This morning as I gingerly penguin shuffled through the snow, slush, and black ice, I reflected on one of life's greatest existential questions - am I wearing enough layers? Should I have taken a heavier coat? Should I have worn my base layers? Should I have doubled up on the socks? Winter is here in the Midwest. It has been so long since we have seen the sun that we no longer remember what the sun looks like. Even people of color have turned into pale white ghostly versions of themselves, that's how long its been since we knew sunlight.
So I ask you - is it fair to release a song about frolicking in the sunshine on the beach during the depths of our winter despair? How cruel is it that Deepika and Shahrukh get to shed their clothes on the beach while we are being forced to drape layers upon layers? I understand that Deepika and Shahrukh have svelte, lithe, sexy bodies that they want to show off - but isn't that cruelly taunting those of us who are growing fat developing healthy insulation to survive subzero temperatures, stuffing ourselves with Thanksgiving leftovers, Christmas cookies, and hot chocolate.
Don't they know that the current law of the land is Mariah season? The only allowable music is wintery Christmas music. This has been a unanimous and bipartisan law so that those in the higher latitudes of the Northern hemisphere don't have to endure the offensive violence of beachy music that teases and torments them.
It is so disheartening to see that Shahrukh Khan, who gave us Kal Ho Naa Ho (a cozy woolen blanket in movie format), rub his ability to hang out on the beach in our faces. I also ask those who find the song vulgar to please step aside from their petty concerns and make room for people with real issues like the winter blues. Honestly, being stuffed of the bus with heavy coats make us dream of dancing on the beach. As soon as the temperatures are back above 40F (4.4 c) we too will be dancing in our bikinis. And to those folks taking offense at Deepika looking hot in a saffron bikini - please STFU - it is the closest thing we have had to the warmth of the sunshine in days. Even though the song offends us in so many ways we will take orange hotness any day.
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