If you don't prioritize your life, sm1 else will.

shalini1323

@shalini1323

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Posted: 13 years ago

#1

Why is saying "NO" so difficult for things we don't want ? Saying "yes" when we should be saying "no" can seem like a small thing in the moment. But over time, such compromises can create a life of regrets that we lived by someone else's priorities.

All decisions and choices we make - are essentially, only ours at the end of the day.

Usually, none of us can be forced to do things we do not want to. It's our way of pleasing our superiors , parents or others. OR just adjusting to what society wants us to do .

In order to stop the social embarrassement, breaking norms, we often say "yes" when we know that sometimes, the answer should be "no." Logically, we do have a choice but one corrupted assumption can remove many of the actual choices we have.

So just need your views :

We are often at crosssroads. There are so many important opportunities n decisions to make in life - education, career, promotions, marriage, children etc etc ... How many of us here are actually doing things we always wanted to do.. and how many still wish they would have done things different but backed out due to various assumptions n reasons etc?

And why is it so tough to say "No" sometimes... ? Is the feeling of offending someone or we might not get another opportunity like that again ? But in that case, we are assuming that our previous commitments are nonnegotiable.

What can we to do to avoid the mistake of saying "yes" when we know the answer should be "no"?

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

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Posted: 13 years ago

#2

Like everyone in this world, I have always had this problem of saying "no" ..and these days I'm conditioning myself, to say and do what I want!

It's not very easy, but it's OK...I can do it! 😆

Man mostly cannot say 'no', because.. it depends on the situation, his psychology and his feelings at that moment..various factors :)

The worst of all "no's" is when it your emotionally affected by it, or are concerned about the other person's emotions, now this... is very difficult, I get caught here many times, and usually give in.

Pleasing others, trying to have a good image and all is... too superficial according to me, life is much much MUCH deeper than having a good image. And people should realise that. So what if you are the Litttle Miss Adorable Sunshine or the Self-conceited-Selfish-Bitch?? How long can you go on doing things just to have a good image in the society? What about the life that you have you lead every single day, all by yourself? the career choice, and other things you mentioned, of anything you do.., where the society just vanishes and you are face-to-face with the realities your own life? Man can never run-away from himself...so make your choices, your way.

I can only say, when one loves himself --> he prioritizes his life --> he seeks for his happyness, peace of mind ---> takes his own life seriously ---> does things right for himself --> lives happily. Because when you love yourself, you take yourself seriously and never do something that'd be at your loss or make you unhappy. Take your life seriously, you have to live it afterall :)

It's alright to be selfish 😆 ..and also, after saying 'no', one has to mean it...and has to be able to move-on, most of the times after saying 'no', I get so disturbed and keep thinking if I have hurt that person... such situations piss me off majorly. So, in the end, saying 'yes' or 'no' should be a whole-hearted thing. One must assess his own priorities and take decisions whole-heartedly.

PS -

I dont agree with your title -- according to me, if you dont prioritize your life, NO ONE will 😆 ...think about it :) ...people might use you, but I honestly dont believe anyone can priotize my life because they have their's. And this is a cunning world! That's why, a man must be selfish, love himself, prioritize himself.

Edited by Angel-likeDevil - 13 years ago

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shalini1323

@shalini1323

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Posted: 13 years ago

#3

Hey thanks for the reply !

Actually what i meant to say was - if we don't prioritze ur lives - somebody else will prioritze our lives to suit their needs, for their priorities. Don't you agree with that either ?

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

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Posted: 13 years ago

#4

I agree :) ...people will use us, if we dont prioritize ourselves.

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Kankshita

@thegameison

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Posted: 13 years ago

#5

How many of us here are actually doing things we always wanted to do.. and how many still wish they would have done things different but backed out due to various assumptions n reasons etc?

A lot of people never find themselves able to do what they always wanted to do. Peer pressure, parents and society seldom fail to make a difference in a person's decisions. It is indeed extremely sad that no decision really is one's own decision, it is always effected by external factors. And to answer your question, yes, I am doing a lot things that I always wanted to do. Some however stay hidden inside me. I plan on getting them out sooner rather than later, because having made peace with the fact that not even one of my decisions can be entirely my own, I would still very much prefer to dominate all my choices and decisions. And I will.

And why is it so tough to say "No" sometimes... ? Is the feeling of offending someone or we might not get another opportunity like that again ? But in that case, we are assuming that our previous commitments are nonnegotiable.

It bothers me that if I make a choice, I'd offend someone and I do whine over the other option I had while I was making a choice. Sure, a lot of us do that but in the end, we can only stick with 'no' if we are absolutely and essentially sure that the answer is not 'yes'. Everyone with whatever answer they are sure about comes around. The key is to be sure of the decision you are making and not making it in the wake of insecurities and fear.

What can we to do to avoid the mistake of saying "yes" when we know the answer should be "no"?

