Posted:
Folks,
Do your in-laws stay with you? Is there a cold-war with them? Have they yelled at you? Did you say anything to your wife that was badly mistaken by them?
If you said yes to any of the above or in a familiar situation, let us chat.
The reason I post this topic is because I want to get some data points and views from you out there who are married and have in-laws staying with you for short duration.
A friend of my mine told me that he has had a cold war going on with his in-laws. As a set up, the individual lives in Australia and is married for 4 years. He has a 2 year old kid and the in-laws came over to take care of the 2 year old. They lived with them for about 4 months.
My friend has a slight of a short-temper, but he is very very kind at heart. He says things to his wife (never to his in-laws has he disrespected, I believe) that sounded like a shrill, but in reality he doesn't mean in any bad way. Also, my friend has a very high regard for his wife and always does what is right for the family. He is not controlling, not egoistic or any of that sort and he looks at marriage as a 50-50% partnership.
Having said that, he told me that he had a tussle with his in-laws. Actually, one day he and his wife had an intense 2 minute debate on trivial matter, which was observed by his in-laws, just like they do all the time. This time though the in-laws snapped and categorically told my friend that "you are never nice to your wife...you are always yelling at her...we have seen it for last 4 months while staying". On the contrary, the intense debate he had with his wife was normal and they usually get along with each other after 5 minutes telling each other "sorry" for acting like this. Literally, they don't have any grudge with each other at all and I personally observed it.
My question is "are his in-laws right to tell him that he is never nice, especially without hearing both sides of the argument"? On the other hand, "are they right to be judgmental on my friend?
I'd like to hear your views and similar experiences if you have any. This is nothing but discovering and doing what is right, not to paint blame on the in-laws.
Let me know your thoughts if you have a chance.
Thank you.
S Patel
Do your in-laws stay with you? Is there a cold-war with them? Have they yelled at you? Did you say anything to your wife that was badly mistaken by them?
If you said yes to any of the above or in a familiar situation, let us chat.
The reason I post this topic is because I want to get some data points and views from you out there who are married and have in-laws staying with you for short duration.
A friend of my mine told me that he has had a cold war going on with his in-laws. As a set up, the individual lives in Australia and is married for 4 years. He has a 2 year old kid and the in-laws came over to take care of the 2 year old. They lived with them for about 4 months.
My friend has a slight of a short-temper, but he is very very kind at heart. He says things to his wife (never to his in-laws has he disrespected, I believe) that sounded like a shrill, but in reality he doesn't mean in any bad way. Also, my friend has a very high regard for his wife and always does what is right for the family. He is not controlling, not egoistic or any of that sort and he looks at marriage as a 50-50% partnership.
Having said that, he told me that he had a tussle with his in-laws. Actually, one day he and his wife had an intense 2 minute debate on trivial matter, which was observed by his in-laws, just like they do all the time. This time though the in-laws snapped and categorically told my friend that "you are never nice to your wife...you are always yelling at her...we have seen it for last 4 months while staying". On the contrary, the intense debate he had with his wife was normal and they usually get along with each other after 5 minutes telling each other "sorry" for acting like this. Literally, they don't have any grudge with each other at all and I personally observed it.
My question is "are his in-laws right to tell him that he is never nice, especially without hearing both sides of the argument"? On the other hand, "are they right to be judgmental on my friend?
I'd like to hear your views and similar experiences if you have any. This is nothing but discovering and doing what is right, not to paint blame on the in-laws.
Let me know your thoughts if you have a chance.
Thank you.
S Patel
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