MG SS: Age of love: Last chap(Winter) Pg67 (2/1) - Page 30

AGE OF LOVE

Autumn:

Burdens and blues

We took steps forwards,

And further apart we went

Searching for the unknown,

We aimed for solace

Please listen to this song:

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AW9C3-qWug[/YOUTUBE]

For the first time in his life Maan ran away from his own world, leaving behind all those he cared about. It was a selfish act but one he needed in order to survive. He couldn't bear the thought of his Geet being someone else's.

So he went away two days after Geet's wedding, wanting to escape from the suffocation of isolation and loneliness. Initially he was meant to go for a month only, but month turned into three years.

Within those two years he started to pay more attention to his education, working towards an business and arts double degree. He would manage to make time to travel to unknown places and see all kinds of people.

He helped to build houses in rural areas in African countries, protested against the military regime in Nepal and even managed to visit the Middle East. He had walked along minefields, went to aid earthquake effected Haiti and Japan. The closest he got to home was a visit to Kashmir, where he met with a friend who was in the military.

In these moments when he risked his life, he would feel alive. Adrenaline pumping through his veins would convince him that life was worth living and that there was still a purpose for him. He wanted to soak in the human spirit that enabled these people to lead such lives despite all their pain and suffering. In comparison his pain was insignificant. He managed to convince himself of this during the day while he was busy but when he was all by himself all he could think of was of Geet.

A part of him wanted to run back to her and steal her away from the world. He wanted forget about societal rules, instead just hold her in his arms. But reality would intrude and force him to accept that he couldn't break up a relationship.

More than loneliness or pain, was the overwhelming and omnipresent guilt. Every day he would wonder why he hadn't been able to understand his love before it was too late. Every day he regrated not being able to tell her how much he loved her and that she was his whole world.

And he knew that she loved him. It was evident in the letters she would send every week. No matter which part of the world he was in, somehow her letters would find him. Yet he didn't read a single letter because he knew that his rigid self-control would snap and he would run back to her. He couldn't bear to read about her sadness neither would he be able to tolerate her life with another man. But still Geet wrote to him and her letters were always with him.

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Among so much love,

And a crowd of well-wishers,

So alone I was without the comfort

And love of my soul mate

It had become a daily routine for Geet to fix Raj's tie. Initially Geet had thought that Raj didn't know how to tie the knot but it took a year for her to realise that it was a ploy to get her closer to him. By then she had gotten used the small ritual and was more than happy to continue on.

Today was no exception. She stood on her tip toes, trying to fix the knot while Raj continued to chat away.

"What does my darling wife want today?" Raj asked, finally grabbing Geet's attention.

"Your wife wants you to be on time to work." Geet smiled fondly at her husband. After three years of marriage it was impossible not to care for the man who had stood beside her and had loved her without any regrets. Theirs marriage was neither a sham nor was it perfection instead it was honest and full of care. Geet knew that she was lucky that she at least married a man who never judged her neither did demand anything she wasn't willing to give. "Aaj ghar thoda jaldi ana, Ma ne dinner ke liye bolaya hai."

"As you wish." He bent down to give a small peck on her check and then left for work.

Geet got busy doing some small housework and then writing up her resume. She had managed to finish her law degree but had yet to start work.

Finally Geet sat down to write a letter to Maan. It had become a routine to write to Maan, she would pour out about her daily activities, about Raj and their parents. In her mind she would picture what she would say to Maan if her was here and would put that on paper. That is everything apart from the feelings that were hidden.

She could say with all honesty that she loved her husband but that love was for a companion and partner. She trusted him and was comfortable with him. She wanted only happiness and success for her husband. Yet she knew that he wasn't her soul mate and that there were things about her that he would never understand because only Maan could relate to her that way. Sometimes she felt guilty that he couldn't love Raj the way he loved her, but that guilt would go away as he never made her feel that way. He would always shower love on her and in turn accepted her love the way it was.

With these thoughts swirling around her mind, it took her a few moments to realise that someone was ringing the doorbell.

It must be Raj. Geet shook her head as she thought of her husband. He was always trying to surprise her and usually failed. He is such a child!

She quickly ran to the door, screaming out, "I am coming!"

Quickly opening the door she said aloud, "Sorry for opening the door so late." She didn't glance up, instead she picked up the piece of paper she had dropped while opening the door.

"I am the one who is late."

Geet froze the moment she heard the voice that was more familiar to her than her own.

"Maan!" She whispered.

Maan couldn't take his eyes away from her. She looked so different yet the same. This was one of the rare times that he was seeing her in a sari. She was so beautiful in her simplicity.

