Posted:
Hahaha!! This is HILARIOUS!!! LOVE IT!! Please Update it sooon!!! PM me once you do!!😃
A/N: Sorry this took me such a long time to get done. I just lacked inspiration- I had the 'Someone Like You' e-mail from Lavanya written for about a week before inspiration came for the rest. I'm not entirely happy with it but this is a crack!fic anyway :') So I guess it doesn't really need to make sense. I hope you guys enjoy it and thank you once again for all the endless lovely feedback you give me.
------
From: Kasyap, Lavanya
To: Sharma, Neha
Subject: ASR
I had to e-mail him to save his wife. I thought I was over him, Neha. I really did. But I'm clearly not...
All I have done since hitting Send is cry into a tub of Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough and listen to 'Someone Like You' by Adele on repeat.
------
From: Sharma, Neha
To: Kasyap, Lavanya
Subject: Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream
Well as long as you're just crying into it and not actually eating the stuff. If you really want to find 'Someone Like ASR', you're not going to manage it looking like a Heffalump. Listen, there's this guy I know- I met him while I was out clubbing in Delhi a few years ago- he's an NRI from Australia but he's working in England at the minute.
Why don't I give you his e-mail and you can see if you get on? He has some kind of ridiculously long traditional name but I only know him as NK.
------
From: Kasyap, Lavanya
To: Sharma, Neha
Subject: NK
Erm... okay I guess. But how do I even start up a conversation with him?
I can't be like "Oh hey there sweetcheeks, fancy a no-strings attached fling with an emotionally vulnerable model?"
------
From: Sharma, Neha
To: NK Photography
Subject: Hey There Sweetcheeks
Attachments: lavanya.pdf
Fancy a no-strings attached fling with an emotionally vulnerable model?
All the details are attached.
------
From: NK Photography
To: Sharma, Neha
Subject: The Model
How vulnerable?
------
From: Sharma, Neha
To: NK Photography
Subject: Listening To Adele On Repeat Vulnerable
She became a total behenji to try and please her boyfriend's family and became best friends with the actual behenji the family hired to turn her into a behenji.
The boyfriend proposed and then started acting like a total psycho. He moved their engagement to like, a week and then cancelled it all together because he'd fallen in love with the actual behenji. It was a case of "Why have the student when you could just have the master?".
And then the behenji and La's ex-fiance got married and there was a whole drama which from what I hear ended up in a couple of attempted murders and some crazy family secrets becoming like, a massive deal.
And now, behenji and her husband are living happily ever after while poor La has to help them because since becoming a behenji herself, she's incapable of being mean to or refusing anybody.
It's really sad.
I have to go now because my Boss' In-Laws/ New Business Partners appear to have escaped from some sort of mental asylum and his bhabhi ruined my dress yesterday and is now singing something about the 'mausam' being 'suhana'. I don't even know what that means.
------
From: NK Photography
To: Sharma, Neha
Subject: Hmm
Behenji you say?
That's totally my type...
P.S. Her ex-fiance's family sounds almost as crazy as mine. I'm sure I can handle it.
------
From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Gupta, Khushi Kumari
Subject: The Lift
What did you think you were doing? What if it had stopped?
Do you have any idea how embarrassing that would have been for me? I know you're insane- I made my peace with that a while ago- but this was unbelievable Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada.
Unbelievable.
-------
From: Gupta, Khushi Kumari
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: What Happened In The Lift
I thought it was fun. Didn't you enjoy it?
You looked pretty happy...
-------
From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Gupta, Khushi Kumari
Subject: Whether Or Not I Had Fun
Has absolutely nothing to do with it.
-------
From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Gupta, Khushi Kumari
Subject: I Only Did It
Because I thought you looked like you needed to relieve some stress. You've been really stressed since the whole elbowing you in the groin incident.
I don't know what the big deal is anyway, me and Nanheji used to do it all the time. I might ask Dhruvji if he wants to do it with me sometime. He seems a lot more fun than you.
Actually, everyone in your family is more fun than you.
-------
From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Gupta, Khushi Kumari
Subject: Your Antics In The Lift
It makes me want to be sick that you did that with any member of my family, NK or otherwise. Please tell me you haven't forced Aakash to suffer through the same ordeal.
I'm a barrel of laughs. You're just an idiot and don't appreciate my sophisticated sense of humour.
