What will happen if? - Page 3

Originally posted by: IWasHareeshFan

Can you recommend me a good source? or can you explain me?

Yes, even in some parts of South India matrilineal structure is followed.

Also, I have a question, it is veryyy long, toh please last tak padh lijiyega although in law books I have studied about domestic violence and harassment, but I have seen something new on social media.

I have a situation, will this be considered as harassment? No sarcasm, I am not married so cannot understand all this.

So it goes like this

Situation 1

after 1-2 days of marriage a MIL asks her DIL to take bath before entering the kitchen, DIL gets offended and says that she is dictating me

situation 2

After marriage a MIL asks her DIL to get her a glass of water, make tea for her, etc DIL says why should I do all this?

Situation 3

MIL has 3 DILs, she gets expensive gifts for her 2 DILs but a cheap gift for her 3rd DIL, the son gets offended and walks off with his wife

Situation 4

After marriage MIL asks her DIL to wear bangles or the "suhag ki nishani,"

The situation is same, however this time the DIL is working, matlab office going.

Situation 5

MIL asks her DIL to cook for everyone,.

Situation 6

MIL does not behave in a same way with her DIL as she behaves with her son, she discusses everything like about the relatives and all.

I found all this on quora, even you all can search and you will get all this, I don't know whether I chose right platform to go and search about harassment against DIL by in-laws and also about the issues between DIL and MIL in marriage on quora, but this is what I found, so please tell me, can we consider all this as harassment or not?

This question is for everyone, so try to reply

Relationship is both ways actually

Will you tell your daughter to make coffee if she comes from office after working 8 to 10 hurs? No no mom will ask although dad and brother may ask as they think its woman duty to cook

Will a daughter ask mom to cook who is 70 years no she will cook and give to mom or say mom sit i will cook and give you rest.

Same way a girl will she not cook for her sister or wash her clothes definitely they do that at home once in a while. But same thing they will never do to hubby sister. Because your sister is your blood sister and you love her you will be ready to wash 50 clothes at once f she does not say too as you love her. You will run and make her fav food when she comes home from college or office as shes your loving sister even if you are tired from office.

Problem is neither mom in law thinks bahu is daughter nor bahu thinks saas is mother in this kalyug.. I would put blame of girls mom dad before marraige only they will tell her stay away from in laws go separate make husband listen only to you he should not listen to his parents etc all this is taught to girl from childhood by her family that in laws are outsiders. In our grand mom time ulta teaching think hubby parents are your parents even if they scream at you think mom dad are saying and do not set out for revenge etc thats teaching or values than

Imagine you get angry on your sister you will scream hit her pull her hair throw things at her than in few hours will feel guilty than run and try to pacify her even if its her faults. But will you dame to hubby sister, no you will tell hubby your sister should not step in my hubby house again in life if there is fight

Same way imagine if your mom screams at you or gets angry and slap you next day you forgive and laugh and talk not say revenge

But if mom in law screams or slaps you will leave house with hubby same minute

There is always a difference between own mom dad and other humans mom dad

This is not only for bahu but even son in law but luckily most in laws do not stay with son in law so their true nature never comes out they act respectful to wife parents as rarely they meet

Originally posted by: myviewprem

i have seen that happen in many city of india mumbai bangaore delhi sons do not want to live with parents as wife do not want to take care of his

I can here Bagbaan movie kaa title track in the bg

"Daughter in law i never seen taking care of in laws in sickness at least in bigger cities with educated working ppl"

There are people who have genuine problems, but then there are people who don't want to take care of their parents at all, even if they are capable of doing so.

I can share an incident related to this.

One of my relatives (I can't reveal who) had a mother-in-law who slipped and fractured her leg. The mother-in-law had two sons and no daughters. She called both her sons. Her younger son and daughter-in-law had work, and they either didn't get a holiday or didn't apply for one—I'm not sure.

But my own relative, who was the elder daughter-in-law, was on holiday at that time, and even her kids were on holiday, the summer breaks or the winter break I don't remember. Her in-laws were ready to book tickets and pay for them. Her husband requested that she go because his mother needed help.

But she replied, "I won't go."

Thankfully, my relative's father-in-law was working, so he could afford the treatment and hire a nurse or manage somehow.

