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supernatural phenomenon brings fbi into bombay, india
report by ins bureau
in what can only be called a significant break from uneasy diplomatic india-us relationships, fbi special-agents have been called in to investigate an unusual bandwidth-theft phenomenon which appeared to be linked to a local television show from bombay, india. the case, which had been hotly pursued by local police since may this year, finally came to a head yesterday with the dramatic arrest of the suspect, harshad chopra, a local television actor. the suspect appears to be able to shut down international internet traffic without any physical link with the internet. the fbi team have been brought in because of the unusual link between the bandwidth access and the incidence of extreme reactions in women all over the world.
"it is an inexplicable case," explained ms. scully, who is the medical half of the two-man fbi team, "there is no physical access the suspect has with the internet. the bandwidth drops and the female heartrate rises proportional solely to the state of undress." mr. mulder, on the other hand, claims that it would have been not as rare as we would imagine, if the effect was only on one or the other factor. "there have been other cases of genetic experiments involving mixing radio-active materials with cotton genes, that are then transplated into the embryo to grow automatically into the epiderimial layer. this could have explained the effect on the bandwidth when unclothed. but these genetic mutations does not appear to be the case with chopra -- the interlinkages between bandwidth and the female respiratory system is unique." mr. mulder said he was flying down more male team members. ms. scully, on whom there were no visible effects other than a red face, said she would await the results of further tests to substantiate mulder's hypothesis.
the arrest was made by local officer-in-charge, inspector o. itsestee. inspector itsestee brought the suspect in after an hour-long chase in the lush green of a local dairy in north bombay. "chopra did not take the arrest seriously at first. but when the rest of the studio remained silent, he realised the seriousness of the situation and made a break for it. it was a difficult arrest: backup was delayed both by rains and a traffic jam the suspect engineered when he dropped his shirt running along the streets. but i was determined to bring in as soon as possible. having discovered the suspect's modus-operandi, i have been building immunity to the "chopra-effect". so, i was able to put my heart and body in making this arrest possible." said inspector itsestee, who was sporting several bruises herself.
the suspect is currently being held for interrogation. the location of the suspect's whereabouts is being held secret after a scuffle broke out among the police staff on-duty half an hour after the suspect was brought into the north bombay policestation. even though the suspect was wrapped in layers of black velvet, inspector itsestee had to resort to the unusual step of giving the staff mandatory street duty out of the station, to ensure their safety and sanity. since the relocation, the brave officer has undertaken to personally keep the suspect away from the public, for the duration of the investigation.
"although the injuries were not life-threatening -- merely caused by blunt objects like pens, letter openers and staplers -- the scuffle among the female officers was consistent and violent enough for the inspector to take action." said mr. mulder, who appeared to be relieved that the disruptive phenomenon was under control. "once my team comes in, we will be able to start our investigations. until then, inspector itsestee has the suspect firmly under her sole control." said mr. mulder, who seemed to have his partner handcuffed to him, for the duration of this interview.
"we are yet to determine the criminal aspects of this case. but given the seriousness of the effect itself, i agree with the inspector's judgement that the bail for this suspect should be set at the annual gdp of singapore. this is a dangerous phenomenon which should be handled by experts." he added. he assured this journalist that the report of the investigations would be made public as soon as the fbi and the local authorities were done with their work.
in the only interview with the suspect's family before their lawyers advised against it, the suspect's mother admitted it has been a continual struggle since her son had entered the acting profession. "if only he had continued on the computer engineering course like we had planned. then at least, he could have been in jail for stealing bandwidth in ordinary ways. we could have afforded the bail and had him home with us." she sobbed. his father had no comments to add other than to say he was happy that his son was now under the care of experts. the local television studio was not available for comments.
report by ins bureau
in what can only be called a significant break from uneasy diplomatic india-us relationships, fbi special-agents have been called in to investigate an unusual bandwidth-theft phenomenon which appeared to be linked to a local television show from bombay, india. the case, which had been hotly pursued by local police since may this year, finally came to a head yesterday with the dramatic arrest of the suspect, harshad chopra, a local television actor. the suspect appears to be able to shut down international internet traffic without any physical link with the internet. the fbi team have been brought in because of the unusual link between the bandwidth access and the incidence of extreme reactions in women all over the world.
"it is an inexplicable case," explained ms. scully, who is the medical half of the two-man fbi team, "there is no physical access the suspect has with the internet. the bandwidth drops and the female heartrate rises proportional solely to the state of undress." mr. mulder, on the other hand, claims that it would have been not as rare as we would imagine, if the effect was only on one or the other factor. "there have been other cases of genetic experiments involving mixing radio-active materials with cotton genes, that are then transplated into the embryo to grow automatically into the epiderimial layer. this could have explained the effect on the bandwidth when unclothed. but these genetic mutations does not appear to be the case with chopra -- the interlinkages between bandwidth and the female respiratory system is unique." mr. mulder said he was flying down more male team members. ms. scully, on whom there were no visible effects other than a red face, said she would await the results of further tests to substantiate mulder's hypothesis.
the arrest was made by local officer-in-charge, inspector o. itsestee. inspector itsestee brought the suspect in after an hour-long chase in the lush green of a local dairy in north bombay. "chopra did not take the arrest seriously at first. but when the rest of the studio remained silent, he realised the seriousness of the situation and made a break for it. it was a difficult arrest: backup was delayed both by rains and a traffic jam the suspect engineered when he dropped his shirt running along the streets. but i was determined to bring in as soon as possible. having discovered the suspect's modus-operandi, i have been building immunity to the "chopra-effect". so, i was able to put my heart and body in making this arrest possible." said inspector itsestee, who was sporting several bruises herself.
the suspect is currently being held for interrogation. the location of the suspect's whereabouts is being held secret after a scuffle broke out among the police staff on-duty half an hour after the suspect was brought into the north bombay policestation. even though the suspect was wrapped in layers of black velvet, inspector itsestee had to resort to the unusual step of giving the staff mandatory street duty out of the station, to ensure their safety and sanity. since the relocation, the brave officer has undertaken to personally keep the suspect away from the public, for the duration of the investigation.
"although the injuries were not life-threatening -- merely caused by blunt objects like pens, letter openers and staplers -- the scuffle among the female officers was consistent and violent enough for the inspector to take action." said mr. mulder, who appeared to be relieved that the disruptive phenomenon was under control. "once my team comes in, we will be able to start our investigations. until then, inspector itsestee has the suspect firmly under her sole control." said mr. mulder, who seemed to have his partner handcuffed to him, for the duration of this interview.
"we are yet to determine the criminal aspects of this case. but given the seriousness of the effect itself, i agree with the inspector's judgement that the bail for this suspect should be set at the annual gdp of singapore. this is a dangerous phenomenon which should be handled by experts." he added. he assured this journalist that the report of the investigations would be made public as soon as the fbi and the local authorities were done with their work.
in the only interview with the suspect's family before their lawyers advised against it, the suspect's mother admitted it has been a continual struggle since her son had entered the acting profession. "if only he had continued on the computer engineering course like we had planned. then at least, he could have been in jail for stealing bandwidth in ordinary ways. we could have afforded the bail and had him home with us." she sobbed. his father had no comments to add other than to say he was happy that his son was now under the care of experts. the local television studio was not available for comments.
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