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Is Your Life Worth Living For? By Ashmii
As I looked out of our small cabin, I felt the summer winds blow against me. Whenever summer arrived, the atmosphere in Colchester would suddenly change. You would see children playing happily on the streets; the birds would be flying high in the sky and everybody would be looking very cheerful. However, life in my house never changed. There would never be a day when anybody in my family would not be sorry they were born. We lived with sorrows day in and day out.
I lived with my step mother and my three little brothers and sisters. I was the one there for them when they needed anything. I was the only one in the house that cared for them except for my stepbrother Chris but there was not much he could do. My stepmother Annie was always too busy to pay attention to her four children at once. As the eldest child in the family, it was my responsibility to fulfil all their needs and I was closer to them then their mother.
I would rush to them as fast as I could if they ever needed anything. My youngest stepsister Mary was only two and needed a lot of attention. She couldn't speak yet but she had picked up a lot of words. Whenever I needed help I would always ask Chris who was only one year younger then me. Chris would do all my little jobs for me and that made life easier for me. Chris was the only one in the house who understood my thoughts and feelings and we were very close.
My father was never at home to serve the needs of his family. He would stay out all day and would return only to sleep at night. Whenever Annie would get a chance to see my father she would shout at him for never being there when she needed him. Shouting at my father was useless; it was as if you were talking to a brick wall.
Annie loved my father very much; when he wasn't there she would allow herself to go dirty and would never cook a proper meal. When he walked through our front door Annie would suddenly become alive. She would bath and would put on the best dress she had from the choice of three dresses which wasn't much. She wished she had a real dress without patches and real cosmetics so she could make father love her as much as he loved my mother.
My mother had died during my birth and since then my father had turned against me. Two months later father had married Annie to give me a mother and to look after me. My father had blamed me for my mother's death because he had loved my mother very much.
Since then I have always been yearning for my father to talk to me or to even notice me but he just acts as if I don't exist.
Most worst of all are the times when my younger stepsister Rachel would run to him and he would cuddle her and stroke her hair. Oh! The pain my father delivered to me when he stroked her hair and completely ignored mine. Worse then the pains he gave from the slaps and ugly words when once in a while I would make him notice me or force him to respond to me. Now it didn't affect me as much as it used to.
The best time I ever had was at school and that was entirely because of my teacher Miss Marianne who was the most wonderful woman ever. She was exactly how I wished to be when I grew up. She was the one who made my school days like real adventures and she took my mind away from the world of poverty to a great and richer world. When I entered my class everyday every student would turn to stare at my clothes. Day in and day out I wore the same clothes and everyday the class would look at me scornfully but Miss Marianne's smile wouldn't have been warmer even if I entered with my best clothes.
Annie was becoming really angry and she seemed really depressed. I tried to ask her if anything was bothering her but she just said "you won't understand". One day when we all woke up Annie was gone. She left no letter or anything to tell us where she had gone. She had left us for good. How on earth was I going to cope with the rest of the family? Tears started pouring out of my eyes. Chris came and comforted me and told me everything was going to be ok. I could tell that he was also scared.
The next few weeks were the worst times of my whole life. The only thing to eat was biscuits and milk. Everyone had to go sleep on empty stomachs. Mary would cry all day long because she was hungry and Rachel would always be complaining. Chris and I would always be praying for someone to come and help us. I couldn't even go to school because there was none to look after Mary. Life was like hell!
There were two weeks left till Christmas, this year we were going to have the worst Christmas ever. Thankfully father had returned home, he had somehow heard of Annie's sudden runaway. Father had brought some food home for us to eat. "I've come home to bring you all the best Christmas present" said father at dinner time. He looked at me spitefully and said "get Mary ready quick, and hurry up were getting company".
Why did fathers eyes shine with so much happiness? Who was the company? Annie? Could it be Annie ' that would be wonderful. Absolutely wonderful! I heard a car drive up to the cabin.
"Now, you have to face some hard facts, you're mother isn't ever going to come back. I've found some rich people who can't have kids of their own and they're willing to pay good money for some. If you want to grow up healthy and strong and have nice things that I can't afford then this is a good chance".
I went cold inside. I hated father for what he was and he wasn't ever going to change. This was our Christmas present, to sell us all to strangers that we didn't even know. I felt sick. My arms tightened around Mary even more. Father moved towards the door to let the couple in. A fat lady wearing a fur coat entered followed by a fatter man. They both wore big smiles on their faces but that soon faded when they saw us. They turned around staring with horror at all the poverty. I was crying now. I was losing the sister that I had raised.
