Je suis fou de toi(AR) Chap24|Pg67 [28/1] - Page 20

Lucky are those, two find their lost love. For me, I found my love twice, and lost it both the times. It has been over a year now. At times, I sit by the window, watching the clattering of rain drops against the window pane, wondering if she still thinks of me, as I think of her. As for me, she never left me mind. In any situation, I keep wondering what her reaction would have been, how she would have done it, and fail to guess it every time. It frustrates me, I feel that I am somewhat letting go of her, when I am not ready to. I am not strong enough.

She must have married him- Aditya. She must have someone else's wife. But it still feels as if she belongs to me, I don't know why. She must have kid by now. I wonder what he looks like. I wonder if she tells her kid about her friend. She wouldn't. Why would she? We had decided to let go. I figured that she will never forgive me. Forgive me for leaving her alone when she needed me. She must have thought of me as a coward, for running away, but I did what I had to do. I was making her weak. And I have always wanted to be her strength. I was making her chose, I was messing her head. I hated that.

Aditya could give her something that I never could- commitment. He is a nice guy, and she loves him. They can name their relation and tie into an unbreakable bond. For me, I could have never given her commitment. I was too scared to that. Scared that I will stop loving her after the marriage, like my father did to my mother. Scared that she will stop loving me, and thinking of it made it hard for me to breathe. Although apart, but I still love her more than ever, and I want it to remain that way. That way, I know that somewhere.. she is happy. The cute smile is still playing on her lips. That she still remembers me as her friend.. a friend that will always love her, no matter what.

I looked at the crowd and realized that most of them were already in tears. How much ever I tried, the pain always reflected in my songs. I couldn't help it. But I hated making my audience cry, when my music was about making them feel... alive. I guess that is what love does too you. She takes up all my songs, all my thoughts, all my dreams and most of my life. I know she is still out there, watching me, tearing up as I start playing the tune on my guitar, I can feel it. I wonder what she thinks of my songs, if it touches her as much as it touches me.

And that was the end of it. Done singing the song, I looked up at the crowd, hoping that a round of applause would follow, and it didn't. I caught most of them wiping their tears away, as it still in a tranced state. I wondered if my song had the same thing to her. A really loud round of applause followed. People clapped their hands, hooted, screamed. It made me feel good. I wondered if she was in the audience, watching me, with misty eyes and smile on her lips.

"Thank you, people! I hope she likes it too." I smiled at them, and could hear a few sighs.

"She will it love it, Armaan!" I heard a girl scream, her voice beyond loud.

"YEAH!" Her friends agreed, and the crowd clapped for me again. I hope so. I truly hope so. I hope she sees it.. shes the only thing that has kept me alive. I hope she remembers it, I need her to.

"Goodnight, fellas! Thank you!" I bowed and then left the stage.

One more city of my tours was done. And the response I had received had surpassed all my expectations. But all that mattered to me was her response, though I knew I was never going to see it.

"DUDE, that was beautiful." I looked up to find my manager wiping a tear away.

"I know." A small smile played on my lips, as I imagined her doing the same thing.

"Lets go." I nodded and followed him out of the stage. It was time for some... fun!

Next day:

I scanned that never-ending stretch of the white sheet of snow lying ahead of me. The temperature, here and right now, was beyond freezing. It was difficult to breathe, stuffed in so much clothing. The altitude made it hard for me to think clearly. I studied the rugged features of the mountain beneath me carefully. Beautiful. Bunch of logs and trees and the stormy weather made it even more difficult. Even better.

Heliskiing was the most dangerous sport in the world. Not many, who tried it, have survived to see the outcome. The risks of this sport are a lot. It is more of a going on suicide mission, than adventure sport to some.. for me, it was the only way to feel her again.

"Dude, the weather is not good. It can be dangerous. Are you sure you want to do this?" My manager came and stood near me, the view from the helicopter gave him creeps.

"Don't worry. I will be fine." More than fine, I thought.

"Why are you doing this, Armaan?" I heard Harry's soft voice behind me, watching me.

Without turning, I replied.

"You know the reason, Harry." I told him. He did. He was the only one who knew more than anyone else.

"You're crazy." He muttered silently. He was telling me something that I already knew. Crazy in love, with her.

"Its time. Get ready" The instructors voice was loud and clear. I nodded.

After a few moments, I remember flying in the air and felt so beautiful, as if I was meant to be there. The risks, as the instructor had informed me, were too much here. I could fall on my face and break my neck. This could end very badly. But all I cared about was.. that I needed to feel her again. I was not ready to let go of her. Not yet.

I landed on the the tip of the mountain, sliding through the rough features without any effort. And then I saw her.. felt her.. close to me. It felt good, warm.

"I have missed you." I muttered to the feeling in my heart. Since so many days, I felt as if Riddhima was no more near me. And this feeling was killing me. I couldn't breathe, feel or even think. They say, when death is close enough, you see the person who you love the most. And this my only way.

I pulled out of my thoughts as I realized that it was the beginning of the forest. Skiing through the forest was the most difficult part. It was more of way leading you to death. I grinned, enjoying it.

I skid through the woods, and crossed the thin ice layers. Next I came across a huge boulder, right ahead of me, forming a hurdle in my path. I saw her, felt her again and she is beautiful.

"Woo!" I shouted, sliding over the boulder, flying in the air all over again.

"WOO!" I shoulder louder, my voice echoing in the mountains. I shouldn't have done that, I knew.

The high mountain areas are very critical. Even a slight disturbance, like my loud voice, can cause sliding of the snow, avalanche and lead to my death.

Too occupied in my thoughts, I didn't see the foggy view ahead of me. And when I did, it was too late. Before I knew it, I found myself disappearing in the fog.

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