-------
From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Security Cameras
Ever since somebody erm- relieved themselves- in the elevators after last year's Christmas party (I was really drunk okay? The bright lights and the mirror... I thought I was in the Bathroom.), we had Security Cameras installed.
I didn't know you were so talented bro. You'll be pleased to know I've taken the liberty of sending off both the tape and an application form to Hrithik Roshan's 'Just Dance'.
You're going to be a star. I'm so proud to be related to you right now.
-------
From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Sharma, Neha
Subject: Prior Warning
I want you to watch my office like a hawk.
If you see my cousin approaching, I want you to ring me and stay on the phone until you see him leave, okay?
P.S. Why don't you also go ahead and book me a one way ticket to El Salvador? It's probably safer right now.
-------
From: Singh Raizada, Anjali
To: Raizada, Devyani
Subject: Chotte's Room
Do you think he's going to like it?
-------
From: Raizada, Devyani
To: Singh Raizada, Anjali
Subject: Re:Chotte's Room
Khushi betiyaan will love it.
-------
From: Singh Raizada, Anjali
To: Raizada, Devyani
Subject: Khushiji
I know. I had her in mind while I was planning it, but now that they've actually started painting and changing things... I'm kind of worried Chotte will, well, you know, react like Chotte.
-------
From: Raizada, Devyani
To: Singh Raizada, Anjali
Subject: Chotte
Well, at least you decided against knocking down the back wall and extending the ensuite.
You did inform the Contractor not to go ahead with that, didn't you Anjali betiyaan?
-------
From: Raizada, Devyani
To: Singh Raizada, Anjali
Subject: (no subject)
Anjali betiyaan?
-------
From: Raizada, Payal
To: Gupta, Khushi Kumari
Subject: Important Message
Hi Khushi, I hope your business trip is going well. I have a message from Di and Naniji.
Is there any way you could keep Arnavji there for- one minute let me check- yep- about one month?
It's just... your room looks like it's just been hit by a bulldozer and, well, you know how Jethji doesn't like mess.
-------
From: Gupta, Khushi Kumari
To: Raizada, Payal
Subject: Arnavji's Room
Can you send me a picture?
-------
From: Raizada, Payal
To: Gupta, Khushi Kumari
Subject: Picture Of Arnavji's Room
Attachments: room.jpeg
Sure. Here you go.
-------
From: Gupta, Khushi Kumari
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: A Present For You
Attachment: room.jpeg
I want to play a game.
Where in the world could that picture possibly have been taken?
-------
From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Singh Raizada, Anjali
Subject: My Room
WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY ROOM?!
-------
From: Sharma, Neha
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: Your Cousin
He was on his way but then he looked at something on his phone, turned a pretty dangerous shade of red and then stormed away.
-------
From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Aman
Subject: Your Help
Is needed urgently.
I want you to go over to my house and tell every single person in my room to get the hell out of it. Then I want you to FIX IT.
-------
From: Aman
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Fix It
Gladly Arnavji. Anything for you.
But what is it you want me to fix?
-------
From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Aman
Subject: What To Fix
Why don't you tell me.
-------
From: Gupta, Khushi Kumari
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: PLAN!
Dhruvji, after we finish discussing the conditions of our contract tonight, could you help me out with a couple of things?
-------
From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Gupta, Khushi Kumari
Subject: Re: PLAN!
Sure thing bhabz. What do you need me to do?
-------
From: Gupta, Khushi Kumari
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: What I'll Need
Erm, could you possibly find me some rose scented candles, some red sheets, furry handcuffs and lots and lots of whipped cream. Oh, also some stretchy balloons.
I'll get rid of Arnavji, you just need to meet me in the Guest Room at 8:00pm sharp. Okay?
-------
From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: (no subject)
No words man.
Literally just...
No words.
Erm, could you possibly find me some rose scented candles, some red sheets, furry handcuffs and lots and lots of whipped cream. Oh, also some stretchy balloons.
I'll get rid of Arnavji, you just need to meet me in the Guest Room at 8:00pm sharp. Okay?
-------
From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: (no subject)
No words man.
Literally just...
No words.
too funny!! i just love Khushi and dhruv's e-mails!!
OMG that was totally amazing, LOVED it. I want to give you my comments telling you my favourite bits but i loved it all.👏👏👏
Thanks for sending PM i was so excited to see that you had updated.
comment:
p_commentcount