Sharmila: Saif should always appreciate Kareena

I'd lost my power to concentrate: Sharmila

Despite not wanting to be crowned the next (tenth) nawab of Pataudi, Saif Ali Khan had to give in to the wishes of the people of the princely state. The hitherto chote nawab is acutely aware of the many responsibilities the title brings with it. Meanwhile, Sharmila Tagore stands on a bittersweet fork, between coping with the loss of her better half on the one hand and preparing for Saif's and Soha's impending marriages on the other.

How are you dealing with the changed circumstances?
I really don't know. Some days are okay, others are not so good. There are times when all that I shared with Tiger seems unreal. Initially, I had completely lost my power to concentrate on anything. At a film festival in Kolkata in November, it was an ordeal speaking even a few lines. I would forget what I was saying. The NDDC film festival in January was a shade better. Things have improved now.

One has to find ways of forgetting the pain...
I read Rabindranath Tagore's poetry on stage with Soumitra Chatterjee in January. It was enriching. I had never done anything on stage, where your performance gets an instant response from the audience. While shooting for a film, you only get the fragmented feedback of a few. Here, the audience responded spontaneously. It was very rewarding, more so because I was reading with my old co-star Soumitra, and that too from Tagore.

What occupies your mind these days?
There's a lot of churning, a lot of looking back. I'm reading a lot of Tagore, Dostoevsky and all my favourite authors. And I am pruning my life to a manageable degree. Earlier, there was someone to always take care of me. Now I've to take care of myself. And that's a bother.

At the same time, you've got to play the part of both parents to your three children?
My children are grown up. They take their own decisions. They're very affectionate toward me and that goes for Kareena as well. She is very much part of the family. Saif and Kareena complement one another. He's mercurial. She's grounded.

You sound very affectionate toward her.
I am. I've seen Kareena through the crisis in my family. She was there through Tiger's illness, and very quiet, absolutely not in-your-face. Tiger passed away on September 22 and Kareena's birthday was on September 23. Saif and Kareena were planning to go away but they didn't. That was no big deal. But she made sure no big deal was made of it. It was very nice to have her around at the time. Just before Tiger's death, on his 70th birthday too, she was around. It's so easy to accept her. I am very happy for Saif. He's really lucky. I hope he continues to appreciate her. Otherwise, he'll have me to deal with.

What about Soha's beau Kunal Khemu?
He's also very nice. But he's young and trying to find his bearings. He's got many goals in front of him. He will find himself, I'm sure. My daughters are special. Soha is calm and clever, very much like Tiger. Clear in her priorities, and very giving.

So there are two weddings coming up in the family?
I don't know about Soha and Kunal but Saif's wedding is definitely happening. It will happen as soon as the weather improves (after the summer and monsoon).

Do you enjoy Saif's new role as the heir-apparent?
Well, he is the head of the family now. He is morally responsible for the well-being of his mother, sisters and wife-to-be. He is the support and the decision maker. It's all a bit daunting for him. But he's trying. All of us have worked hard to get where we are. We'd like Saif to carry his father's legacy forward. If he can't add to it, he shouldn't allow it to be eroded either.