Ok who is going to beat Shobha De up?

So what was missing?? I'm still scratching my head, trying to put my finger on it. I watched what is being hailed as the 'Best Film of 2009' ( come on guys, we are only in August!) on monday at Inox, 5.40 pm show. The hall wasn't even half full. Word of mouth already?? I met a friend in the lobby. She'd seen an earlier show. I could tell from her expression she wasn't exactly ecstatic. She smiled sweetly when I asked, " Liked it?" and said, " Theek, theek.... but I can't understand why it was given 4 stars by the critics." I told her these days every third film gets 4 stars - doesn't mean a thing. Georgia coffee and popcorn in hand, I went and took my seat expectantly. Opening scenes?? So-so. It will get better, I said. It has to. Shahid No.1 comes on looking like ... Shahid No. 2, 3, 4, and 5. The same floppy , coloured hair, the same cute smile. It will get better, I said. The popcorn was 1\3rd over. Priyanka comes on next. She is called Sweety. Oh Oh. Wrong name. Never met a Maharashtrian girl called Sweety. Now there are two Sweeties ( Shahid No.1 and her). Priyanka gets knocked up by the Sweety who forgot to wear a condom. He 's the one who lisps... no stutters... no, lisps. Stutters. Lisps. Stutters. Forget it. Does it really matter? Well, to the dumb cops it does.
It will get better, I said, through gritted teeth. Both the Sweeties are dancing. And someone somewhere is strumming a guitar that's filled with snow... you know... cocaine. The disjointed script trundles along at a lunatic pace.... and goes nowhere. Shahid No. 2 is a baddie. How do we know?? He scowls and wears blinkers as he tries to out race a horse during the Derby. It will get better, I said. My popcorn is running out. So is my patience. Sweety Priyanka's demented brother ( Raj Thackeray, do you love your ridiculous send- up or do you love it??), decides he wants the guitar and all three Sweeties for himself. There is news for him - some Black dudes from Angola want ditto ditto. Mr. Floppy Hair is still stuttering\lisping\sluttering, while the preggie bride is going berserk with a sten gun. By now I'm ready to accept it is not going to get better.
Gawd!!! Could this be the same man who made the brilliant and visually stunning 'Omkara'? Bollywood has FINALLY got to Vishal Bhardwaj. 'Kaminey' ??? Neigh, neigh.