Posted:
Okay, so another essay 😆
I've been reading quite a few posts about Gayatri's actions, and the various reactions that came about, or should come about later.
I am not disappointed with PV for showing such behaviour. Nor am I convinced that they're in some way sensationalizing abuse just to promote the show. It was a very interesting episode, simply because emotionally Gayatri's actions felt very very very wrong. It was made all that much worse by Ansh's fear and injury. By Aarti's helplessness in the situation. And Gayatri's obvious enjoyment of both. Intellectually, if someone were to tell you that they locked a child in a room, it sounds horrible yes. But I don't think we would all be up in arms, as we are right now.
The reality of this type of discipline is coming home to everyone, and its a very ugly picture. A first-hand look has the way of making things look blindingly obvious and unbelievable, all at the same time. A lot of people say that its good to fear your parents in young age. Well, low and behold, before the fear, comes actions that induce fear. PV is illustrating to us, with painful clarity, what it means to discipline a child the way Scindya's do it, and the actual reasons motivating such "discipline". When there is outright aggression, and self-rightous rage involved (as there was today), its not about discipline. Its frustration being released on a child (for other surrounding reasons), but being dispelled in the name of discipline.
And the whole thing is ugly and malevolent in its power. That's what Gayatri symbolized for me today. She was the embodiment of 'traditional' styles of discipline coming to a clash with Aarti's so-called "leniency". Where the latter is expressed out of love, and the need to differentiate between right and wrong in the child's eyes, the former is expressed out of pure "How dare you talk to me this way" outrage. And all of a sudden, people understand how damaging to a child's confidence and nature, such treatment can be. That conversation where Ansh told his mom that Dadi doesn't love his mother, nor does she love him. It wasn't sad because it was true, it was sad because of Ansh's choice of words. Like most of us assumed, Ansh has been noticing Gayatri's mistreatment of Aarti. He mentioned this even before he mentioned himself. That's what broke my heart. Even after the whole room-lock debacle, what hurts Ansh is the lack of respect his mother is receiving. This mother-child relationship is just ⭐️😭. That's what actual discipline in the name of discipline gets you. A son/daughter who respects and cares for you. And your well-being will always be in the forefront of their mind.
Something stood out to me during Gayatri's disgusting speeches. She said she disciplines the others this way too 😕, and you know what? I don't think she's lying. There's a disconnect between her sons and her. There is no love or affection openly shown. I now that is not uncommon for Indian families to be more reserved. Mine definitely is. It doesn't mean that Gayatri doesn't love her sons. I'm saying that the sons (and their children), might not 'love' her, or Senior Scindya. When is the last time we have witnessed any sort of family moment between the 5, where their wives or a grandchild or two wasn't there to act as a buffer? And all of a sudden, I understand why Prateik is afraid to approach his parents about Pari's work.
There's a saying that its better to be respected than loved. I do believe that is true. Every relationship should start with respect, because love can come. But when it starts with love, and respect doesn't follow, the love will go.
I know quite a few people who have been raised in such a strict environment. But respect is used as a euphemism for fear. It is not respect as people understand it to be in day to day life, it is a fearful type of so-called respect. Because of a lack of love expressed in childhood, coupled with fear inducing behaviour, in adulthood the child has a decided lack of respect (and love also) for their parents. Their every action will scream respect, but in their hearts, and in their private conversations, you see a very jaded view of their relationship with their parents. And very little trust.
I think that is what we see here, with the sons and Gayatri. Even with Senior Scindya, there's almost a sullen (and loud) silence whenever he is with his sons. I'm not saying that Gayatri and SP have secretly tortured their children. I'm saying that the three sons, were obviously raised in this environment, and while they might be outwardly respectful, and have grown into well-rounded men, this doesn't mean that there is nothing wrong with Gayatri and SP's style of parenting and running house. It definitely explains why the three don't relax around their parents, and why they never discuss anything remotely private in front of them. There is a decided lack of trust there.
PS: Unlike others, I am not convinced that Yash (and Pankaj for that matter), is hesitant of going against his parents. I honestly think, that he just doesn't care what they think. They live their lives, and he lives his. They can do and say whatever they want as far their lives are concerned, but the moment when it breaches into his territory he speaks up. This will ofcourse change with Aarti. The division lines and boundaries of conduct that had been previously drawn (between Yash and his parents) have blurred, as a result of Gayatri's continuous mistreatment of Aarti and Ansh. She insists on enroaching into what is now, Yash's space. So yes, he will take a stand. Unfortunatly, whatever stand he takes, will only end up creating more ill-will in Gayatri's heart (place where her heart should be?), for Ansh and Aarti. So I don't know if he will blast Gayatri. He's more intelligent than that. Hopefully he finds a good solution though.
Basically though, Yash will soon have to start giving a shit. He will have to get over his issues with his parents, and engage with them for Aarti and Ansh's sake. I look forward to it. I also feel for Yash. It won't be easy for him to openly acknowledge to Aarti, the true nature of his mother and father. They are not monsters. I still believe they are redeemable. They just have a longer way to go than any of us had initially expected.