We know the answer is 'no', we've made our job easy because like I said, it is very important to be sure. Some people do come across as only growing taller and not wiser with age. Such people don't really have any decisions to make. They will be going to whichever direction peers, parents and society push them into. All those who are sure of what they want will not be pushed into the wrong space. Eventually, they will come around if their urge to do 'what they really want to do' is enough.

Edited by Savage - 13 years ago

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Heart

@Heart

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Posted: 13 years ago

#6

Why is saying "NO" so difficult for things we don't want ? Saying "yes" when we should be saying "no" can seem like a small thing in the moment. But over time, such compromises can create a life of regrets that we lived by someone else's priorities.

I think we say "yes" to make the other person happy. They come to us with a certain expectation and you really don't want to ruin them, so you go with a "yes" when no is a better option.

All decisions and choices we make - are essentially, only ours at the end of the day.

Saying "yes" is not a bad thing as long as you don't regret it later on. If you're sure that you will regret it later in your life, be strong and refuse. It doesn't make you bad, it just makes you bold.

Usually, none of us can be forced to do things we do not want to. It's our way of pleasing our superiors , parents or others. OR just adjusting to what society wants us to do .

Yes, it is all about adjusting. But we have to keep it in mind that none of us are born to please the society. It is your life and like people say "life is too short" so don't waste it pleasing others. Please yourself and live life the you want to live it. Who cares about what others people think?

In order to stop the social embarrassement, breaking norms, we often say "yes" when we know that sometimes, the answer should be "no." Logically, we do have a choice but one corrupted assumption can remove many of the actual choices we have.

So just need your views :

We are often at crosssroads. There are so many important opportunities n decisions to make in life - education, career, promotions, marriage, children etc etc ... How many of us here are actually doing things we always wanted to do.. and how many still wish they would have done things different but backed out due to various assumptions n reasons etc?

And why is it so tough to say "No" sometimes... ? Is the feeling of offending someone or we might not get another opportunity like that again ? But in that case, we are assuming that our previous commitments are nonnegotiable.

What can we to do to avoid the mistake of saying "yes" when we know the answer should be "no"?

Good question. The answer will be none. How much ever you try to life your life your way, there will always be a little adjustment you're making for someone. But it is okay because there are other people who adjust their choices to make you happy too. For example, your parents.

But I think in the end it is all about you being happy with all the choices you've made. If you look back and realize that you gave up that other choice because you love someone, and you don't regret it, that matters. Also, everything happens for a reason. Even if you have to adjust someday, later on you come to realize that it happened for a reason.

If you want to say a "no" just explain you're saying a no, and hopefully the other person will understand. If the person doesn't there is nothing you can do about it. You do not want to do anything you'll regret later on.

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ichhadhari

@ichhadhari

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Posted: 13 years ago

#7

Originally posted by: shalini1323
Why is saying "NO" so difficult

Ans: Lack of self-confidence.

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Forever-KA

@Forever-KA

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Posted: 13 years ago

#8

I believe the movie "cocktail" has an important message for girls regarding priorities of life. I thought why not share this valuable information here on DM. Here it goes

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJE9EqX5fJg[/YOUTUBE]

Jab yaar kare parwaah meri - as long as the yaar cares for me
Mujhe kya parwaah iss duniya ki - why should i care for this world
Jug mujhpe lagaye pabandi - world is free to put boundaries on me
Main hoon hi nahi iss duniya ki - i am not from this world (i am alien)

Lag yaar galey, le saar meri - give me a hug, inquire about my well being
Mujhe kya parwaah iss duniya ki - why should i care for this world
Tu jeet meri, jug haar meri - you are my win, world is my loss
Main hoon hi nahi iss duniya ki - i am not from this world (i am alien)

de sabak sarooron* ka saaqi* - give me lessons on passion, friend
Mujhe kya parwaah iss duniya ki - why should i care for this world
Tu paas mere jug paas mere - when you are here, the world is here
Main hoon hi nahi iss duniya ki - yet i am not from this world (i am alien)

*alternate meaning intoxication and wine supplier respectively.

so yes no need to worry about worldly matters..."main hoon hi nahi iss duniya ki"...lol.

Edited by King-Anu - 13 years ago

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Snowey

@Snowey

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Posted: 13 years ago

#9

For most of the time, its because we don't want to hurt the other person, sometimes its fear which makes us accept to things which we clearly are in no position to fulfill at least not wishfully.

As someone rightly pointed out before, we lack the self confidence in most of the cases to own up to our true feelings. At back of our head we are well aware on how it would lead to but we try pushing things to an extent when it gets very difficult to sought out.

It matters the most when we are at a point to decide our higher studies and career, as thats going to decide the life we will be living in future.

I personally think its a matter of choice and with practice one needs to learn the art of saying no when it matters the most.

I am myself going to post an OS on the D3 forum which talks on similar lines of this topic, "should parents dictate their children's career" and @ a time like that what is a child to do.

P.S - completely agree with you on this "if we don't prioritze ur lives - somebody else will prioritze it to suit their needs, for their priorities."

Edited by Sudha-SK - 13 years ago

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