|~| Crimes Against Her |~| - Page 7

Originally posted by: Anupreeya

A side storyline in the Indian show Balika Vadhu showed this form of storyline, Gehna's husband Basant raped her on their wedding night. And of course, as usual it's considered normal, so the next morning the mother-in-law (the vamp of the show at that point) sees Gehna's injuries and turns a blind eye. However Gehna takes a stand for herset and refuses to sleep with her so called husband the next night. The mother-in-law makes a fuss about it, asks her son to get a grip on his wife, but he doesn't do anything such thing if I remember correctly, despite being under the thumb of his mother (that's how his charecter is shown). Then something happens, the wife gets pregnant, many more drama occurs, but finally the wife forgives the husband. It was showing in both empowering (Gehna standing up for herself) and regressive (not only forgiving her husband but falling in love with him later on). I agree that they did show some major charecter developments of the husband but watching them together given their past was so uncomfortable. I watched this storyline because like the show for many reasons but I am always uncomfortable watching this couple in the show.

There was a huge age gap between the abusive husband and this innocent child wife [ 42-year-old Basant --14 or 15-year-old bride]. Later, with the support of her co SIL and her Devar's convincingly correct advice to his brother regarding how to behave with his wife, Basant realised his mistake and sudharofied.

Prior to this, there was high drama, because of injuries and discomfort, Gehna refused to go into his room the next day after that treacherous SR, he started consuming alcohol and visiting red light area, seeing all this, with concern for her son (????) Daadisa scolds Gehna and orders her to accept her husband's misdeeds as it is his right --- then Gehna questions, protests, revolts, and then with the interference of Sumitra and Bhirav, Basant realises his mistake and asks pardon from Gehna.

The harsh reality is that many brides still continue to suffer in the interior parts of many rural communities from such mismatches.

Originally posted by: Viswasruti

I was about to mention this, thanks for bringing this to our memory.

There was a huge age gap between the abusive husband and this innocent child wife [ 42-year-old Basant --14 or 15-year-old bride]. Later, with the support of her co SIL and her Devar's convincingly correct advice to his brother regarding how to behave with his wife, Basant realised his mistake and sudharofied.

Prior to this, there was high drama, because of injuries and discomfort, Gehna refused to go into his room the next day after that treacherous SR, he started consuming alcohol and visiting red light area, seeing all this, with concern for her son (????) Daadisa scolds Gehna and orders her to accept her husband's misdeeds as it is his right --- then Gehna questions, protests, revolts, and then with the interference of Sumitra and Bhirav, Basant realises his mistake and asks pardon from Gehna.

The harsh reality is that many brides still continue to suffer in the interior parts of many rural communities from such mismatches.

@RED

Gehna was 18 or 19 I think and Basant was definitely twice her age. And this power imbalance adds to this equation of abuse.

@GREEN

Oh, was this also there. I have completely forgotten about it then.

I would like to add that later Basant realises that neither he nor his family is any good for Gehna. So he tries to find her a suitable groom of her age, whose interest aligns with her (both shared a great interest in music).

My only concern was her falling in love with him later on refusing to marry someone else (clearly the other person was more suitable). I can hardly digest forgiving but falling in love with your abuser and saying no to get out of that horrid life, I don't get it.

@BLUE

But yeah, as you mentioned here, that's the truth in many parts of India. May be the makers were trying to showcase this.

But since you mentioned child bride, I remember a Marathi movie, Anandi Gopal, based on the real life of the first woman doctor of India, her husband was also older than her and she was a child when she got married. On the wedding night, family was keeping ear on the door and his husband knowing what was needed to satisfy the nosy family members rolled the noisy bed to make sounds so that people are satisfied something is happening. It was horrifying to watch. I mean what if this husband wasn't as understanding as most are. I mean that's the societal conditioning. Most people don't even see rape as rape. That's just horrible.

Originally posted by: Anupreeya

A side storyline in the Indian show Balika Vadhu showed this form of storyline, Gehna's husband Basant raped her on their wedding night. And of course, as usual it's considered normal, so the next morning the mother-in-law (the vamp of the show at that point) sees Gehna's injuries and turns a blind eye. However Gehna takes a stand for herset and refuses to sleep with her so called husband the next night. The mother-in-law makes a fuss about it, asks her son to get a grip on his wife, but he doesn't do anything such thing if I remember correctly, despite being under the thumb of his mother (that's how his charecter is shown). Then something happens, the wife gets pregnant, many more drama occurs, but finally the wife forgives the husband. It was showing in both empowering (Gehna standing up for herself) and regressive (not only forgiving her husband but falling in love with him later on). I agree that they did show some major charecter developments of the husband but watching them together given their past was so uncomfortable. I watched this storyline because like the show for many reasons but I am always uncomfortable watching this couple in the show.

People do change I agree. But giving them happy endings with their victims is just sad. That just glorifies rape.

Originally posted by: la_Reine

People do change I agree. But giving them happy endings with their victims is just sad. That just glorifies rape.

Yes exactly my point. And it has been the mentality of Indian TV shows and movies for so long. Earlier it was without guilt shown. Now it's with guilt shown. But none of them are stomachable. Also it strengthens the "no divorce" mentality. Once you are married, you are stuck for life, even with your rapist. That's the sad reality of even today's India but we should keep talking about it, here and in real life. That might slowly bring about some change.

