new world wide employment changes!!

No longer a fun place to work !

________________________

NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES Company Policy: Effective from January 2006

Dress Code: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to

your

salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we

assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so

that

you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and

therefore

you do not need a raise.

Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of

sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to

work.

Annual Leave Days: Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a

year.

They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Bereavement Leave: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing

you

can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be

made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases

where

employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in

the

late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work

through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use: Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There

is

now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three

minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the

stall

door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence,

your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the

Chronic

offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be

sanctioned

under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat

more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes

for

lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby

people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to

drink

a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a

positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,

concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,

insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation

and

input should be directed elsewhere.