Father took hold of Mary and passed her on to the lady. Mary started crying loudly. The lady rushed to her car and put Mary inside. "Don't worry I will take good care of your little sister" she said to me when she saw me crying.
Heartbreak ruled the cabin without the cheerful chirping of Mary. Without Mary to distract me I heard more of Rachel who persistently moaned about not being the child to go with the rich people in their fancy car. For two days continuous I kept thinking of Mary. Chris came to comfort me "it's going to be all right, they truly did look rich and nice. Thank god father didn't send them to anyone poor".
The next day father entered the room wearing a brand new red jacket and new boots. He had with him more boxes of food. So this is how he spent the money he got by selling Mary. He left the house soon after and didn't return until after a few days later when he returned with some more company. Which one of us was it going to be now? He rushed over to Rachel and told her to get ready.
Rachel was very happy to leave the house. She was also taken by rich people. The sorrows had come to me again but this time it wasn't as bad as it was when Mary left. I knew it was going to be either Chris or me next. I wasn't going to let Chris go as I let Mary and Rachel. I would do anything to make us stay together. Father had gone from the house and this time he didn't return till weeks. When he returned he said Chris's new parents were coming in two days. Chris made himself clear to father that he wasn't going anywhere but father just smirked at him.
As I looked out of our small cabin, I felt the summer winds blow against me. Whenever summer arrived, the atmosphere in Colchester would suddenly change. You would see children playing happily on the streets; the birds would be flying high in the sky and everybody would be looking very cheerful. However, life in my house never changed. There would never be a day when anybody in my family would not be sorry they were born. We lived with sorrows day in and day out.
I lived with my step mother and my three little brothers and sisters. I was the one there for them when they needed anything. I was the only one in the house that cared for them except for my stepbrother Chris but there was not much he could do. My stepmother Annie was always too busy to pay attention to her four children at once. As the eldest child in the family, it was my responsibility to fulfil all their needs and I was closer to them then their mother.
I would rush to them as fast as I could if they ever needed anything. My youngest stepsister Mary was only two and needed a lot of attention. She couldn't speak yet but she had picked up a lot of words. Whenever I needed help I would always ask Chris who was only one year younger then me. Chris would do all my little jobs for me and that made life easier for me. Chris was the only one in the house who understood my thoughts and feelings and we were very close.
My father was never at home to serve the needs of his family. He would stay out all day and would return only to sleep at night. Whenever Annie would get a chance to see my father she would shout at him for never being there when she needed him. Shouting at my father was useless; it was as if you were talking to a brick wall.
Annie loved my father very much; when he wasn't there she would allow herself to go dirty and would never cook a proper meal. When he walked through our front door Annie would suddenly become alive. She would bath and would put on the best dress she had from the choice of three dresses which wasn't much. She wished she had a real dress without patches and real cosmetics so she could make father love her as much as he loved my mother.
My mother had died during my birth and since then my father had turned against me. Two months later father had married Annie to give me a mother and to look after me. My father had blamed me for my mother's death because he had loved my mother very much.
Since then I have always been yearning for my father to talk to me or to even notice me but he just acts as if I don't exist.
Most worst of all are the times when my younger stepsister Rachel would run to him and he would cuddle her and stroke her hair. Oh! The pain my father delivered to me when he stroked her hair and completely ignored mine. Worse then the pains he gave from the slaps and ugly words when once in a while I would make him notice me or force him to respond to me. Now it didn't affect me as much as it used to.
The best time I ever had was at school and that was entirely because of my teacher Miss Marianne who was the most wonderful woman ever. She was exactly how I wished to be when I grew up. She was the one who made my school days like real adventures and she took my mind away from the world of poverty to a great and richer world. When I entered my class everyday every student would turn to stare at my clothes. Day in and day out I wore the same clothes and everyday the class would look at me scornfully but Miss Marianne's smile wouldn't have been warmer even if I entered with my best clothes.
Annie was becoming really angry and she seemed really depressed. I tried to ask her if anything was bothering her but she just said "you won't understand". One day when we all woke up Annie was gone. She left no letter or anything to tell us where she had gone. She had left us for good. How on earth was I going to cope with the rest of the family? Tears started pouring out of my eyes. Chris came and comforted me and told me everything was going to be ok. I could tell that he was also scared.
The next few weeks were the worst times of my whole life. The only thing to eat was biscuits and milk. Everyone had to go sleep on empty stomachs. Mary would cry all day long because she was hungry and Rachel would always be complaining. Chris and I would always be praying for someone to come and help us. I couldn't even go to school because there was none to look after Mary. Life was like hell!
