"I am a nobody in Bollywood" - Rajeev Khandelwal
By Seema Pherwani, June 6, 2008 - 17:32 IST
In an industry where many glamour for 'fast fame on the fast lane', Rajeev Khandelwal continues to use words like honesty and conscience. Passionately stubborn about his craft, the actor had the guts to walk out of top rated telly serials ('Kahiin to Hoga' and 'Left Right Left') at the peak of his raging popularity. Post this, Rajeev changed gears, took a long sabbatical only to return with a bang with his flick Aamir.
We caught up with Rajeev on a rather philosophical note, while sipping some green tea, at his suburban pad in Goregoan. He says, "Actors are scared and insecure that if they're out of mind they will forever be out of sight. But I believe absence makes your heart grow fonder. Also, if you have it in you, you will always be back with something good for the public. So, here I am."
All gung-ho about his first film Aamir, which happens to be a thriller, the handsome hunk shares his life's journey, insecurities in an exclusive tte--tte with Seema Pherwani.
So, here goes Rajeev unplugged…read on.
After a long wait Aamir is finally being released. How do you look back at the journey?
Oh, it has been a wonderful experience. I was fortunate because the whole Aamir team was a very passionate lot, including the director and cameraman. They're the kind of people who are always dissatisfied with every shot and would want to actually go back and reshoot it every time. I love to work with professionals for whom cinema comes first and nothing else. For me, it was almost like starting from scratch.
We hear that you're already looking at other scripts?
I wanted to play a very fair game with the producers. So, I've wanted to wait for the release of the film to see how it fares at the box-office. Afterall, UTV and Anurag Kashyap have given me the first opportunity, and had faith in me in spite of my 'television tag'. Last few months, I've only been listening to scripts.
What kinds of films are being offered to you?
I am being offered films by decent banners and good people. But I would call it a herd mentality. This could simply be because I am doing a UTV film, so they want to sign me on. I keep telling producers, please see my work and then sign me on. A top company wanted to sign a contract with me for five films, which I didn't want to do. Simply because money has never really been my priority. My aim is to focus on good roles which give me creative satisfaction.
Now that's being a bit too humble…..afterall you've been a big tellystar?
(Smiles) No, I have moved on from the small screen to the big screen, so I am a nobody in Bollywood. I like to believe that I am starting from scratch. Some of my fans had gifted me a few portraits of mine (pointing at the walls) but now I've taken them all off. Simply, because I wanted to get into the skin of Aamir, the role which I've essayed in the film. I was a new comer on the sets of 'Kahiin to Hoga' when Ekta spotted me and I felt the same when we began shooting for Aamir… i.e. like a newcomer.
| I have moved on from the small screen to the big screen, so I am a nobody in Bollywood. |
Almost all the big shows which are on air right now have approached me. I haven't really turned them down, but just conveyed it to them, that I am not prepared for TV as for now. Also, last one year, I was in a mood to slow down my pace in life. So, I kept refusing all the major soaps.
What do you think ails television?
TV producers keep offering me obscene amount of money and I keep telling them, please give me quality. So, the medium has to evolve further.
What's the main difference between television and films?
As a television actor, we get used to close ups being shot on the small screen but this is not the case on the big screen. I took some time to understand the nuances of the medium.
What if the film doesn't do well?
I feel life is so beautiful and is worth living. I love the thought of 'living on the edge'. I don't mind starting from scratch all over again and going back to a rental apartment, as long as I am breaking new ground.
| I don't mind starting from scratch all over again and going back to a rental apartment |
Yes, that's true, I am still not a family man and I don't have to please a girlfriend. But I keep in mind that I've four people working for me at home. And I also want to give the best to my mom and dad. Ten years down the line, I want to feel good about my work. Failure and success are a part of life but I rather not do things which are not heartfelt. I too have my own insecurities, my jittery moments but I will never do something which the world thinks is the rule. I would rather play a gamble…follow my conscience (grins)… Usi mein to maza hain.
Tell us a little about your struggle in Mumbai?
I've rarely ever spoken about my struggle in Mumbai. It started in Delhi, when I managed to bag a small role as an actor. But that didn't work out, so I went on to script and direct a documentary. I came to Mumbai hoping that I would meet up producers to back my project. But wherever I went, they kept offering me a role. I was scared of saying yes because then I would be put into the 'confused category bracket'. Later, I figured out somewhere inside me I had a burning desire to act and get it out of my system.
I had no money and no place to stay here, so for about a year I stayed with a friend of mine. I didn't have a portfolio, but kept going for auditions. But nothing worked out till Balaji's 'Kahiin to Hoga' came up.
Aren't you thankful to Ekta Kapoor for having given you the first break?
Yes, of course. She knows which actor can actually fit into her characters.
Is there a casting couch in the industry?
I would say, there is a 'couch' everywhere, even in the corporate world. But if you have the talent to rise up, then you can set your own rules.
We heard you took special acting classes for Aamir?
Well, not classes but I did work very hard on my craft. Afterall, acting is like any other job where you keep improving yourself. You have to keep analysing yourself, even if you land the biggest break here.
How far do you identify with the character of Aamir?
When I was shooting for this film, I didn't think anybody was looking at me. I felt I am Aamir. As for now, I don't want to reshoot the film, as I've put my best foot forward, considering the situation and time frame I was in.
Ye Hai Mohabbatein
52