Posted:
Hi everyone. thanx for opening the post.
At the moment....my lifes sooo complicated.
I was always very ambitious...i wated to many things.....do I.A.S, major in Literature, Journalism...
do something for India.....change the corrupted systems, do social service..change the world...I dunno...i dared to dream too much!
Till 9th grade....I always tried toe excel in everything i did....seminars, science model, science competition , quiz, literature,representing skool, cultural head,
I was very confident. But not proud. i ever was. i Neva found anything to be proud of.
I was just happy..trying diff things,
Reachin 10th grade...i wanted to prove myself...before school started i joined coaching classes...i studied everyday....i knew everything. i reachd the exam hall
N i forget. i get nervous.
I was really disappointed.
n now with time.....i have started to lose confidence....i dont have a ounce of ti remaining.
i find myself good for nothing.
people have gr8 expectation's from me..
i had this ''ready-to-do-anything, always smiling, friendly gal..'' n now its
''poor zoya...she might geta nervous breakdown anytime!''
i dnt want to have sucha image.
WHt happened to the girl who was tryin to brighten up everyones day,
wen she cudnt brighten up her own?
For the sake of my studies i dropped everything: literature, music n everything i was once interested in.
now Its just
STUDIES.
n i had dreams about helping the world....n nw i cant even help myself.
Im depressed most fo the time. my parents r worried sick.
counsellors....t...cant figure out my problem easily...they say....
i dont belive in myself. course i dont!
Why shud i?
n in tutions
everyones like sooo smart. one of am friend {who claims to be} had this weird comp with me.
My tutor really likes her...cause she scores so well.
n my tutors always about how smart they r.....what perfectionist they r.
shed be like ''shanyaa dare get less thn 98%....nick...85% frm u...zoya id eb happy if u dnt pass out!'
How sweet.
im tired. even if i score really well in tuts test. no compliment.
i once confessed i wanted to do I.A.S. n my friend { Shanaya} n my tutor. laughed at me!!!!ðŸ˜
There was this guy, who likes me since grade 8th..n tried asking me out all time.
i dint oblige. i dint noe him. n i din like him. AT ALL.
frm what i knew he was a spoilt millionaires kid....🤢😕
now he s in the same tuts.
n he is like Mr. perfect! arrghhh
ppl find him cute. i dont.
my tutor finds him smart handsome, naughty.....I DONT. NOT AT ALL.
wears designer glasses, goes in auto wen his mercedes is waitin for him....HOW STUPID.
gets fabola marks, confident. n all tht. AAARRGHHHH.
n i hate him for tht.
call it jeealpusy fi u want.
I dunno onfusion confusion..he likes the other girl too..
i feel so cheap....he likes the 2 of us! YUCK.
but likes her betta...no complains there....
but no....he must be obviously drooling over shanaya..her tight clothes..her sophisticated laughter...
shes cools. m not.
i have the goody-2-shoes image!
she doesn't like it if any guy has a crush on me..some how tht guy falls for her in the end.
i dont really care. but it hurts...wen she has so much of complex against me.
Now i feel she ahs changed. she wants a friend for real.
but i've heard her tellin ppl im dumb...... blonde with a brunette hair...
that was few mnths back...
I asked her.
she said NO.
but i know.....but akchelli its ok..everyone says IM DUMB...
n....yeah...I dunno i get obsessed fast:
i was obsessed with am weight....i literally stopped eating...n spent all the time studying.
i ahve psoriasis....which comes cause of stress....ive tried everythin: laser, ayurvedic, yoga, tablets,chemical.... blah blah...
my trichologist is really pissed of...he says im too young to get sucha disease.
other thing...i cant take violence....
even if theres a small fight goin on i class...or if someones shoutin at someone....my head starts aching.
i start crying for there silliest things,.
I WANT TO PROVE MY SELF.
WHAT TO DO?
plus everyones taken me for granted.....they know id sacrifice anythin for anyone.
n i don mind,
but now i feel like a tissue paper.
sorry long post....n srry for wastin ur time..i jst wanted to pour my feelings out. SOMEWHERE!
