Dear Diary...
I have lots to tell u today...there is so much that is happening around me...within me...and I m able to grasp no time...no air to breath or nuture the tsunami of emotions that sweeping away my very existence...It is rather leaving me in a pit hole of darkness where light seems to be a long gone history...
Mohan...my brother...my mentor...my next best friend...I love him...and yesterday when I found comfort in his arms wrapped around me...I felt protected...I felt the warmth and the compassion of belonging...The world did not seem to be as beastly as it was portraying for the past few days n infact it felt as if God is truly watching over me and sending tokens of sweet surprises...I so wanted to embrace the moment and unload the burdens that was weighing heavy on my heart n mind...but I suppose time was playing hockey with my sentiments and bhabhi splashed back cold water on my face awakening me from the dreams of hope n beauty...
It was not the first time I was cherishing those innocent moments spent with Navya as I sat with my laptop...but somehow Mohan's words had become live band in my ears and his few more words of wisdom before I left to face the reality of my life... strenghtened the courage n hope that had begun to build up...and I stood to my defence for all that I had learnt...knew...observed...experienced...believed and now had faith in...
Life is not easy...challenges are never a snack bite...and I suppose first attempts does not guarantee success...Baba stood firm on his beliefs...his values n his decisions...weakening my loose grip on hope...But hope has no lifelines...it has no pre-set conditions...it is rather the central source of light which ensures that darkness remains at the bay and around which we humans evolve ...That is wat I realized after talking to Ritz and Appy today...But is it wise to jump in the force of the angry waves swirling at ur face esp wen u are not sure of the depth n the strength of the waves...and esp wen u are just a beginner ??? Is it wise to take this plunge when u not sure that the destination for which u are thriving so much will even welcome u with open arms or not??? Navya is not doing well...thats wat I last heard from Ranbir and today even Ritz and Appy retirated the same signals that the pulpitations of my heart generated...
How can she be doing well...when I am not doing so as well...I can feel her pain...her emptiness and her loneliness as she sulks n pouts within herself...I have seen her tears in those round big googly n sparkly eyes that now look pale n flushed...they are just a mirror image of mine...but what do I do??? I know not of any solutions...from where I stand...I see big boards of signs saying "block roads ahead"...and Navya's hesitancy to hold hands in this pouring rain n slippery roads is making it all the more difficult for me...
Ahhh...so baseless ...so helpless I feel that I rather fast forward this track and see the end credit titles where its always a "happily ever after"...
Goddd...please show me the way!!!!!
Anant signing off
08/06/2011
Rab Raakha...
Shilpa 🤗🤗
Shiv Shakti
Madhubala - Ek Ishq Ek Junoon
