Double Standards! *Huge debate topic*

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Neemsundari

@Neemsundari

Voyager

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#11

People in positions of power decide what is right and wrong.

Since men are in positions of power in quite a large part of the world (the equations are changing now, but still)---they can do no wrong.

So women who make advances/ flirt/ have multiple relationships are cheapened, whereas men with the same behavior pattern are romanticized--which is why the whole M &B equation of experienced man teaching virginal woman the ropes of love/lovemaking is so popular and embedded in popular culture. An experienced woman initiating an inexperienced man would be called abuse, of course!

For me, I don't find Khushi's interaction with NK 'flirting'--even the one where she models bangles for him. To her, she has found a way to annoy Arnav, and is using it to divert Arnav's intense scrutiny from her to NK. The flirting part came under discussion because it inadvertently yet directly 'invited' the 'male gaze' of NK. If NK had platonic feelings in mind, his gaze would not have been attracted (no matter how deeply-cut her kameez), and Khushi wouldn't have been perceived to be 'flirting'!

That said, even if she did flirt, I'd say she would be perfectly within her rights--as long as she did so with full awareness of the consequences (given the current social environment and existing double standards), and confidence in handling them.

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Samiya

@SamiyaIPKKND

Inactive

+ 7

Posted: 13 years ago

#12

👏👏👏👏👏👏... great post dear

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monsi08

@monsi08

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 13 years ago

#13

Excellent post !!!!👏👏👏
I just now wrote this in Somy's post and same applied here too..

Sadly this is what our society is... it has different set of rules for a boy and a girl.. they are practiced right from their birth... Currently whatever I am reading in this forum is just the result of that very basic lesson they have learnt in life... !!!

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@lexaxel

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

#14

We Indians are phamous for our 'Indian' mentality😆😆. In the name of tradition quite a lot of nonsense goes on. Education has brought about quite a bit of change in the midset of people [especially] living in the cities but 70% of India live in the villages.

Our serials and advertisements are no less responsible. The Ekta serials while refreshed our minds abt the age-old traditions also on the downside portrayed women as either pure, unblemished virgins[all same words I knw😆😆] or submissive wives or manipulative mother-in-laws, sister-in-laws etc. Can u think of anyother character trait of a woman in those serials??? No, right!!!

Arnav's grandmother cant be blamed, she has been brought like that & lived her life that way. In India a live-in relationship is taboo. The girl is immediately labeled as loose, characterless and easy. Thats a sad fact. To be very honest I may talk very maturely but if I had a daughter & she does something like this I'll be very disappointed.

Men like Arnav[] get away with a lot of things. He is Rich, Khandaani and therefore above reproach. His past will be considered by the elders indulgently as the follies of youth. Whereas Khushi cannot even think of it. A failed engagement tho of no fault of her own can go against her when she gets future rishtas. Such is the discrimination.

Another case in point is rape. A woman is looked upon when she is raped. It is automatically assumed she must have done something[dress inappropriately, flirted] to instigate the man into doing it. My skin crawls when I read articles like this in the papers.

We can discuss this for ever but the sad fact is that these are norms followed thru centuries which cannot be erased immediately...not even in a few years or decades.

The way I see it...education is the answer. An educated woman is a liberated one.

p.s: Since I'm sure where I come from & know my mind I watch the serial only for the leading protagonists. They are dreamy. And a story is a story. I feel terrible when Khushi gets pushed around but finally she is just a charcter in a serial. I know I digressed but ur post was spot on. It's such a deep topic that I cdn't help adding my bit😛

p.p.s: All said and done I wait for a smile from Arnav Singh Raizada like the desert waits for rain😍.

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adeeti10

@adeeti10

Voyager

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

#15

Double standards exist - it's a male-dominated society, chauvinism exists whether we like it or not.

Heck, even women think that men who are players are cool, and women who do the same are s****s.

Yes, this show captures these aspects well, though it does so without really intending it.