At the moment....my lifes sooo complicated.
I was always very ambitious...i wated to many things.....do I.A.S, major in Literature, Journalism...
do something for India.....change the corrupted systems, do social service..change the world...I dunno...i dared to dream too much!
Till 9th grade....I always tried toe excel in everything i did....seminars, science model, science competition , quiz, literature,representing skool, cultural head,
I was very confident. But not proud. i ever was. i Neva found anything to be proud of.
I was just happy..trying diff things,
Reachin 10th grade...i wanted to prove myself...before school started i joined coaching classes...i studied everyday....i knew everything. i reachd the exam hall
N i forget. i get nervous.
I was really disappointed.
n now with time.....i have started to lose confidence....i dont have a ounce of ti remaining.
i find myself good for nothing.
people have gr8 expectation's from me..
i had this ''ready-to-do-anything, always smiling, friendly gal..'' n now its
''poor zoya...she might geta nervous breakdown anytime!''
i dnt want to have sucha image.
WHt happened to the girl who was tryin to brighten up everyones day,
wen she cudnt brighten up her own?
For the sake of my studies i dropped everything: literature, music n everything i was once interested in.
now Its just
STUDIES.
n i had dreams about helping the world....n nw i cant even help myself.
Im depressed most fo the time. my parents r worried sick.
counsellors....t...cant figure out my problem easily...they say....
i dont belive in myself. course i dont!
Why shud i?
n in tutions
everyones like sooo smart. one of am friend {who claims to be} had this weird comp with me.
My tutor really likes her...cause she scores so well.
n my tutors always about how smart they r.....what perfectionist they r.
shed be like ''shanyaa dare get less thn 98%....nick...85% frm u...zoya id eb happy if u dnt pass out!'
How sweet.
im tired. even if i score really well in tuts test. no compliment.
i once confessed i wanted to do I.A.S. n my friend { Shanaya} n my tutor. laughed at me!!!!ðŸ˜
There was this guy, who likes me since grade 8th..n tried asking me out all time.
i dint oblige. i dint noe him. n i din like him. AT ALL.
frm what i knew he was a spoilt millionaires kid....🤢😕
now he s in the same tuts.
n he is like Mr. perfect! arrghhh
ppl find him cute. i dont.
my tutor finds him smart handsome, naughty.....I DONT. NOT AT ALL.
wears designer glasses, goes in auto wen his mercedes is waitin for him....HOW STUPID.
gets fabola marks, confident. n all tht. AAARRGHHHH.
n i hate him for tht.
call it jeealpusy fi u want.
I dunno onfusion confusion..he likes the other girl too..
i feel so cheap....he likes the 2 of us! YUCK.
but likes her betta...no complains there....
but no....he must be obviously drooling over shanaya..her tight clothes..her sophisticated laughter...
shes cools. m not.
i have the goody-2-shoes image!
she doesn't like it if any guy has a crush on me..some how tht guy falls for her in the end.
i dont really care. but it hurts...wen she has so much of complex against me.
Now i feel she ahs changed. she wants a friend for real.
but i've heard her tellin ppl im dumb...... blonde with a brunette hair...
that was few mnths back...
I asked her.
she said NO.
but i know.....but akchelli its ok..everyone says IM DUMB...
n....yeah...I dunno i get obsessed fast:
i was obsessed with am weight....i literally stopped eating...n spent all the time studying.
i ahve psoriasis....which comes cause of stress....ive tried everythin: laser, ayurvedic, yoga, tablets,chemical.... blah blah...
my trichologist is really pissed of...he says im too young to get sucha disease.
other thing...i cant take violence....
even if theres a small fight goin on i class...or if someones shoutin at someone....my head starts aching.
i start crying for there silliest things,.
I WANT TO PROVE MY SELF.
WHAT TO DO?
plus everyones taken me for granted.....they know id sacrifice anythin for anyone.
n i don mind,
but now i feel like a tissue paper.
sorry long post....n srry for wastin ur time..i jst wanted to pour my feelings out. SOMEWHERE!
CID
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