May you have a great day and may God grant you all that your heart desires. I hope you know just how special you are and that that I'm so proud to have made a friend like you
I know you were mad at me for the way I ended Neesha...so for the person who deserves all the happy endings in the world...
To Sonia, this is my present to you...(Also...Scroll down too, there's more waiting...đ...kahin padh te padh te sou na jaođ)
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The Kiss- Revisited.
"Neev...utho!" Ayesha called, running her hand through his hair. Neev mumbled something incoherent and continued to sleep, pulling Ayesha's arm closer and trapping it under his chest. She tugged but to no avail, it was firmly held captive by Neev and soon she knelt beside the bed and stared at him. She reached for a glass set on the bedside table and waved it threateningly in front of Neev. He peaked with one eye open to see why she had stopped struggling and he suddenly shot up spying the water in the glass. "Tou seedhi tarah se maan tha kyun nahin? Derr ho gayi hoti tou?" Ayesha asked laughing as Neev pulled her on the bed next to him.
"Kis baat ki derri? Aur waise, Jagaane ke aur bhi tareeke hote hain..." Neev replied with a smirk. He drew Ayesha's face closer and show her exactly how when Arjun came bounding in and jumped on the bed. He was more active first thing in the morning and today he was even more so. Crashing against Neev's chest, Arjun started screaming loudly, "Pappa utho! Pappa utho!" Neev pulled him off and looked on incredulously as Ayesha winked at Arjun and he was grinning back looking rather proud. "Tujhe kya hua hain Champ?" Neev asked and Arjun smiled back, very pleased with himself, "Aayi ne kaha tha, aapko Jagaane ke liye...kahin derr na ho jaye papa..."
Neev looked bewildered back at Ayesha but she turned away and picked Arjun off the bed. "Ayesha..." Neev said puzzled but she had already begun to walk out of the door, "Ayesha!" Neev shouted and finally, over her shoulder she asked, "Neev...tujhe saath nahin chalna?" "Chalna hain Ayesha...mera intazaar tou karo..." Neev said quickly, panic rising in his chest, "Tou jaldi karo Neev...Derr tou pehle se hi ho gayi hain..." Ayesha replied but her voice was nothing more than a whisper now and Neev could only faintly make her and Arjun out in the distance. He tried to get out of the bed and follow them but he couldn't, he felt paralysed and unable to move.
"Ayesha..." Neev called but nobody answered now, "Ayesha!"Neev shouted one more time but he was jolted awake in his own bedroom alone and able to move perfectly fine. It had been a dream? Of course it had, he had not had that feeling of contentment for a long time now and he almost wished he could go back to sleep and into his dream again, at least before Arjun and Ayesha disappeared.
He stared up at the ceiling for a long while; then closed his eyes again and tried to make sense of what he had just dreamed. Yes, he was still married to Ayesha albeit that had stopped being a marriage years ago; he wanted it back, he wanted his family, not a new one but was it too late?
What did it matter whether he wanted? Priya deserved some happiness and if he could give her that, he should. His sense of duty and responsibility to Priya was evident but his own uncertainty, unwillingness was overpowering and he felt crushed between the two. What should he do? He wondered, what should he do?
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The minutes whittled away and yet, the Neev stood there unmoving. He leant against his car, squinting up at the tiny flat he used to know so well. He knew; after checking his watch, that now was the time Arjun's favourite cartoon came on and in his mind, he could imagine Ayesha curled up with his...with their son, watching the TV.
Minutes passed for hours and yet Neev stood outside, holding onto his mental image of Ayesha and Arjun and gathering the courage to go up and do what he had come to do. But he couldn't; this was perhaps the most difficult thing he had ever had to do, it was to face reality.
The reality was that Priya had proposed and she was no longer willing to let life slip by them. It woke him up too, he realised that the last five years had passed in a blur and despite all the time that had escaped; he had ended up back where it had started, outside this chawl, wanting to be a part of Ayesha's life.
The last of the day's light went out, drowning the chawl in darkness and it had begun to rain slightly too but Neev had not moved. He watched as tiny lights flickered on in the houses and waited some more; he ignored the looks from passersby who rushed in doors as the rain pelted down on them.
