When Love and Hate Collide
Maan was there, in his past, the hurt he had felt ages ago was gnawing at him. He could not believe Geet would lie to him. She had said she cannot tolerate him near her. Why did she lie with her lips when he knew she craved his nearness as much as he did hers? He needed to reinforce his defenses. He had played this hide and seek game with her long enough.
Just as he was going to the attic to put all memories of her away in the safe place where they would be locked away never to mock him, Daadima had given him an impetus to fight. Fight and take vengeance. She needed to know that he was okay if she went away from him. He will get back to her but for now he needed to confront his demons, reaffirm his beliefs as to why he refused to let a smile flicker on his face, why be the hard harsh man he had become. He knew he had to fight this world alone. Geet had been like a waft of fresh air but now that had to stop. He had to get away. No one, but no one ever told Maan Singh Khurana what to do. He was master of his destiny, he was the leader and people followed his diktat.
What he had not envisaged was Geet following him. Why was she here, in his private place? Why did he allow her to stay here? Did he want her to know him as he was earlier and know that he was not always the Maan he is today? Did it matter to him that she knows everything there was to know about him?
Oh yes! His mind answered, but he pushed it aside, right now he needed to be visceral with his words. Once again a test whether she will run away from reality or will she stand with him. He heard her say in surprise as she looked at his old photograph and he could not stop himself from lashing out at her.
He knew his past has a lot to answer for. But whether it was duty, to be a perfectionist or not smile because he knew he had paid dearly for being a happy go lucky person, his past was a wound that had festered over the years and now it was a canker and he needed to remind him that women were feckless creatures only worth using. He still felt that he could not bring himself to think about Geet in any fashion that would extinguish his love for her. She still made his heart beat that much faster when she was around him.
But he steeled himself against her words, words that told him to take new roads, embrace new experiences and she was part of them. She was his ray of hope that he wanted to shut out. He did not want to ever fall, be reminded again that he was weak. He knew he needed to repair his armour, armour that he wore to fight this world, to protect his soul from things that made him smile, made him weak. He will not let Geet be the reason for his aberration. He had worked too hard at developing Maan Singh Khurana into the person he was today to let a chit of a girl change him to the extent where he would be on his knees.
He tried to reason with himself to hurt her the way she had him but something drew him to her. The softness of her voice, the pleading tone drew him out of his darkness into the light she brought with her. She stood there bathed in light like a beacon to the lost ship his soul was. He took a step towards her and then two. He went up to her despite claiming to want to stay away from her. What was it that made him behave like a moth to a flame, needing it even though he knew going to the flame would mean a certain death? Death of Maan Singh Khurana, the ogre will burn and so will his past with it. He stood a few feet away taking in her warmth but not going near enough lest he forgets he exists and becomes one with her.
He needed to lash out at her for the having the cheek to follow him. He wanted to dismiss her like he had intended before she had ventured into his past. But she had stood there not afraid of what he will reveal.
He told her vile things then, of giving her the freedom to walk away despite every fibre of his being screaming against, he hardened himself against those thoughts and poured all the venom he could of going ahead with Pari and the charade and relieving her of her duties.
He saw her eyes lose their light, but he stopped himself from reading too much. They had told him a lot and it seems he had been wrong about them. She is not hurt by his words, he explained to himself. She is tougher than she lets on. She winds men around her little finger with her innocence. But God, did she make him happy. She was the moonbeam that had made the last few months, worth living.
He knew he should stay away but her eyes undid him. He moved a few step closer, bridging the gap he had left. He softened his tone and said, "Don't look at me like that Geet! You want me to stay away. I am doing just that. You do want your freedom. I am giving it to you. Go away! Go away! And leave me!"
Geet's eyes could not bank the tears anymore, they flowed over down her cheeks. A sob escaped her and she put a hand to her mouth and she turned and left the room with Maan standing rigid, unmoving.
She ran out and onto the corridor, down the steps and ran into Daadima.
When Love and Hate Collide ' Def Leppard - lyrics
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Instead of slamming down the phone girl, for the hundredth time
I got your number on my wall, but I ain't gonna make that call
When divided we stand baby, united we fall
Got the time got a chance gonna make it
Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know I can't fight this flame
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time
Without you
One night alone Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide
I don't wanna fight no more, I don't know what we're fighting for
When we treat each other baby, like an act of war
I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise
When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between the eyes
There's a time and a place and a reason
And I know I got a love to believe in
All I know got to win this time
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby...Crazy...Crazy
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
Do you have a heart of stone
Without you
One night alone
Is like a year without you baby
If you have a heart at all
Without you
Can't stop the hurt inside
When love and hate collide
Aami Daakini
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