It all started with 300 Rupees (Part 6)
I don't deserve her'.her love'.her innocence'..NO'.she is right'maybe she will find someone who will actually LOVE her'.not blackmail her'.NOT force himself on her''she is right'.I shouldn't look for her'..what am I going to say to her EVEN if I find her'.how will I face her'..no more throwing things'.no more anger''just shame and repentance''ARNAV SINGH RAIZADA went numb'..holding her letter in one hand and the leaf in another! Profound silence took over his room'..HIS LIFE'.!
****end of flashback****
Arnav and Khushi'..Khushi and Arnav'..embracing each other'..just the two of them'..together''away from all the people'..away from all the noise'.all the distractions'..surrounded by pure nature'..cold breeze''..moonbeam''..waves''harmony'..the only thing they could hear was'..their heart beats'..beating in unison''
"I am sorry Khushi, I am SO sorry, I am sorry for everything''I am so sorry'..please forgive me'.I am so sorry sweetheart'." Said Arnav''breaking the silence
Khushi came out of her trance, she found herself holding onto his vest, her face on his chest, resting, crying, sobbing, whatever she was doing''she looked up''saw him, HIM, comforting her, HER, why'..why''why''she pushed herself back'..and screamed'..
"DON'T CALL ME SWEETHEART, I think you have forgotten my name, it's KHUSHI!!."
He looked at her in shock, what? I thought'..DAMN! What was I thinking? She will forgive me because I hugged her to comfort her? Because she let me hug her? Because she touched me? Because she'..how could she ever forgive me when I hadn't been able to forgive myself'..what was I thinking? I will see her one day'..randomly'.and she will forgive me for treating her like that'.for six months? NO'..I can't expect her to forgive me for anything'.especially THAT night' she was right'.I am a BEAST'...I don't deserve any forgiveness from Khushi'. NO'..what was I thinking? What is wrong with me? How could I just ask her to forgive me and think she will actually''..NO'.OF COURSE NOT!
She screamed again "Why are you here? Haven't you had enough of torturing me? Or is there anything else you want from me? What do you want? Tell me? What do I have to do now so you can leave me alone? WHAT?"
"Khushi, I don't want anything from you'..well'.actually'.I do'.but that's not important right now'.I am not here to torture you, I promise! I just wanted to talk to you Khushi'. There are so many things that we still need to talk about'.I can't live in peace until I clear that up with you'I need you to give me a chance to explain myself'..just one chance'..so I can tell you why I did what I did'.there was a reason behind everything I did''maybe not a GOOD ENOUGH reason'but definitely something I would like you to know'..that's it'.just one chance'."
She looked at him, with more rage in her eyes, more hatred, he had never seen her like this' NEVER, she had been mad at him many times but never like this'.her hatred clearly visible in those pretty eyes of hers'..he couldn't bare that much hatred'.not from her'..not for him'..
She moved closer and replied "OH REALLY? Now you want to explain me things, NOW? when nothing matters? NOW? Why didn't you explain me anything when I was begging you? day and night'.to tell me why you married me? WHY? I cried, I begged, I yelled, I screamed, but NOTHING'.did I get an answer from you then? NO! All I got from you Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada that 'you hate me'. That was your answer to everything'.you married me because you hated me, you tortured me because you hated me, you wanted me to suffer because you hated me, you treated me like sh*t because you hated me, RIGHT?? She screamed from top of her lungs'..her eyes started over flowing with tears again'.. "you don't need to explain anything anymore'I know why you did what you did'.because you hated me'.you have told me that thousands of times'..you don't owe me an explanation now'.it's too late for that'.."
Arnav stood there, still, staring at her''dealing with her hatred''her anger'..her frustration'..her anguish''her sorrow'..her grief''ALL caused by him' he replied "I know Khushi you are very angry at me, you hate me for treating you like that, but don't make the same mistake I made, I never let you speak'..and now you are not letting me speak'..I never explained you anything when you wanted me to'.and now I want to'..but you are not letting me'. Please Khushi'. Don't leave until I explain you everything'.. I promise I will never bother you again'.please Khushi'.please'..I beg of you'.please'.