But the point is, she didn't go.

It's a different matter that just 3-4 months after that incident, my relative had to leave her job for some reason. Her husband had to close his business, and they had nowhere to go, so they went to her husband's parents.

I still couldn't understand how she could go to the same place and to the same in-laws whom she refused to help when they actually needed it.

Also I don't get why elders don't file an official complaint when they are not treated well by their own kids, kids are bound to do so, but then elders remain quiet for what reason I don't know.

"Daughter hubby too do not want her parents sometimes but are forced by wife to get her parents to take care"

So why can't a son force her wife in the same way to take care of his parents?

Originally posted by: myviewprem

I would put blame of girls mom dad before marraige only they will tell her stay away from in laws go separate make husband listen only to you he should not listen to his parents etc all this is taught to girl from childhood by her family that in laws are outsiders.

Really? All this happens in real life too? I thought that all this is just shown in TV serials or in movies.

Then why they say that parents teach only good things to kids?

This is not only for bahu but even son in law but luckily most in laws do not stay with son in law so their true nature never comes out they act respectful to wife parents as rarely they meet

True, there are many son-in-laws who are always have a weird ego just because their are son-in-law, how much girls parents get tensed once they hear that their damaad is coming.

Originally posted by: IWasHareeshFan

That's why I want to know the reason, I don't want to do the same mistake jo log kar dete hain ki bina reason jane kuch bhi criticize kar diya.

Earlier I use to question each and everything practiced and followed in India, the biggest question was that

why can't girls go to temple in periods, then I found proper reason for this practice in fact, if you want a practical example then go and touch tulsi plant during periods, it will start dying because of the energy being released from the body.. Now, may be many would not believe this, or my source of research may be incorrect but tulsi plant wala toh people can actually try.

Since then, I started reading about what we practice and why.

And my latest question is this.

It's good to know, you are eager to understand and learn. Your questions are to seek answers rather than with pre-conceived notions.

Of you look globally, ALL civilizations have the practice of the lady taking her husband's name and going into the husband's family (very few local tribes, communities being exceptions).

It is hard to get reasons for something as old as civilization itself.

In my limited understanding, women are naturally wired to adapt and nurture and can mould into the environment easier than men. Perhaps that's why? Not really sure.

In case you do find Anything, please do share. Would be a good read and enlightening.

Originally posted by: Bodhianveshika

It's good to know, you are eager to understand and learn. Your questions are to seek answers rather than with pre-conceived notions.

Of you look globally, ALL civilizations have the practice of the lady taking her husband's name and going into the husband's family (very few local tribes, communities being exceptions).

It is hard to get reasons for something as old as civilization itself.

In my limited understanding, women are naturally wired to adapt and nurture and can mould into the environment easier than men. Perhaps that's why? Not really sure.

In case you do find Anything, please do share. Would be a good read and enlightening.

Sorry for replying so late, actually I was out of station.

Of you look globally, ALL civilizations have the practice of the lady taking her husband's name and going into the husband's family

women are naturally wired to adapt and nurture and can mould into the environment easier than men

Is this relevant today?

Originally posted by: IWasHareeshFan

Sorry for replying so late, actually I was out of station.

No worries at ALL.

Of you look globally, ALL civilizations have the practice of the lady taking her husband's name and going into the husband's family

women are naturally wired to adapt and nurture and can mould into the environment easier than men

Is this relevant today?

Oh yes, certain basic traits do not change. The degree may vary. Ofcourse koi blanket rule kabhi bhi kahi bhi nahin hota.

Originally posted by: IWasHareeshFan

i have seen that happen in many city of india mumbai bangaore delhi sons do not want to live with parents as wife do not want to take care of his

I can here Bagbaan movie kaa title track in the bg

"Daughter in law i never seen taking care of in laws in sickness at least in bigger cities with educated working ppl"

There are people who have genuine problems, but then there are people who don't want to take care of their parents at all, even if they are capable of doing so.

I can share an incident related to this.

One of my relatives (I can't reveal who) had a mother-in-law who slipped and fractured her leg. The mother-in-law had two sons and no daughters. She called both her sons. Her younger son and daughter-in-law had work, and they either didn't get a holiday or didn't apply for one—I'm not sure.

