hey hi all!
i know i promised to update after 22 march but i couldn't as my exams aren't over yet 😭
even i have a exam on 25 april too(wish me luck guys)
i wrote this part on being asked by 2 sweethearts: nidzy(mayurarti) and ak12(akansha) 🤗
love u guys ❤️
this is short one but yet something is better then nothing.
sorry for delay. I PROMISE I"LL UPDATE REGULARLY AFTER 25 APRIL... promise 😊
so here it goes....
part 9-page 7
************PART 10************************
25 march, 2010
11:45 pm
Someone who held me upright when I was to fall,
Someone who stood beside when I was left by all,
From the moments I rested in his arms,
I felt myself being protected from any harms,
His fingers clutched my hand in such way,
That all my sorrows, worries, washed away
I don't even know, he feels the same way or not?
I just know, he is ruling my every dream and thought
Is this strange feeling called love? Or what?
Or is it just my illusion, infatuation? Or what?
Sitting idle, I feel him around
What this feeling is called, yet to be found...
Right now, when I am here with my father, to look after him, my thoughts are again wandering back to the same night… night that occurred a week ago, but doesn't seem a bit old. The soothing effect that his embrace had on me is still afresh. The calmness I felt at heart was heavenly. I wish that moment could have been a bit longer then it actually was. I wish... I wish... All I can do right now is just a wish. I am well aware how wishes never come true.
With me, Nupur bhushan, destiny has always been cruel enough to ruin my every dream, every wish.
Now I am scared even to wish something, knowing that it may never come true…
ahhh... much of my old sad story..
chal bye sweetheart...
Good night. With one more sigh I slipped my diary into my hand bag once again. I think I should doze off now. I got a lot of work to complete tomorrow. Telling Bauji about the wedding that bui has hastily planned for my already ruined life, being one of them. At least Bauji will happy knowing about this wedding, at least SOMEONE will be finally happy.
"there's so use repenting over already taken decisions… just wait and watch what destiny has in store for you"
oh god! Today my evergreen formula "convince yourself" isn't helping too. What does it mean? i purposely brushed off every thought and shifted on couch to get a comfortable postion to sleep while sitting. oh i wish i could easily close my eyes to every thought i don't wanna have.. i wish... again!
"hi..."Did i heard right?... oh maybe i am hallucinating all over again. nopes! This can't more then a dream. but then i can see his blurred figure in the doorway. Wow! Now i can even dream with open eyes. Good-lord!! Miss nupur bhushan GET A GRIP!
"hi nupur.. "Again! no, it can't be my imagination. i am not sleeping yet to dream of voices... am i?
I rubbed my eyes to witness the only wish come true... i pinched myself.. "Ouch" it hurts.
Its real! Oh my god its real!!
Calm down. Calm down nupur.. Breathe in. breathe out....1...2...3...4...5.... *sigh*
"Umm... Hi..." it was a mere whisper that escaped my lips. i doubt if he even heard it. Shit! Shit! Raise your volume girl. You were not supposed to whisper but say a hi - like normal people say. try again.
"Hi.. How come you are here?" yes! Now its fine. Finally being my own self.
"Just came to see bauji... When did he doze off?" he said taking a seat next to me on the couch.
"He has been sleeping all the day, maybe the effect of chemotherapy.. Medicines are quite strong did he came to see bauji only? Why do i have this pathetic habit of reading between the lines? No nupur! He HASN'T came to to see you. Lower your hopes! Lower your hopes!
"hmmm.. so..How are you? It's been a week since i met you" why? Oh why do you have to remind me of that night? Why? Why? Why?
"yeah.. was just busy looking after bauji" Am i the only one who is getting so uncomfortable with the memories of that night or.... whatever! i think i should talk it out... yes thats the only wy to clear all doubts. i sighed a bit, lowered my face intending not to meet his eyes and continued.
"ahhh.. I wanted to thank you for that... Umm.. That time..." Girl look into his eyes! Neither this marble floor nor this couch held you at your bad times. Look at him not these non-living things.
L-O-O-K A-T H-I-M!!!
"I can't thank you enough for supporting me at my time of need... I was so mean to have stopped talking to you guys, when none of you were at fault" I looked up finally. He had a odd expression on his face. I was enough for me to know what was coming on. I guess I should tell him. Yes, he is trustworthy and more over a true friend..
no matter I have started considering him much more but for him I am just a friend… ok maybe a good friend but not what I dream to be.."Nupur.. there was something else too.. " this wasn't a question. I can feel his mind wheels churning to gather the facts. Well, I think its time to confess.
" there was something else too in your eyes. I could feel it. You weren't mere worried for your father. There was much more pain or maybe fear or something else. I am not able to pinpoint it."He looked straight in my eyes like he was trying to read my unsaid words as well as answers to his questions. He placed his hand on mine and continued
"if you think you can share your problem with me then please tell me what is it?... sharing fears decreases their affect as well intensity"I just stared at him. How can someone be so nice always? Yes Nupur! Your decision to tell him truth was right. Tell him. Right now.
All this while, he was looking at me intently.
"actually yes, there is more to it… i…" I trailed off leaving a perplexed expression on his face. The wrinkles on his forehead were evident of the confusion I left him with. I took a deep breathe and continued my incomplete sentence
" I am… getting married" I managed to finish it in a whisper. I hope he heard.
His grip on my hand loosened, wrinkles on his forehead getting more visible. Why was he looking so affected with this decision of MY life? He isn't related to this decision mine in any way… is he? No. He isn't. He doesn't love me, he isn't my fianc, he isn't my husband. Maybe he is hurt because is hide the truth from him.
"why didn't you tell me earlier?" after what seemed like eternity, he spoke… almost spoke. His voice wasn't much audible and his eyes were lost. His reaction was now churning my mind wheels. Does feels the same way as I do? Does he... NO HE CAN"T.
" I was too scared to digest the truth to tell anyone else. I wasn't myself prepared to accept it… sorry"" do you love him?" the question came too sudden. He was still not looking at me; his eyes had lost the twinkle. Why is he making it difficult for me to get used-to to the fact that I am getting married to some Rajat NRI kapoor, whom I haven't even seen!!
" do you love him nupur??" this time his voiced was controlled and his eyes glued on me.
" I haven't seen him yet. My bui chose him for me." I don't know why I was so desperate to let him know that I don't love this Rajat stupid kapoor. I don't love him.
He left my hand and stood up.
" Its getting late. I think I should leave now. Good night." with this he headed towards door. I was looking at him as if asking him to stop and ask me whatever doubt he had in his mind regarding this so-called un-planned marriage. I wanted himto look at me and take me in those warm arms again. Please stop. Please stop mayank…
He stopped. My hopes got higher. He turned around; I could make out a twinkling tear in his eyes that told me he was affected. He was concerned for me.
" you should have told me earlier" he said and left closing the door behind.
p.s.- the poem above is purely my creation 😳
Edited by Dpkavasudeva - 15 years ago
Kumkum Bhagya
Tu Dhadkan Main Dil
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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