

Doesn't allow men into her home? Hmm ...

LOOL of course he doesn't understand, Amrican jo hai! 😆

Aw, I love how protective Kashish is of her didi!! She seems highly endearing! :')

Ooohh ... "leaving the two alone once again." That can't bode well. At all. 😆

Written impeccably, as always! Absolutely loved it!! ⭐️


21/10/12

Back again, fulfilling my promise like I said I would! :P

You know, there are some things you read just for fun ... like, I've got nothing better to do, so why not? kinda things. SOD is most definitely not like that. Every little word, every little action you write about really gets me thinking ... why has she written this? What does she mean by that? How is this significant to other events?, etc. It's almost like I'm in that English class I love so much! ;D

No, honestly, I know, time and time again, I say the same thing, over and over again, but every. tiny. detail. that you include within the story, leaves me wondering just how you do it.

You know, I can definitely draw comparisons between Khushi's character and the goddess Durga - their fierceness, their rage, etc. It definitely adds more to that supernatural element - Khushi can almost be viewed as a Goddess of sorts, and the fact that Arnav is already so in awe with her "phenomenal temper", implies that he might her "biggest devotee", kind of?

That build-up of rage - the way it's consuming her, spreading "through her veins like a fast acting toxin that threatened to wash away all remaining sanity." shows she's impulsive ... doesn't always lose her cool like that ... must really take something huge to invoke such anger and Arnav - the reason why she gets out of her comfort zone ... the reason why she felt what she did, "like a woman", I believe it was - is the means through which she will channel that anger.

To me, the fact that it is such pure, unadulterated anger depicts how pure of a person she is ... she does not feel in parts, she feels in whole - she will give her everything for what she believes in. A characteristic that is so enjoyable to read about! :)

The two are so parallel ... and yet they are quite the same; their stubbornness is only something the two can contend with! ""I'm not in the habit of people staring over my head when they talk to me." - he clearly gives as good as he gets and doesn't take 'no' for an answer! 😆

Again, the fact that he's someone who can read her like a book - "she was mistaken if she considered herself a woman able to mask her emotions. She couldn't even if she tried." It appears to me as if he's the only one who has been able to to detect her lie and can suss her out. Similarly, when you mentions that no-one spoke her father's name, for fear of her wrath, the fact that he does, shows that he's matched so perfectly for her ... Avi ne banadi jodi, after all! 😉

Oh, man, their banter - when expressed so well - is so joyous to read ... I love it, I swear! 😆

Need I say that it was written fantastically? I think you yourself must bore of hearing the same line repeated over and over! 😛

24/10/12

Hello, again! :D Apologies for the delay, but what can one do when the school work load is a bitch? 😭

He's only just met her, but he can't seem to stop calling her goddess. But that's just what she is, isn't it? With every little trait, there's definitely a goddess-like similarity ... her beauty, her anger, just everything. Again, fantastic description - seeing her through Arnav's eyes helps me - personally - to liken her more to a goddess. Does that even make sense?! 😕

I like how he's so defensive about Anurag ... I think you've done so amazingly with the charcter style; in that, you've played and moulded them to your imagination, however, you can still see the elements of the original characters - the Arnav we know, although he can be cold and arrogant, he loves his family and won't let anything hurt them, be it someone's slander. So, the fact that you've managed to do that is kaabil-e-tareef! ;D

"He refused to waver from his current mindset. There was no way this woman was going to make him leave. And now that he knew who she was, he would stay." Aaand, he gives just as good as he gets! 😆

Ah, he's a God to her now ... interesting - view each other similarly. She's clearly not used to being so openly defied like that!

"Even if it was a downright lie." YESS!! Kuch kuch hua!! She desires him!! But at least she feels something for him! 😆

"The bas***d father?" 😕 I'm worried now ... How could someone who is absolutely revered by one person, be so abhorred by another? I just ... GAH! >.<

This Khushi has seen so, so much ... it's actually quite heartbreaking to read. She feels hopeless, her only comfort is her isolation .. it completes her, and anything that intrudes has her defences on high. She clearly doesn't trust easily because of some past event ... possibly related to her father? And now that this man is here, claiming that her father was the best thing ever, it just brings up so many suppressed feelings, haina? I feel so bad for this girl.

"She couldn't afford to fall into another muddle with the local thaana. Again." HAAIIN?! Somehow, I don't think the first few times were her fault ... directly :P

I think I can safely assume that Khushi considers expressing her emotions as a weakness. She feels that she's almost compelled to act strong and unapproachable in front of others ... almost a defence tactic, really isn't it? There's so many layers and shades to this character that it's just unbelievable. And there's only been three chapters!! You're effing brilliant!!! 👏

"For reasons unknown to him, Anurag had never adopted him." Hmm ... makes me wonder that Anurag had something or another up his sleeve regarding the two ...