"Maan!"

It was impossible to say who reached for whom but within a moment they were in each other's arms. A sense of peace and calm filled within him as he held the most important person in his life. I am home.

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The contradictions of life

Amongst pain we found beauty

And such agonising pleasure

In moment of utter splendour

For the first few moments they didn't know what to say to each other. It was as if words would only impede on this beautiful moment, filled with painful happiness and almost beautiful pain.

Geet couldn't look away from him because every glance and sight of him meant the world. Overnight she had lost him and her heart had broken but the worst pain was from not being able to see her best friend. It may have been painful to love him with such intensity but being his friend and part of his life was as important to her as breathing.

Sitting next to each other in her drawing room, time ticked away before Geet finally found the words. "Dude your zippers undone."

Maan looked down and saw that it wasn't. For a second there was a stunned silence before both fell over laughing.

"Way to break the silence!" Maan chuckled. "Of course I shouldn't have expected you to act in a predictable manner. You crazy person!"

"It was the only way I could break the ice!" Geet giggled but almost instantly she became sombre. "Is it sad or ironic that we have become this way?"

"Geetu''.I.." Maan didn't know how to console her.

"When I needed my best friend, you weren't there." Her voice sounded painful as well as disillusioned. "Tu meri zindagi mein kya mayne rakte ho, tujhe malum hain phir bhi you left without a single word. You could have at least replied to my letters."

Maan closed his eyes and searched for the right words. "Sorry Geetu. But it wouldn't have been sensible for me to stay then. I wouldn't have been the friend you deserve." Because I would have been overwhelmed by me love for you. "And I didn't reply, because I wanted to'.I wanted to tell you everything directly."

Geet shock her head sadly. I love you so much that even if I wasn't with you, just the sight of you would make me happy. And do you think you can lie to me? She knew why he hadn't read the letters, it would have made everything harder for him, the same reason that she never called him up over the last three years.

"Crazy boy, even if you wanted you couldn't be a bad friend to me. But enough of this melancholy, I want to know all that has happened over the last few years."

Maan told her everything because no detail was unimportant to Geet. She soaked in his words, living his life with his stories. Fear built as she heard about his daring exploits despite knowing that he was fine and happiness at all that he had achieved.

But neither could bring up the topic that was on both their minds.

How could he tell her much he loved her when she was married? How could she tell him much she loved him despite being happily married?

Still he had to ask her the question that was burning his heart. "Geet'.are you happy?"

Geet smiled at him, a soft smile but an honest one. "Yes I am. Raj is great."

For the first time Maan understood how loved worked. He felt blessed and ecstatic that his Geet was happy but also the same fact was stabbing his heart. Love made it possible for the conflicting emotions to co-exist.

"I am glad." He said with utmost sincerity.

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We come back,

Almost the same as ever

But like pieces of broken glass,

We were irreparable

Life never ceased to amaze Geet. It surprised her the turns it took and the hurdles she had to face. The moment she had her life figured out, everything was turned over again.

Maan and her continued on with their friendship, pretending that nothing had changed. They acted like their previous selves, as if untainted by a different sort of love. Yet simmering below the surface was the truth; that they would always continue to love each other.

They never crossed their limits neither would Geet ever betray Raj. She loved her husband, understanding that love existed in various forms. The love she felt for her husband was in itself unique and precious. They had trust and faith in the other, not needing to ask useless questions.

The love for Maan was a different story. It was torrential and uncontrollable. It was illogical in its malignant existence and the inevitable pain it brought. It was hopeless yet in a way satisfying. She couldn't resent the love no matter how hard she tried nor could she revel in it.

And then there were moments like these.

"Geet, beti do this for your Badi Ma." Pari Khurana begged. "He won't listen to a word I say. But how much longer will he put this off? I just want him to be happy and find a life partner." Pari knew that she was being selfish in making Gee talk to Maan, but she also knew that Geet was the only one who could convince Maan. She could no longer endure seeing her son destroy his life for a love that would never bring happiness.

Geet didn't have the heart to refuse. "Badi ma, of course I'll take to Maan. Have I ever refused anything for you?"

Pari reached forward and hugged Geet. "Mujhe pata hai. Tu meri beti hain, isliye meri har baat manti hain."

Yes I'll listen to you, even if it bruises my already tattered heart.

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Herculean strength in breaking

What remained of my heart.

Regrets for words and promises

Apologize for your pain

Geet wondered how one could tolerate such pain. And found the answer right in front of her. For love. Even if it meant letting herself burn in agony, she would want Maan to be happy. Her soul could never find peace if he remained in this state of limbo.