Finally, his wait seemed to be over and the very person he was seeking had found him. Ayesha looked down from the balcony to find Neev staring back up at her. Her heart almost skipped beat and she felt a rush of cold dread flow through her body; making her shiver. He looked so confused and sad, standing there, she had almost wanted to run down the instant she saw him but instead, she glued her feet firmly on the spot and forced herself to stay.
Why was he here? She wondered briefly if it had anything to do with what had nearly occurred at the hospital, perhaps, she had barely seen him after that, he had kept his visits short and mostly rang for Arjun now. What would he want to talk about? What would she say to him? Of course, that moment had been insanity on both their parts, what were they even thinking? But that was it, she hadn't been thinking and though she wouldn't admit it, it felt good. It felt good to be in Neev's arms, to have him hold her and to be able to touch him.
The wind blew droplets of rain onto Ayesha's face and she gasped, looking quickly back down at Neev who shivered in his spot; unable to stand it any longer, she went back inside her house. Neev looked on with disappointment but what had he expected, he had come to see her, why should she have been the person to make the first move and he had lost his chance. It was a sign, she had turned away and perhaps that was how it was supposed to be.
What had he come here today with? He didn't know but the urge had been irresistible and he had to see her, to do something. He was desperate and it was suffocating him, this rush of emotion he was feeling. Why now? Why now? He wondered again and again but he knew the answer, because it was now or never. Why was he feeling like he was finally losing the one thing in life that he thought he had already lost? But they hadn't really lost each other, had they? Neither could love another like they had each other or perhaps still did. There was hurt and anger and pain but there had to be love too, wasn't it that very love that had brought Neev outside Ayesha's house and Ayesha in front of Neev, under the pouring rain that day?
Ayesha gently hovered an umbrella over Neev's head and looked up at him angrily, "Bimaar padne ka bauhat shauk hain kya tujhe?" she asked, holding the umbrella knob tightly under her hands as though she might break it and now instead of replying back just as cuttingly as he might have done before, Neev merely laughed a little and wiped his face. Why were they unable to even speak properly, it had been so long? It was this they had been avoiding, not really each other but that unmistakable intimacy between two people bound by love, by a child despite everything. It would always be there but they had masked it with indifference, with anger, with bitterness. "Yahan kyun aaya hain Neev?" She spoke again, when it was clear that he didn't plan on replying to her previous question. She asked almost hesitantly, afraid of what the answer might be.
Neev didn't answer but Ayesha show a knot of confusion form at his brow and then unfurrow as he looked up at her as if having decided what to say or do. He reached forward and ran a hand down the side of her face. Ayesha looks at surprise at his hand and then at Neev, she almost opened her mouth to say something but Neev quickly pressed his lips down on hers and her words drowned in her throat. He kissed her hard and fiercely on the mouth and for a moment, he felt her respond in kind but soon that moment was over and they were pried apart by her hands against his chest, pushing him away.
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They stood staring at each, almost gasping for breath and then instinctively both leaned again but Ayesha caught herself just before their lips met again and whispered, "Kya kar raha hain Neev?!" Neev looked on, wishing in earnest that he would get a chance to kiss her again, to make her love him again. Ayesha wiped her eyes furiously and when Neev reached for her again despite her warning, her palm collided with his cheek. He smiled though, she had kissed him back and that's why she was angry.
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Ayesha picked up Neev's hand and thrust the umbrella into it; she then turned and ran back up the stairs into her house, she threw Neev no second look for she barely trusted herself and firmly closed the doors behind her.
She looked towards Arjun but he had fallen asleep with the TV on and slowly as if unthinkingly, she picked him up and placed him across the bed. She had kept her emotions at bay this far, but as she gazed upon Arjun's sleeping form, she was reminded of Neev. She sank to her knees and lay her head on the bed, "Mujse nahin hota aab Neev...kyun kiya tune aisa...kyun?" she asked softly but she wanted most of all to scream at him, to ask him what he was playing at."Sab kuch tou khatam tha...tou phir kyun?!"Ayesha whispered hoarsely. Her breath came in short; sharp gasps and she covered her mouth so she wouldn't wake Arjun.
She loved Neev and that love persisted, deep inside her, despite all her attempts to wish it away or try to forget about it. It couldn't have been helped even if she had tried, she didn't want to love him but she did and that was the truth of it. She hated that a part of her still longed for him but another more rational part knew that if they could not make it work then, would they ever be able to?