"Why though? What had happened between these two that she hated him so much?" That's what we're asking as well! He's just as confused as we are! 😆

Ah, back again to the desire and temptation! Avi, for a supposedly inexperienced person, you sure can write avid descriptions 😉

Brilliant, as always, and I can't wait for the weekeeendd!!!! 😆

29/10/12

And I'm back again! :D Remember me? :P

OK, so ... wow.

By way of action, there wasn't much of it, but there's some definite progression ...

"Why hadn't she seen this coming?" Almost gives off the sense that she feels that her powers have let her down ... a first possibly? Could this also be a hint to the fact that despite how powerful she may be, Arnav is the only exception to which none of her powers will work with?

I think Arnav loves making he angry, considering how often he is the cause of her rage :P And he does say that he loves looking at her eyes ... even though he thinks he shouldn't feel that way! 😆

"This house might belong to him, but I'm the one in charge. The decision you think is yours, is only mine. I decide who stays in this house. And I have made up my mind that you will not." This line to me shows how insecure she really is; in that she always wants to be in command - yes, it may be her father's house, but she's the one who made it a home, and she's the one who maintained it, so by that right, she should get to have a say in who she can or can't let in, right?

And by gosh, I do love it when she's angry!! 😆

This line seemed kind of metaphorical to me: "That action would result in more cracks", in that despite her trying so hard to maintain a semblance of tranquility and peace, it's just not working and it just takes a small action to cause more cracks. Could possibly also be seen as her life; it's taken her so long to get to the place she's in now, but - again - it takes one small action to just throw things back into a mess.

Ah, so this is the same couple helping both of them - yet another link!!

Hmm, why is it that he must stay at her house? 😕

LOL he seemed to have been so mesmerised by her, he lost rational thought and it didn't even occur to him to give her the letter! 😆

Ah, so he's started to notice her little nuances ... slowly, but surely ... 😉

It was like you said - her strength has become her weakness; her impassiveness can no longer be kept up; she's broken, cracked, and now she's finally showing it ... I've said this before, but I do honestly feel so sad for this girl 😭

Lovely update, again and I really adore the pace you're taking this at; nice and slow!! 😃
Edited by MsIPKKNDManic - 12 years ago
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Posted: 13 years ago
#43
wow !
what thrilling updates !
...
kind of sad that Khush is not the protagonist.. but it's nice for a change.. and I'm really into the plot ! how interesting and intriguing.
update soon !

and just curious, so somehow these two use to dream about each other and they ended seeing each other from their dreams to reality ? I find that kind of creepy in the deisrable way.
hoping that the next chap. opens up the past. she seems so isolated within her life and from everyone else.
amritab thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#44
Sorry for the late reply. Why did you have to change the name? It's your story - stick to the characters that you want! ok, sorry - ranting over.

