Funny T-shirt Slogans

I'm not 50. I'm $49.95 plus tax.

I need somebody bad. Are you bad?

Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car.

I'm not a snob. I'm just better than you are.

It's my cat's world. I'm just here to open cans.

Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.

Keep staring....I may do a trick.

We got rid of the kids. The cat was allergic.

Dangerously under-medicated.

My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash, and it's gone.

Every time I hear the word "exercise", I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture.

Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral.