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Do not get pregnant
- Do not get married
Why? Well simply because there are so many hazards for one to get pregnant or to get married. In all the years that you have lived, the only dangerous threats in the universe would be either boys (Playing tag with them would be dangerous in case cooties or boys germs would be catched) or coming face to face with an insect, specifically a big fat dirty cockroach 🤢. Twas would be more deadly, if this particular insect had wings and could fly. *shudders a million times* EEKS! 🤢 Our hearts would accelerate and we would scream into tears. But no my friends, once you hit pregnancy, than even the air you breathe would become toxic. How? Let me tell you...
- The Fainting Syndrome - Whether your hungry, happy, tired, sleepy, sad - it is guaranteed that you will ALWAYS faint. Even the wind is enough to make us sway and topple onto the ground (backwards). The only relief is that you will NEVER faint falling flat faced on the ground (forward). Now that would be embarressing and less-pretty. To fall on your face in front of the sexy hero. 😆 Excuse my laughter, I just had a wild imagination of Geet falling flat on her face with Maan standing there, perplexed. Now that would be awkward. HAIL! Backwards fainting! 🤣
- The rain will be VERY dangerous for your health. Dear god, pregnant ladies - avoid the rain! You will not faint whilst running after a car that contains the beautiful hero, you will not faint when you basically slip on the wet floor, you will not faint when your body temperature has risen to dangerous degrees. Nope! You will faint ONLY when the hero blasts at you for being pregnant. Only then will you faint...Only then....So all in all, more than the rain, the heroes accusation and 30 minute lectures are more hazardous to your health.
- Once you get pregnant, threats such as catching boys germs and battling with an insect would be long gone. In fact it would be replaced with much worse situations. You may or may not be victim to a falling chandelier, your evil brother or uncle would possibly attempt to gas you to death. You will be chased by a herd of lunatic men in the jungle, at night, with the threat of being hackled down by an aladdin looking sword. And if that doesn't happen, then the evil humans would become modernized and would use a gun instead. 🤓
- The Doctors - Who seriously gave these humans a doctorate in medicine? I believe they have spent years learning how to take bribes, announce a miscarriage/abortion, or to give the hero a choice of choosing the mother or the baby. Far out! When have you ever watched a show whereby, the doctor would happily announce that there will be NO complications, the heroine will NOT be shifted into the ICU, there will be NO requirments for sad background music. Basically, the opposite occurs. After examining the heroine for 2 minutes, she would announce that the heroine must be shifted to the ICU, sad music must be played, and that she would be in 24 hour observation. Then 'DEN DEN' they would not be able to save the child, or the hero must choose between them. AND if that doesn't happen, then the doctors would be busy taking bribes from the evil humans, in order to kill the patient (Heroine usually), or would turn a blind eye as the evil people take off the heroines oxygen mask, or would allow the baby to get kidnapped and would thus replace the child with some random kid. AND AND if that doesn't happen, the doctor (after taking bribes) would announce to the world, and to the hero, 'yeh bacha teri nahin hai' (excuse my poor hindi), 'this baby is not yours'. So if the child isn't kidnapped, replaced, or dead, then he/she is surely to be claimed as to being illegitimate (Najayeez).
I tell you, these dramas don't want women to get pregnant! Look at all the negativity they are trying to show us! 😡 In order to save this from happening, I believe I should be elected as president of the media, so I could pass on some legitimate legislation.
- The 'Anti miscarriage' Act 2011 (India Forums)
- The 'Anti Abortion' Act 2011 (India Forums)
- The 'Anti Removal of an oxygen' Act 2011 (India Forums)
If being pregnant didn't have enough problems, they are also showing weddings as to being a major mess up as well! Tell me! When did a marriage ever occur peacefully, with no delays or preventions? WHEN? Money does NOT grow from trees, for the love of insanity! Weddings are damn expensive! Have some sympathy for the decorators who never get acknowledged for their work. Simply put, the shows are trying to tell us to 'Never get married'. Why? I'll tell you again..
- The hero and heroine will basically NEVER get married until the end of the show. Either the heroine will get kidnapped. or the hero will. If that doesn't happen, the angry father, brother or uncle would burst into the wedding with a shot gun. He would aim at the frightened girl who if she was sane enough, would bolt the hell of there instead of just standing! But evenutally, the hero would come in front and get shot instead. He would die. She would cry. 2 year leap, another hero would come, they will fall in love, he will die again. She will be widowed at least 3 times. During the wedding sequence, the hero will find out a horrible secret about the heroine. He would stand up and walk away from the mandap, leaving the girl awkwardly and humiliatingly alone. And of course, the heroes family would fling accusations at the heroine and would bad mouth her in front of the 'society'. She would get a bad name and her spineless father would come shaking and crying, saying the famous dialgoues: 'Kaun karegi meri beti se shaadi?' Who will marry my daughter? And then some random guy (who we all dislike) would stand up and scream 'Mein Karongi teri beti se shaadi!'. (Yeah Yeah sit your ass down, nobody likes you, go away! The hero may be a pain in the butt today, but he will come around and WE WILL forgive him!). So basically, the heroine would marry the wrong guy (who is guaranteed to turn evil in the future). If not any of the above, during the wedding sequence, just when the hero is about apply sindoor, a random human will burst in saying 'Ye Shaadi Nahin ho sakti!' This wedding cannot happen. And in his hands would be a doctors certificate (Bribes Bribes) that will indicate that the heroine is pregnant. And trust me, until the last episode, you will NEVER be able to prove that you are NOT pregnant. EVER.
- And if that doesn't happen, you will guaranteed be married falsely to an evil man, only to be jilted at the airport. Geet style.
I tell you! These shows are against marriage. OH and how could I forget. Before the most awaited wedding, the hero or heroine will of course have a bad dream about the wedding being crashed. Who the hell dreams of such inauspicious things? Is that even normal for the human mind to think about? 😕
So in response to this, I've thought of some legislations for the marriage problem too!- The 'Non prevented marriage' act 2011 (India Forums)
- The 'Non delayed marriage' act 2011 (India Forums)
- The 'Non dreaming of a crashed wedding' act 2011 (India Forums)
- The 'Prevention of a random stranger getting married to heroine' act 2011 (India Forums)
Vote for me to be the new president of the media! 😆 I say VOTE! For who?
For Samira aka Mrs Maan Singh Phurana! Signing off! Gooday!
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