"Maan, please meri baat suno." She pleaded. "Badi Ma and Badi Pa worry so much for you. They don't want to worry about their son all the time."

"What do you all want from me?" Maan growled out. "Do you want me to marry a random stranger off the streets"

"No! No one wants that! We just want you to stop destroying yourself like this. Do you think it is normal to risk your life every day?" At his shocked expression she gave a sad smile. "Maan I know that you've been going against Jeeru, the gangster. That is commendable but your reasons aren't. You are doing this out of a need to punish and hurt yourself. It seems that you are going out of your way to destroy yourself. Do you think that is healthy?"

"Fine!" Maan screamed. "Tell me what you want!"

"I want you to relax and enjoy yourself." She gently explained. "I am not saying get married but you should at least meet some girls and start socializing. There isn't anything wrong in that."

"Isn't there?" Maan knew that his words were cruel and inappropriate but he didn't want her of all people to tell him this. "Do you really want me to see other girls?"

"Maan do you want me to be happy?"

"Of course."

"In the same way I want you to be happy. So yes, I want you to meet different girls. I am sure you'll meet a lovely lady who will make you impossibly happy." These bitter sweet words were more potent in their honesty.

"Fine. I'll do as you say." Maan sighed. Anything for you.

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I wonder whether none could see

The love that overwhelmed us,

Were we transparent or was it just a whisper,

How visible was the string that held us together.

Maan wanted to hate Raj and to a certain extent he did succeed. But mostly he couldn't despise the man because he could see very clearly that he did truly love Geet. Also Raj was one of those people, whom it is impossible to hate.

He didn't begrudge the man for loving Geet because Geet was someone whom everyone couldn't help but love. Neither did he want to create trouble or chaos in their marriage, because he wanted to make Geet happy and she wasn't the type of person who could be happy at someone else's cost.

But it was impossible to not feel envy every time he saw Geet with Raj and his heart would wish that he could have been in Raj's place. Filled with self-disgust, Maan knew that it was wrong to covet someone else's wife. Still rogue thoughts would fill him, his mind telling him that he was the first one to love her and that Geet was always meant to be his.

These feeling were most prominent in days like this that had changed forever after Geet's marriage. It was Geet's birthday and for the first time he truly could feel the difference between them. It was tradition for Maan to be the first one to wish her but this time someone else had that right over him. Someone else would be the one standing beside her.

He watched the soft smile on her face as she fed Raj a slice of the birthday cake. The way she had such serenity but he knew that just like him, this moment could never achieve perfection because of their separation.

"I love it." She hugged Raj after seeing his present. Raj had given her a gorgeous sari; red with a gold border. It was the sort of sari that would be forever in fashion because it was a classic piece.

"It'll look gorgeous on you." Raj smiled. "In reality it's a present for me, because I'll be the one to enjoy the sight."

Geet just laughed and continued to open all the other presents. Maan's present was last in the pile.

Gingerly opening the package, the moment she saw what it was Geet's eyes filled with tears. She managed to pull it out despite her shaking hands.

It was a beautiful leather bound album with the word "Life" embossed on it. Inside there were pictures of Maan and her, spanning from their birth. The first picture was of the two of them lying next to each other in a cot. The next was of Maan's second birthday, with a baby Geet on Pari's lap next to him. The pictures told the story of their lives, with each one signifying a memory that was too precious to forget.

The last picture was of Maan walking with Geet to the mandap on her wedding day. Geet wondered if anyone else would understand the looks on their faces in that picture. Geet's eyes were tearstained, while Maan's eyes were fixed on her, as if he memorising every detail about her.

Last but not least there was a little message on the back of the album.

These aren't just pictures but are memories that have shaped us. Every picture holds a meaning and is priceless.

If anyone asks you about the story of your life show them this and then they will see what I see; a brave and beautiful person who held strong against all the hurdles in her life.

This present may seem like a waste to others but I know that you will understand the meaning.

I won't wish you a happy birthday, instead I'll wish you a happy life.

Forever your friend,

Maan.

"Thanks Maan." These words were so inadequate but Geet knew that Maan would understand how she was feeling. "This is amazing."

The rest of the party went by normally until Maan had the misfortune to overhear a conversation between two ladies.

"There is something fishy between Geet and that Maan boy." The tone of the lady was simultaneously condemning as well as gleeful. "A married woman should not be that close to a man."

The other lady tried to calm the gossipmonger. "No, they are just friends. You know the Khurana's and Handa's have been close for a long time."

