"Won't you have some?" he asked. I didn't want to tell him that I was sacrificing caffeine for a week, as Tina had found out from Izzy how much tea and coffee I drank daily.
"No, I..not now"
"Oh"
"Nakusha...can I ask you something?" Oh no! Just what I had dreaded, he would ask me about that night. God, please, no! How humiliating!
"Yes?"
"Nakusha, we have avoided talking about that night, but I...just wanted to make sure that everything was well. I mean.."
I tried to calm myself down. He was only being polite, being friendly. But wasn't it a bit too friendly? I didn't want to tell him about the problems of my life.
"Dutta, I appreciate that you are asking about me, and let me assure you that I am perfectly fine. That night...it was a slipup, a mistake. I am terribly ashamed and embarrassed about that....the nights incidents are still unclear in my mind, so I am really sorry if I had cause you any inconveniences." I tried to be formal.
"No..it wasn't your fault. Every person has the right to let everything out, to do what they want to, to be free" To be free? Was I not free? Why did I think that when he said this, he was talking more about himself than me?
"What do you mean Dutta? Do you think I am trapped?" I was on the verge of tears, and I blinked furiously to stop them from falling down.
"Nakusha...no. I wasn't referring to you when I said that. I..."
"I am sorry for upsetting you. Really sorry." I looked at him warily, wondering whether he would ask more questions. I gulped, as if swallowing away the sadness, making it stay inside, to stop it from coming out, and took the now-empty cup of coffee from his hands.
"Bye Nakusha." He had gotten the hint, thankfully. I tried to hide the relief from showing on my face.
"Bye Dutta"
I don't want to cry today, not when Baji was going to come. I wouldn't let old memories spoil this day. Izzy would wash the dishes and prepare Baji's room, I wanted to cook the food. Yes, I would prepare a feast for my brother. I smiled as I rummaged through the cupboards, looking for the recipe book.
_
I tried to keep a straight face as Senior Patil talked to Tina. Some one rescue me. I had the urge to stuff cotton into my ears as he droned on and on about the benefits of helping his political party campaign. Why would he want to campaign in Australia? Or perhaps he had heard about Tina building a branch of Mehra Industries in India, and wants her to campaign over there or something. Hell, who cares? Even the fly crawling on the chair beside me seemed more interesting than Senior Patil.
After finally finishing his speech, Senior Patil left with his son, who looked just as bored as me, but had his means of entertainment in the form of an iPod. I tried not to feel envious, as he moved his head in time to the music. Jerk! Does he think he rules the world?
"Tina, hurry up! We have to get Baji, remember?" I asked her. I didn't want to be late.
"Acha baba, I am coming!" She finally packed everything up and grabbed her bag.
"Come on!" she said, walking out of the room.
"Tina?"
"Mmm?"
"Tina, what's up?"
"The sky...."
"That's dry"
"Hmm, it is. Everything is dry, it hasn't rained in ages."
Her nonchalant attitude made me want to strangle her.
"Tweetu! I know something is wrong, and you have to tell me"
"Later" she waved her hand in the air, as if brushing away my inquiries. What is wrong with her? She has been acting like this for 2 days.
"Fine, later" I sat in her car and didn't talk to her for the entire ride, pouting like a child. She didn't seem to care.
She bought a hot chocolate from the cafe, as I asked the receptionist which room Baji stayed in.
"Tina, you go to room 56, its on the 2nd floor."
"What about you?"
"I need to freshen up, I will be back soon"
"Ok"
I rushed to the toilets, and splashed my face with water. I knew that I was going to cry when I saw Baji, I hadn't seen him in nearly two years. I wiped my face with a tissue before walking as fast as I could to his room.
He looked mature, wise, even in a t-shirt and jeans. I an up to him and hugged him. "Bhai!"
"Hold on, Naku. First I want to show you my surprise."
"Surprise?"
"Yes" He looked at me, and I caught a glimpse of the old mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
"No, I want to talk to you now, I will see the surprise later"
"Naku!"
"Fine, where is it?"
"In the balcony"
I looked around cautiously, Baji was known for his pranks. Finally, assured that this wasn't a ruse, I opened the french doors leading to the balcony.
The balcony seemed empty, but for a slight sucking noise coming from behind a box. I pushed it to the side, and gasped, shocked by the sight of the toddler in front of me.
"Anu?!" What..? How...?
She looked up at me through the curtain of hair falling on her face.Sticking her thumb in her mouth, teddy in the other hand, she jumped in delight, causing her dark brown curls to bob up and down. She had a slight stain on her burnt orange flower-print sundress, but it could easily go unnoticed. She took her thumb out of her moouth and beckoned me closer, planting a kiss on my cheek. "Mumma!" she squealed.
"Anu..." I picked her up and kissed her cheeks, fiercely. I was seeing her after an entire year. My Anu...Anita. Suddenly, I felt the weight of what I had done. I put her down. "I am so sorry, Anita, so, so sorry" Clutching the child to me, I started sobbing.
.....................................................
~Suvi
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