kyun hua hain yeh pyaar..my 1st ff-PT2

cupoftea11 thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail Engager Level 1 Thumbnail
Posted: 14 years ago
#1

😲this is my very first ff, so u wont like it much but pls pls comment and tell me how i can improve😊


Kyun hua hain ye pyaar?

Khushi is sitting at the window , staring at her hand ( staring at the wound given to her by ASR), suddenly a tear falls from her eyes😭 and payal notices that ,

Payal- kya hua khushi? Sab theek to hain na?? ab tum koi chhoti bachchi nahin ki itni si chot par photo photo kar ro. Batao naaa!! Kya hua???😕

(background: shyam is at the door)🤢

Khushi- jiji , aisi koi baat nahin hain.par pata nahin kyon aisa lag raha hai jaisay hum se unsay itni door rehna saha nahin jaa raha.👏

Payal- kisse?😕

(shyam creep smiles thinking tht khushi must be thinking about him)😈

Khushi ' jiji ,uss rakshas say ! usnay hamare saath kitna kuch kar diya , hamari zindagi ulti seedhi kar di vagera vagera par pata nahin kyon usi ke khayal hamare dil main se nikal tay hi nahin?😭

Jiji ye hamain kya ho raha hain??😭

Jiji- dekh khushi!!! Saaf saaf bata !! tu kehna kya chahti hain?

(bg(background): shyam confused & worried)

Khushi ' jiji , hamain nahin lagta ki uss arnav singh raizada nay hamare saath jo kuch bhi kiya , woh jaan booch ke kiya . aapko pata hain? Uss din jo guest house wala haadsa jo hamare saath hua tha? Who usnay jaan booch kar nahin kiya tha

Jiji- kya?

Khushi- haan jiji, usnay hamse baad main kaha bhi tha ki who nahin jaanta tha ki wahan ke haalaat itnay kharaab hain. Usay yeh nahin pata tha ki who guest house main khatra tha. Use bas hamari shakal nahin dekhni thi kyonki humne galti se unki nani ko unke aur unki woh girl*** ke baaray main bata diya tha.

Aur dekhiyen na jiji, jaise use pata chala ki hamari jaan khatray main hainm who khud hamain bachane aa gaya , uss wakt hum bahut gusse main thay issliye usski baat nahin suni, par dheere dheere hamain sab samajh aa raha hain.

Aur ek baat jiji, jab hum ussay apna isstifa dene gaye thay to sabse pehle usnay humse poocha- tum theek ho?- par gusse main pata nahin humne use tab bhi kitna kuch suna diya!

Jiji- kya?!!

Khushi- jiji , itnay din ho gaye use milay bagair , ab hamain bhi apni galti ka pachtawa ho raha hain .

Jiji, teej ke din bhookay rehne ke kaaran hum mandir main behosh ho gaye thay , aur aap bhi aas paas nahin thi, aur hamain arnav singh raizada nay hin seediyon se girnay se bachaya aur jab hum uske dafter gaye thay devi maiyyan ki murti lene to udhar bhi devi maiyya ki moorti hamare hath se chooth gayi thi aur who bhi asr nay hin girnay aur tootnay se bacha li!

Jiji- khushi! Tum bhi naa!! Gusse main kuch bhi kar deti hon!!!!

Ab kya !!??

Khushi- jiji, kehte hue bahut bura lag raha hain par 'HUMAIN ARNAV JI SE PYAAR HI GAYA HAIN!-

Jiji stares hard!!

(Bg- shyam looks at her! Tears roll down his face( ja apni pyaari biwi se hi chipak jaa! ))

PART 2

Khushi is silently creeping to the kitchen to have something to eat , shyam notices that, takes a piece of cloth and ties up her mouth and with some rope that he bought he ties her up and takes her to a temple)

Shyam- khushiji , maaf karna iss tarah ke bartav ke liye par humein aapsee pyaar ho gaya hain aur hum aapsay shaadi abhi isi waqt karenge aur yahaan se kahin door chalay jaayenge!

Sirf aap aur main

Khushi starts crying'par hum aapse pyaar nahin kartay! Shakal dekhi apni?? Kisi rakshas se bhi kharab hain! Aur haan !! agar appne aaj humse shaadi kar bhi li to hum appko kabhi nahin apnayenge!

😭😭😭

--

shyam- ab bas bhi kijiye khushi ji!! kab tak aap humain nahin apnayengi?ek saal?do saal?

waisay bhi hamari meethi meethi baatay sunkar to shaytan ka bhi mann badal jaata hain to aap kya cheez hain??

khushi- hum mar jayenge par aap jaise kaminay saamp 👏 ko nahin apnayenge !!!humain sacha pyaar ho gaya hai aur woh bhi ARNAV JI SE!!!!