Khushi had never seen him OR heard him say 'please' SO MANY times in one sentence'.Arnav Singh Raizada was pleading to her'.HER? Well'.this was a sight to watch'.she thought'..so what if he is saying please'.what about all the please I had said'.they don't matter because he is The Great Arnav Singh Raizada and I am Khushi'.just Khushi ?? Who cares about his pleases'.I don't'.at least'..she was arguing with herself in her mind'..getting furious by each incident flashing back'..
She walked even closer towards him''stood right in front of him'.face-to-face and asked
"Why do you want to explain everything NOW? Why not the very day I left your house? Why didn't you find me to explain yourself? She pushed him with all the rage and strength in her'.he was shocked''it reminded him of the night at the guest house''she grabbed his vest again and said "You are ASR'.right? You are your own God? Right? You write your own destiny? Then why didn't you look for me...? Or was it not necessary to give any explanations then? If not that day, then why today? Why now? Why does it matter? She was about to push him again''when he grabbed her wrists and said'.
"Khushi, you told me to not look for you'..that was the last thing you had asked me to do'.I couldn't have let you down further'.I didn't want to upset you further'..if you hadn't asked me to do so'..I would have found you the VERY day you left me''and YOU KNOW THAT! Do you really think I didn't want to find you'..you really think that I wanted you to leave? do you really believe that I wouldn't have looked for you'.? The only reason I didn't do that because YOU had asked me not to'.not because I didn't want to'.you have any idea how I have spent every single day of my life without you? DO YOU? No'.how would you know that'? You were gone'..forever'.."
He was still holding her wrists'..looking at her'..with repentance''with regret''with grief'..with atonement''.with his eyes pleading for forgiveness''
She was looking at him'..at his eyes'..those eyes''.with questions'..with confusion'..with'..shock''with''disbelief''
Moon was still beaming''breeze was still blowing'..colder now'..waves still meeting and departing the sand every few seconds''nothing had changed between them'..they were still the same'..same Arnav and Khushi''Khushi and Arnav'..after all these years''.
Just then'..the soft gust of wind''blew Khushi's locks''and''
Arnav saw Khushi'..his Khushi''.
Khushi's locks were blowing''on her face''.on her eyes''..interrupting his view of her beautiful eyes''.her sari blowing on his face''he could still see her'..through the transparent fabric of her sari''.her chest''..covered in red blouse''..breathing'in'and out..'fast''deep''..she was unaware of this'..he glared at her beautiful body''in red'her exposed belly'.her body glowing'.under the moon light''she looked stunning'.she could still take his breath away'..
He had never felt like that with any other woman in this world''and he had spent his fair share with the best models in the world'.only she could do this to him''only she could make him go weak in his knees'..like that'..she could bring out the deepest desires in him like no other woman could''she could make him feel'.so desperate''for her'..he hadn't felt such sensations for a long time''.he could hardly compose himself around her'..no one ever had that kind of effect on his mind''his heart'.his body''his soul''
He let her wrists go'..he removed her sari away from his face''.still glancing at her beautiful body''walked closer''and carefully wrapped it back on her'..
It took a few minutes for her to realize what had just happened''she quickly turned away''embarrassed''holding her sari tightly to her body''shivering'..not due to the cold breeze'..but because what had just happened''.why can't she keep her mind intact? She thought'..why does she always let him take over her feelings? WHY? Let him take over her heart? WHY? Hasn't she learned anything from her past? Why does she let him affect her like that? She needed to be in control'..of her heart'..of her mind''of her surroundings''she reminded herself''
"Khushi are you okay?" he asked''aware that she was uncomfortable''.
She replied, without turning around "I am fine, what would happen to me? I have to go now'.everybody must be waiting inside'..I can't stay here'.with you'.forever'.right?" and she started walking away''
He held her hand''.gently''..without trying to upset her''and said "Khushi, wait, we still have to talk''please don't leave like this'.please'.."