But my own relative, who was the elder daughter-in-law, was on holiday at that time, and even her kids were on holiday, the summer breaks or the winter break I don't remember. Her in-laws were ready to book tickets and pay for them. Her husband requested that she go because his mother needed help.

But she replied, "I won't go."

Thankfully, my relative's father-in-law was working, so he could afford the treatment and hire a nurse or manage somehow.

But the point is, she didn't go.

It's a different matter that just 3-4 months after that incident, my relative had to leave her job for some reason. Her husband had to close his business, and they had nowhere to go, so they went to her husband's parents.

I still couldn't understand how she could go to the same place and to the same in-laws whom she refused to help when they actually needed it.

Also I don't get why elders don't file an official complaint when they are not treated well by their own kids, kids are bound to do so, but then elders remain quiet for what reason I don't know.

"Daughter hubby too do not want her parents sometimes but are forced by wife to get her parents to take care"

So why can't a son force her wife in the same way to take care of his parents?

I have seen an known lady

her hubby dead 10 yeas back and she live alone with maid at 86 although 3 sons in same city

Once we went to visit her and took her to her own sons house for visit

Since it was raining heavily host told stay tonight than go tomorrow morning as tough to get taxi in rain

But his wife started fighting that if your mom stays tonight i will take my 13 year old son and leave house now only to my mom house you decide mother or wife you want

So in heavy rains we had to leave with her saas whose like 86. I was a kid than

I think all this india are respectful to elders etc is a myth

In reality lot of abuse takes place on senior citizens by kids and relatives

See in india no social security like usa whatever salary parents get they spend on kids upbringing

very less remains to live remaining life for medicine food rent

So they think one day our kids sudaroh and become better and accept us back

also the belief that son should do funeral of parents etc mmake them quiet

also as a society no one support if elders abused they think its personal matter even police

In covid you should have seen in metro city many ppl were in fear that their wife or kids will get covid going and throwing aged parents who got covid or fever on streets and running off in india

This is big metro not small villages - i have no idea what happened in village

One son refused to pay fathers covid hospital bill - neighbours had to pay to get 75 year old back home

all such things were happening

True dark side of ppl was seen in 2020-21 actually in big citys

Originally posted by: IWasHareeshFan

Wow, I am getting to see different but great opinions

That was my first question, if no one will live with parents then who will look after them? This goes for both sets of parents

Also, although this is an exception but what if the girl is a single child and so is the boy, phir kya solution hai? Then what can be done?

Both sets of parents living together is a dangerous option for everyone's mental health, roz kalesh honge because both may follow different cultures or small practices may differ,, this will also cause fights between the couple.

So wat is the solution?

and sorry, I forgot to tag you in the above question, please try to reply to that as well, yahin upar hai, jahan sabko tag kiya hai aapko karna bhool gai.

See in metro city hardly anyne live with parents

their parent are in native come once a year visit

Others whose parents are born in metro they take apartment near son or daughter and live seperate

in need kids will help

its not about girl or boys parent in metro

its like usa

we do not want oldies in our home to whom we should cook and take care

That is why like usa old age home come up bec sons and daughter both do not want parents at their home

Originally posted by: Bodhianveshika

Oh yes, certain basic traits do not change. The degree may vary. Ofcourse koi blanket rule kabhi bhi kahi bhi nahin hota.

So why so many problems happening these days, why no one is willing to cooperate with anyone?

Is there any reason?

Originally posted by: myviewprem

I have seen an known lady

her hubby dead 10 yeas back and she live alone with maid at 86 although 3 sons in same city

Once we went to visit her and took her to her own sons house for visit

Since it was raining heavily host told stay tonight than go tomorrow morning as tough to get taxi in rain

But his wife started fighting that if your mom stays tonight i will take my 13 year old son and leave house now only to my mom house you decide mother or wife you want

So in heavy rains we had to leave with her saas whose like 86. I was a kid than

Oh God, this is pathetic, I mean itna toh we do for strangers as well, like if we see that its late at night and there are kids or elders then we don't allow people to go until and unless they own a car or their home is near by. yahan toh it was raining and she was an old lady that too her husband's mom.

Why elders don't complain? Police arrest karegi tab pata chalega, in fact parents can disown such kids from their self acquired property