How could gauri have protected herself in 5 years

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tanvismile

@tanvismile

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

#11

g must askd abt the family n j must have told fake family.they even shared their home food n talkd abt their families.none of their rural parents arived their colleges.may b he faked a fake photo of family.now there r some people insist on meeting parents b4 they finish studing.neither she seemd to be interestd in marriage b4 MS.u can say its j s luck bt yes this kind things hapen in the world.J only gt scared of bade papa as he is elderly men. ,we al hv wen she was hospitalised he was there for her,wen a person is so good,then doubting is out question .u can consider as ones bad timing.

Edited by tanvismile - 14 years ago

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shivani9

@shivani9

Inactive

Posted: 14 years ago

#12

When ppl fall in true love they automatically discuss abt their families n make efforts to more abt each others families n meet them too 5 yrs is a very long time not to hv been introduced to each others families, its understandble from j pov as he was indulged in infidility but it only exposes the dumbness of G...

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atria

@atria

Inactive

Posted: 14 years ago

#13

I don't fault Gauri a lot for those five years. Yes, in hindsight, she should have been more pro-active in finding out about Jagya's family. But a young girl in love is often not the most practical person and faced with a serial liar like Jagya many girls would have done the same. So those five years just show her naivete. Her guilt starts the moment she took Jagya back after learning the truth.

As regards to what she, or any one else in that position could have done... five years is a long time. After knowing your boyfriend for some time, it is natural to expect to meet their family, especially in the Indian context. So she should have firmly tried to get him to arrange a meeting with his family, and if he tried to weasel out of it, that would be a huge red signal.

I know of a case where the boy and girl went out with each other for three years while in college, but the guy always postponed meeting his family. When finally she met them, they said plainly they did not want her as a bahu (caste issues) and the boy meekly went along with it. So he had probably known all along his family's reaction, and had strung this girl along for three years knowing that when the time came he would leave her for a girl of their choice. If she had met the family before, she would not have wasted three years dreaming. Bottom line, as soon as you get serious with some one, meet the family. For better or worse, it will tell you where you stand.

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woman11

@woman11

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 14 years ago

#14

I do not see too much fault in Gauri in her courtship period. Yes, she would have been more alert every time Jagya made excuses and especially after her Bade Papa expressed his doubts for the guy. But still I give her the benefit of doubt and hold Jagya as solely responsible for his lies in that period.

My amazement is however with the Gauri after she knew the truth. Now I have seen people badly and madly in love so much so that they are ready to go against the whole world, but I have never seen a relationship patching up so fast after a partner discovers that the other partner is married and has lied to him/her. I can guarantee you that you will not find such a case in real life. That's absolutely absurd. When you are in a relationship, your most expectation and trust lies with your partner. And when that partner breaks your trust, it's almost irreparable. Any person will be shattered and will not be able to trust her partner again, no matter what excuses he gives. Especially girls who are serious about commitment, family and marriage do not continue with such a dysfunctional relationship ever. No love, no matter how strong, can survive lies of this magnitude. I can write you a blank cheque on that.

If a relationship continues in spite of such situations, there are only 3reasons for it:

1. The girl is forced to compromise with the partner and often for the sake of children or for financial dependence. I have seen cases where the second wife has continued simply because there were children involved and her socio-economic state compelled her to depend on the man and she has nowhere to go.

2. The girl is convinced enough of the true love of her partner that she finally overlooks his lies. This takes a persistent effort from the man and does not happen overnight. The process of forgiveness is a long, long process and is successful only when the man repeatedly proves his trustworthiness to the girl. It takes a long time, a lot of patience and resolve from the man and continuous effort to repair the damage.

3. The girl marries the man for some other reason and not for love. This happens when the girl is after something else the marriage can offer---------either power, or social status, or money, or personal gain. This is a selfish reason to forgive the man and is often accompanied with an ulterior motive but never love.