"Hmm'.might be true but still I don't trust kids of this generation. Marriage and fidelity mean nothing to them."

Maan wanted to go and shake some sense into the lady. My Geet knows more about loyalty then you ever could!

But Maan knew that it would be hopeless to do anything in front of everyone. How many people could he shut up?

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CONTINUED BELOW

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Stories and tales of love

So effervescent in their perfection

Pale in comparison to the sacrifices

We made for love

It was after Geet's birthday party that Maan knew that life couldn't continue the way it was. He couldn't do this to his family nor could he allow anyone to question Geet's integrity.

Putting a stone against his heart he had told his parents he was ready to settle down. It had taken all his strength to meet different women. None of them were Geet, for it was impossible to love someone the same way.

It had taken many months but with time he tried to make himself actually notice the girls. Finally there came a day when he met someone with whom he could relate.

"I'..I am not looking for a fairytale ending neither do I expect a happily ever after. I just want a marriage where I can trust the person." Priya explained to Maan. "I was in a relationship with a man and it didn't work out the way I wanted to. I am not going to lie to you, so you should know that I still have feelings for that guy."

"I understand." Maan empathized. "I was and am in love with someone. I'll always love her but I can promise you that I will never cheat on you."

"I trust you." Priya smiled at him. "Because when you have gone through so much in life, you don't want to hurt anyone else. You don't need to explain anything else."

And so began a tentative friendship.

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The beauty and tragedy of life

A full circle

A repetition of history,

We break all over again

Maan stood in his sherwani, knowing that he was both redeeming his life as well as making the biggest mistake. Yet what other path had been left?

He was about to marry a girl who not only understood him but also accepted him despite his past. He should count himself lucky, yet he couldn't.

How is one lucky while being away from the love of their life?

But his parents had been ecstatic, so he couldn't regret this action not matter what his heart told him. After today he couldn't let himself wallow in fruitless grief.

"Maan, are you ready? Badi Ma is calling you downstairs."

Maan closed his eyes at the familiar voice, the one that would forever be with him. He sometimes wondered if he would ever forget the mesmerising sound. "I am coming."

Geet walked up to face him and a bittersweet smile spread across her face. "You look amazing. Exactly the way a groom should look." Without even noticing she brushed her hands across his sherwani fixing any creases. It was an act that was a reflex after years of being his friend. It was a comfort that would soon disappear with each moment.

He on the other hand was mesmerised by her. She was wearing the sari that Raj had given her for her birthday. She looked almost like a bride in the bright red, albeit a simple one. However the vermillion on the parting of her hair and the black beads around her neck pronounced to the world that she was already married.

She pulled back from him slowly with eyes looking down to hide the sheen of tears covering her eyes. No matter how she had tried, this moment could do nothing but take the breath out of her.

"Let's go downstairs." She somehow managed to say in steady voice.

She was about to walk away but Maan held on to her wrist and pulled her back.

"Maan-" Geet was about to say something but Maan pressed a finger against her lips, effectively stopping her.

"I love you." He said in a voice filled with pain. "This maybe the worst time to say this but it's the only opportunity I'll get. After today these words will become a sin for me but I want you to know they will remain the truth." He cupped her face and made her look at me. "Let me have this moment so that when the world seems bitter I can visualise this. If I ever regret loving you I'll remember this moment."

A tiny teardrop escaped Geet's eyes. She was helpless; unable to respond or express her love neither could she stop herself from loving him.

Maan squeezed her hands before pulling away. He walked away, turning around only as he reached the door. "Aren't you going to walk with me?"

Wiping her tears, Geet smiled and said "Of course."

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A certainty in loving more

But it took the look in your eyes

To understand the depth of your love

And it humbled me

The four of them had gone out for a rare night out. Despite expectations everything usually was fine with their outing. Raj and Maan weren't friends but were friendly enough with each other. Priya and Geet had become friends with time, respecting each other as women.

They had decided to go to the movies, but before that were having dinner.

"We have something exciting to tell you!" Raj's face clearly showed the excitement that he felt. "We are going to have a baby."

The statement was followed by delighted screams from Priya, while Geet giggled softly. Maan's face broke into a soft smile.

He could easily picture her as a mother because she had so much love and compassion. Any child would be blessed to have her as a mother. Still Maan's heart clenched with the thought that I wish it was my child she was having.

"Are you sure this is a good thing?" Maan asked in a mock solemn voice. "I mean is Geet ready to have a child because she is the most immature person here!"

