Lindsay Lohan Breakup with Samantha Ronson

by Penn Siv on Wednesday, December 17th, 2008

From Worst to Best

1. Lindsay is a 9.3
2. Sam is a 3.1
3. Sam looks like my 13 year old cousin Dave.
4. Sam always looks pissed off in her pictures.
5. Lindsay is straight (according to Joe "The Sleazeball" Francis, who also did a year in jail for tax evasion. Hmmm)
6. Lindsay forgot to vote on November 4th. Sam cannot get over this.
7. Lindsay wears lingerie.
8. Sam wears wifebeaters and boxers.
9. Sam's haircut was preordered from 1964.
10. Lindsay still has a thing for her ex-model-boyfriend Calum Best.
11. Sam hates Calum Best.
12. Lindsay's father hates Sam.
13. Sam hates boys.
14. Lindsay likes boys.
15. Lindsay can get any guy in the world.
16. Sam can't get even one guy.
17. Sam likes the Dixie Chicks.
18. Lindsay likes Brett Michaels.
19. Sam likes Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
20. Lindsay likes Best Week Ever.
21. Hollywood doesn't seem to care about their lesbian relationship, thereby mitigating the effects of Lindsay's "I'm going to do whatever I want, even if it is explosive, irregardless of your heavy scrutiny".
22. Sam became a lesbian because she didn't receive any attention from guys.
23. Lindsay became a lesbian because she received too much attention from guys. Soon she will miss that.
24. If Lindsay stays a lesbian, she will start to realize there are actually better looking women out there.
25. Lindsay will tell Sam that she thinks Britney Spears is kinda hot. Sam will fume.
26. Lindsay wants to be different than Paris Hilton. Congrats. You dated a girl. You are different. Now go back to making movies and dating guys.
27. Sam knows Lindsay is not a true lesbian.
28. Sam can hear an actual clock ticking in her head as to when Lindsay will wake up from her yearlong slumber, look at Sam, say "WTF" and run out of their home.
29. Sam knows every guy and girl checks out Lindsay when they go out together, and it drives her crazy.
30. Lindsay is curvy, Sam is bony, Sam should be curvy, but Sam is not curvy.
31. Lindsay likes to shop for clothes, get her hair done, and talk about boys.
32. Sam doesn't know how to do those things.
33. Sam got her first arousal when seeing Lindsay in the Parent Trap.
34. Lindsay was 12 when she filmed that movie.
35. Lindsay got her first arousal when seeing Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise.
36. When Lindsay first met Sam, she thought she was a guy.
37. When Sam first met Lindsay, she shat her pants.
38. Sam doesn't know why Lindsay likes her so much.
39. Lindsay refuses to classify herself as a lesbian.
40. Sam has T-shirts which say PROUD LESBIAN on the front.

Link to this complete article is: http://www.phatguru.com/?p=2589