I've been reading quite a few posts about Gayatri's actions, and the various reactions that came about, or should come about later.
I am not disappointed with PV for showing such behaviour. Nor am I convinced that they're in some way sensationalizing abuse just to promote the show. It was a very interesting episode, simply because emotionally Gayatri's actions felt very very very wrong. It was made all that much worse by Ansh's fear and injury. By Aarti's helplessness in the situation. And Gayatri's obvious enjoyment of both. Intellectually, if someone were to tell you that they locked a child in a room, it sounds horrible yes. But I don't think we would all be up in arms, as we are right now.
The reality of this type of discipline is coming home to everyone, and its a very ugly picture. A first-hand look has the way of making things look blindingly obvious and unbelievable, all at the same time. A lot of people say that its good to fear your parents in young age. Well, low and behold, before the fear, comes actions that induce fear. PV is illustrating to us, with painful clarity, what it means to discipline a child the way Scindya's do it, and the actual reasons motivating such "discipline". When there is outright aggression, and self-rightous rage involved (as there was today), its not about discipline. Its frustration being released on a child (for other surrounding reasons), but being dispelled in the name of discipline.
And the whole thing is ugly and malevolent in its power. That's what Gayatri symbolized for me today. She was the embodiment of 'traditional' styles of discipline coming to a clash with Aarti's so-called "leniency". Where the latter is expressed out of love, and the need to differentiate between right and wrong in the child's eyes, the former is expressed out of pure "How dare you talk to me this way" outrage. And all of a sudden, people understand how damaging to a child's confidence and nature, such treatment can be. That conversation where Ansh told his mom that Dadi doesn't love his mother, nor does she love him. It wasn't sad because it was true, it was sad because of Ansh's choice of words. Like most of us assumed, Ansh has been noticing Gayatri's mistreatment of Aarti. He mentioned this even before he mentioned himself. That's what broke my heart. Even after the whole room-lock debacle, what hurts Ansh is the lack of respect his mother is receiving. This mother-child relationship is just ⭐️😭. That's what actual discipline in the name of discipline gets you. A son/daughter who respects and cares for you. And your well-being will always be in the forefront of their mind.
Something stood out to me during Gayatri's disgusting speeches. She said she disciplines the others this way too 😕, and you know what? I don't think she's lying. There's a disconnect between her sons and her. There is no love or affection openly shown. I now that is not uncommon for Indian families to be more reserved. Mine definitely is. It doesn't mean that Gayatri doesn't love her sons. I'm saying that the sons (and their children), might not 'love' her, or Senior Scindya. When is the last time we have witnessed any sort of family moment between the 5, where their wives or a grandchild or two wasn't there to act as a buffer? And all of a sudden, I understand why Prateik is afraid to approach his parents about Pari's work.
There's a saying that its better to be respected than loved. I do believe that is true. Every relationship should start with respect, because love can come. But when it starts with love, and respect doesn't follow, the love will go.
I know quite a few people who have been raised in such a strict environment. But respect is used as a euphemism for fear. It is not respect as people understand it to be in day to day life, it is a fearful type of so-called respect. Because of a lack of love expressed in childhood, coupled with fear inducing behaviour, in adulthood the child has a decided lack of respect (and love also) for their parents. Their every action will scream respect, but in their hearts, and in their private conversations, you see a very jaded view of their relationship with their parents. And very little trust.
I think that is what we see here, with the sons and Gayatri. Even with Senior Scindya, there's almost a sullen (and loud) silence whenever he is with his sons. I'm not saying that Gayatri and SP have secretly tortured their children. I'm saying that the three sons, were obviously raised in this environment, and while they might be outwardly respectful, and have grown into well-rounded men, this doesn't mean that there is nothing wrong with Gayatri and SP's style of parenting and running house. It definitely explains why the three don't relax around their parents, and why they never discuss anything remotely private in front of them. There is a decided lack of trust there.
PS: Unlike others, I am not convinced that Yash (and Pankaj for that matter), is hesitant of going against his parents. I honestly think, that he just doesn't care what they think. They live their lives, and he lives his. They can do and say whatever they want as far their lives are concerned, but the moment when it breaches into his territory he speaks up. This will ofcourse change with Aarti. The division lines and boundaries of conduct that had been previously drawn (between Yash and his parents) have blurred, as a result of Gayatri's continuous mistreatment of Aarti and Ansh. She insists on enroaching into what is now, Yash's space. So yes, he will take a stand. Unfortunatly, whatever stand he takes, will only end up creating more ill-will in Gayatri's heart (place where her heart should be?), for Ansh and Aarti. So I don't know if he will blast Gayatri. He's more intelligent than that. Hopefully he finds a good solution though.
Basically though, Yash will soon have to start giving a shit. He will have to get over his issues with his parents, and engage with them for Aarti and Ansh's sake. I look forward to it. I also feel for Yash. It won't be easy for him to openly acknowledge to Aarti, the true nature of his mother and father. They are not monsters. I still believe they are redeemable. They just have a longer way to go than any of us had initially expected.
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