I know I know I'm suppose to be updating my FF but I just couldn't help writing this. Forgive me if it's utter nonsense.
Arnav paced across the room sleep evading him as it always did. His heart pounded erratically and his fingers trembled in spite of himself. He watched the bedside alarm clock blinking back at him; its digital numbers stating 11.53 pm. Seven more minutes.
He closed his eyes; her face burned his retinas poking at his tear glands.
She laughed at him. She laughed with him. She cried because of him. She cried with him.
3 more minutes.
She stood on tip toe and nibbled feathery kisses on to his jaw and laughed at his bemused expression.
1 minute
Her hair fanned on the pillows. Eyes hooded, she looked up at him, clutching his bare shoulders as she breathed in deeply.
10...9...8...her tinkling anklets...7..6...her merry footsteps...5...4...3...her teasing smile 2..1..
00.00
It was 6 th of June.
Finally the most waited day of his life. It had been so for the past three years. Every year he waited with bated breath until the dawn of 6 th of June.
It was the day left aside to open up his unhealed heart and pierce the wounds while simultaneously put soothing balm over them.
He picked up two pieces if paper lying beside his bedside table. The yellowed dog-eared letters on his hands that were proof of the countless sleepless nights he had spent, reading and re reading them until the words were etched in his memory.
He stroked the pieces of paper fondly, almost wistfully. Today she was nearer to him, nearer to his aching heart more than the rest of the year.
He picked up first of the two letters and read it again. He had lost count the number of times he had done the same.
My dearest,
I know you will find it as a shock when this letter reaches you. But there were so many words left unsaid between us which I must let you know even though I'll be long gone by now. I will try my best to be short and to the point.
The four months I spent with you were the happiest in my life. I learnt lessons of life I would never have learnt any where else. Thank you for guiding this ignorant 18 year old on paths of reality while gently nudging on with your love and kindness when I thought of giving up.
How wrong I was about you when I first met you on a day like this. Yes it was on a 6th of June when I first fell into your arm. It was the luckiest day of my life.
Thank you for standing by me through the most emotionally daunting periods of my life. You were my guiding light, helping hand and pillar of strength. I couldn't have defeated the lies and brought out the truth without you by my side. Thank you for the trust you showed in me.
I know you are sitting outside this hospital room right now while I write you this letter. I can hear your heart as well as I can hear your voice. You know as well as I do that the walls are no barriers for the emotions you convey to me. That reminds me; I must ask you to smile at me one last time before I go. It's rare, that smile of yours, but beautiful and heart warming as a smile could ever be.
You once asked me if I thought your mother is happy seeing you as you are now. I didn't reply to you then but I think it's safe to do so now.
Yes my dearest, she is more than happy. She's proud of you as a mother can ever be of her son. I wish I can convince you more and bring back the confirmation as I will be joining her soon.
I just want you to know how special this day is to me, how truly blessed I was to have met with you on a day like this.
I hope this letter will reach you on 6th of June as I intended to.
Love,
Kushi Kumari Guptha
6th of June. It was the day of their own private little anniversary, hidden from the knowledge of the prying world. He looked at the letter, his eyes misted over as he tried to gulp down the lump in his throat. He wondered how he managed to live through the gap she left in his life. How he still survived. It surprised him; sometimes disgusted him that he managed it so well.
He picked up the next letter.
My dearest of Arnavs,
It's exactly one year since you received my last letter. Yes it's 6th of June again. A new year. A new day. I hope it will be a new beginning too.
Something tells me you are not happy as I want you to be right now. You were the strongest man I knew in my life. And I always loved to see you smile. Rare as it is, that crooked smile of yours brought absolute sunshine to anyone you decide to shed it over.
But darling, this melancholy doesn't suit your strong brows. I would rather see your magnificent scowl than the permanent sadness that's etched in your face. I wish I can run my hand over your hair and kiss those strong brows to sooth your pain.
Do you remember when you used to scold me with my full name? Even after four months of marriage that habit never seemed to leave you and you constantly forget I'm no longer Kushi Kumari Guptha. Your wonderful eyes gleamed and such passion in your voice when you uttered them! It used to thrill me to the bone.
I remember the time when you pounded a whole gang of thugs single handed just because one of them pushed me. I was mesmerised by your strength but touched with gratitude that you stepped up to save me. I thought I could never be any where safer than in your presence, in your arms.
You don't like to see me cry do you? I cry because you cry. So now you know how to stop my tears don't you?
Love,
Kushi Kumari Guptha
He slowly got up and went to the closet where her suits still hung. He touched the soft fabric, the glittering round ornaments at the edge of sleeves that waved merrily back at him. He smelled her fragrance that still clung to them resolutely after so many years. He took out her worn out pair of anklets, kissed them and put them snugly back in the little box.
Her memories lingered, poignant and sharp in every corner of his world.
He wondered how he will survive till morning when the mailman brought in the letters.
But when morning finally came and he traced the familiar envelope now residing within his hands, he wondered if he really wanted to read it after all. He was afraid what it might contained, afraid that it will be the last letter, that he might not have a reason to live, something to look forward to until next year. Mustering up his courage, he tore the envelope and pulled out the letter.
My dearest laad governor,
I'm sorry for that pathetic attempt at humour. However I do know that you like it when I call you by that ridiculous name. I must stop wasting time. But you know how Kushi Kumari Gupth is. She loves to procrastinate.
I'm a little tired from all the writing I did. After all righting three letters in one go isn't the easiest task in the world. My hands are trembling a little. I do know that I'm running out of time. I must hurry.
I just want you to know how much I will miss cuddling up to you. I will miss kissing you; I will miss hugging you, laughing at you for your serious ways, arguing with you for thousand and one reasons. I will miss being with you. But mostly I will miss the one thing I do every breathing moment of my life; I will miss loving you.
I always wanted to tell you how much I love watching you sleep. You looked the perfect angel. But I love it best when you wake up beside me and smile at me with that absolutely heavenly smile of yours.
I loved it when you kissed me. I wish you will go on kissing me for eternity. But I guess all good things must come to an end.
I loved it when you hug me. Do you remember the first time you hugged me? You hugged me with such force that I nearly toppled backwards with your weight! That memory always made me laugh!
I'm sorry for blabbering. But what I want to convey here is, Thank you for giving so much happiness to my life. I was the happiest girl in the world.
I know that my time is coming to an end and I must leave soon. I believe this will be my last letter.
But the reason for this letter is to remind you that it is time to move on. Can you promise me that you will do this for me?
Before I go I want you to know that if you ever miss me, look up at the night sky and you will find one lone star blinking and twinkling at you. You won't see that twinkling star at day time.
You might not see me but just like that twinkling star I'm always there.
Love,
Kushi Kumari Guptha
He kissed her letter containing her love, where her once warm hand moved, penning words for him assuring him of her love. It was proof that she wasn't a dream, a beautiful fantasy woven in his sleep.
Speaking of my FF check it out if you have time.
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