Life is not excruciating...
It's only the people we meet...
It's only the emotions we go through...
And, it's only the incidents we come across...
Khushi never in her dreams thought, she would be here, in this situation, in this mind set, one day. It was all feeling wrong, but somewhere it felt just right. It was a battle between the mind and the heart, between the good and the bad, between the reality and reality, between the feelings and the control.
But she was here, at the moment, after the tormenting six years. Six years without contacting him. Without a glance of him, without a word from him, without her attempt to reach him. In these six years there wasn't any effort taken but the urge was completely suppressed. She knew nothing about him including what he was doing, how he was now and not to mention if he was even alive.
When she had finally released herself from the clutches, her only thought was to meet him. To know about him. To be more precise, she wanted to check if he was alive. The moment she was free, she wanted to have a glimpse of him even if it is only going to lead her into pain and torture.
What she thought died six years go came rejuvenated all of a sudden, frightening her. She was haunted with his thoughts again, just like six years ago. Like the old Khushi who always carried him in her mind.
But the feel of owning him was missing and she felt like a complete loser when she made this attempt to see him once. She convinced her that it was like a very casual old friends' get together, who had worked together once. She knew she was lying but still, every emotion hit her back except that special feel which kept her assured that he is her's and she is his'.
That particular feel was just missing and she decided to be happy about it. He deserved lot more. She wasn't fair to his honesty. She failed to keep her promise. Though he wasn't aware, she had promised mentally and she had failed to keep up. Again, this meet only was to seek forgiveness. She wasn't going to express her apologies, but she hoped it'll all be conveyed somehow like it used to be. Just like how their every notion was understood without implying by then.
Life was bliss six years before and she could do nothing but sigh.
Every step she took towards the AR Human Resource consultancy brought a scenario of a law court before her eyes where she was made to stand like an accused waiting for the jurist to give his judgement. She debated with her own mind justifying her action where her only heart supported while the other organs just opposed. Even her legs shook trying to take her back.
Though she was in a dilemma, efforts took her to the destination as she approached the smiling receptionist who seemed to bear her obviously hesitant and anytime-I-may-take-back words.
'Hi, can I meet Mr Raizada?' Khushi asked in a low voice.
Something was there about the name. She had always felt the jolt whenever his last name was mentioned. It suited him perfectly, replicating his character, the manliness, the authoritativeness, the stubbornness, and not to mention, the power. It was always left her in a daze.
But she has no rights to feel that way. It's wrong. It's infidel. But she was a normal human, after all. Hence, it happens.
It would have been much better, if she had felt them and recognised them, six years before. It all felt late, too late to make any rectification. It was damaged beyond repair. She wasn't sure if there was any replacement left.
'I'm sorry, Madam. He is waiting for his conference meet, right now. But I can let him know that you were here. May I have your name please?' she was polite enough. Thank God, she was. If not, Khushi would have run by now.
'Er, Khushi. And yes, that's ok. Just let him know. Thanks', she was about to leave when she felt the receptionist's hand on her shoulder.
Somewhere it all felt odd and weird. Why would a receptionist leave her table and stop her by grabbing shoulder?
'Ma'm, are you Khushi Gupta?' her face was pale, her eyes expecting.
After a long pause, Khushi just nodded. It was all she could manage at the moment. What is with her reaction?, she thought.
'I'm sorry for stopping you. His cabin is over there,' she almost whispered unintentionally pointing to a room which was upstairs having a staircase which descended just opposite to them.
Khushi looked at the receptionist with astonishment for the reception she was giving. She wasn't clear if only she was being given such a welcome or everyone does.
'Aren't you going to inform your boss?' she inquired curiosity mounting. 'I don't want you to be fired. You were polite than any receptionist I have met before'.
'I'll be fired only if I stop you. We were given instructions regarding the most important person of my boss' life', she smiled and walked back to her desk leaving a stunned Khushi back.
The most important person of my boss's life'
Her words echoed making her heart beat faster than it was already thudding. Her surrounding went on mute mode as she stepped on the each stair leading to him. Each step towards him reminded her of their past and what they have been through. Images of their history flashed before her eyes blocking her from seeing forth.
Please Arnav, just let me go'
Khushi, I love you'
Is my hug feeling as good as Arnav's?
Something tore her insides as she replayed those painful minutes of her life. The importance, the attention, the care. Does she deserve them truly? Not at all. She felt like a piece of dirt. An ounce of filth. An origin of disgust.
But just once. Please, her mind pleaded.
She gripped the banister and took bold steps towards the future minutes which were going to change her life upside down.
She was at the door now, her hands trembling as they reach the knob. Her eyes filled as her lips quivered with a pace she had not expected. She didn't want him to see her being weak. But she certainly was.
She doesn't want to appear like a loser before him. This was what she had dreaded when she broke her promise and it just happened. She was defeated. She was proven once again she was wrong although she knew she will be the loser at the end of the day.
Here she was, a failure, at the end of her day.
Um, How was it? I'm not sure if it'll ever click but i just wanted to give it a try. If you want to be PMed, add me to your PM list and if you're interested, check out my index below. đł
Thank you for your time!
Edited by Raisin - 13 years ago
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