'Two Breaths of Fresh Air' . . . - Page 5

Originally posted by: dmgmjht4ever

1st post edited: https://india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=1611179&PID=39009913�

Hey Kanks, how's ya? Missed you loads.

A lot of events occurred in the 2nd part. But I can tell where the story is going. And to be honest, I really like it. I mean, The character itself is so simple yet complex at the same time. Well, that is, to me. 😆 Did that make sense? I'm one of those people who makes others become confused at what I'm saying and what I mean. Anyways, like I said on you Abhay one-shot, I've lost my words, and the way life is going right now, I'm just happy to be reading your writing once again. 😃

Pardon the errors, whatsoever. 😳

3. Change

After the fiasco that had happened in the name of my first encounter with that tomboyish young lady, we got along well provided out of my two friends, the female had been at her friendly best and invited her to join us for lunch and the rest, you could say is history. We were four now. The new entrant was fond of talking and particularly rubbish so her stupidity had given my laughing skills a kick. I had a hard time in her presence. She wouldn't let me concentrate in class because of her endless prattle. She wouldn't let me alone to the eatery I occasionally went to. Alone, I mean! By telling me, she doesn't want me to get bored - she always accompanied.

Honestly, I did get bored without her. Within about a month I had gotten in a severely bad habit of wanting to have her annoy me. Annoy in the sense please me. This was my very first witness of a stupidly and beautifully carved creature who had never an idea of what she was doing. Did she mind her way? Not at all! So when I was seriously infuriated, she contributed in irritating me more.

The weird part was, I had steadily started to become like her. Not exactly like her; but I relatively spoke more, I would read and memorize jokes on the internet so that I could crack them with friends at school and I had started showcasing a few of my musical works to Mama and Papa. She helped, but on my reality ' she was a bad influence. How was I supposed to forget that I am not to be so happy, and more importantly not to essay in order to make people happy because ultimately, my loved ones were to be in agony! What was the point?

Herein the point was that I was being offered a chance. An opportunity to let go off the void even if momentarily! I wanted to consider it but wasn't it obvious? I wasn't who I was trying to be. Regardless, I continued. Soon enough, I was rather free of all the various pains I had. I still wonder, how could just one lady be the sole cause of all the change?

She was my classmate and also neighbor. I had started spending most of my time with her; I'd showed her my guitar and a few of my verses. And now gradually, we got along remarkably well. The other day, we were just going round the colony garden when we came to know about part of it we hadn't seen. A few steps away from the left wing was the middle path and to its right was a tree at the back of an immensely talk and bushy one. And on the former, we found a tree house of the fifteenth century!

No, my story's is neither turning historic nor sci-fi; the tree house really looked that old. I had to look down at her by bending my neck slightly, she was really short or it was all about my long legs! Anyway, I rolled my eyes in confusion at her sight. Her face was glowing with thrill and excitement, and that was nearly scary. However, I could visualize an angel's crown and a few stars embellished in the air like those shown in cartoons right above her head. This, I believe was scarier! I was going crazy.

She held my hand and danced her way to her garage, I was obviously following. There she handed me over a tool-kit and picked up two paintbrushes and a bucket of red paint for herself. She beamed and shined as if we were doing her favorite thing, something reckless and adventurous. It was sure reckless, what if we were halfway done and it suddenly broke into two ' she would cry like somebody she loved just died! But what about adventure in fixing and painting an age-old tree house?

We marched our way back into the garden. It was four in the evening when we started and by seven-thirty, we had fixed the tree house and painted ourselves red. Yeah, we managed to paint the tree house as well. She gave me a hi-five and jumped down from the tree. Amazing, no scratch on her and more surprisingly, she was on her feet. I followed her down and we dreamily looked at our creation. Recreation, you could say.

We were eaten up by pride. Like we'd just climbed the Everest in three and half hours; but it was badly fun. The other two friends of ours did not know of the tree house, we dint tell them. It was just the two of us and nearly everyday, we used to climb up the tree and sit there and do various stuffs together. Like, someday we would study Physics and some other time, she would just blabber stuff and I would try to respond. In terms of response, only a nod and a mumble and smile would keep her going and you, ridiculously entertained.

