Funny quotes

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.