Chapter 44
When they finally pulled apart, Khushi rested her head against his chest. 'I love you...' she breathed against his neck.
She knew in her heart of hearts that she would never tire of saying it or hearing him say it.
Arnav and Khushi pulled back from their hug neither could control the urge to laugh yet again as they cupped each other's faces; this was really happening.
'Are you ok?' they both asked each other simultaneously, resulting in yet another round of happy laughter as both nodded at each other.
Khushi felt as though nothing would ever be able to wipe the smile off her face as she stared deeply into his brown eyes, her nose brushing his. She could not remember a single other time in her life where she felt this happy; to be honest Khushi had never in a million years imagined that this would be happening to HER!! Khushi's memory raced back to her initial days at AR Corp and how she scared she used to be of him; petrified about mistakes even before she made them for the fear that he would yell at her. She smiled to herself; if someone had told her that one day the very Rakshas that tormented her would be the same man that would hold her in his arms and profess his love to her... then she was sure that she would have sent a prayer to Devi Maiya to heal their deranged mind! This was really happening!
Arnav relished the smiling Khushi, capturing her beautiful face and vision of contentment in his heart forever. His smile slowly disappeared; there was still one thing remaining to be discussed.
Arnav took a deep breath, 'Khushi, I want to ask you something, that morning... why were you so upset, what was bothering you?' he asked quietly.
Khushi stiffened in his arms, whilst part of her knew that she had to trust him and tell him what was bothering her; the other part of her just wanted to continue this moment and not let anything spoil it.
As her eyes shifted, Arnav knew in an instant that she was trying to work out a way of trying to avoid this conversation. Don't you dare shut down on me now Khushi Kumari Gupta... his mind screamed, as he frowned. This discussion was going to happen whether she liked it or not because Arnav absolutely hated the thought of her hiding anything from him. He took a deep breath and consciously tried to modulate his voice so that he didn't sound threatening. He knew full well that if he broached this discussion the same way he handled his business conversations, then he might as well give up now.
'Khushi... talk to me... this has been bothering me for the last six weeks but I promised you that I wouldn't bring it up until you were ready to talk which is what you said you are ready to do now' he prodded gently but firmly.
Khushi sighed as Arnav took her hand and led her to the couch. He placed his hands on her shoulders, motioning for her to take a seat after which he sat down on the coffee table directly opposite her as he took her hands in his, hoping that the contact would be reassuring to her.
Khushi looked into his eyes, it was clear from his tone of voice and his body language that he was offering her a safe place to have this conversation and he was genuinely perplexed about what might have been bothering her. Khushi inhaled and exhaled deeply knowing she had to do this. She had told him that she trusted him implicitly, now she had to verbalise her thoughts and act on that trust. 'Ok.. please give me a minute' she whispered as she tried to assemble her thoughts into a coherent order.
Arnav nodded but continued to hold her hands as he intertwined his fingers with hers, further strengthening the connection.
Khushi took a deep breath. She looked down at their joined hands as she spoke... 'Arnav that morning, I guess that's when I realised that I... well I realised that what I felt for you was more than just 'like' and... and that I was.. well that I had fallen in love with you,... I guess I felt the same sense of happiness then as I did when you told me you love me,' she said with shy smile as she looked into his eyes. Her voice became serious, 'Arnav, please don't misunderstand what I'm about to say and this is not meant to make you feel guilty or pressured in any form, but that morning the reason I was so upset was that I was struggling... I was struggling with the joy on one hand of discovering that I was in love... but on the other hand, what you said about not believing in marriage... that just tore me apart.' 'Arnav, I love you but I don't know what's going to happen with us; I can't help thinking about what I want... I want to be able to stay with you; I want to talk about the future and have dreams... I want to go to bed with you holding me... I want you to touch me, I want to touch you...' she whispered 'I want to wake up in your arms everyday like that morning, I want to talk to when I feel like it...I want to be there for you when you need me and I want you to be there when I need you...' her voice trailed off.
Arnav swallowed.
Khushi knew that this was a make or break conversation.
'Arnav, what I said to you about marriage and what it means to me...what I can do and what I can't do still stands. I love you, but I need you to know this hasn't changed,' Khushi pulled her hands out of his and held Arnav's face in her hands 'Arnav, I don't need you to say anything, or make a decision now or even the near future, but I owe it to you to be honest with you and tell you the truth,' she said as she exhaled with a sighed 'so that was what was bothering me.'