She turned around''saw those eyes again'..his begging eyes''those brown eyes'..those tempting eyes'.what is wrong with him''she thought'..he has never begged like this to anyone before'..let alone'..her'..she could see pain in his eyes''visible agony'..
He was still holding her hand''.she said "what do you want to talk about''not that I want to listen to anything you have to say'.but'..if I do exactly what you did in the past, then I would be no different than Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada'..would I?" and she pulled her hands away from his hold''
He said "thanks Khushi, and you are right''you are definitely NOT like me'..you are far better person than I can ever be''you can never be like me''you would never treat anyone like I have treated you'.I am sorry for everything Khushi'..I really am'.what I did to you was HORRIBLE'. I have to apologize for so many things'.I don't even know where to begin with'."
"Why don't you start with our absurd blackmailed marriage?" said Khushi'..with very calm tone''
He was quite taken aback at her collected self'..a changed Khushi'..he thought'..not clumsy'.not confused'..not scattered'..not the old Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada anymore'.!
He spoke "right''our marriage'.the blackmail'..that night'..no'..actually'..let me start with what happened earlier that day''after I came back from your house'..after serving your relatives'.." he smiled and continued' "That was the best and the worst day of my life'..I had finally realized that I was in love with you'..and I was planning on telling you that night'..the night of the wedding'..that's when I found out about Di's accident'..which shook me a little'..that's when I realized that I should tell you about my feelings as soon as possible'.I was looking for you all over the place'.and I went to the terrace'..and saw'..
He stopped talking'..he didn't want to say those nasty words'..just the thought of it made him hate himself'..how could he have ever believed that son of a b**ch''..
"So you thought that I was having an affair with Syham? Your Jija ji? Anjali Di's husband? Right? That's what you thought? Right?" she asked, still in a very calm voice'..
"I am sorry Khushi, I know I should have asked you at least once'..but I was too shaken to do anything sensible'.then I went to talk to Shyam and he said that you guys love each other'.and the only person coming in between was Di, and that totally threw me off! I even went to tell Di about Shyam but that's when she fainted'..because she was pregnant'.and then I couldn't tell her anything after that'.by that time I had lost all my senses'.ALL of it'.the only thing I could think of was Di and her pregnancy and her health''
"So you thought that by forcing me to marry you'.for six months'.would fix everything'..right? That would keep Shyam away from me because I was married? And I would do the same? Right? Because I was married to you? Right? And Di could be safe and sound because she is your sister, RIGHT?" she asked, still in a very composed voice.
"I know Khushi'..that sounds horrible'..I never wanted to treat you like that'.I never did'.really''.I have loved you more than I have ever hated you'..even when I thought Shyam was right'.I wanted to hate you'..but I still couldn't''every time I hurt you, I have been through hell myself''every time I was nasty to you'..it hurt me more'..I am not saying that's a good enough reason for you to forgive me'.but I still would like to apologize for EVERYTHING I have ever done to you''for each nasty word'..for each disgracing acts'.for each pain'..for every single tear came out of your eyes'..for EVERYTHING Khushi'..EVERYTHING'I AM SO SORRY'.I know saying sorry is not even close to enough for ruining your life'..but believe me'.if I could do anything'..and I mean ANYTHING at all'..to get your forgiveness, I WOULD DO IT."
Khushi looked at him''. a changed Arnav Singh Raizada''not the same old ASR'..the arrogant business tycoon''not the same old egotistical ASR''not the same old self-centered ASR'.not the same old audacious ASR'..this was a new Arnav'..he didn't demand anything from her anymore'.didn't force her for anything''he was actually asking forgiveness'..? Not demanding forgiveness'..?
