For each and every friend of mine On FB, with s special mention to Minaal, Api, Shweta, Tabi, Laddoo, Aishy, Pri, Amby, Anku, Nori, V, Maham, Spandy, Supriya, All my Saian and KSGian friends..
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"Karan"...
"Shhh", he silenced her, his thumb shamelessly caressing her lower lip. And just like that, arousing her like never before. Knees long gone weak, she felt beads of perspiration collecting her nape. She gasped as she looked at him. Hey eyes full of apprehension, trepidation and anticipation. Yes she was scared. Scared of breaking her own rules. Scared of the sinful longing urging her to stand up against the orthodox society. Scared of being affected by his dangerously piercing gaze. She felt butterflies in her stomach as the forbidden desires started to materialise, demanding to be satiated.
"I can't live without her", his heart screamed for the infinite time. As he drank the sight of her staring back at him, his heart skipped a beat. And he knew this was it. This was the moment. He was thirsty, and she was the blood. A little more, and they would be burnt to ashes in the flame burning within them since years. The flame of unspoken words, unconfessed emotions, unexpressed feelings, unmet desires, and unfulfilled promises .As he bent down, he noticed her eyes slowly closing and lips parting slightly; in invitation may be? He mused.
Her erratic breath against his chin aroused him even more. He bent more; the tip of his nose brushing against her. With her senses numbed at the proximity, her small hands involuntarily gripped his large ones, as if her life depended on it, silently screaming for help. As he bent further, his lips brushed the corner of her lower lip, and opened the floodgate for all the pent up emotions they had run away from all these years. He was finally tasting blood, and there was no way he would let go of it. Not this time. Not anymore. Five years. For five years he had kept himself away, away from all these desires, away from the demons inside him. The feel of the velvet like cheek against his hard lips seemed to have fortified his resolution. Enough is enough. For five damn years, it has always been about others.Her mother, her so called boyfriend, her orthodox society. But not anymore. Now it will be about him, his sufferings, his pain, his anguish. He will correct every mistake he made, every impulsive decision he has taken, every responsibility forced on him- will see an end.
"I am so lonely. Nobody loves me, no one cares for me Shilpu. I feel so suffocated. My own breathe feels choking. I am just an puppet for everyone. An object, or rather than a motive .I am made to do stuffs that are required for me to do, that are needed for me to do, not the ones that I want to do. I cannot do anything I want, that my heart pleases. I can't live like this. I just can't take it anymore. Please help me. I want to breathe. I want to give in to my heart. Please don't refuse me. I have no one besides you. I know I have made countless mistakes in the past, which are not pardonable. But I cannot take it anymore. Please help me. Please take me, accept me please. I am sorry for everything I have done to you, done to us. I still love you. Please take me in. Please have me Shona, please...
As his murmurs against her cheek turned to sobs, she felt the earth beneath her move. Her own senses started giving in. The agony, the torment in his words seemed have stopped her neurons from working. Never in her life did she imagine him to turn like this. He was always the rebellious one, not caring for the world. No one could ever dominate or for that matter make him do something against his wish. A heart of gold, with a bloating ego. Never in God's name did she expect his life to change to this. But why? Why has things turned like this? And what has happened to him? Away from everyone. No media presence, no interview, hiding away all the time. What for? For whom?
A taste of something salty brought her back to reality. His lips still on her cheek, trembling from time to time as he was stifling. As she pulled his face to devour a sight of him, she was not shocked to see his sapphire blue eyes eyes red and puffy, tears oozing out, silently pleading to her. However the nose was slightly red, and she smiled despite herself. She had not made up her mind what she will do. With him like this, her heart took over refused to let her mind acknowledge its presence. Slowly she moved forward and kissed his nose. Pulling back, she whispered, smiling, "My Rudolph"..
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This one is for Sri and Divz... :)
Karan looked at Shilpa rather perplexed. A tinge of fear started creeping in his gut as he tried to force back a smile.Is she trying to play her we-are-just-good-friends game again? No, not this time. Not anymore. But why is she smiling? Does she not believe him? Is she trying to stick to her so called friendly relation again? Is she trying to get away like always? Would she still not accept him? Would she still stick to her own decree at the cost of his heart? Here he thought she was the only one whose embrace would give him the solace he craved for-was he wrong? Will she also think like "others" who are responsible for the state they are in today?
If she knew him well, Shilpa knew what he was thinking. But she herself was confused. What is happening? Why is it all happening? She thought he moved on, happily, merrily. Then what happened? Why is he in such a dishevelled state? What on the earth has gone wrong? As much as the questions were haunting her real bad, she knew they had to wait. For now she needed to calm him, needed to talk to him, needed to hear him out. But how? What could she possibly do to lessen the intensity of the situation? What could help? Who could help?
And once again he came to her rescue. She giggled at her own thought. As he stared back at her, this time a slight frown lurking under the tassel of hair on his forehead, she spoke.
"Hmmm... So I am the chuimui because my skin becomes red at a mere touch. So what do I call someone whose nose turns red from crying? Chuamua?"
And with the last word both of them broke into a grin. The air around them seemed lighter, and so their hearts, at least a little. Shilpa knew she had to do this. She needed to bring him at ease before talking to him. And Karan knew and felt it too. He knew he owed her explanations, but was somewhere happy that she did not refuse him outright. He knew speaking up would a good option, especially when he has her as the listener.