Arnav looked down, mentally tracing the pattern on the carpet as his brain tried to process her words. On some level he had to admit, he had known that this conversation was inevitable. Part of him felt like shouting at her; why did they need a bunch of prehistoric words and rituals to sanction living with each other, support each other... to love each other in every way possible? But, on the other hand these were his beliefs and it was entirely correct for her to have her own beliefs. He knew full well that he was going to have to do some serious thinking about this. The question now ' was there a middle ground where they could meet?
He looked up to face her, 'Khushi, I'm glad that you told me what's been worrying you. Khushi, just like you've been honest with me, I'll be honest with you - the fact that we are in love hasn't changed my opinion on marriage; I didn't believe in it six weeks ago and I don't believe in it now. Khushi, if I tell you today that I want to marry you, then you know as well as I do that it would be a lie. I can't do that. As far as wanting to be with you physically is concerned, I'm not denying that it's not hard, and I that I don't struggle with it ' I do, and as far as I can tell... as you are becoming more comfortable with me, you are struggling too, but Khushi what we share goes beyond satisfying a physical need. If you need marriage to sanction that act then I respect that. What I will ask for is some time. Time to work out what I need to do - Khushi this is just as new and confusing for me as it is for you. I've never been in love and I've never needed to debate the merit or demerit of marriage for myself; it's never arisen before. Can you trust me and give me time to work this out Khushi?' he asked quietly.
A single tear rolled down her cheek as she swallowed; how was possible not to love this man she wondered. Khushi took Arnav's hand in hers, interlacing their fingers just as he had done. While it had been difficult for her to say what was on her mind, she could understand that it would have been just as difficult for him to admit his thoughts so honestly; she knew what she was asking him for was to make a monumental leap of faith to even consider it. There was hope.
'Arnav I trust you and I leave this with you' she said as she placed her other hand on top of their hands, 'We'll be ok Arnav... I know we will,' she whispered.
Arnav looked deep into her eyes and something made him want to believe in her. The fundamental question here was she worth it ' deniably yes. Was being in love enough ' it seems to be working so far; it was phenomenally strengthening to know that he had her support when he needed it, her other traits were a blessing, physically; they could set a room on fire with the heat they generated. All that was left was... did he want to... could he do this?
Khushi could see that he was far away in the land of his thoughts. All of a sudden, Khushi felt very tired and drained; these big conversations were exhausting. She wondered if he felt the same.
'Arnav, are you ok?' she asked hesitantly?
Arnav looked into her eyes and smiled at her. This wasn't a matter that they could solve today, but what they could do was celebrate. Arnav stood up, took her hand and walked them to the kitchen. Khushi watched curiously as he opened the fridge door; Arnav eyed the chilled bottles of Dom Perignon, he reached down and pulled out a bottle, opened the lid and poured the contents into two champagne glasses. He turned back to Khushi.
'I know you don't drink, but I think we should celebrate with something...even if it's only lemonade' he said with a lopsided half smile as he handed her a glass. Khushi just had to laugh ' who would have thought that she, Khushi Kumari Gupta would one day be celebrating being in love with Arnav Singh Raizada of all people, that too over a glass of lemonade! Arnav smiled at her delighted expression as she took the glass. 'To us Khushi,' he said huskily as he lightly tapped his glass against hers, as she nodded as they both drank their celebratory lemonade.
Arnav set his glass on the counter.
'Come here' he instructed quietly.
Khushi looked at her glass and then him, and then watched as he proceeded to free her of it. She bridged the gap as she stood in front of him. Arnav placed his hands on her waist as he pulled her closer, 'So Miss Gupta, what are we going to do for the rest of this evening?' he asked huskily. Khushi looked into his eyes 'I don't know...shall I.. Shall I make us some dinner?' she suggested knowing full well that she needed to suggest something that involved minimal contact because... well because him just holding her was sending numerous naughty thoughts through her mind as she stared at his lips.
Arnav cocked his head 'I have a suggestion, but we'll only do it if you feel comfortable with it ok' he said as he pulled her closer, his arms tightening around her waist. Khushi nodded, and he continued 'Khushi I want you to meet my Nani, will you come with me?' he asked quietly, but almost hesitantly.
Hellooo Darlings!!
And so the turmoil begins again... to marry or not to marry... to meet Nani or not to meet Nani... oh these love birds keep me so busy😆
Naina 😳
Edited by warriorprincess - 11 years ago
comment:
p_commentcount