Another intriguing chapter - I'm dying to know what's written in the letter and whether my suspicions are true! Hope you update soon.
kriti_atharv thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#45
wow brilliant update dear...loved it very much nt hnx 4da pm...
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Posted: 12 years ago
#46
Awesome...I will follow the story here in IF...Thanks for the PM
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Posted: 12 years ago
#47
Chapter 6 : Animosity
"They can't hurt you unless you let them"
-Anonymous
=|=|=|=
"He can stay."
She had lost to her father once again.
=|=|=|=
Arnav's eyes snapped to the woman who stood ramrod straight in the corner. Her tone was angry, yet it was also somewhat defeated. Almost as if she had no choice.
He sighed and looked to the couple still waiting silently at the door. Arnav nodded at them, hoping to ease their worry. They smiled hesitantly at him and cast a furtive look at the quiet woman. Without another word, they left.
His eyes however, remained fixated upon the body of the woman who was now shaking slightly. Worry furrowed his brows at her reaction, and he moved forward to comfort her.
But even before he could have lifted his feet, the woman in question whirled around.
"Dont.touch.me"
Arnav froze at the fury in her words and took a step back. Her sphinx eyes followed that movement, and a cold sneer twisted her lips.
"That's better. You have the permission to live in this house. Not to toy with me. Are we clear on that Mr. Raizada?"
He raised his eyebrows and looked straight into her violet eyes.
"What gives you the idea that I would like to toy with you, Ms. Sen?"
She laughed. But it wasn't a natural laugh. No, it was a mockery. And she was mocking him. Arnav bristled at the action and opened his mouth to reply, but her words came first.
"I am not blind Mr. Raizada, and you are deluding yourself if you think the contrary."
He stood still as she rolled the syllables in a bored manner, her eyes snapping rapidly between his chest and forehead. Arnav's body tightened at her insolent statement, yet his dreams reminded him that she was not wrong.
In fact, she was exactly right.
The woman's eyebrows rose as she contemplated his reaction, and then turned around. She raised a nimble hand and pointed to the narrow hallway leading out of the kitchen.
"Your room is at the end of this lane. It is not big, but if you wish to stay here; It will have to suffice."
Arnav refused to say anything, merely caught his backpack and stealthily walked to where she had signaled. He felt her walk behind him, that scent of hers invading his mind.
She smelt like life, but one that was buried in layers of death.
How did one do that, he wondered.
As they reached the end of the lane, she moved forward and withdrew some keys that hung at her waist. In her hasty removal, he saw the aanchal of her carmine saree ride up to showcase a taut abdomen.
His body reacted to that image, his erotic dreams playing in front of his eyes like a reel.
She twisted the heavy key into the lock and pushed against it slightly. It gave away after a few seconds to reveal a tight room, furnished only with basic necessities.
A cot lay in the right corner of the room, and a writing desk to its left. A kerosene lamp, so much like the one he'd seen in the kitchen, lay silently atop the old wood. Over the cot a window was carved into the wall. The metal that ran from top to bottom disturbed him. It reminded him too much of the orphanage. Of being a prisoner.
Of that time in the elevator...
He snapped away from his thoughts and walked towards the window. A soft breeze blew through the bars and silently caressed his face. His eyes closed in an instinctual reaction, and he felt at peace.
A sudden burst of light from his left made him turn to the source of the interruption.
She was striking a match, and bringing it to light the lantern's flame. Her eyes glowed in the abrupt fire from the wick and violent lenses jumped in a lively fashion.
The saffron light threw the features of her unconventional face into sharp relief, and the gold nose ring glimmered subtly. Her aquiline nose, the one she kept perpetually in the air twitched slightly as she readjusted the lamp. And her lips. Soft and tempting, contrary to the words that escaped her mouth; lay highlighted and darkened to a more conspicuous red.
Why though?
Why did such a beautiful woman emit the pain of a lifetime?
Once again, a frown etched a few lines on his forehead. Anurag had told him nothing about this. Hell, he'd only gotten to know that his guardian had a daughter two weeks ago!
And why, why was this woman haunting his dreams for the past ten years?
=|=|=|=
Khushi saw the man's warm eyes drift away from the present. She perceived that he was disturbed, and something concerning her was bothering him.
No matter what their current situation, no matter that he was connected to the man she hated the most; Khushi still wished to comfort him. How, she did not know. Why, she did not understand.
And that is why she was scared.
Why did she have dreams of this man? She had never met him before, never heard of him before-she didn't even know that he existed.
After the first time he had appeared in her fantasies, Khushi had branded herslef a madwoman. After all, that term was not new to her, was it?
She had only just moved to Darjeeling a mere eight years ago. Afraid at first to return to this...doomed place. But returned she had. Although fear had made a permanent habitat in her bones, it was now accompanied by rage.
Rage so deep, dark and volatile that she had made herself notorious for it. People in the places she had stayed called her a daayan. They feared her.
She almost wanted to laugh at the irony of the situation.
She was the one who was afraid. She was the one who was scared to open her eyes in the morning.
But if people feared her, then her purpose had been achieved. Khushi longed for silence. A silence so profound that it would beat upon her ears. Rather than rage, she wished to feel another feeling. Just feel.
But the dreams that he-the man standing ahead of her-gifted to Khushi, opened her eyes to another emotion.
Desire.
Raw, blatant Desire.
She fisted her hands in the material of her cotton saree, and opened her shuttered eyes. He was still standing in front of the window, his own eyes closed as well.
Khushi took in a light breath and moved forward to light the lamp.
Quietly like a spirit, she struck the match and inhaled the familiar perfume. She looked at it for a moment; her eyes discerning with alarming clarity how the blue separated from the yellow. To others the colors appeared merged, but Khushi saw the individual threads make up the flames quite prominently.
She lay the lantern over the table and then bent down to place it in the center. This way there was more light in the cramped atmosphere, and the flame cast Shadows all over the room.
Khushi knew, without bothering to spare the man beside her a glance, that he was looking at her. No, not looking-observing.
He had this uncanny manner of taking in things, she noticed. He did not watch things, he learnt and made changes that adhered to his own bent of mind.
Almost as if he was...sketching her.
Making a portrait in his mind of the things he observed around him. Painting them-
Khushi physically took a step away from the man in question and breathed deeply. He was impacting her. And that too within a few minutes of his arrival.
How would she survive?
If her father's letter was anything to go by-and with that thought her mouth twisted unpleasantly; the man would be staying for a long time.
Oh how Khushi wished that provocation didn't force her to do unwanted things. That the slight reminder of being Anurag Sen's daughter didn't make her want to fall upon the ground in shame.
Another sneer lifted her lips.
Oh but that bas***d knew exactly what to do to make her submit didn't he?
Khushi exhaled and snapped her head tightly to the left. He had a frown upon his forehead now. A forehead which would have been perfect, if not marked by that small scar.
She turned away from his inscrutable gaze and prepared to walk out of the door.
But she halted.
With one hand at the wooden frame, she threw the man behind a glance over her shoulder.
"Since you seem to love Anurag that much, you'll be glad to know that this was his room."
And with those casually uttered words, she left.
=|=|=|=
*All this work is solely mine. You will be committing a crime by copying it
REVIEWWW GUYS. Come on now, no need to by shy 😃
Edited by dreamyshadows - 12 years ago
sruthick thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#48
Im first... Yahoo...
Awesm update dude... Cntinue soon
Edited by sruthick - 12 years ago
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Posted: 12 years ago
#49
29/10/12
Hello again! I'm almost there!! 😃