In Gauri's case, I do not see reasons 1 and 2 coming to play. Then why did she go ahead with her relationship with Jagat? Precisely for number 3. As many have already pointed this out----------Gauri's sole reason for marrying Jagat was to fill the void of her childhood trauma. Her ego was badly hurt when she was rejected and now she wanted restitution for the same rejection. Jagya had rejected Gauri once for Anandi, so this time she wanted to prove her win over the guy. And the Singh family had also rejected Gauri for Anandi, so this time she wanted that acceptance on the basis of legal rights. That's precisely why she came to the haveli, flaunted her romance in front of Anandi, and kept on repeating things like---"They will accept me this time", "now I am your bahu not Anandi", "this is my fight and I will not give up (to her mom), "Now Jagya is my husband, he has left you" (to Anandi). All these lines and her constant appeal to the Singh family on the basis of her childhood trauma shows Gauri married Jagya more to cure her own mental trauma than from pure love.

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redapple1

@redapple1

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

#15

For any girl who is in college and who is in love:
When you are dating a guy, you also need few very good girl friends where you can talk your heart out. This holds true even as you grow older. As you discuss with your friends you get different perspective about your life and they may observe something which you may not. Your Mom is also your best friend. Try talking to her. She may not agree with your choice, but at least you get to see why she thinks the guy is good or not good for you. If you introduce the guy to your parents, you can see how he is with your siblings(if any). Because after marriage if the husband doesn't respect your side of the family then you will be hurt.
It is also important not to be too nosy and ask lot of questions. There should be a clear distinction between love and obsession. First alarm should be if the guy doesn't make any effort to introduce his family. He may tell you that they are opposing this marriage so I don't need to introduce. But still you should at least meet them and see how the people are. Marriage is life long commitment so better to be careful to protect yourself.
When dating and before committing to marriage also try to discuss about your future. How the finances will be handled? If you have commitment to take care of your parents (if you are the only child) make it clear in the beginning. Never live in the dreams that you can change the guy after the marriage. Even working NRI women find it hard to send money to their parents (This is based on my friends experiences). The husband is all fine to send money to their folks, if the wife does the same they don't like it. So talking about all this is really helpful in the long run. Don't hastily do all the house chores. Try sharing the chores right during the dating/living together period. If you are working, the house work should be shared too.
When you are in love you think your love is all that you need in life, but once you start your family you will realize that your love alone is not enough. You need the family moral support as you grow older.

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ammukutty123

@ammukutty123

Beginner

Posted: 14 years ago

#16

Ok firstly u can't orchestrate a falling in love process, it just happens. You cannot make urself fall in or out of love. But what u can control is making a commitment.

So b4 saying I love u sit down and talk.

1) Tell about ur life, ur past , ur EXes (if any). Ask him to come clean about himself.

2) Before dreaming about spending ur life with him, get freindly with his buddies, go for group outings. Have couples dates where u mingle and understand his circle. Usually the kind of friends u keep is a good indicator of the person u r.

3) See if he is comfortable with you meeting his sister, brother , cousins etc. Most of the time these people are more or less same age group and easy to hang out with.

4) I am not saying u ask personal questions, that would be intrusive and can lead to trust issues. I am saying observe, note use ur common sense. Listen to ur heart and brain.

5) Think if you are comfortable taking this guy to meet ur parents? Would they like him? If no what complaints do they have against him? Is it silly things like caste , money etc or serious things like character, career etc. Coz the latter can ruin ur marriage once honeymoon period is over.

Hope this helps

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vivacious_priya

@vivacious_priya

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

#17

gauri is suffering bcoz she never felt to find out d truth.. she just accepted wat jagat said n married him... n now she is suffering bcoz she z getting more n more hysterical!! i understand dat people can break dere marriage if dey dont find love in it... but Jagat case was different...
i cant understand why here people support JAGAT he lied to both d ladies for 5 years...
n dat coward never told anandi dat why he wants to break up... he just rang a phone n told her its over... he z such🤬

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 14 years ago

#18

Thanks everyone for replies. I got a lot out of them.

For those who say to check with his friends etc. -- here too I think it is Gaurils misfortune that Lal singh, J's friend was also silent on all these matters. He never once said anything to her. So in this case, the friends thing would not have worked. Even the friends she was hanging out with did not tell her.

In addition, when she was going to marry the NRI guy, Jagya ran after her and said "tum kisi aur se shaadi kaisey kar sakti ho? Mein thumse pyar karta hoon."

This was also an indication to gauri that he would marry her ... if he was trying to block her marriage to someone else. she must have really thought that someone who has no intention to marry me will free me to marry someone else. The only reason he is telling me this and asking me not to marry someone else is because he wants to marry me.

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