About the posts in the recent days on the forum about Khushi, Arnav and NK, well these characters are human, and therefore like us, flawed. No one's perfect. 😊

My take is:

Arnav: Ok, be the alpha male you are but don't expect every woman to swoon at your feet. To be fair, you are isn't. But given your past, I understand that you don't express emotions easily or very clearly, it would be tough for a woman who's just getting to know you to figure out what's on your mind and she could easily misinterpret your actions

Khushi: I know you're young, but you've seen a lot. So while you might not have experience in love, you have a woman's instinct. Trust it. The Shyam fiasco was not your fault. But with NK, remember he landed up at your doorstep with red roses on NY eve (You know lady, those weren't for Buaji!) And whether we like to it or not, guys can get the wrong idea. So if you're being a wee bit more friendly with NK and telling him things like "hey, i'll wear the bangles you pick" he might do more than the basic math and think you reciprocate his feelings, whatever they be.

NK: You're a cool dude and a nice, friendly guy. You've seen the looks that Arnav and Khushi exchange and you know something's up, or you can sense it. But being a dude, you may not want to back off until it's obvious. But, remember the bro code - "don't hit on a bro's prospective woman"

Totally, off topic, I think how men and women are has a lot to do not just with conditioning (society thinks it's okay for men to have experience, but the same does not hold for a woman) but also to do with hormones and evolutionary biology (a male wants to maximize his chances of passing on his genes to the next generation)

The emphasis on a woman's virginity/ chastity can also be partly explained by one aspect - how does a male know and ensure that the female he has 'mated' with is carrying his offspring?

1. If she's a virgin when they mate, for sure he knows he's passed on his genes

2. If she's bound to him by a really strong bond (marriage with all its social and emotional bonds of which fidelity is a big, big part) she's unlikely to 'play' around (not to say that this cannot and does not happen)

Edited by adeeti10 - 13 years ago

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Krani

@Krani

Dazzler

+ 9

Posted: 13 years ago

#16

There are certain points i disagree with since I don't relate with them at all:

Arnav can sleep with La and emotionally cheat on her with Khushi. He can establish La in the house to make his point with Nani and make Khushi jealous, but if Khushi dares to flirt with NK to just make Arnav jealous, she is the greatest flirt who should be careful (many of us have said this, I am not talking about anyone particular)

I don't think that Khushi is flirting with NK, she is doing what practically every woman would do if the man she had feelings for was getting jealous of her being with someone else. However, personally I feel that both Arnav and Khushi have tried to make each other feel jealous. I am not saying it's their right, but they both have done it, and i have no strong feelings against it :) Not sure which members feel that Khushi should not be allowed to flirt :/

Arnav gets to hurt Khushi physically by dropping her from the second floor (not easily forgivable) but if Khushi is slightly rude about it, many find Khushi unfair.

I don't think people have a problem with Khushi standing up against Arnav. In fact in many posts they have applauded when she has done something for herself. E.g. push Arnav in anger, play pranks on him, etc, etc. Could you be more specific when you mean rude about it? Rude about what? Sometimes what Khushi can say, can be a tad insensitive, but then she apologises. Same way, when Arnav commits a mistake, he takes a few deep breaths to calm down and he talks to her calmly :)

La is bad because she dresses Western and Khushi is good because she dresses Indian - as if their dresses say it all. I have made a post about this before. The Western dressed woman is not automatically character-less. And what is character-less anyway? Why is this term more often imposed on women for having the same lifestyle many men are never questioned for

Yeah I sorta agree, and then disagree at the same time. La was shown to be bad at the start, and that was emphasised with the short dresses she wore. I agree that a person wearing western clothes should not be shown in bad light, because that just reinforces some stereotypes, which mostly aren't true. But then again, we have Manoroma, who wears full-on Indian clothes, and is pretty evil. Not only that, there are other shows in which a woman wearing western clothes is not particularly shown in a negative light :)

Nani and Anjali are thrilled Arnav is going for the good girl Khushi but they never consider that Arnav's relationship history might actually offend the Gupta's if a proposal is made. No, they assume their all-eligible brother/nati is so good that only bringing the two together for love will seal the deal

