As I try to focus, bright flashes of multi coloured lights hurts my eye and I close my eyes. In the background, it is such a chaos! People are shouting, frantic and tensed; I can hear roars of engines, cell phones ringing, ambulances sirens. Where am I? Where is Riddhima? Ugh! My head hurts. Riddhima, where are you? I need you, is the only thing I can think of.
I try to move my limb, but I am not able to. That worries me a bit. I feel helpless, as if my limbs have been tied. I try harder and push myself. At that I hear a voice telling me not to, and a force gently pushes me down.
"Mr. Malik, please do not move. We're talking you to the hospital. You will be fine."
"Where is Riddhima?" I try to ask him, but there is no reply. It doesn't take me long to realize that I am not able to speak. I have a oxygen mask over my lips. What has happened to me? Where is RIDDHIMA!?
"Armaan." I hear her whisper, standing so close to me that I can almost feel her breathe on my ear lobe, as the cold wind passes by us. Suddenly, a slight pinch on my arms makes me want to scream. In the matter of few seconds, everything else goes back to darkness, it is only her that remains. And I know that she will always be on my side, that is suffice for me.
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Bright flashes of light greets me again, as I try to open my eyes. Again, everything is frantic. I feel suffocated. I try to move, but the pain is too much to bear. What is going on? I see aliens in green suits and foreign instruments, running all around me. The scene around me is too fast to comprehend. They are doctors, and a realization dawns on me: I am in a operation theater. I try hard to rearrange my distorted memory, something that I can understand, but I fail. Panic seeps in me. Am I going to die? What has happened to me? Where is Riddhima? I need to see her. Again, her image is so clear, almost real. I haven't felt her this close to me in months. And this maybe the last of her, the last of me. Am I going to die? I want to shout, but can't.
The pain is beyond my imagination. I can feel all their eyes on me, murmuring instructions to be still. I can't.
"Nurse, injection. Quick." Finally, when I am able to hear loud and clear, this is the first thing I hear. NO! NO! I just want to run, but can't. That is the last thing I remember, before I slip to unconsciousness again.
________________
Love is not always about letting it go, at times, it means holding on to it.
Faint whispers as all I can hear. I can see shadows moving around me, and ask myself, am I dead? Slowly, I try to open my eyes. It doesn't hurt that much anymore, physically. Mentally, it is much more.. feeling Riddhima so close to me and losing her all over again. When death was almost about to embrace me and I watched her fade, I realized how much I wanted to stay. I wanted to live.. to watch out for her, to make sure she is happy, to make sure she is not hurt, even if not for myself.
"Mr. Malik, how are you feeling now?" I see a young woman standing in front of me, smiling at me. She had jet black eyes and hair, and was small and thin in size. I was sure that my doctor was an Indian.
"Where am I?" I respond, making her smile even more for some reason. I try to shift uncomfortably and fail. Ugh! I groan.
"You need to rest, Mr Malik. So it is better if you don't try to move your body." She told me.
"Where am I?" I repeat myself in a harsher tone this time.
"At County hospital. You were severely injured in a car crash. Do you remember anything?" She asked, and I realize that there are two more doctors accompanying her, staring at me.
"Yes, I remember driving the car. And then the car went off road and then fell of a mountain?" I was uncertain. I tried to remember what happened, but the more I tried... the more it hurt.
"Ah!"
"It's alright, it's alright." She stopped me immediately. And suddenly, I remembered that my crew was following me in the other car. I shifted to look at her.
"Where are others?" Fear etched in me.
"They all are fine." She told me, to calm my nerves. Thank god, I thought.
"Riddhima-" She said, without looking at me, pretending to note something down in the chart, and that caught my attention. How do you know that name? I am sure my expression must have read, since she answered my unasked question next.
I waited, hoping secretly that she would say that Riddhima is waiting outside.. to see me. A hope ignited in me, to never fade away again.
She smiled, without looking at me.
"You kept repeating this name, while you were unconscious." She answered, scribbling something on the medicine chart.
"I want to be honest with you, Mr Malik." Now she looked into my eyes, as she spoke and I knew she was being honest. I prepared myself.
"For a moment there in the theater, your heart had stopped beating, Mr. Malik. You had stopped breathing, or responding." She told me, and I recalled how Riddhima's image was so felt so warm and clear.
"Riddhima.. is the only thing that has kept you alive." She told me something that I already knew.
"I know." I murmured, and watched her nod in an understanding.
"Mr. Malik, your friend wants to see you. So I am going to leave you alone." She looked over at the door, where Harry wiped a tear away, and then looked at me.
"Okay. Thank you doctor." I smiled at her warmly.
"I will came later." She wrapped the stethoscope around her neck, and put the pen in her pocket, and left the room immediately.
"Dude, stop crying like a girl." I joked, as I saw Harry taking the chair near me.
"I am not." He tried to sound normal, but his voice broke. It did not take me very long to realize that he had been crying. No wonder, he looked so pale and dead.
"Yes, you are." I said, taking him by surprise. He looked away immediately, avoiding my gaze.
"For a moment there, you had me scared." His voice broke as he spoke. He didn't have to say anything more.
"I wasn't going anywhere." I smiled at me, and that surprised him, again. I had meant everything I said. It take a lot more than just death.. to separate me from Riddhima.
"Good to know that." He smiled at me.
"ARMAAN FRICKIN MALIK!" Harry and I turned around to find my manager, waiting for me at the door. Sapna, that is her name. She banged open the door, dramatically and I rolled my eyes. She is filled with drama. Then she marched towards me, as going to punch me down any second, and Harry cleared the path for her.
"After you recover, I will make sure you end up in the hospital again. Idiot." She yelled. I couldn't help but grin. Sapna has been my manager ever since I have started my acting-singing career. She is my best friend, the only person I can confide in. She is like the sister I never had.
"Don't do that to me, ever again!" She pointed at me, and choked. She had been crying too, I realized.
"I promise." I told her, and that seemed to make her feel better.
"Okay, you're pardoned then." She looked away, tucking back strands of hair behind her hair.
We were interrupted as Harry rushed back in the room, looking tensed, with my cell in his hand.
"Armaan, I think you should take this call." He handed me the phone, his voice and look concerned. Without a word, I took the phone. Private number, the caller ID said.
"Hello?"
Silence.
"Hello?" I repeated, my thoughts jumbled and messed.
How much ever distorted my mind maybe, I can never forget this silence. I stopped frowning, realizing who it was.
"Riddhima?" I whispered, my voice filled with hopes. And then I heard a faint sob.
"Riddhima?" I called out for her more desperately. It didn't take me long to understand her sobs. She might not say anything, but that doesn't mean I don't know.
"I am fine, Riddhima." I said, finally.
When she still did not say anything, I continued, "Everything will be fine. I promise." I wasn't so sure.
And then she disconnected the call. I held the cell close to my heart. She is all the medical treatment I need, she is my life support system.
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