She replied in a very calm tone again "I know why you did what you did''not right away'..though''because I wasn't that clever''but eventually I figured it out''your over possessiveness for Di'..your behavior towards Shyam''your hatred towards me''I know it took me long time to understand it'..but I did figure it out''.it was little too late though'.but I did''but still didn't know HOW you found out about Shyam and I'..WHAT you knew''.the details'..I wasn't sure on that''though I did want to ask you few times'..but it was already too late'..the damage had been done''I used to get so disgusted that you actually thought I would do something like that to anyone'..let alone Di''.every time I would think about it'..it would make me hate myself more'..that you actually thought that I was a gold digger''I was a home wrecker''I was a sl*t''." she stopped talking''
They both looked at each other''.
The New Khushi''The New Arnav''
The new calm ASR'..
The new determined Khushi''.
ASR wasn't yelling''
Khushi well composed'..
ASR wasn't demanding''
Khushi was collected''
ASR wasn't threatening'..
Khushi was calm''
ASR pleading''
Khushi'..still not sure how to handle this new ASR'..
She continued talking "Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada''you have been doing this for long time RIGHT? Punishing people for their mistakes? Making them ask for forgiveness like no one else can? You like making people apologize to you ALL the time'..right? Especially KHUSHI? RIGHT? You get sheer pleasure out of hearing me say sorry'.RIGHT? And let's not get into your methods of punishing people for their mistakes''.especially ME'..Punishing me for ruining your 'precious' fashion show? Punishing me for working for you? Punishing me for telling Nani about you and Lavanya? Punishing me for working at your house? Punishing me for changing Lavanya's views on marriage? Punishing me for being poor? Punishing me for Shyam's deeds? Punishing me for being your wife? RIGHT? See'.this is all new for me'..no one has ever apologized to me before'.let alone Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada himself'..so I don't know how to forgive you or punish you''I SIMPLY DON'T KNOW'.believe me'..I DO want to punish you'..but I just don't HOW'..I have gone through this in my mind millions of times'but'.now that I actually have a chance to punish you'.I DON'T KNOW HOW TO''
But on the other hand''you are GREAT at deciding peoples' punishments right? So let's do this'..let's just assume that'..I DID ALL THAT TO YOU''how would you punish me? How would you ask me to say sorry? Tell me? Because no one can make others suffer like you do'..so tell me, how would you punish me? How would you want me to ask for forgiveness? HOW?"
She looked at him for answer''to a genuine question'..
For the first time in life'..Arnav Singh Raizada didn't have an answer''he didn't know what to say'..he never expected THIS from Khushi''.he expected a fit, a refusal of forgiveness, even a slap'.but not this'..how could he decide this'..what should be''he just didn't know'..
She said "what happened? You are running out of ideas on how you would make me apologize to you this time? How you would make me say sorry this time? What's going on?" still with a very quiet tone''
She continued "it's fine, Mr. Raizada'.don't worry''you don't need to come up with the PERFECT apology''.or even a PERFECT punishment''let's just forget about it'..it was nice seeing you again Mr. Raizada'.." and she started walking away'..
He saw her walking away''he couldn't let her leave'..not this time'..not when he actually had a chance''to ask for forgiveness''to let her punish him for EVERYTHING''
"KHUSHI PLEASE WAIT" he screamed from top of his lungs''.
Khushi stopped, at the sudden request'..she wanted to keep on walking'..but somehow became immobile''her heart taking over her mind'..
She turned around''
SHOCKED''
She had never ever imagined this even in her wildest dreams''..
IS THIS FOR REAL''?? She thought''
IS He REALLY''.
But how is this possible''
She saw him''.right there in front of her'''at her feet'''..kneeling down''..folded hands''.MR. ARNAV SINGH RAIZADA'..who actually had the whole world at a snap of his fingers''knelt at her feet''..BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS''with folded hands'..head down''.
He said "This is what I would make you to do Khushi''exactly THIS''.nothing less''.I am genuinely sorry Khushi'..I really am''I beg your forgiveness''for everything I have ever done'.to you''Please''forgive me''I can do this for the rest of my life if I have to'.to get your forgiveness'.."
She saw him''.his genuine apology''.
She was startled''she had never expected THIS from Arnav''.she expected a demand to accept his apology, a refusal of explanation, even a '' threat to forgive him'..but not this'..she just didn't know''.what to'..how to''.
