Bhabho & Suraj: Victims of circumstance?

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navyaalex8

@navyaalex8

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

Sorry in advance for the lengthy rambling post...But I am intrigued by the strange situation in the Rathi household...Why, pray why, does an entire family of loving, caring, good people ( Ok, Ok, more accurately 1 person) allow Bhabho to continue behaving like this???

From what I've understood from the Rathi family dynamic ( I may have gotten my facts wrong so plz feel free to correct me) : Babasa lost his job very early...I'm not sure of the cause but it could have been due to his hypochondria or a real illness or laziness...In any case, his inaction/ineffectiveness when there were 4 little mouths to feed must have caused bhabho to stand up and fight for survival...Nature abhors a vacuum: Bhabho took charge (which comes naturally to her) ...She had to...Otherwise the family would've starved...

This led to a very strange and skewed power structure in the family...Bhabho was reluctantly, but out of necessity dependent on her young son whom she was supposed to nurture...The helplessness and desperation of a mother leaves an indelible mark on a teenage boy's impressionable mind...This sort of bond is Very Very powerful ...Since he was the eldest, Bhabho would've unburdened her hopes and fears with him...He became her crutch...She was young too : Suraj was born when she was 17yrs old, he became a halwai at 14y, do the math...

Her enormous hold and power over Suraj...His devotion, almost idolatrous love for her...Her overdeveloped sense of responsibilty...Her reluctance to relinquish control...These are all fruits of the person she was forced to become...No one can doubt that Bhabho is a good mother (albeit like many mothers, ultraconservative and blind to her offspring's kartootein) ...Many older women with apathetic husbands/widowed young can relate to her, hence her huge popularity & TRPs... As Sandhya recognises, Suraj's essential goodness has its roots in Bhabho...I know it's a stretch to imagine but perhaps she was like him when she was younger?

However over the years, the power has gone to her head...Many people who have gone through the same still remain sweet and sane so that's no excuse...Babasa has made things worse by never trying to respect in his wife's or children's eyes...He was happy to go along with the status quo as long as it didnt interfere with his indolent,stress free, paan filled existence...Or maybe he didnt like confrontation, so as he advised Sandhya, he may have agreed with everything Bhabho said to keep the peace... All the kids followed likewise...

There's no doubt she's in the wrong now... But it is illuminating to look at her past...Perhaps she's just afraid that everything will fall to pieces (again) if she gives up her iron control...I think Chotu once said when she was scrimping and saving, she doesnt have to scrimp anymore as she is now a thakurayin...But old habits die hard...And this lady's not for turning any time soon...

Edited by navyaalex8 - 13 years ago

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shehjar

@shehjar

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

very well said i totally agree😛

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..Anusha..

@..Anusha..

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

Fab analysis of Bhabo, Bhabasa and Suraj! In fact, that scenario of Bhabo having to take early responsibility for the family must surely be the reason why she has lost some respect for Bhabasa. And yes, I've seen young mothers, especially if they lose the husband through death or divorce, end up relying a lot on their eldest son for some support. Son has to grow up overnight and becomes very sensitive to anything that upsets the mother. Tries to shield her from any more trauma.

All this is very plausible and realistic. Unlike the main couple. They also seem to be victims of circumstance, but they don't have time on their side.

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Fatima

@Fatima_Q

Sparkler

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

I have to mention that...Bhabasa nearly lost his life in an incident related to voting. That's when Suraj had to take up the shop and become a halvaii. It apparently took Bhabasa a lot of time to recuperate and the aches and pains he claims to suffer from are remnants of that incident.

But you gave an excellent analysis of Suraj and Bhabo's relationship and how it has reached the point it has.

Still, one of the things that bother me most about DABH is how much Bahabo's character has changed. She was simple, uneducated but honest, loved her son more than anything, and above all was a very good judge of character.

In more than one post I've professed my love for Bhabo, even defended her...but now I've nothing much to say in her defense. Even the she's been lied to and is a victim of misunderstandings defense falls weak when compared to the extreme lengths of shameless behavior she has gone to.

It reminds me of something Sushant Singh Rajput said in an interview once: "TRPs make characters characterless".

Edited by ummesulaiman - 13 years ago

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Juna04

@Juna04

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

Yes very good analysis and I know such a woman in my family too...

You have really good understanding of the Rathis family structure...

Although what you say is a fact in some households -

Life is such that family structure keeps changing with new additions to the family over the years and if the cvs keep this in mind ... Bhabho also will learn to adjust to the fact that her Son will always love her and respect her and protect her and shelter her but he needs to be given his own private space with his wife and their future...

Even with Vikram and Meenakshi - she controls everything and every move of their - Meena has no freedom to eat what she likes and so she does things sneakily (not to mention she is intrinsically a very crude and imbecile person)

Bhabho needs to know her children will be more open and friendly with her if she allows them the freedom to do things -

Edited by Juna04 - 13 years ago

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_srija_

@_srija_

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

No I could not say she is a Good Mother. She is insecure , Forceful on others to agree with her.

My Explanation for this and put the reason in this link ...

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/diya-aur-baati-hum/2898645/i-want-sandy-to-go-with-ankur?pn=3

Plz do read other people posts on that thread and u could say ,whether is a good mother or not ...

Not only these reasons there are many instances in the show to say she is not even a good human...