______________________________________________


Shyam givs khushi the wedding dress and pushes her inside a room to get dressed, there was a mirror , a stool , a cupboard in the room!

but tht idiot shyam didnt realize there was also a window in that room!


khushi- yeh kaise ho sakta hain

she spots the window

but its quite high, out of our jalebi girls reach,

khushi gets the stool tries to open the window but it seems to be jammed.

desperately she falls to the floor weeping thinking of her bad luck.😭

suddenly on the dressing table prepared by shyam( he had prepared the room so that they could live there for a few days then flee before they get caught) she spots hair oil and she gets an IDEA! she pours oil on the windows hinges and the windown opens and she jumps out.

as she falls from a great height , she hurts herself.

khushi- haye meri kamar!!!! ab kaise bhaagoongi?

but nevertheless she gets up and tries to walk away.

shyam outside the room's door waiting --

shyam-khushiji royiega nahin!!! bas tayaar ho kay aaja iyega!!aap sun rahi hai na?

--NO RESPONSE--he waits for a while and then tries to break the door


on the other side khushi spots a horseman and tells him abt her problem and he promises to leave her back to laxmi nagar tommorow in the morning, meanwhile she could stay in his house with his wife!

___

morning

_____

the horseman hides her in his cart and covers her with a sheet and asks his wife to sit beside her

man--kahan jana hain behenji?

khushi- shantivan, wahan se hum aapko raasta batayenge, raizada house jaana hain

array wahan to hum jaatay rehtay hain,

woh jo anjali bitiya hain na unhonay hamaray parivaar ki bahut madad ki!

khushi- haan haan wahi jaana hai

___

they reach shantivan without any delay,

but khushi spots the cottage where she was tied and kept

the room's light was on and she could hear so many things being thrown to the ground.

khushi- bas devi maiyya raksha karna

__

at shantivan, RAIZADA house

payal- hum jaantay hain mr. ASR aapnay hi hamari behen ka apharan kiya hain!! bataien na kaha chupa kar rakha hain!

Arnav-😲 apharan??(kidnapping)!!!maine?? kya hua hay khushi ko??? mainay kuch nahin kiya!

bua- haye re nandkishore, hamari titaliya ka koi dushman nahin tha! sirf ek tum hi they

arnav's eyes fill with tears..


khushi enters ... buaji!!!

hum jaantay hain ki hamara inkay siva aur koi dushman nahin hain, par koi aisay hain jo humse pyaar kartay huay bhi hamaray dushmanon se bhi battar hain!! woh humsay zabardasti shaadi karnay ke liye humain raat main uthakar le gaye!


payal-- tum kis ki baat kar rahi khushi?

khushi- shyamji ki jiji!!!

anjali---"stunned!😲aap kis shyam ki baath kar rahain hain???

khushi- matlab?

anjali checks her fone for shyams pix , then-

kya aap is shyam ki baat kar rahi hain??

khushi-- shocked!!1 HAAN HAAN!! par aap inhe kaisay janti hain?

anjali- hum jaantay thay!! kuch na kuch to gadbad hain...

pehli baat to yeh hay..har waqt woh kaam kaam kartay rehtay thay aur doosri taraf itna kaam karnay ke baad paisay nahin miltay thay!!

____________________________

i will continue later if anyone is interested


Edited by IPKKND4ever - 14 years ago

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deleteaccount thumbnail
Posted: 14 years ago
#2
very good effort,
u can improve very much though
and plsss finish , i mean complete this post!
and thx fr the pm😳
Edited by neloufer_IPKKND - 14 years ago
Lavarnia thumbnail
16th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 14 years ago
#3
Very good effort dear..but of course u can imorove, coz we can do everything better and better..
Luv Lav/Nayab
cupoftea11 thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail Engager Level 1 Thumbnail
Posted: 14 years ago
#4

Originally posted by: Lavarnia

Very good effort dear..but of course u can imorove, coz we can do everything better and better..

Luv Lav/Nayab

thx a lott!!

-SilverAngel- thumbnail
18th Anniversary Thumbnail Stunner Thumbnail + 4
Posted: 14 years ago
#5
This is very nice!!... I like it... and specially the last line where Khushi flatly tells Shyam what she thinks about him was fantastic...

Just one criticism hun... take a little bit of care for the wordings when writing hindi words in english...like... phoot phoot ke ro (no photo photo ke ro), and its Teej not Teen...just edit these mistakes and your FF will become flawless!!

Good job for your very first FF!!👍🏼👏
ayesha786xxx thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Explorer Thumbnail
Posted: 14 years ago
#6
Hey great start please continue can't wait to find out who saves Khushi will it be Arnav and love how Khushi told Shyam what she really thought of him Hai Re Nand Kishore can forget about getting them married now xX
Please pm me when you update
..Anita.. thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 14 years ago
#7
Nice start!!!
I like how khushi told shyam how she truly felt for him
shobrakapooor thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 5
Posted: 14 years ago
#8
nice strt!!!
evil shyam!!! hate him.
continue soon!!!!
cupoftea11 thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail Engager Level 1 Thumbnail
Posted: 14 years ago
#9
thank you everyone!
but pleasee be honest ,,
my username has changed from uaestar123 to IPKKND 4ever
deleteaccount thumbnail
Posted: 14 years ago
#10
very nyc!! the second part, a few parts r a bit silly!! but like the idea!! continue soon!

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