Love or Family: whom will you choose

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Manasi

@Manasi_16

Stunner

+ 9

Posted: 13 years ago

One thing that I love about Balika Vadhu is that it gives me a lot of food for thought. With all its problems & weaknesses, Balika Vadhu, in my opinion, is still one of the most realistic show on telly today! It has more or less stuck to the theme it started with & is exposing many related social evils.

In yesterday's episode when Jagya is thinking alone at home as to where he was & where he has landed himself now...I felt a little bad for him. His despising behaviour notwithstanding, he really has lost a lot in these 5-8 years. I know, it is all his fault & he deserves it, but that still doesn't soften the blow does it? And had it been just a regular love story where parents are opposing the love marriage of the lead pair, we all definitely would have supported Jagya. Don't get me wrong...I am nowhere supporting his actions. But for a moment, if you separate his emotions (his love for Gauri) from his behaviour (towards Anandi & family), then maybe we may have some sympathy.

Now my question to all my friends here...how far are we willing to go in love? Are we ready to break ties with the parents & grandparents who have doted on us, pampered us all our life? Because our family members are so loving, does it mean they are always right when it comes to choices which affect our life? Would you be willing to forgo your love for your family? Would you be happy if you got your love, but lost out on your family?

Please remember, I am not asking these questions in context of the show. This is just a thought which came to my mind. Many of my friends are very surprised to hear my views of marriage & on parent-child relationship. I know there is no right or wrong here...it depends on various factors, many of which are not tangible. So I thought having a discussion here.

Please do leave your opinions on the matter...hope to have a good & healthy discussions...I would love to hear diverse opinions!

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Frequent Posters

hooked

@hooked

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

Nice post.

I have friends who have faced this dilemma and had tough choices to make. Thankfully, it was never even a choice for me. I can TO DATE, never do anything that I can't probably face my mother about. And this when my parents are the most loving, caring, hands-off people, who respect individual choices and have encouraged all of us to be our own people and follow our own dreams.

I guess its just person to person. My brothers - both - chose to like girls my parents weren't completely thrilled with initially and I went all out to rally support for them and convince them that they need to have faith in the kids they've raised and that they won't/can't make truly bad choices.

Even when their initial relationships were a bit rocky, it required a lot of effort to smooth things at both ends to make sure, we cud all try to sail it out together. Today am glad we are a large, diverse, happy family with lots of kids and most of the credit goes I think - to my parents who let us all be adults and respected our choices and rights and boundaries.

But my friends have gone thru agonizing times, when they cudn't get their folks to say YES and felt unable to go ahead without their loving consent. It has been long and hard and agonizing wait for some of them to get what they want.

I think only a parent can provide the truest, most selfless love ever in life. The purity of that love can only be matched by our kids. Our spouses can have our hearts and our minds and take us to heaven n hell by turns but if I ever have to choose between my spouse n my parents, if I choose for A one time, I WILL opt for B the next time 😛. And my spouse totally understands and accepts that 👍🏼 !

Edited by hooked - 13 years ago

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k123

@k123

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

family...

in my real life i lost my love for my family...bcoz I always want my parents to be happy

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Anitha

@Saddy3

Navigator

Posted: 13 years ago

actually it is very tough to choose between family and love...but it actually depends on people..if i find the reasons of my parents in regrettin genuine den i'l think over da facts dey r actually talkin abt...but if der points lack backbone den i would try to convince dem to the core...but at the final note both are important to me 😊

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

This is very tough question, depending on Wht is ur relation with ur parents and love. If this question stand before me with type of parents hd, for me it was always parents first before anything. There wd be not even question of second thought. I know here sacrifice is not taken as positive quality, but my opinion can't be guided by anyothers view. Parents use to sacrifice their all happiness, they do compromises in their life for us. They choose our happiness over their, but whn we r independent and whn we hv to choose between our happiness and theirs, why we start lecturing abt freedom of life and so on. Why compromise become out of dated things, why we can't choose their happiness over ours same way as they hd done. This is absolutely my personal opinions. There r different type of parents and different type of relationship between parents and children. But on my situation parents anytime over anything

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hppppp

@hppppp

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

My love, my life, my choice. Family needs to adjust.