Just for a simple pendent chain she created such a big scene and gave a loud mouth on her Laadli son.She only bothers for Money but not for his Love and Choti choti Kushiyon... Is he a machine , to produce baby . Dont he have freedom to be a Loving Husband ...

for Dustbin usage she created a huge nonsence and even after Katputli she dint agree what sandy did was right .. She came back to her room and shared a stupid trauma with Bhabasa ...

Contraseptive pills - It was cleared dat its not sandy , then defnetly she should get , its Meena using them ... What dat ? Is she a Smart Lady .? She kept Meena all others in her iron fist ...

a very recent thing necklace chori hell lot of hungama she did in the Late night Cracking Accusions and pointless Allegations on sandy ... When she got Xerox papers , even then she dint give back any answer for her bashing on the innocent gal , she even doubted nd tested whether the Necklace is gold or not ?? 😕 . This is definetly a inhuman and Mental torture act..

If i keep on saying there wont be an end for such inatances ...

She is Highly Insecure , she has grown-up her kids with Fear ... She is very Forceful , ... Look a Mother should not be to Forcible , that ruins her and her kids life ... She should understand others feelings , she should be friendly , if they does any wrong , just say them in a understandable way , then warning , taunting and slapping comes. She should always come forward to accept Nayi soch and Next Generation Ideas , Thoughts , for a good cause...

So Bhabo definetly Not a Good Mother neither human. nor a common sensed lady , She just know how to tongue the accusions , evrything for Nothing on Sandy and DILs ...

Edited by pavansethu - 13 years ago

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Juna04

@Juna04

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: ummesulaiman
I have to mentions that...Bhabasa nearly lost his life in an incident realted to voting. That's when Suraj had to take up the shop and become a halvaii. It apparently took Bhabasa a lot of time to recuperate and the aches and pains he claims to suffer from are remnants of that incident.

But you gave an excellent analysis of Suraj and Bhabo's relationship and how it has reached the point it has.

Stil, one of the things that bother me most about DABH is how much Bahabo's character has changed. She was simple, uneducated but honest, loved her son more than anything, and above all was a very good judge of character.

In more than one post I've professed my love for Bhabo, even defended her...but now I've nothing much to say in her defense. Even the she's been lied to and is a victim of misunderstandings defense falls weak when compared to the extreme lengths of shameless behavior she has gone to.

It reminds me of something Sushant Singh Rajput said in an interview once: "TRPs make characters characterless".

@bold Yes what Sushant said is very true ...

Also unrelated to what Sushant quoted... recently I read somewhere Karan Kundra quoting that even the shows like Balika vadhu, laado and agale janam bitiya hove ...which started the trend to depict social issues and problems... end up becoming saas-bahu types ... and this is so true...

Just look at DABH the theme is so good and we really want to see Suraj becoming more active on this theme but without the Bhabho effect it is not possible for them to show the support Suraj gives to Sandhya...

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Rana

@hamzanuha

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: ummesulaiman

I have to mentions that...Bhabasa nearly lost his life in an incident realted to voting. That's when Suraj had to take up the shop and become a halvaii. It apparently took Bhabasa a lot of time to recuperate and the aches and pains he claims to suffer from are remnants of that incident.

But you gave an excellent analysis of Suraj and Bhabo's relationship and how it has reached the point it has.

Still, one of the things that bother me most about DABH is how much Bahabo's character has changed. She was simple, uneducated but honest, loved her son more than anything, and above all was a very good judge of character.

In more than one post I've professed my love for Bhabo, even defended her...but now I've nothing much to say in her defense. Even the she's been lied to and is a victim of misunderstandings defense falls weak when compared to the extreme lengths of shameless behavior she has gone to.

It reminds me of something Sushant Singh Rajput said in an interview once: "TRPs make characters characterless".

@ Bold - Beautifully apt

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Fatima

@Fatima_Q

Sparkler

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: Juna04
Also unrelated to what Sushant quoted... recently I read somewhere Karan Kundra quoting that even the shows like Balika vadhu, laado and agale janam bitiya hove ...which started the trend to depict social issues and problems... end up becoming saas-bahu types ... and this is so true...

Just look at DABH the theme is so good and we really want to see Suraj becoming more active on this theme but without the Bhabho effect it is not possible for them to show the support Suraj gives to Sandhya...

I agree. But it does become a bit over bearing at times. I mean due to the Bhabo effect anything Suraj does looks water-downed, or simply disappears into the wood work.

Edited by ummesulaiman - 13 years ago

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..Anusha..

@..Anusha..

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

Reading all the above views, I think Bhabo's char still makes some sense.

She was the only strength for that family for a long while. Now suddenly she has a new Bahu who isn't a conniving fox like Meena, that Bhabo keeps under close observation. No, Sandy is a whole new proposition.

Wife to her one son, whom she can still rely on and trust. Who is the breadwinner of the family as well.

An educated girl who hasn't shed tears or wailed,lied,manipulated. Who looks Bhabo straight in the eye with no fear and explains things in calm, low tones.

Now, all this will make Bhabo extremely insecure. Sandy seems superior in every way. On top of that, Sandy proves her wrong and then carries on in mahaan ways to forgive Bhabo. Oh dear. Guilt on top of insecurity.

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Bhabho & Suraj: Victims of circumstance?

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