Doosro ke nazar se dekhna

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

When I was in therapy for something, I told my therapist that everyone was criticizing me for 'x', and that x was beyond my control. My therapist told me that there was no flaw within me, and that I should start viewing myself with my own eyes, and stop viewing myself through others' eyes - what they consider praiseworthy and what they consider criticismworthy.

The beautiful statement she made was "Your truth lies within you"

I really liked that line and I adopt it everytime I feel bad about myself. I ask myself am I viewing myself through my own eyes or others' eyes. 99.9% of the time it is through others eyes. So I let it go.

The other day, when gauri was upset, Jagat told her "thum isliye upset ho rahi ho kyonki tum hamare rishte ko doosron ke nazar se dekhti ho" -- what he is saying is exactly what my therapist told me ...basically... "our truth lies within us".

So now, I am a bit confused because what Jagat says is also important ... and the kanoon ke nazron me illegal is also very important.

So when to look at something through my own eyes and when to realize that others eyes are perhaps seeing what my eyes dont see?

Please see if you can tell me the rule of thumb/guiding principle.

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Suchi-

@Suchi-

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

Very good point you have bought forward.

I guess it depends on the situation. We can generalize it by saying that, if the truth effects your reputation, your respect and the way people perceive about you (society) etc. then give it a thought. Sit down and weigh down the pros and cons cause perhaps , what you look at from your POV might not be correct as we are not always right.

Then sometimes, what teh society is thinking about us is not right and you have to do certain things no matter what, and who thinks what and take the proper decision that will be in betterment for you and eventually be in sync with the people around you.

Example:
Lets take the example of Jagya and Gauri. Gauri cannot afford to think from her own eyes because, being a girl from the society that she lives in, it is extremely important for her to set things right. If she does not take proper measures right now and legalize her relationship, in the long run it will effect her. She will slowly loose her self respect as people around her will not respect her. If she bears children, they will bear the consequences for her carelessness and so on and so forth. So for now yes it will be hard for her, she has to talk to Jagya and set things straight ask him to get divorce from Anandi and get it , and legalize their relationship.

Its easy for Jagya to say not to look from teh worlds perspective becaue the society they live in , a Man's second wife/girlfriend/mistress is even sometimes praised as 'manliness'. The nawabs were known to go to kotas and have extramarital relationships and it was the norm for them. (extreme comparison) but just to show the point.

He won't be blamed or pointed at so much, as Gauri would.

====

Example 2:
Any life example of the greats can be taken. LIke gandhi, MLK, hmm anyone who has set up a difference in the society. They all eventually looked at the world from theri POV and did not care about the society because they felt what they thought was correct and eventually after a LOT of struggle they are appreciated for it.
In our society, once upon a time being from the lower caste was something disgraceful but due to right people fighting for the right cause, even by going against the society they were able to set the standards because tehy looked at the issue from their POV not that of the society.

So I say, it depends on every situation and individual case. They have to seriously weigh down things and come to a decision. Everyone has a moral meter inside of them so , it also should be taken into consideration.

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642126

Hibernated

Posted: 14 years ago

See I know what you're saying.

But I think one should follow a balanced approach.

We need not view each and every action from POV of others, especially in relation to us as individuals - like what subjects we study, how we dress or conduct ourselves.

But it doesn't mean we throw all laws, social, moral obligations to winds!

Even in context of individuality, Gauri should think - is whatever that she's doing, good for her also? Will it hold her good even in long run? Is it perfectly serving her own interests as individual? - She should be as honest as possible with herself!

Is she thinking from her own POV? Or has that POV been colored by Jagat?

Self introspection is necessary. One has to ask himself - Is my POV, really my own POV? Or is it being influenced by someone's emotional pressure?

See, someone running naked on the road, might think he is doing what he feels like doing. But others will find it crazy and people will think he needs help. Someone else might think he ought to be put in jail for obscenity. One has to draw the line somewhere. There are certain things which should not and cannot be done.

Doing one's own thing is right, as long as it doesn't RUIN (I am not saying spoil or do light damage) someone else's life and does not threaten to RUIN your own life at any point in future!

If you know what you're doing is against the law, still you'd keep doing it?

Gauri and Jagat's individual freedom and choice is PURELY dependent on Anandi! They think she will keep quiet and never take any action against them!

Tell me tinoo, what kind of individuality is this?

Your truth, your individual freedom and choice - MUST be YOURS alone! It is of no use if it is at mercy of other's action or inaction!

And you should be sure of your truth. Examine if your truth is serving your interests in real terms or not! Your truth should be solid and valid everywhere - and not just at a place where it is guarded safely. Your truth must not even require any safe haven, it must be invincible!

Are you being REALLY honest to yourself? Or are you merely giving flimsy hopes to console yourself? Self consolation by any means does not constitute a person's truth.

It's never about thinking positive, negative or about others. But think what is truly right for you in the longest run possible!

Self introspection and self reflection MUST be done alone, without being influenced by others.

A therapist also never tells you what to do. He lets you examine yourself, question your beliefs ans draw solutions from the well of your OWN spirit!

Your truth must be positive for you and affect you and your life positively. Not threaten to spoil it at any point of time.

Your truth must not just stay within you. You should have the guts to wear it on your sleeve. If you're having to lie to the world, blame someone or something or hide something to sustain your version of truth, then that truth is hogwash and a mere bubble.

That's what I believe.

Edited by annika20 - 14 years ago

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

Originally posted by: annika20

1. Doing one's own thing is right, as long as it doesn't RUIN (I am not saying spoil or do light damage) someone else's life and does not threaten to RUIN your own life at any point in future!

2. Your truth, your individual freedom and choice - MUST be YOURS alone! It is of no use if it is at mercy of other's action or inaction!

3. Your truth should be solid and valid everywhere - and not just at a place where it is guarded safely. Your truth must not even require any safe haven, it must be invincible!

4. Are you being REALLY honest to yourself? Or are you merely giving flimsy hopes to console yourself? Self consolation by any means does not constitute a person's truth.

5. Your truth must be positive for you and affect you and your life positively. Not threaten to spoil it at any point of time.

6. Your truth must not just stay within you. You should have the guts to wear it on your sleeve. If you're having to lie to the world, blame someone or something or hide something to sustain your version of truth, then that truth is hogwash and a mere bubble.

That's what I believe.

Annika20 -- I am just in awe of all the 6 points made above. Thanks very much! JUST SIMPLY AWESOME. And I love #6.

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642126

Hibernated

Posted: 14 years ago

Oh...thank you tinoo! You've been very generous with your praise...That post just came out...another one of my ramblings!😳

In fact, after posting it yesterday, I felt I ended up writing things which I also needed to learn myself!

I said our truth should be the one which should do us right and which doesn't require us to blame anyone.

I realised that it's not just about about blaming others, but even blaming ourselves!

I have a tendency to think very negatively and beat myself up for even small mistakes I make. While talking to you I realised I was not right in thinking negatively about myself and blaming myself. I was giving wrong messages to my own self all along in my life! Telling oneself that things are never going to be right...that is also wrong. ''My truths'' which I tell to myself could be flawed and they have been only harming me...

Self blaming is equally wrong!

Thanks to you, for opening this topic, sharing your own story and making me think!

[Like your topics and insightful points a lot!👏]