What will happen if?

Hello all, recently I came across a new POV on quora so wanted your opinion, this is not related to the show so I don't know if this post will be removed or not, toh please jaldi jaldi se opinion de dena.

From sooooo many years we have seen that after marriage a girl leaves her parents house and shifts with her husband separately or in his parents house, now on quora I have seen few women saying that why should a girl live with her husband's parents why can't the opposite happen? They say that why only a girl should leave her family?

They further say that this practice was introduced to oppress women, is this true? Do you agree?

I know that in few cultures men shift to their in-laws home, but I am talking about the majority

So I want to know

Why this practice is followed, I mean is there any reason?

What will happen if we change this system?

I am just talking about the joint family wala thing, I know that these days joint families kam hoti hai, lekin agar hum joint family system mei ye change kar de toh?

I have 0 knowledge about this so I don't have any opinion, that's why I am asking this from you all, please tell what do you all think?

I know I missed so many, but I couldn't find some of the users and I couldn't tag some of the users, so please gussa mat hona.

It’s not the same anymore … my husband and I are born/brought up in bengaluru … when we got married, we both were in different countries … he moved aboard to study, then had his own start-up, and I had moved to work… he moved in with me because it made sense career wise “for me” … he made accommodations to move in with me, never was I asked to give up everything and move in with him …

Have seen similar such cases around me, and some amongst my friends who I grew up with …

so, I would say “it depends” on many things … the man, the mentality of the couple, the man’s ego, trust in one another, most importantly the families who don’t condemn the decision the children make, and even if they did condemn your decisions/actions, you should still be able to do what’s best for your little family and explain to them that you are doing it with a lot of thought and have trust in you … if they don’t understand, it’s up to them!

Not necessary khuch log jamai raja ban ke bhi rehte hain

There was pahadi family where wife become widow usko apne beti ki shaadi Karni thi us widow wife ko husband ke place oe compensate ground pe naukri mil rahi thi

But uske damed ne bola ki agar aap compensate ki naukri muje de dein to Main apni beti se shaadi karne ko tayar hoon

To mother in law ne apmi naukri usko de di aur woh damed apmi SaaS ke Ghar rehne laga

To khuch situation mein log jamai ban kw rehte hai

Now why this practice follow kyonki bahut se log specially parents from bridegroom side ki agar hum damed ke paise ka, khaayege ti Hume paap lagega hum narak jaayenge Ya phir beti ka paisa,ka khaayenhe to paap lagega

Doosri baat yeh hai jaise karwa Chauth khucj aise festival hai jo sasural ke bataye ritual ke hisaab se follow karna hota hai kyonki aise maana jaata hai Agar waise ritual follow nahi Kiya bahu ne to kul devi naaraz ho jaayenge

Jub bahu ko sasural ka tradition hi follow karna ki kaise karwa Chauth kaise Sakat rakhna hai to maayeke mein rehne ka koi fayda nahi hai isliye unko sasural bheja jaata hai

Another reason ki parents ne kanya Daan kar diya Matlab Jo apne Daan kar diya To phir woh aapke paas kaise reh sakta hai

Parents ne kanya Daan Kiya to kanya phir parents ke paas kaise rahi gi

Agar apne paas hu rakhna beti to kanyadan ke ritual ka matalab nahi reh jaata

this has changed in last 20-25 years

nowadays its mostly daughters and son in law taking care of daughters mom-dad

Because most bahus do not want in laws to stay with them

Even in villages i see parents staying in daughters house after old age as sons do not want parents or sons wife troubles them (may be not in conservative states but most other states same)

Nowadays sons leave home at 16 years after sslc to big city like delhi, mumbai, bangaore than work there only and marry there never come back home

So full house responsibility and parents responsibility in old age comes on girls daughter unlike 40 years back

so its slowly changing society and social fabric than how it was in last gen our parents time where only son took care of parents

Now sons at first oppt will leave house and run to study or work to another big city or abroad and never bother about parents or home

Would suggest you to read up basic concepts of matrilineal and patrilineal systems before further discussions on patriarchy and oppression. Preferably from educational sites/webpages and not social media. Worldwide, most societies are patrilineal though one does find isolated societies which follow matrilineal structure such as in Meghalaya

Originally posted by: ShahH8er

Would suggest you to read up basic concepts of matrilineal and patrilineal systems before further discussions on patriarchy and oppression. Preferably from educational sites/webpages and not social media. Worldwide, most societies are patrilineal though one does find isolated societies which follow matrilineal structure such as in Meghalaya

Not only meghalaya but in south india kerala, mangalore etc are matrichial by nature

where a daughhter takes more responsibility of house and parents

while sons just wak off after education to pursue their dreams

Dekho, jo convenient hain aur sahamat hain woh kar lo.

It's not really fair to be judgemental or question anything and everything that is being done and followed over time without proper investigation and knowledge.

Kaal aur yug ke hisaab se Paribhshayein badalti rehti hain.

Jo nahin badalti toh woh yeh Satya hain ki Stree and Purush ek doosre ke Poorak hote hain.

According to me all of this started because of financial norm of our society in where men were used to work and women used to take care of household.

In joint families a man started taking part in business from a young age or he stabilise his business before marriage. Now if after marriage he shifted to somewhere else how was he supposed to take care of his wife and kids.

Now when these terms are changing where both man and woman are working. Now both didn’t stays with their parents. They only look for their working conditions. Both stays at their parents home for mostly 10 to 15 days in year.

This is a slightly sensitive topic which our society doesn't handle well. When a whatsapp forward is shared about a son abandoning parents for his wife, words like home-breaker are used.

However when a discussion of married women supporting their parent or wanting to live with them is brought up with valid explanations, people will say better stay nuclear and don't live with either set of parents.

But old people sometimes do need help and company, don't they?

Think about it, if a man who is one of 4 brothers marries a woman who is an only child, would it be wrong if the couple chooses to keep only the woman's parents with them and the responsibility of man's parents be shared by his 4 siblings? It isn't, but the thought of a man living with his wife's parents makes people's skin crawl, even in western countries. Doesn't matter if it's the man supporting the parents or vice versa.

It's an inherent mindset that unless the man is an orphan, his set of parents are the first contenders to live with their son and his spouse. In the movie Dil ka Rishta, Raj requests Tia's mother to live with them mainly because he has never had the love of a mother and not because she will be lonely in her old age as she is also a widow. If he did have parents, this would not have been considered.

In a less known movie called Maai which stars Asha Bhosle, it features Ram Kapoor as her son in law. Her character is abandoned by her son when he moves abroad, her daughter brings her home, much to the chagrin of her husband who thinks visits are fine but they can't support her permanently. It has a very touching scene where she starts talking to her son in law mistaking him for her son and asks him to take her away because the son in law is a very nice man and she shouldn't take advantage of him.

Now think, will a son's mother ever tell her daughter that she is ashamed of being a burden on her son's wife. Rarely!

I personally feel that the couple should live with the set of parents that need more care, if that is an option at all.

Some people say, live with both sets of parents together. While a great option, it's often not feasible in real life. A typical middle class family usually rents or purchases a 3bhk to accomodate the couple, parents and kids, unless they are filthy rich or living in an ancestral house in a small town. Two sets of parents will need more than average space and it can also cause arguments due to difference of opinions.

PS the movie Maai is available on Youtube, you can watch trailer here,

https://youtu.be/fWplbv1XTrc