*A FairyTale Ending* - SaJan Story - Page 19

3.05.2102

7:30 pm.

Hii,

I don't know what to tell him? I still don't know how to react. Its been four days since the incident at Sheesha took place. Everytime I see him pass it reminds me of what he had done that night. I can't forget it. I can't. Dia thinks I shouldn't forgive him and so does benji. Even though he is around me we barely talk the whole day. No late night chit-chats and he never attends classes. Exams start in 2 days and I am still unsure of what to do. Benji and Dia have also been keeping their distance from Samrat. I feel so guilty. I tried telling Dia and Benji to talk to Samrat but they wouldn't listen. That's not fair eh? He has kissed girls so many times but Dia and Benji never stopped talking to him, but this time they are adamant not to speak to him. So much tension all at once. I am hundred percent sure I am going to flunk my exams this year. I can't take all of this at once. His eyes are always full of pain. He sits alone in the Canteen and has been ticked off lately. We have been keeping our distance so I have no idea what he's been up to all week. I spend more time hanging out with Mayank to stay away from Samrat. It gives me time to think. I tried to forget about the kiss and concentrate on all the good things he had done for me.

Meanwhile, people still gossiped about me and Samrat. I got messages from unknown numbers saying ' ' I wouldn't mind a kiss, but without the slap please. ' and ' Hey Gunjan, Lets be best friends forever ?' It took me two minutes to even realise what the second message actually meant. Samrat was my best friend and he did that to me. So now everyone wanted to be my best friend. ' Hey, Tell me when your available, we could go on a friendship date ! ' Yeah, these were some of the ridiculous messages people left me on my phone. I had no idea who these people were. I was sick and tired of people spreading messages about me. What should I do? One thing happens and everyone acts as if I am a s**t. I have started hating the college I didnt miss a single day of. I barely even talk to my best friend at college. Its over. My life is a mess. I just want college to get over so that I can go far away from these people. It will be a new beginning. I need one.

Most of the time I just sit in the library with Mayank and study. It keeps my mind off things for sometime. Not like I actually learn much but I still distract myself for a while. Genuinely, I don't know what to do. I need help. I need my best friend.

I shut the book. Took a deep breathe and stepped out of the library. I walked down the corridor, my mind was distracted. I bumped into Samrat. "Hi!" he said trying to smile. Looking at him automatically brought a smile on my face. I had just written that I needed my best friend and he came. "Samrat.. coffee?" I offered. He obviously agreed. I had decided. Enough was enough. Staying away wasn't much of a help. Why didn't I just face it in the first place. We walked quietly to the canteen and Samrat ordered two coffees. It was sad seeing him so lonely. A person who did everything he could to see his friends happy had no friends now. It was all because of me. Obviously it was his mistake too. He ruined every ounce of respect I had in this college. He destroyed my self respect and our friendship is shattered because of him. But he has done so much for me that.. that I think I should forgive him. He was there when I needed him. Always there by my side and now when he is lonely I have to be there. I have to talk to Dia and Benji. Everything has to be normal between them! As for me, I don't have to spend my whole life here? I could start afresh, away from Samrat. Our friendship would never go back to where it was. It's just not happening now. What we had has all gone away. Now its just awkwardness and if forgiving him makes him happy, then maybe I owe him that.

"Samrat.. Its ok. What you did.. lets just forget it!" I managed to blurt out. His face suddenly changed colour and he was actually smiling like he used to, "Really?" he kept his hands on mine. "I am so happy! Gunjan you have no idea how much I've missed you these couple of days!" he said ecstatic. I smiled back at him. It wasn't like before ofcourse, and it would never be. But just saying that I forgive you made him smile, so be it. He was happy. That's all that mattered. My life was still a mess. It would always be. I may never be able to trust anyone. "So how did you finally come to this decision?" he asked. I looked up at him, "Lets just forget it completely. I don't really want to talk about it. Just wanted to tell you that we're good. No hard feelings!" I said with a smile. There, I said it. I forgave him. It wasn't so difficult. I wanted to forget and this was the best way. "Thank you.." he said. "I finally think I can breathe again." I uncomfortably moved my hand out from under his. He noticed it but chose not to comment.