My parents have done their best in raising me, they have been raised well by their parents, and I will be raising my children, when I have them, well. I will not want my adult children to not have freedom to choose things for themselves...I will not give up my own right to my choices. Its not a kind of freedom that I only want--its a kind of freedom that I am more than willing to give too!

If my parents need me, I will turn the world for them. I will take care of them when the need be...but will I ever give up my freedom to make my choices on the altar their wishes..no!! Its just based on the premise of every individual's right to basic freedom...its a right I'd defend as a matter of principle.

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hppppp

@hppppp

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

Also the experience my life has given me...is that my own decisions have been the best for my life. My parents make good decisions for me--but my position is understood best by no-one but me. Its something that all the people around me have started appreciating and respecting. When I take decisions, its not about siding with family or love/spouse...its about doing what I believe is correct...rest others acknowledge my decisions.
Yes there is no limit to how much my parents love me...and I love them like crazy-- but my decisions are still mine, to me loving and taking care of each other...and giving anyone, just anyone including parents...the reign and control of my life are very, very separate things.

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Anmol Jain

@intruderfast

Trailblazer

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

family no girl for me can match my parent's love

and vaise bhi i dont beleive in this love shove kaa funda

whether is a love marriage or arranged marriage first qs asked is beta teri salary kitni hain

acchi hain toh main tere paas aayungi😆😆varna bhaad maa jaa😆

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Missesha

@Missesha

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

Nice topic Manasi

I think, I would think of a way in which I can strike a balance as I would not want to do anything that hurts my parents or puts them off totally, but I also want to live happily ever after.

The other thing I believe is that, most of my choices are a result of my parents' influences on me. So I am quite confident that the choice I make will be approved by my parents, if not totally, atleast 50-60% .The remaining 40 % depends on how I convince them, how I talk about my partner to them and also how my partner behaves with them. It may not happen in a day, but I have to give them time to think and let it sink.

Before choosing a partner, even I would have thought through enough times on the following?

- Whether this is person whom I want to spend my life and vice versa?

- Whether he will gel with my family

- Does he have similar values like I do and does he respect me?

- Will his family accept me?

If the answer to above is yes then I would chose my partner and will work a way out that my family also accepts him. But after all odds, if my parents do not accept him, I will walk away with my partner, start a new life based on whatever we have and build up on it in a hope that parents may accept us back someday.

But yes, somethings I will never do is

- Not jump into marriage without thinking of consequences and then later blame others

- Never marry illegally or run away

- Not deceive my parents about my relationship

I believe if you can be honest and communicate well about your relationship, most parents will appreciate your love / partner, as every parent wants to see their child happy. But one needs guts and should be ready to face consequences.

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Manasi

@Manasi_16

Stunner

+ 9

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

Thanks everyone for your views. It is good to read various view points & the ways in which others would deal with a situation...it really sort of broadens one's own perspectives.

I personally have a pretty traditional approach to relationships...for me, family & parents come before anything & anyone in the world. Nothing can be more important than my Mother. My father passed away when I was 13, and Ma has really taken a lot of efforts to bring me & my bro up. We have no family to speak of...so we were pretty much alone. My mother did what maybe any mother would do...but for me, she forms the nucleus of my life.

I have enough trust in Mom's judgement that if she is saying no to a boy, there must be a valid reason. She knows me more than I know myself...so I would never doubt or question her judgement.

Basically, I would never want to marry without parental consent...whether mine, or the guy's. Even if my family is agreeable but his is not, I would still not like to go ahead with the relationship. I don't see any point in founding one relation on the remnants of another. I would not want to start my new life by breaking someone's home & taking their son away.

I would not agree to hurt my family of more than 25 years over a guy whom I have met 25 months ago. And if he is willing to hurt his family for me, it would lessen his worth in my eyes.

Call me obsolete, but for me, my ideal man would have to first be a good son!

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