~~~ DIl Dosti etc ~~~ #8 (INVITES ONLY) NTL:PG 145 - Page 98

I can't help it

I'm mayank sharma, the mayank sharma, thast what she calls me. People come to me with their problems, but I cant help myself. I just feel so hopeless when it comes to her. whom u may ask, well nuupur bhushan. She is called the solution queen. She has solution for every problem. But she doesn't know that she is the reason for my biggest problem. She is a friend of mine. not best friend but friend nevertheless.

She makes it so difficult for me to stop loving her…did I say difficult? Well she makes it impossible for me stop loving her. she never shows how much she cares and still I know she cares for people. That is what makes her so sweet and innocent. Her innocence is not her childishness but the fact that she tries incredibly hard to portray a tough image of herself. She is mature and immature at the same time. And that is her most endearing quality. You might ask that if I love her so much then why I don't tell it to her. My best friend likes her. and if the speculations are to be believed then she likes him too. Yes everyone from our gang believes that they like each other including me. Yes I believe nupur likes samrat. She is so different with him. she talks to him so comfortably unlike how she is with me. She always sound so reserved when she talks to me. i always feel the ache in my heart becoming stronger when she behaves like that with me. I don't mind her being sweet and friendly with samrat but her being reserved with me kinda makes me feel bad. We've had our share of fun though. We would mostly gang up when it came to her brother, saahil, who was also my very good friend. We did tease each other and annoyed each other but the reservations were always there. That is one reason I feel she likes samrat.

Its so strange that I keep trying to detach myself from her but am just unable to. Sometimes I see concern in her eyes for me but its just for split second and I have to go back to believing that it was my imagination. I know its not right to love your best friend's choice but I cant really help it. Its not like they are an official couple I try to justify my morale self. But they like each other, it retorts back. All I can do is sit in contemplation as to how I should stop thinking such things. Its not possible if the girl you love is nupur bhushan. She always manages to bring a smile on my face no matter what she does. Even her efforts to portray herself as strong brings a smile on my face. She is strong I know that but she ttries to act indifferent and I find it very sweet. There is nothing sweet about it, I know but I cant help it. She has taken over my mind.

I've been in love with her since the 9^th std. and now we are in college and I still love her. and what I feel bad about the most is that we all knew that samrat and nupur liked each other since 7^th. That's what makes me feel so bad about myself. I'm ditching my best friend by loving her. but as I said earlier, cant help it. I remember once in the 10^th she had supported me when I was standing alone against the entire class. Well it wasn't a big thing really. I was of the opinion that germany would win the match while the rest of the class believed that brazil would win. She was there supporting me. she hadn't supported even samrat at that time. I was so happy that day coz she had supported me so fiercely even though it might have been for a very silly reason. I had thanked her later and she said that what she felt like doing she did. It wasn't a big deal. I wanted to tell her how much a big deal it was to me. but as always I couldn't. My tongue would get tied up when it came to talking to her about something like this.

Its of no use to think how much I love her and how she is different from others. It just makes things more difficult for me. but its very difficult to not think about her if she sits next to you in class. Did I tell you that she asks me if she has to clarify her doubts? Well she does. And I feel happy for no particular reason. I can concentrate on studies and everything very well but when it comes to her I'm hopeless.

I'm sitting here now, on the roof of our college and still thinking about her. I should do something constructive my mind tells me and my stupid, love-sick heart tells me that this is a very constructive thing to do. Well I'll have to forget her…or at least try to keep her away from my thoughts. I'm leaving in a few days….three days to be precise. My dad wants us to move to our hometown in shimla. I have no idea why but I have to. Well I've told all my friends and I will tell nupur about it when I meet her next time. I don't know how I'll be doing that. See that's why I'm here so I can prepare myself mentally. I know she wont be affected much but I will be. I turn around to see some noise and see nupur walking towards me wth a smile on her face.

"The Mayank Sharma is bunking??", she asked with a smirk.

I frowned and said, "yeah wanted a break but what are you doing here?"

"Duh!! I'm bunking", she replied with a grin.

I smiled at her. she came and sat next to me.

"so what made The Mayank Sharma to need a break??", she asked.

I couldn't help but smile. She always called me The Mayank Sharma when she was in a mood to tease me.

"I just wanted to see how it is to bunk.", I said playing along.

"mayank you have a lot of time to experience bunking. And today was supposed to be The great analog circuit test right?", she asked.

"yup but I wanted to see what is the great feeling you get when you bunk.", I said with a smirk. She laughed. Did I tell you that I loved her laugh?

"mayank there is lot of time. Next time around tell me. I'll bunk with you." She said laughing.

My smile faltered. It was time to tell her.

"there wont be a next time nupur.", I said.

She looked at me and asked, "and what does that supposed to mean?"

"I'm leaving. We are moving to shimla.", I told her and I couldn't help the disappointment in my voice.

I saw her smile disappear and something strange take over her face. I looked at her concerned but she turned away.

"nupur I'm so sorry I wanted to tell this to you before but couldn't….we will still talk on phone or net or..", I was blabbering.

She was very quite. I didn't know what to do. I kept my hand on her shoulder and she looked at me. I saw tears glistening in he eyes. I was totally taken aback. I wasn't expecting her to cry for me. that was the last thng I thought was possible. Not just because I thought I was not that important to her but she never ever showed that she was capable of crying.

"nupur please don't cry. I'm sorry I should have told you earlier and maybe before everyone else but I'm an idiot and I ….please don't cry.", I tried frantically to stop her tears.

she looked straight into my eyes and said, "I will miss you mayank."

Well her the pain in her voice made me do the most unimaginable thing ever. I hugged her. she was slightly taken aback but then she hugged me back, tightly. I suddenly felt the unshed tears on my shoulder and when I tried to pull away she kept on clutching to me as if her life depended on it. I could feel her breaking down now.

"I love you mayank. Please don't go.", she said.

I couldn't believe my ears. Did she just say that she loved me. I pulled away from the hug and looked into her eyes.

"please don't go. I really love you very much.", she said again.

I hugged her this time out of my own happiness. She loved me. nupur loved me. I was the happiest person on the earth. But then my world came crashing down when I felt her silent sobs.

"nupur I love you. And I will no matter where I am.", I told her. she looked at me straight in my eyes. Maybe trying to get some reassurance. I smiled at her and she smiled back.

"why dint you tell me that you loved me before?", she asked after a long silence.

"I thought you liked samrat.", I said.

"of course I like samrat. He is like my best friend. That doesn't mean that I cant love someone else does it?", she asked me.

"no. but he likes you. You know that right?", I said.

"yeah I know. But sometimes you cant help your stupid heart mayank. It just doesn't let you do anything.", she said.

I smiled remembering how many times I would use 'you cant help'.

"but what about samrat now?? You know he will be upset.", I asked her uncertainly. I dint want to cause pain to my best friend.

"he will understand. He always knew I liked you.", she said and I was totally surprised, shocked to be precise.

"samrat knew??", I asked her.

She chuckled and said yes.