That afternoon I sat with Samrat in the canteen for lunch. We concentrated on eating and barely said a word to each other. Dia and Benji were shocked seeing us together. I pretended to act normal and called them over. They had kept their distance from Samrat because of me. I know how they must be feeling. I know they care about him and I can't do this anymore. I need everything around me to be normal, if not me. "Hi.." Dia said uncomfortably taking her place beside me. Benji too sat near Samrat but nothing seemed normal. There was this weird awkwardness that had crept amongst us. No one spoke for sometime. I didn't know what to say. I blankly stared at their faces when suddenly Samrat said, "Guys, I am done anyway. Catch y'all later. I have basketball practice." He shot me a smile and then left. I sighed and waited for Benji and Dia to start questioning me. "What the hell Gunjan? We have been there by your side all this while. None of us spoke to him and now you're suddenly talking to him?" Benji blasted. "I didn't tell you not to talk to him! Ok?" I reprimanded. "We are your friends Gunjan!" Dia tried to justify. "And you guys are also Samrat's friends right?" I said furious. "So? He was wrong. He insulted your friendship, he insulted you in front of the whole college." Benji said. "It was a mistake for godsake! Tomorrow if I make a mistake you'll will isolate me?" None of them replied to that. "What you'll did was wrong. What I did was wrong. He is our friend, we can't behave like strangers! We are all he has here!" I said trying to defend Samrat. "Gunjan, I can't believe you are actually willing to forgive Samrat for what he did? If you can forgive him then why can't we? We don't even have anything against him!" Dia said. "Guys, Its not like he did it on purpose and as for me, he was there when I needed him the most. He has always been there, I can't just push him away like that.." I said. They stared at the floor when my phone beeped, "Wanna hang out at Sheesha tonight?" another anonymous message. I could murder someone now. I convinced Benji and Dia to forgive him and they reluctantly agreed.

I was super exhausted when I reached home. Mom was making dinner. I told her I would be right back after having a bath to help her. I dumped my books and bag on the bed and went in for a nice and hot bath. It made me feel so much better. I just let everything go and let my body loose in the water. I took like half an hour before I came out. I was shocked as I entered the room. Samrat was sitting on my bed looking into my phone with his eyebrows narrowed. "Samrat?" I looked at the clock, it was 7:30. What was he doing here? "Why didn't you tell me Gunjan?" he said angrily. Something was wrong. What was in my phone that would make Samrat so angry. SHIT. I had not deleted the messages. Crap. "Sa'mra't" I stammered. "Just.. just forget it.. Its.. its nothing!" I snatched the phone from his hands and turned away. "NOTHING?" he said holding my shoulders and turning me round. "This is nothing?" he growled. His hold was tightening on my shoulders. "Just ignore it.. Its.. "How many more were there?" he asked sternly. "Just a few more." I said softly. "Who are these people? Any idea?" I did know names through facebook but I didn't want to tell him. What would he do anyway? "I don't want to talk about this. I don't know who they are and I don't care." I made it clear. I looked down at the floor almost in tears. "Stop It! Stop doing that!" He said releasing me with a jerk. "How dare they. How did they even dare to send you these messages!" Samrat roared. He was furious. I could see it in his eyes. "Give me my phone!" I snatched my phone from his hand. There was a new message Samrat had read, 'Hey best friend, lets meet up at Sheesha and have a little fun!' Why couldn't these people just leave me alone! He sat on the bed and held his head. I knew how guilty he must be feeling. I sat next to him. "Forget it Samrat.." I whispered. "What's happened cannot be changed right? So why you spoiling your mood?" I said trying to make him feel better. I knew he would be blaming himself for everything. I could totally understand how guilty he must be. "Stop it Gunjan. Please. How can you forget it? How can you forgive me? After what I did, I just don't know what to say.. I am so so sorry. You shouldn't be bearing all this because of me." He said. "Its fine. I have forgotten it, and even you should." I said coldly. It hurts. I can't lie anymore. I haven't forgotten anything and I haven't totally been able to forgive him too. I just can't bear to see him so depressed. I should just pretend to be normal. Anyway its just for another two weeks and then I'll be gone!

"So, how come you're here?" I asked returning to the first question I had asked him. "Aunty invited me over for dinner.." he mumbled. "Lets go. Mom must be waiting.." I said getting up. I grabbed my phone and went out. I didn't want to face Samrat. I just became more angry at what he had done. If.. only if.. he hadn't kissed me that day, we would be normal. We would be enjoying our last few days in college and probably the rest of our lives also. But now, I don't think I will ever be able to go back to normal with Samrat. He just threw our friendship away, just like that. I reached the kitchen and saw mom setting the table. "Where is Samrat?" she asked. "Coming.." I said.