She had tried so hard to bury her emotions and she had thought she had succeeded; she had pushed them so deep inside of her that she could no longer feel them but only the relief that the numbness brought her. But when he had kissed her today, it was as if the emotions within her came bubbling to the surface and having avoided them for so long, she was unsure what to do with it. She regretted hitting Neev but he shouldn't have kissed her either and yet he had and she too had kissed him back. She regretted that the most; that she had let him do that to her, make her so weak.
The moment Neev walked away from her life, she tried to tell herself that she would be fine without him but a small corner of her heart wished that she could have carried on kissing him. She didn't think she'd need a man to make her happy, she didn't but she needed Neev because he was so much more, he was everything and when he had kissed, she felt as though, she was everything to him too.
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Not long after, there was a knock on the door and Ayesha's pulse raced she debated on whether or not to open the door, what if it was Neev? She gradually stood up straight and tried to spy out of the window but she couldn't see who it was. Again there was a knock and this time louder and more prominent. Despite her initial reluctance, Ayesha felt compelled to open the door, just to satisfy her curiosity, was it really Neev?
It was. He had waited but she had never returned and now he stood there looking awkwardly down at her. He could have left, he should have but today he had gained the courage and he knew that if he didn't say anything today, his chance would be lost forever.
The feeling of both despair and delight clouded Ayesha's features and she knew she should have closed the doors right then but she didn't and instead when Neev opened out his arms, she fell into them and as he pulled her to him, she held on tighter and they stood like that for a long while, both unsure how to deal with the aftermath of what had just happened. But Neev knew that he had to tell her, he would have to break the moment and they would have to sort all this out. Neev gulped and took a deep breath, "Ayesha..." he started, speaking tentatively at first and then gaining momentum he continued, "Priya...Priya mujhse shaadi karna chahti hain..."
The words burned Ayesha's ears and she froze in Neev's hold. "Tum kuch nahin bologi Ayesha? Kal bauhat derr ho jayegi... (Won't you say something Ayesha... it'll be too late tomorrow...)" she was bought back to reality as he said that and she yanked her arms free from his grasp and turn to him with such rage in her eyes, Neev felt as though he might burn from the intensity in them. "Kya bolu mein Neev... (What do you want me to say Neev?)" She conveyed a shout in a loud whisper, even if Neev wasn't, she at least was aware her son was outside. "Ab bolne ke liye reh kya gaya hain? Aaj kyun Neev? In paanch saalo mein aaj hi kyun? Shayad tune khud jo kaha tuje sunai nahin diya...teri shaadi ho rahi hai Neev! Kya chahata hain tu? Chod ke tu gaya tha Neev...dobara sab nahin hoga...na tujse na mujse...mujse durr rehna Neev... (What is there left to say now? And why now? In these five years why did you pick now? I don't think you heard what came out of your own mouth, you're getting married! I don't know what you want from me, but I can't do it Neev...you left me once, I can't go through it again and neither can you so stay away from me...)"
Why now? Did Neev not already ask himself that, "Chodke mein gaya tou tha, lekin tumne khabhie rouka hi nahin Ayesha...aur mein yeh baat aaj kar raha hoon kyun ki agar aaj nahin kahan ya kuch pooncha tou khabhie nahin hoga aur hum dono hamesha ke liye woh yaad bann ke reh jayenge jo hum bholana tou chahte hain, lekin khabhie bhool nahin payenge...in paanch saalo mein bas yehin koshish ki maine, tumhe bholne ki, tumse nafrat karne ki...paanch saal guzaar diye iss koshish mein lekin aaj bhi mein wahin ka wahin hoon...chahene se bhi kisi aur ko tumhari jag ape nahin dekh sakta, aur aaj mein apna sab kuch bhool ke tumhare samne khada hoon...iss umeed mein, ke tum kuch kaho aur mujhe rouk lo...(I did leave, yes, but it was you that never even tried to stop me, instead pushed me further away and I say this today because if I don't ask you anything and you don't say anything today, that's it...it'll never happen and we'll be left imprinted on each other's memories, wishing we could erase them...that's what I've tried for these five years...to forget that I love you...to hate you instead but the years passed and I'm still where I was before...even if I want to, it's hard to see someone else in your place, and I can't help but stand here, without any pride, with only the hope that you will say something and stop me from becoming someone else's.)" He finished hoping in earnest that she too felt the same, that she too could give them another chance.