Eleventh past in no time, out of four ' three had gotten serious in the blink of an eye, meaning right after their results. Don't guess! I was the one left because I knew there's no future that awaits me. So good, I could be carefree. Two days after the result, I was sitting in my room reading a novel when I heard somebody climbing up the staircase. It shifted my attention to the door and the next minute, it flew open. She was here and that was slightly surprising. We hardly turned up to each other's places.

I smiled at her and she jumped up on my bed and landed next to my hand that I had kept on the pillow. While removing her shoes, she whistled her favorite song of an absolutely alien rock band and when she had made herself comfortable with a pillow in her lap, she started to narrate a story. The story was her own, you know - what happened in whole of the day and all that. I occasionally nodded and smiled and mumbled but it did not quite keep her going this time.

I removed my spectacles and shut my book. Keeping them both on top of the side-table, I reached for her hand from my free hand. That was an invitation enough, she could continue as I was fully listening but she dint. It was as if she purposely wanted to keep something from me. Wasn't I supposed to know what it was? Okay, I did not take it very seriously. Let people have their space, I reminded myself.

In the same week, the weekend was a rather boring time for even me. I mean, I am not generally bored but I was this time. None of my friends were there and my parents had planned their elopement early that week. It was just me to myself. I thought the best I could do was go to bed, I had studied enough in the morning.

I dreamt. I never really did so it was fascinating. I don't remember most part of it, though it did felt amazing. I must have been smiling through the dream, I am sure. It was very pleasant. It was my normalcy that became my reality in the dream but when the alarm rang, I broke into the real reality - that dreams don't actually come true for some people. But reminiscent of a broken autumn leaf lifted in the air, being driven in the direction of the wind - I was being driven away with her presence. It made more difference than before, than ever. Was I in love? Not really!

and here comes my reserve! :D

Originally posted by: Angel-Pebby

Hola, I like the new quick-updater in you!

By the way, reserved it is! :)

*Edit*

Umm, what do i say about it! It was just as awesome as it could have been! Commendable in every way possible, ignoring the fact that it was short! Now, it was brilliantly penned down. I loved the way you wrote down every feeling with absolute brilliance. There was no way else it could have sounded. It was all very perfect. So, i like the new aspect i got to find out, him stalking a girl! Now that there's one, i just realized I've always wanted someone (who's a girl) to be there... plus, i also like the references of minor father-son relationships here!

So, great job, Kanks! =)

Continue soon! <3

Originally posted by: meggs

firstly let me apologize for not commenting properly on time...

i hope u forgive me.


wow! u write so.. magnificently... its always really nice reading ur ff's. u r a terrific writer and ur style of writing is excellent, suberb.. i dont have tht many adjectives...

ok now let me start of part 2

now the story is starting of more quickly... the character of hero is deep... so different from many other i have read... usually such trait is associated with some great loss or tragedy.. but this one is just it... ugh.. somehow i am just not able to explain but gr8 description of his evolution..

oh he is intelligent and tall.. and he loves his family althugh it took him a while to express it the way his parents wud understand.. and now he is in new town...

hmm music and basket ball? quite an enticing combination and ohhhh who do we have here?
is she the female lead? i gues she must be.. after all he hero is so selective in people he acknowledges tht a girl noticed by him has to play an important role right?
and he followed her and had a convo... she is i her class too... cant wait to read part too!!


good thing i am reading two parts together otherwise mystery of the girl wud have really kept me hooked to conc on any other story...lucky me..lol


now part 3

"The new entrant was fond of talking and particularly rubbish so her stupidity had given my laughing skills a kick."
luved the line..
and she is slowly changing him.. ot tryiing much but her company and personality is infectious...she sound slike a nice person, i hope she doesnt hurt him with already his belies which he is slowly letting go off... any pain from her wud only make the void inside him irrepairable solid.


a new tree house... and i like to belive its his long legs... a tomboy i cant imagine being short..

thier evolving friendship is lovely and the way u described it was fantastic.

is he is love?
me being a hopeless romantic firmly belives tht he is for it.. even though he can deny for all he wants..
but it being ur story.. i just cant wait to see if he really is in love or not..


please do continue soon and please keep pming me too.. i may slip up on my commnets sometimes but i adore ur stories..


meghna

4. Stupidity

I remember not paying much heed to it, at first. However, she was getting on my nerves now. I realized I had to get even every now and then, for not having much of her round me infuriated me. Like I was being asked to keep away from my guitar, it was that irritating!