Slowly and gently, he places her right hand on his left cheek, struggling not to feel the tantalizing sensation. A day or two's growth of stubbles was enhancing his gifted looks, and she was finding it hard to focus. The feel of the bristly skin against her supple one was too distracting to ignore. Feeling the soft caress on his cheek, he placed his hand on her, to reassure that she was there in real. With her hand sandwiched between his cheek and his hand, he felt her thumb stroking his whisks, while the other four fingers were savouring the feel. Yes, she was there. He sighed as bliss took over him. She was there for real. Standing right in front of him, right there, right then. But only if she knew how her touch was caressing his soul, calming the delirious state in was in.
"Let's talk please?" came a voice so soft, so gentle, so soothing- from the woman he was irrevocably in love with. All his commotions in his heart quietened down at the tranquility of the voice. There was this strange sense of calmness and a motherly affection which gave him the hope that things would probably be alright if he speaks up. He sensed the silent plea in her voice and saw the plead in her eyes, urging him to speak.
He took a deep breath, squeezing her hand that was still resting on his cheek.
"I feel suffocated. I feel my head would burst any moment at the pressure everyone puts on me. I know I am to be blamed for it all; still I do not have the strength left in me to take these anymore. I am not selfless Shilpa. I cannot just do things for people at the cost my life, my happiness and my wish, and that too when I get back nothing. I can't take it anymore. Being instructed, being ordered. Heck I have been in this industry long enough to understand all the game and politics. I know what is true and who is too blamed (he stared deep in her eyes as he uttered this lines). I know who wants my true happiness, and who wants my image. It feels sick when my own people trust me less over some others. It hurts Shona. T hurts to be spied on 24*7, that too by your own ones. It sucks to be dragged over to places against your will and sport a fake smile throughout. I hate it. You know me, don't you? I eat what I like, wear what I want, do what I feel. I don't take it from anyone else unless I ask for it. IT just sucks big time Shilpu. I just can't take it anymore. I feel my chest would rupture if I live like this. I tried putting up with it thinking I owe to my close ones, obviously for what my not-so-commendable past record. But I can't be a scapegoat to my own actions anymore. I can't do these payback shits anymore. Please believe me. I would die if I live like this. Please help me. Please save me. Take me away from here please. I can't live like a clown anymore. I want my life back to myself. I want to feel happy. I want to feel wanted, loved just for the person I am, not for the baggage I come with. Just make me feel I am not an object f interest. I am a human. I want a normal life, with someone who loves me. Please heal me, cure me please. I can't take it anymore. I would die like this, please save me Shona please..."
And with the last few lines he glided down both their bodies and they fell on the floor. Karan was weeping bitterly, his face buried in her bosom, every fresh tear a proof of what he is going through. Mustering up the courage to let it all out it had been a difficult job, had she not made it easier. Saying it all had been nothing less than reliving the last few months of his life. It felt as if he just went through them all over again as he narrated to her. It drained out every last bit of energy he had left in his system. He was just too tired, too exhausted, and too worn out. It would not be incorrect to state that his mind gave up working that moment. Heck it was working relentlessly taking over his heart for the last few months. But tonight, it willingly seemed to step back, giving him the much needed break. Make him feel that his heart was still alive, still beating, still thumping.
A flabbergasted Shilpa sat shell shocked. She just came to know so much. So very much... Firstly there was this revelation from Karan about which she had no clue. Never in her worst nightmare did she reckon that behind all the hypes and glamour laid such hideous truth. And what shocked her even more was this guy actually went through it all for some selfless reason. He did not want to give up. He did try hard to make it work which means he definitely was pretty serious and honest about it. But for some odd reason, her heart flinched as she realised this obvious truth. Being a well wisher, she was supposed to applaud him for coming so far, for being so patient, but was she being covetous? Was she being selfish? She was dismayed at her own reaction. Why was she feeling like this? Why was she being affected? Did she still...
His muffled stifles were creating an agonising havoc in her, making it almost impossible for her to think. She was supposed to focus on what he just said, but her mind was jammed. His tears wetted her cleavage area. The feel of his rugged cheek and uneven breath against her wet skin were intoxicating her senses. Only if he knew how this silent torture was taking a gruesome toll on her. She gasped involuntarily feeling his moist lips on her pulse point. His hands found their way inside her shirt and snaked up towards her neck vertebrae, stopping midway feeling a material. While they got busy fiddling with it, his mouth rightfully found its way to her chin, nibbling in between the fervent kisses. Shilpa was too dazed to protest or react for that matter. A reprehensible bliss took over her senses as she clinched her fists to refrain her demons from participating. She had always avoided such intimacy in the past, and had been successful too, because they were usually during the shoot, with thousands of people watching them. But tonight she just couldn't muster the abstinence. The pain of separation or the enticing taste of forbidden fruit, all seemed to take merciless advantage of her helpless state. A sensation so sinfully pure, a desire so forbidden, a feeling so erring, an emotion so immoral, yet her resolutions were weakening. With her reckless lover shamelessly torturing her like never before, his touch impatiently demanding a reciprocal, with her heart taking over, suddenly the rules of restrained relationships seemed to fade away, no matter how much she tried to hold on to them. With her mind absolutely ruled out by heart, where would this night head to?
A/N : Hey guys, I know its yet to be continued, but kindly tell me your views on how u are taking this story. I really want to know if I am good or I need to improve.
Please please please leave your comments/ criticisms. I shall try to work on them.
To be continued...
All credit for this piece goes to the song Yeh Dil Kya Karein...I was listening to it while writing, and also the Heer Ranja backstage scene, where Armaan (Karan) sees Riddhima (Shilpa) In backless attire.
Thank u for spending sometime in KaSh Land :)
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