"Neev...tu pagaal ho gaya hain..." He said but there wasn't much conviction in her voice and she trembled as Neev moved closer to her, "Bas? Itna hi...tumhe khabhie meri yaad nahin aati...khabhie mera khayal nahin aata..." Neev asked but Ayesha shook her head, "Aaj tou joonth mat bolo Ayesha...naraz ho mujhse...meri galti thi, ke maine hamamre pyaar ko harne diya...lekin mein aaj ladh raha hoon Ayesha...kyun ab is esaas ko jutla nahin sakta ke tumhara bina...tum dono ke bina...main udhura hoon...kya tumhe bhi ye mesoos nahin hota?"
Neev spoke so sincerely that Ayesha was rendered speechless; of course she felt the same but they had tried before and how could they ensure that this time would be any different, she was still who she was and she didn't know whether they could survive another run. "Neev! Tu samajta kyun nahin?! Hum tabhaa ho jayenge iss barr...Arjun ka socho...humne ek barr koshish ki, dosri barr agar kuch hua, Arjun ka kya hoga?" Ayesha said finally and it was the truth, what of Arjun if it went wrong again but Neev was prepared. Had he not thought of that before, of course Arjun came first and how better to do that then to give him a family he deserved.
Neev gently cupped Ayesha's face and though she swatted his hand away, he tried again, "Arjun ko ek parivaar milega Ayesha...aur is barr Arjun ke liye, hum zyaada koshish karenge...pehli barr, hamara pyaar hi hamari kamzoori ban gaya tha...lekin main tumhe dobara nahin koh sakta..."
Neev had tried his hardest but he was losing faith quickly as Ayesha continued to shake her head; she was stubborn and adamant that she was right, they would never work again. She had been getting used to the comfort of Neev's touch when suddenly he pulled away and looked upon her rather angrily, "Aur kya kaho main huh? Kitna samjao? Mujhse pyaar karti ho na? Karti ho na tum? Tou phir tumhe woh dard kyun nahin mesoos ho rahan jou mujhe ho rahan hain? Main kisi aur ka ho jaounga tab bhi nahin hoga kuch..."
Ayesha stood stunned and gaped back at him, her eyes betrayed her but she said nothing and Neev gave her one final look, almost pleading, begging for her to understand and when she didn't he turned around and began to make his way out of the door. His legs felt like lead but he forced himself to walk, to never turn back.
Ayesha waited for the numbness to take over, that had always helped, it had helped block out everything, especially the pain when he left the first time, she wished it would help today. But it didn't come, instead as she watched Neev take step after step away from her, she felt as though a piece of her heart were breaking with it. How could she deny herself that very person she longed so much for? How had she not broken?
Neev closed his eyes and let the tears he had been holding back drop; it was over, well and truly. He had just stepped out of the door when he felt Ayesha crash into his back. "Hota hain Neev..." she sobbed, clutching Neev's shoulders, "Dard hota hain...har din...har pal...jab tu mere samne hote tha, lekin main tujhe chu nahin sakti thi...jab tu Arjun ko leh jaata tha, lekin mere samne dekhta bhi nahin tha...jab jab main Priya ko tere saath dekhti...jab jab main saans lehti Neev..."Ayesha confessed, pressing into Neev's back. "Mujhe phir se chod ke gaye tou main marr jaoungi..."
"Khabhie nahin..." Neev replied, turning around and holding her as close to him as he could, "Khabhie nahin..." he repeated over and over hair and she cried into his chest. He kissed the top of her head and squeezed tighter; he wondered how he had lasted five years without this feeling, with her love...but he knew, that from now on, he wouldn't survive a moment without it.
Yaar thoda lamba ho gaya (and excuse the typos...yaar speed typingđđ...the things I do for you!)...but I hope you dont mind!!!
Have a great one!
Aha! You didn't think that was all did you! Well because I'm that nice...I have not ONE but TWO fabulous siggies for your viewing pleasuređwith none other than...of course...the one...the only...Mr Bijlani...
Thanks to Kaajal!đ
and
Thanks to Ria
Accha accha...dont faint on me yaar...I know he's hot! (My Fav pic of him in fact and you better agree!)
Wait wait! There's more...I've reserved a space in Kaira's Shop, which is tootally yours, so when you think of what you want to request, PM me and I'll edit it!đ
Once again...Happy Birthday!
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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Pyaar Kii Ye Ek Kahaani
