Sid:
Ridzy.... what am I to do? I hate treating you in this manner, hurting you, torturing you with the words I say, with the actions I portray. I know it is unfair, and I know full well that you are trying to make amends, but how do I explain all this to my helpless heart? whenever I feel that I can trust you again, the brutal image of you and Ammy together pops into my mind. That image stabs me repeatedly in my soul. I know it sounds egotistical, but what can I do? I know that you still love him even today, hurting you doesn't make me feel better, its makes me feel the adverse of that, it causes me pain 1000 times more than what I do to you. Your tears are like icy bullets through my heart. What makes it worse is that I know I am causing them. If there was a way I could re-track time then believe me I would, I would do all in my power to banish that horrific betrayal from my mind, but I cannot, no matter how hard I try. I never meant what I said about us sharing no relationship, ofc we have one, ours is too deep to even begin to ignore, and though I want to explore it, I cannot, the pain is too extravagant to over-look and play happy families. Ridzy I am trapped in a limbo, I cannot embrace you nor can I ignore you, being nice to you & loving you might cause me more pain, yet hating you and hurting you is more difficult than murdering! What am I to do? How I long to trust you, to hold you, comfort you, love you, be the husband to you that I was meant to be all along. But how? Is it even possible? Are we past the point of no return? Could we ever embark on a relationship that we both yearn? Am I even certain that you yearn it as much as I do? So many questions ridzy, yet very few answers, one question I do know the answer to is this, Do I Love You? Without a doubt, with every heartbeat that hammers, it only beats your name.
Ridzy:
Sid...... Why? That is the one question that emerges in my mind, why did I make the mistake of signing those DP, why did I accept Ammy's Help? and why, when I am trying so hard to amend all mistakes, to help you, understand and build a relationship with you, are you pushing me away? I know I have made mistakes, but mistakes are there to be learnt from, and that is what I am doing now, learning from the mistakes I made and trying to fix them. But you feel the need to push me away, to hurt me, to tell me that you do not need me, that dying is more preferable to you than accepting any form of help from me. But sid I know that you do not mean what you say, you know as well as I do that we share a relationship that is soul deep, that our love is like no other, I have yet to even admit these feelings to you, this is why I refuse to give up and run, I am done with running, I am going to face up to this, and tackle it head on, I will fight to win you back no matter what the costs, I will prove how much you mean to me, so you can hurt me as much as you like but I will not falter in my motives, I will be the wife to you that I should have been from day 1, I will show you how much importance you have in my life, that more than anything I want a relationship with you, you mean more to me than anything, seeing you cry, hurt in pain, it destroys me, its like a knife is slowly penetrating my body and piercing me over and over when you are in pain. I hate it, and I hate that I have done this to you. But I promise you Sid, in fact I take an oath, a pledge that I will do whatever it takes to be by your side, to gain another chance, to prove what you are to me. Sid the truth of all matters is that I Love You Beyond all factors, and will do anything to prove it. What can I do Sid? My Heart is helpless, I can say with full conviction that You Are My Soul, My Destiny, My Heart & My Love.
By Tazzy