KarMi/Moran Drabbles: Emotions Unsaid - Page 4

GUNAH-E-KABIRA:

Duniya ki sabsi badi galti kar di maine. Galti nahi, gunah kar diya. Goli maar di maine Monami ko. Apni hi cadet ko goli maar di maine. Kyun koi punish nahi kar raha hai mujhe? Kyun iss gunah ki saza nahi mil rahi hai mujhe? Kyun koi nafrat nahi kar raha hai mujhse? Mar sakti thi wo, kyun koi yeh baat samajh nahi raha hai?

Jaanta hoon intentionally nahi tha, jaanta hoon nahi chahta tha use goli maarna, par usse yeh sach toh nahi badal jaata ki maine use goli maari thi. Yeh sach toh nahi badal jaata ki meri wajah se wo mar sakti thi. Yeh sach toh nahi badal jaata ki agar mujhse yeh gunah nahi hota, toh wo aaj academy mein hoti.

Kitne sapne the uske. Logon ki madad karna chahti thi wo. Commando banna chahti thi wo. Meri galti ki wajah se wo darr gayi, wo waapas ghar chali gayi. Apne trainer ko hi trust nahi kar sakti, toh kise karegi? Meri responsibility thi use safe rakhna. Safe rakhna toh chodho, maine use aur uske sapne, dono ko khud ki goli maar di. Kyun kisi ko yeh dikh nahi raha hai? Kyun koi mere iss gunah ke liye mujhe sazaa nahi de raha hai?

Galat tha main ki wo sirf ek spoiled, privileged kid hai jise zindagi mein har cheez itni asaani se mili hai ki kisi ki jaan ki bhi kadar nahi use. Ek martyr ki beti hai wo. Apne sapnon ke liye ladkar aayi thi wo, aur ek pal mein maine sab kuch khatam kar diya.

Aaj academy mein nahi hai wo, toh galti meri hai. Aaj darr gayi hai wo, toh galti meri hai. Aaj apne sapnon ko chodhkar chali gayi hai, toh galti meri hai. Kyun kisi ko yeh nahi dikh raha hai? Kyun koi mujhe saza nahi de raha hai?

Zindagi ki shayad sabse badhi galti hai yeh meri. Gunah kiya hai maine, paap kiya hai maine. Kyun kisi ko yeh dikh nahi raha hai?

HUMAARA SAMAY:

Aksar suna hai 'der aaye, drust aaye'. Par shayad, usse zyaada baar yeh bhi suna hai ki ek baar samay chala jaaye toh koi kuch bhi kar le, waapas nahi laa sakta uss samay ko.

Logon ka achha samay hota hai, logon ka bura samay bhi hota hai. Par uss samay ko kya kahoon jo achha tha par use bura samajh liya? Uss samay ko kya kahoon jo uss waqt ek kadwi yaad banegi, yeh samjha tha, par ek khoobsurat khwaab tha jise apne aap hi buri sachai bana diya maine?

Uss samay ko kya kahoon jo naa hote hue bhi humaara tha? Aur uss samay ko kya kahoon jo hote hue bhi humaara nahi?

Uska pyaar toh dikh gaya, par apna pyaar uske liye kyun nahi dikha mujhe? Uska dard toh mehsoos ho gaya, par jo mera dil use bula raha tha, wo kyun nahi mehsoos hua? Uski baatein toh sun gayi, par jo main kehna chahta tha, wo khud hi ko kyun nahi sun paaya?

Aankhein band karoon toh apne saath dekh sakta hoon use main. Par aankhein kholi, toh kisi aur ke saath thi wo. Jab paas hoti hai, toh dhadkan tez ho jaati hai. Par kisi aur ke paas thi wo toh maano tham gaya tha yeh dil. Jab dhadkan hi nahi, toh dil ka kya kaam?

Use khone ka khayal daraata hai mujhe, par kya already use kho chuka hoon main? Kya khud hi use apne se itna door kar diya hai maine ki chahoon bhi toh bhi nahi aa sakti ab wo mere paas?

Kya uske pyaar ne chhookar alvida keh diya hai mujhe? Thaamna chahta hoon uska haath, par kya wo apna haath kisi aur ko de chuki hai?

Kya humaara samay beet chuka hai? Shayad kabhi tha hi nahi. Aur shayad wo bas ek sapne ki tarah yaad mein reh jaayega...

DOSTI

Monami mujhe dost maanti hai. Dost? Hum... Hum dost hain kya? Woh... woh alag hai sabse. Baaki cadets ki tarah nahi hai.

Mujhe jaanti hai, samajhti hai. Mujhe... Mujhe accept karti hai. Woh... woh achhi lagti hai mujhe. Uski parwaah karta hoon main.

Jab kaanch se use chot lagi, toh bura laga. Uska dard, uska gussa, uski disappointment... sab bura laga. Jab usne kaha ki ab se hum sirf Trainer aur Cadet hain, toh bhi achha nahi laga mujhe. Uske paas jaakar yeh justify karna zaroori laga ki kyun main kuchh nahi kar paaya. Kyun main nahi rok paya Koel ko. Kyun use uss monster ke saath jaane diya.

Main parwaah karta hoon uski. Uske emotions se farak padta hai mujhe. Usse baat karna achha lagta hai mujhe.

Dost hain hum. Sahi keh rahi hai woh. Baaki cadets ki tarah nahi hai woh. Special hai, different hai. Dost hai.

Hurt kar diya, na, maine use? Phir se?

I need to fix this.