Three days in a row, she sat with somebody else and not me. That was no problem until I made out she hardly noticed my presence in the cafeteria and the irony of the moment wherein, with that fellow - she sat on the desk she hated the most, the one close to the broken window where she had once hurt her hand.

I was numb. I think so, because for what felt like nothing at all - it took me two hours to reach back home. Typically, it is a matter of five minutes. I removed my shoulder back and surrendered myself to Mama; I knew she was going to be angry. That evening, I sat in a most alien posture -erect than ever, with my eyes aiming at a nail pinned in the wall.

When I stood up, a new sort of pain rose from within me. From the very deep, dark and hollow space in me, you could say. But it was all physical given, I am designed this way. My life is short, and I decided it pretty much on my own.

There she stood with the support of my dad's ambassador in the parking area with the same guy she was being associated with for the previous three days. At first, I wondered if she liked him better because his height sort of matched hers, so did his complexion and also his hair. But then I realized I was being a great deal illogical and that it was good after all, that she befriended somebody else.

It was simple, you know? We were friends, great friends to be sure but I couldn't lead her on even if it was something I most religiously urged for. Not that she was interested, there were bright chances of her being indulged with me and join the party of people who I would leave hurt after I die.

I felt lonely, again. I felt useless, again but what happened for the first time was that I had no courage to face her or anybody. My confidence, I believe was going down the drain. Or maybe it was just entirely because I did not want to hurt myself anymore, be angry and irritated.

Ten days! No school for ten days felt different. I was jobless, obviously because I did not study all those days too. I would be awake but never get out of the bed, regardless. I would be hungry but always refuse to consume anything. That affected my medication and I rejoiced because it was best if I could get to lessen my days on purpose.

Eleventh day was a little different; I studied an hour and finished my lunch too. And that night, I happened to get stupid for a change. I knew I couldn't afford any deviations, given I had to catch up with school and resume tuitions but somehow, I was being dragged into getting immaterial then.

I switched my age-old computer on; it was probably as old as the dust on my kindergarten books. It took whole of ten minutes to start and gradually the speed shot up. A social networking website was what I was determined to join. Not just because I wanted to figure out what was all its hype about but also, because I was sick and tired of that one room and the regular books and the regular friends.

I signed up. It was a different world, you could say. The cyber world, however - people were as much reckless and baseless there as in reality. Chat-room fights, flirtatious males and what-not. I did not find it any different and strangely, I felt deeply disheartened. I had taken up on believing that everything man has ever been into or made is just the same. Be it virtue or reality, people will be people. And I hated them.

It was sometime round nine at night when I realized how true it was minus the clause wherein I mentioned I hated people. People were typical and there's no doubt about that. However, there was this girl, who knows - maybe a male disguised into a girl or a woman five times her age mentioned in the profile, which I did not hate. Really!

I am positive, I did not hate her. Besides, here's when the real stupidity touched the very peak. I was cyber-stalking, is that even a term? I don't know. Her comments were adorable and witty. Her profile was intelligently designed and she was a great deal normal. An internet addict, she was. Lastly, she was just fourteen.

I felt disgusted. After all, I knew what stalking brings you. It brings you a whole new irritating element that walks the earth only to mock you up, it brings you a lot of change and then you eventually get to realizing that this is not supposed to please you, so you back out! How is that even fair? And how many more times was I going to stalk the hell out of girls?

Anyway, I sent her a friend request.

oh now the girl is ignoring him to make him do what? does she want him to propose or is she really interested in some other guy?
i dont know please solve the mystery..but i am glad it isnt so bad for the main lead.. after the way he had lived almost becoming a recluse and she had been the first girl he had been interested in...i was afraid he might go into depression or his void just might become bigger... tht wud have been really sad and i am glad tht there i this new charecter now...

and he sent her a friend request. i have to say for a person who doesnt sociaalize much the lead char doesnt wait around dwindling his thumbs when he likes a girl..lol...

first he stalks the earlier interest to school and now this net stalking and quick frind request. he doesnt fear rejection at all.