Geet just threw her napkin at Maan while the other two shock their heads at the joking friends. "Yes you all can laugh at my plight!"

Later on in the evening Priya wanted some drinks and popcorn for the movie, so Geet and Maan were the ones who went while the other two went to buy the tickets.

It was while standing in line, that Maan asked, "Congratulations. Nervous?"

Not able to hide anything from Maan, Geet readily confessed, "Yes. What if I am not a good mother? I feel inadequate to bring a child to this world."

Maan held Geet's hand and said with utter confidence. "You'll make an amazing mother. I should know better than anyone else because you spent our whole life bossing me around."

And Geet couldn't help but think that no one could reassure her like he could.

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I truly started to live,

Breathing and smiling,

I experienced happiness

And that in itself was painful

After a ten hour labour, Geet felt both exhausted and elated. Her heart was filled with too much happiness as she held her daughter for the first time.

"She looks exactly like her mother." Raj was even more ecstatic then her. He brushed his hands across the baby's face. "She is perfect!"

"She is beautiful." Geet agreed with the indulgence of a parent.

"I think it is finally time to name her." Raj joked. "Or we could wait until she is 18." It had been an ongoing joke between them to bring up silly names for their child, names ranging from "Cutie" to "Mogambo."

But as Geet held her baby, a name automatically came to her mouth. "Meera."

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Different relation with different names,

You were still my faith

But in a different guise

A support and a pillar.

Meera was running around the house like a headless chook, creating trouble for her mother.

"Meeru! Come here!" Geet screamed as she ran after her naughty child. Meera was incapable of sitting still.

"Nahi!" The five year old screamed even louder before she crashed into someone.

Maan quickly lifted up a squealing Meera onto his arms. "How is the little devil?"

"Uncle Maan!" Meera was ecstatic to see her favourite uncle. In Meera's eyes Maan was the coolest person. He never scolded her and he always brought beautiful presents.

"Are you annoying your mom?" Maan asked in amusement.

"No she is annoying me." Meera giggled. "She is trying to get me to eat."

"How dare she!" Maan said in mock anger. "We will have to fix her up."

Carrying Meera back towards Geet, both Meera and Maan had big smirks on their faces.

"Maan, tum kab aye?" Geet asked with a smile for Maan. "How is Priya?"

"She is okay, just a bit grouchy in her final trimester. The pregnancy hormones are driving her crazy!" Maan rolled his eyes fondly.

"Don't tease her!" Geet protected her fellow female. "Pregnancy is not the easiest thing. This devil gave me a lot of trouble as well!" She pointed towards Meera.

"Hey don't say that about my little one!" Maan protested. "Anyways we are here for revenge! Meera isn't going to eat here, instead she is coming to stay with Priya and me." Seeing that Geet was going to protest, Maan stopped her. "Don't say no because I just passed Raj on the way here and he was fine with it. Plus Priya really wanted her to stay over."

"Please MOM!" Meera begged.

"Fine!" Geet relented. "Go and pack your things honey. Get some help from Pooja."

Maan felt nostalgic as he saw Meera walk away.

"Meera always reminds me of you so much." Maan told Geet. "Whenever I see her, it is like seeing my best friend and reliving my childhood. Sometimes I wish we could turn back time and get back to the way we were."

"Same." Geet sighed. "Such dreams we had and it felt like anything was possible. Nothing is out of our reach."

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You loved me even in my grief,

You held me while I cried,

The comfort of a friend,

With the emotions of a lover

It was a day like any other. Geet had just dropped off Meera at school and was on her way to work. Her job at Lawson and Brown Law firm kept her busy but she loved her job. It gave her a rush and purpose.

There is so much to do.

Firstly the week after it was Girish's 7^th birthday next week. She had managed to convince Maan and Priya to have him over at her house for the weekend before his birthday so that he could have fun with Meera.

It never ceased to surprise her how life had worked out. Even today she loved Maan but that love had become something she could endure. It didn't take away from her successful marriage neither did it meant that her love for Maan had reduced. But she had accepted the futility of pining. There were somedays that she wondered how life would have been if she had married Maan but then she would think about her daughter and nothing would want her to lose Meera.

With these thoughts in her head she was jerked by her phone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Madam it's Nagesh." A sobbing voice answered back. Nagesh was Raj's PA and was always with Raj.

"What happened?" Geet was alarmed by his crying.

"Sir was in an accident."

With those words Geet's whole world fell apart.

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AUTHOR's NOTE

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-SanjanA

Originally posted by: ninand

my heart feels broken. sad update.

continue soon !