Originally posted by: la_Reine

People do change I agree. But giving them happy endings with their victims is just sad. That just glorifies rape.

Marital rape is still a new topic for people.

Once a couple is married, it is expected by the families to consummate the marriage as soon as possible, irrespective of the fact if the husband or the wife wants to do so or not.

Neither the husband asks permission from the wife nor do they think the need to do so.

And if in case the wife refuses to do by any chance then it becomes a big crime and most of the time taken on ego by the husband and his family because they think it’s a normal thing which should happen in marriage.

More like the regular rituals that are there in marriage.

Originally posted by: Srijeeta06

Marital rape is still a new topic for people.

Once a couple is married, it is expected by the families to consummate the marriage as soon as possible, irrespective of the fact if the husband or the wife wants to do so or not.

Neither the husband asks permission from the wife nor do they think the need to do so.

And if in case the wife refuses to do by any chance then it becomes a big crime and most of the time taken on ego by the husband and his family because they think it’s a normal thing which should happen in marriage.

More like the regular rituals that are there in marriage.

Exactly and the worst part is that most of the time the woman is under the assumption that it's her duty, because that's what has been fed in her head from childhood. First this assumption needs to break, we need more awareness. And ITV could have been a wonderful platform to raise these questions but alas, we are stuck with toxic drama.

As for the man's part (not that I am defending anything), this ownership of wife mentality is boosted since childhood in most families, it's what boys see their father do to their mothers (including domestic violence) and they think it's normal. Very rarely, people question these norms and here awareness about these issues could play a pivotal role. For anyone interested to dive into this topic, please do watch the episode of Satyamev Jayate where they discuss how the concept of masculinity harms men. There was a man who came on that episode, he said he never had thought that beating his wife is wrong, because that's what he grew up seeing, in his family, in his neighbourhood. He said he never questioned it until very late. And once he did, he realised how wrong he was and now he is teaching his son how wrong he was and not to be like him.

Originally posted by: Anupreeya

Exactly and the worst part is that most of the time the woman is under the assumption that it's her duty, because that's what has been fed in her head from childhood. First this assumption needs to break, we need more awareness. And ITV could have been a wonderful platform to raise these questions but alas, we are stuck with toxic drama.

As for the man's part (not that I am defending anything), this ownership of wife mentality is boosted since childhood in most families, it's what boys see their father do to their mothers (including domestic violence) and they think it's normal. Very rarely, people question these norms and here awareness about these issues could play a pivotal role. For anyone interested to dive into this topic, please do watch the episode of Satyamev Jayate where they discuss how the concept of masculinity harms men. There was a man who came on that episode, he said he never had thought that beating his wife is wrong, because that's what he grew up seeing, in his family, in his neighbourhood. He said he never questioned it until very late. And once he did, he realised how wrong he was and now he is teaching his son how wrong he was and not to be like him.

To add to this point here, there was a show Patiala Babes, where in the flashback of of Hanuman Singh and his first wife Imarti, this was shown aptly. Imarti just speaks back strongly once and that's enough to make Hanuman realise his folly. He admits too that due to his upbringing he used to think it's normal, he wasn't aware that there was another perspective, just one strong question was enough to shake his bias and show him the truth. That's the role awareness and asking questions need to play in today's society. So keep raising questions, and spreading awareness.

https://youtu.be/UVwi8I7QeWM

Agree with most of the points brought up here, thank you for all the thoughtful insights!

The most important thing in such a case is that the woman/girl needs a support system who will tell her it is wrong of someone to violate her, and encourage her to take a decision which will benefit her rather than being stuck in the 'Log Kya Kahenge' mentality. Conditioning in most households is always about compromise and sacrifice from the female for the greater good and the men owning the women post marriage, especially if she is financially dependant on him. Take for instance this scene. She is asking her own parents to help her become free of the livelong bondage she never wanted for herself. What happened? Anger. Indifference. Suspension of Belief. Did not take 20 seconds for the husband to throw keechad on her character in front of her parents and imply an affair where there is none (because the *BLEH* literally isolated her from her own people for a long period of time as if she is not a human, but a showpiece), and yet, they did not stand up for her but on the contrary blamed her only for the circumstances. She could walk off because she is an educated lady, aware of her self-respect and she could continue her life. Many are not that fortunate, they do not even consider divorce because that word has negative consequences for their family.

We have changed, in that we know we have rights.

We have not, in that we always have to answer for every choice we make.

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I used to watch Patiala Babes, Hanuman Singh is truly one of those rare MLs who should be remembered for how self-aware and empowering he was. He helped the mother-daughter stand up on their own feet, but was their pillar of support if they faltered a little too much in their naivety of experiencing the world. Balika Vadhu was instrumental in bringing about so much of discussion on social change, but true, the Gehna and Basant angle never sat right with me too. Unch Mazha Zoka was pivotal in my childhood. It has explored a lot of cultural themes pertaining to women and education, and beautifully portrayed Smt. Ramabai Ranade's journey from a young girl to a social activist.