I think everyone, to an extent believes that their family members are perfect. Especially grandparents love their grandchildren, so I won't blame Anjali and Nani here.
Though, they do say that what happens in the past, should be left in the past, and not taken in the future. I think they see that Arnav is changing, and that's what causing them to think of marriage. Plus, while he was horrible to begin with, I think the Gupta's would have seen that Arnav has changed and he is helping with the marriage of Payal and Aakash.
I am not saying that they might overlook Arnav's past. They may certainly not like his proposal, and might be against it. But I think Arnav's family should be allowed to think happy thoughts concerning Khushi and Arnav :)

I agree with some of the other points. There are definitely double standards in the show! And I agree, these double standards exist in reality as well, which is a shame. Especially for women, since most double standards are against them. But hopefully there will be a show that will further showcase these double standards in the future :)

Loved your post :)

~Sweety

Edited by sweetdamage - 13 years ago

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mozart66

@mozart66

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

#17

Bravo Mary! Very thought-provoking post! It was much needed.

When LA was looked down upon because of her preference for western clothes, Kushi was treated like an ideal Indian woman. But look at Khushi's dresses (almost all of them). Most of her kurtis are not just short but figure hugging. The dupatta which is supposed to cover the chest to make a woman supposedly look respectable, is always wound around her neck leaving the supposed-to-covered-part uncovered! Khushi also wears kameezes with very low neckline on the back (see her dresses which she is wearing during wedding ceremony). So why is LA blasted for wearing figure hugging, leg-exposing dresses? Talk of the double standards indeed! It is more like prejudices I feel!

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SanzBarbie

@SanzBarbie

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#18

Originally posted by: uniquebluerose
hey

Thank god I am the first o comment on this beautiful and superb topic!!!!!
The double standards is something that irks me...I amen not in characters but in the sol called forum wasis...who say that the show is different as Khushi and Arnav are treated as equals and they are bored of same old saas bahu saagas

But then they end up sub conciously expecting the same old all pure and glorified maid as daughter in law...and all the while saying its not in Khushi's character to behave like this!!!!!

Will come back with more inputs now my boss is calling me...but kudos i apprecaite your post and just love the way you have put ti!!!

Also i feel the double standard is also for the money matters...I distinctly remember Arnav calling Khushi middle class girl in aukat everything in very hurting way...but very few seemed to care...and everyone else were just oohing and aahing his appearance but Khushi just had to make a remark on his diabetes that too only once in very harmless way but there came hues and cries to almost ban the show and i guess if they had been able given right to murder this one character..they would have decided to kill this character in the serial and not Shyam and probably have new meek girl for Arnav!!!!...just for dance there were words like t**t used on her!!!!

So I feel some fans of IPKKND are not having double standards with respect to gender alone but also with money...for them rich can get away with anything (as many who balmed Khushi for the dance were supporting Lavanya for character dheela dance!!!!) and the poor nope...every blame should fall on them...

Great post Mary.. happy to know that this forum has indeed some logical and unbiased writes..
yes the show does have double standard..
and Uniquebluerose wrote it so perfectly.. I was also irritated so see some particular rubbish posts having the most Illogical topics in it about Khushi being flirt and men are not toys, whatever..
Loved ur post, U showed logic Girl..

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dumas

@dumas

Stunner

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

#19

well done mary you did a find job of put the truth out their the show really does have a double standard as most in indian serials have western world is bad wearing a dress is bad i adore the show and i love the fact khushi gives arnav is good when la was around he used ti insult and degraded her i like she is not a person now he realize he is in love with her and she is giving him tit for tat love it thanks for the pm mary and you go girl your point was made perfectly

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Rabba-Ve-Delena

@Rabba-Ve-Delena

Inactive

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

#20

Bang on with so many of these points! Also as viewers we're guilty of it too but I guess it's a TV serial these flaws were bound to be in it other then that atleast we can say that the story is relatively well written!😆