"Almost as if she had no choice."

And it's true isn't it? She really doesn't have a choice ... she is bound by someway to do as her father wishes, even though she doesn't want to. That "out-of-control" feeling for her, again. Defeated, lost and alone once again.

Seeking comfort in solitude and once again, doesn't want to blatantly express her weaknesses. Especially not in front of someone who glorifies her father so much. Almost as if, to her, he is the enemy.

"Her sphinx eyes" You've got another clever little reference - being compared to sphinxes would suggest that someone is enigmatic or inscrutable and that they're highly secretive, and that's exactly what Kanyaka is, isn't it? She has a lot of suppressed emotions and memories ... something that Arnav is clearly highly curious to know more about.

"Not to toy with me" She's highly cynical and distrustful about men in general, isn't she? She thinks all men are simply there to use and abuse women in any way they see fit, and I'm assuming that it may possibly because of her father that she feels this way? I have a question - has Kanyaka been abused in some way? I don't know why, but I just have this ... feeling 😕

"She smelt like life, but one that was buried in layers of death." This is quite a chilling description, in that the very essence of life is to live - to smile, to love, to cry and to experience. This shows us quite a morbid characterisation of her, because yes, we know she's alive, but is she reallyliving? And she is "buried in layers of death" which is evident of the fact that her past just won't let her go; she finds that her past is what writes and dictates her present and her future. Truly an eerily apt description of her, Avi. 👏

And it's back to that desire that they feel each other - despite what they outwardly may say, it is in fact their lust and these dreams that bring them back together, isn't it?

More of establishing setting, as well as atmosphere; what with comparing the room to a prison. And the fact that Arnav could relate this to his past shows that they are constantly drawn to each other ... almost as if this is what destiny wants ...

And again, it reminds him of being a prisoner shows how much Kanyaka feels trapped as well - she just can't seem to get away from all of this.

"Of that time in the elevator... " Oh, gosh ... that can't mean daisies and sunshine 🤢

His questioning of her is so apt, in that he's asking all the right things ... now I wonder when he - and subsequently us - will start getting all the answers! 😉

These feelings are definitely new to her ... and it's so sweet that she already feels like she wants to comfort him! :')

Returned back to Darjeeling, despite clearly having unresolved issues with the place? But why?! o.O

And it is ironic, isn't it? A supposed witch ... someone who is supposed to draw out fear, is scared herself. Scared of feeling, scared of losing, and scared of maybe forgetting?

And again with the "watch" and "observed" comparisons - you're mighty clever, I tell you! 😆

Wow ... she gave him her father's room to sleep in? This should be interesting ...

Lovely, as always, and so, so poignant, honestly.

I just love this story and I just love you!! 😃

Edited by MsIPKKNDManic - 12 years ago
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Posted: 12 years ago
#50
Bandhu, since this is set in Bengal, i think the term is appropriate here. You are going to have to give me more if you will only feed my hunger once a week. Hopefully now that AHJ is done you will be able to channel more energy into this.

You have certainly captured the essence of the setting in your words. I have to admit to a little bit of disquiet at Arnab's (Bong spl) recollection of something in an elevator. Hope it was not abuse.
Khushi as the local daayan should be promising for the future. What does that make Arnab though?


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