Soona soona mann ka aangan
Dhoondhe payal ki woh cham cham
Sooni sooni dil ki sargam
Dhoondhe geet tere humdum
Man me sham ho ya savera
Laga tere hi yaadon ka dera
Tune bandhan kyon yeh toda
Tune kahe ko muh moda
Kaho na kaho na
Phool phool bhawra dole, mann me gunje teri yaad
Bag mein papihaan boley, pihu pihu pihu kaha … Kaho na
Kaise katey sooni ratein kaho na, kaho na
Kaise bhuley beeti batein kaho na, kaho na
Kaise thamey phir tera damaan
Kaise mahekey mann ka yeh angaan
Kaise bhuley preet teri sajaan
Kaise bandhey toota yeh bandhan
Man me sham ho ya savera
Laga tere hi yaadon ka dera
Tune bandhan kyon yeh toda
Tune kahe ko muh moda
Kaho na kaho na
Phool phool bhawra dole, mann me gunje teri yaad
Bag mein papihaan boley, pihu pihu pihu kaha … Kaho na
Yesterday, I sat down with a lot of trepidation and all my anxieties came true. I wanted to distance myself from two of my all-time fave telly characters and watch KS with equanimity and I must admit that I lost it. It was as if I am caught in this roller-coaster ride of life along with Jai and Bani and like them, I am unable to bring myself to terms with all the mis-happenings that are taking palce in their life. In short, I failed, probably the first time, as to where emotions are concerned. 😭😭😭
My heart went out to Jai when he picked up the bangles he had gifted to Bani from the dresser drawer. And my heart felt a pinch. 💔And I asked God, why them? 😲Look, this is the first gift that Jai had given Bani out of his own free will and its also the first gift that Bani had received from the person she loves whole-heartedly. Love, she does, otherwise why is heart-broken stance? If we are convinced of the wrong doing of any individual for whom we do not feel anything, then its very easy to hate that person and take revenge. It's not pity that Bani feels for Jai, its love along with all the equivocal feelings, swamping through her senses.
Coming back to the bangles, Bani had to part with it and Jai had to get it back! How sad! I am sure that even if Jai had bought French Polynesia for Bani (please, no offence meant), yet the bangles would always be much more important and expensive for her. 😛Firstly, because it's a husband's gift to his wife, acknowledging her status and role in his life, and secondly, because this gift came at a particularly tricky time when their relation was without much of a meaning and they were trying desperately to gain a foothold, even while walking on thin ice all the time. Jai's feelings for Bani, when he gifted her the pair of bangles, was also crucial in view of the fact that finally he was willing to let her in - inside his life, his room and his heart.
The way Jai clutched onto the bangles yesterday just tore at my heart. Later also, I kept on thinking, whether it was a momentary impulse, but I kept on feeling a constricting feeling, every time I replayed the scene mentally. It felt as if somebody has taken out my heart from my body and is putting it stomping it all around.
I was proud of Jai when he told Mausi the truth without any frills whatsoever as to the main reason of Bani's departure from his life. Mausi is the only lady to whom Jai will always look upto in troubles, when in pain and when faced with a dilemma of any sort. That's why he took great pains to ensure that Mausi never learned about the truth of his marital status. And how sweet is Mausi. She not only tried her level best o understand her Munna but also gave him courage that one day, Bani would definitely come back to his life (a big hug to Mausi from me), just as she had stepped into his life all of a sudden without any preliminaries. 😳😳😳
Now, my honeybun. 😛Yes, she does love Jai with all her might and all her soul. But, at present, she is too psyched up about the accident causing her mother's death and all the related happenings that she is letting events decide the course of her life and not the other way around. I think she's more hurt because its Jai who's involved in her mother's death – the only person whom she had looked up to for safety, security and a tad-bit understanding. And she had been doing pretty well too. She knows very well that she's in love with her husband and that over the past few days, her husband was also being affectionate towards her. ❤️
Just look at her helplessness when she closes the window and reminisces about how in a previous occasion, Jai had helped her do so. It's a classic conflict between the head and the heart and she is equally torn between the two. She wants to start a new life altogether on her own strength, but she is well aware of the fact that all her life, she will carry her husband's love with her and help it nourish and grow. She can never forget him, but can only try to cut him away from the present scheme of things. As a result, she has refrained from telling the truth to her sisters also, though they definitely deserve to know it. 😕
I don't know why Pia gives me the creeps (I think I am perfectly spooked up). Her reactions appear so funny and phoney to me, I can't understand why. And her jealousy when she accused Pushkar of taking more care of his friend than his wife, is so not done. Why did she forget even for a moment that Pushkar's friend is actually her elder Sister who has done so much for them? 😡On the other hand, Rano is more natural. Maybe because she has realised way back, that her Bani Di loves her husband a lot but is resigned to fate to decide her future. It was so sweet of her to say that 'at this time, u should be with your husband'. Jai would surely have had a heart attack if he had seen Bani standing on a chair to change a bulb.
Jai looked so sweet sitting in his room and looking like a Devdas 😉at his wife's photo and missing him like hell. But, I feel that he should stress more on getting Bani back to his house for her own self, and not because of the child. This stance is going to hurt Bani more.
This is for Jojo, especially, and all my other friends at IF ( a ghazal by Jagjit Singh, written by Gulzar)
"Ek parwaaz dikhayi di hai
Teri awaaz sunayi di hai
Jiski Ankhen mein kati thi sadiyaan
Usne Saadiyon Ki Judai Di Hai
Sirf Ek Safha Palat Kar Usne
Beeti Baton Ki Safai Di Hai
Phir Wahi Laut Ke Jaana Hoga
Yaar Ne Kaisi Rihayee Di Hai
Aag Mein Kya Kya Jala Hai Shab-bhar
Kitni khush-rang Dikhayi Di Hai"
(from the album – Marasim meaning Relationships)
I found this ghazal very touching and very true to the core of Bani and Jai's relationship right now. U just have to feel every word and understand the implications. I wonder how Gulzar manages to write so beautifully.
Cricket