There were two weeks left till Christmas, this year we were going to have the worst Christmas ever. Thankfully father had returned home, he had somehow heard of Annie's sudden runaway. Father had brought some food home for us to eat. "I've come home to bring you all the best Christmas present" said father at dinner time. He looked at me spitefully and said "get Mary ready quick, and hurry up were getting company".
Why did fathers eyes shine with so much happiness? Who was the company? Annie? Could it be Annie ' that would be wonderful. Absolutely wonderful! I heard a car drive up to the cabin.
"Now, you have to face some hard facts, you're mother isn't ever going to come back. I've found some rich people who can't have kids of their own and they're willing to pay good money for some. If you want to grow up healthy and strong and have nice things that I can't afford then this is a good chance".
I went cold inside. I hated father for what he was and he wasn't ever going to change. This was our Christmas present, to sell us all to strangers that we didn't even know. I felt sick. My arms tightened around Mary even more. Father moved towards the door to let the couple in. A fat lady wearing a fur coat entered followed by a fatter man. They both wore big smiles on their faces but that soon faded when they saw us. They turned around staring with horror at all the poverty. I was crying now. I was losing the sister that I had raised.
Father took hold of Mary and passed her on to the lady. Mary started crying loudly. The lady rushed to her car and put Mary inside. "Don't worry I will take good care of your little sister" she said to me when she saw me crying.
Heartbreak ruled the cabin without the cheerful chirping of Mary. Without Mary to distract me I heard more of Rachel who persistently moaned about not being the child to go with the rich people in their fancy car. For two days continuous I kept thinking of Mary. Chris came to comfort me "it's going to be all right, they truly did look rich and nice. Thank god father didn't send them to anyone poor".
The next day father entered the room wearing a brand new red jacket and new boots. He had with him more boxes of food. So this is how he spent the money he got by selling Mary. He left the house soon after and didn't return until after a few days later when he returned with some more company. Which one of us was it going to be now? He rushed over to Rachel and told her to get ready.
Rachel was very happy to leave the house. She was also taken by rich people. The sorrows had come to me again but this time it wasn't as bad as it was when Mary left. I knew it was going to be either Chris or me next. I wasn't going to let Chris go as I let Mary and Rachel. I would do anything to make us stay together. Father had gone from the house and this time he didn't return till weeks. When he returned he said Chris's new parents were coming in two days. Chris made himself clear to father that he wasn't going anywhere but father just smirked at him.
The next morning at dawn when I awoke father wasn't at home. I had a feeling that when he did return it would be with Chris's new owners. My feelings were right. At noon father entered the house with a short man who looked at the cabin with a frown on his face. Father looked so happy. There was nothing I could do to stop him from going. I burst into tears. "Don't cry Sarah please don't" pleaded Chris. "I won't be able to stand it if you do; there isn't anything we can do".
I threw myself into his arms and held on tight. Father didn't see my tears and the anger on Chris's face and handed Chris over to the short man whole heartedly. I wasn't going to cry now. Nobody could be more heartless than father. Everybody would be better off. Nicer houses and more food to eat.
Chris was gone. I was without a soul to love me. Chris had taken with him all the laughter, all the excitement that was in this cabin. I was left friendless with just a man who was called my father. The next morning I was awoke by father and was told to get ready. So the time had come for me to leave. I had no choice of what to do. I would rather live with anyone than my father.
My new parents walked into the cabin with a smile on their face. They were both young. Silently I sat into their car knowing that life wasn't as wonderful as people made it out to be. I never had much of a life; it was destroyed by my heartless father. Now I wanted to fulfil my dreams. I wanted to study and became a teacher just like Miss Marianne and one day I would find Mary, Chris and Rachel and would raise the name of our family who were once the poorest and most despised family.
I threw myself into his arms and held on tight. Father didn't see my tears and the anger on Chris's face and handed Chris over to the short man whole heartedly. I wasn't going to cry now. Nobody could be more heartless than father. Everybody would be better off. Nicer houses and more food to eat.
Chris was gone. I was without a soul to love me. Chris had taken with him all the laughter, all the excitement that was in this cabin. I was left friendless with just a man who was called my father. The next morning I was awoke by father and was told to get ready. So the time had come for me to leave. I had no choice of what to do. I would rather live with anyone than my father.
My new parents walked into the cabin with a smile on their face. They were both young. Silently I sat into their car knowing that life wasn't as wonderful as people made it out to be. I never had much of a life; it was destroyed by my heartless father. Now I wanted to fulfil my dreams. I wanted to study and became a teacher just like Miss Marianne and one day I would find Mary, Chris and Rachel and would raise the name of our family who were once the poorest and most despised family.
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