When you like someone, you like them in spite of their faults.
When you love someone, you love them with their faults...
Khushi went to him''.kneeled down''held his folded hands''.and said
"Arnav Ji''."
He looked up''at her'..at Khushi''at HIS Khushi''she said Arnav Ji'.for the first time that night''he heard her say that after SO LONG''he couldn't believe his ears'..after giving up all the hope''he never thought he would ever hear those two words from her mouth again''exactly the way she used to address him''when they were married''.he looked at her'..in shock'..he saw her face''her beautiful face''her eyes''wet eyes''she was crying again''he couldn't see her cry again''he said wiping her tears'
"Khushi, please don't cry''not for me''I am not worth your tears'..I AM NOT''if anything, I should be crying'..not you''please Khushi''"
She said "I don't know why you are doing all this''I can't see you like this Arnav ji, I can't'..I don't why'..but I can't''I should enjoy your misery but I am not able to''I am so stupid Arnav ji'.I wanted your apology all my life''I wanted you to beg''but I can't enjoy it like I had imagined'..sometimes we need to forgive others for our sake as well as theirs'.I can't move on in my life until I let go my past'..and I think it's high time that I forgive you and move on with my life'..
She looked into his eyes and said "I forgive you Arnav ji, I do'..for your sake'.for my sake'..for our sake''we both needed a closure to be able to move on with life''and tonight by forgiving you'..I am putting an end to all this'..you don't need to feel guilty anymore'..you don't need to torture yourself anymore'..you are free'.from all the guilt'..I had actually forgiven you long time ago''in my heart''but'..".
She smiled''a sincere smile''.wiped her tears''.the both got up''.and she said
"Thank you for your apology Arnav ji, I really needed it, I never realized this before but now I know'..in order to move on''we need to make peace with the past'..and today I made my peace with my past'..now I am free too''to live my life''to enjoy my life''to actually LIVE my life'..thank you for coming to Mumbai tonight Arnav ji''I really appreciate it'.anyway'..I should go now''..it's already too late'..Karan must be waiting for me''"
He held her hand again and said "Khushi wait''.I can't let you leave me again'..I want you back in my life''I need you'..Khushi'..please don't leave me again'.."
She replied "Arnav ji, forgiving you for what you did is one thing'..coming back to your life is''not possible''even if I want to'..no matter how much you love me'..or you need me'..it's not possible'..I can't''I can't''.I won't be able to'.."
"Why Khushi'..I know you have very bad memories with me'..I was a horrible husband'..the worst person ever'..but more than anything else'..the fact is that I LOVE YOU'..and I know you love me too'..you had written that in the letter you left for me''after that night'.." replied Arnav''
That's when he realized'..he still had to apologize to her for that night'..the night'...which he still couldn't recall what had happened'..DAMN IT! She had just forgiven him for all the other deeds'..now he will have to remind her again about that night'..how is he going to face her'.he thought'..what if he had forced himself on her that night''what if''.is that why she doesn't want to come back to me''SH#T'..I have to find out''.but what if I really '..DID'.force her to go to the bed with me'..? Why can't I remember anything''he was still holding her hand'..he wasn't going to let her go this time''NOT AGAIN'..he had to ask her'..no matter what she answered'..he had to face it''face her'..he asked
"Khushi, what happened that night? I don't remember anything''. I tried and tried but I couldn't recall what happened that night'..and the way you left next morning''without waking me up''I know I will never be able to face you again'..or myself'..if your answer is 'yes''.but I still have to know'..for my sake'..Did I force myself on you that night Khushi'..Did I forcefully''did I'..is that why you don't want to come back to my life? Did I force you to sleep with me Khushi'..? Did I r'..a''p''e you? Did I?"
She looked at him''
Shocked'..
Enraged''
Furious''
Traumatized''.
He asked her again'.. "khushi, Did I?"
She stood there silently''
Pure silence''
Just silence''..
Longer silence'..
Silence''.
NOTHING could have prepared him better for the answer he heard''.
To Be Continued'
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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